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Electronics Envy

Admin:

In honor of #TBT (albeit a day late)…

Here’s a good reflection of why Bigger many not always be Better!

ENJOY!

Originally posted on The Hubby Diaries:

Many people say that bigger is better.

 

As far as men go, I think the best example of this theory can be seen with TVs.  If I had to guess, I’d say that TV Envy is probably a pretty common male trait.   And, as you may have read in my Marriage TruthsA TV is never big enough.

 

Somehow a man is a better man, with a big TV.  It’s some sort of an outward and unspoken sign of; manliness, importance and coolness, all rolled into one.

 

Let me share some examples:

 

During our basement Man Cave renovation, hubby was given a 50”Class TV … but, what the box actually said was… 49.9”.  And, he was “mocked” relentlessly by his friends that he didn’t have a 50” TV.  (gotta love boys being boys!).  We wound up having a problem with this TV…

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When I first started this blog I made a list of “Marriage Truths” that have truly stood the test of time.

Today I’ve decided to add some new things to my list… this is probably also a good “Things I Wish I’d known Before I Got Married” List!

 

  1. Marriage is fun… but fun doesn’t always come easy.
  2. Men & women almost never, ever, see things through the same eyes
  3. “Clean” is not always clean.  This becomes even more apparent as your family begins to grow
  4. The TV is never big enough
  5. Bright lights, bells and whistles make just about anything better (and new electronics/technology can sometimes please even the grumpiest man!)
  6. Nagging & talking can sometimes be synonymous
  7. A man cave can be a lifesaver (for both of you!)
  8. Sometimes a hug can go a long way
  9. Communication only works when you are both listening………..
  10. Laughing together is important. And, being able to laugh at yourself can be even more important
  11. Dividing up chores and keeping a tally is a horrible idea.  Feeling that what you contribute is acknowledged and appreciated can almost always provide “balance”
  12. Being in love doesn’t necessarily mean you love everything about your partner.  Sometimes loving someone is accepting the parts you don’t love (like dirty socks all over the house!)
  13. You will get mad…. Sometimes incredibly mad.  It’s ok. Everybody gets mad sometimes.  It’s what you do afterwards that matters
  14. Never going to bed angry is bad advice.  Sometimes, what you really need, is some space and some perspective (if this needs to come overnight –that’s ok!)
  15. Always trust your gut…. It usually comes to pretty accurate conclusions far quicker than your heart or your mind
  16. Apologize when you’re wrong.  And mean it.
  17. You will make mistakes.  You will hurt someone you love.  You will learn from it.
  18. Holding hands and staying physically connected can help you weather even the harshest storm
  19. Learning to forgive isn’t easy… but nothing worthwhile ever is.
  20. The amount of laundry you can do in any given week will far exceed your expectations!
  21. The amount of laundry you will have to pick up from the living room, from under beds, crumbled in corners and dropped on bathroom floors will also far exceed your expectations!
  22. The refrigerator can be completely full…. but somehow, there will be nothing to eat!
  23. There are fairies that will live in your house who replace things like toilet paper, tissues, soap and toothpaste (eventually, maybe, he will realize that YOU are the magical fairy!)
  24. Alone time is just as important as together time.  Remember marriage isn’t Two Becoming One…. It’s Two Becoming Too”
  25. Your “To Do” list will probably never get shorter… as one thing gets completed another thing will get added.  So, don’t stress about not getting it all done!
  26. There are some arguments that will quite simply never be resolved…. Agree to disagree.
  27. Sharing your life with someone is quite the journey….. always remember to enjoy the ride!

 

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Selective Listening

Admin:

THROWBACK THURSDAY!
In honor of TBT, each Thursday I will be re-sharing some my older posts for those of you who are relatively new to The Hubby Diaries. This post was first published in 2009 and it’s still COMPLETELY true today!
Hope you enjoy!

Originally posted on The Hubby Diaries:

Yesterday I talked about Selective Vision:

  • The unique ability of men to “not clutter their brains with unnecessary information”
  • The male ability to literally choose to not see things around them, that they deem unimportant.

 

Well today, I’d like to address an even worse affliction… Selective Listening.

 

Yes, we’ve all been there.  We talk to our spouse, perhaps just one word, maybe one comment, perhaps 3 or 4 sentences and then we stop.   Anxiously awaiting acknowledgement, a response, an answer, a sign of life…. AND….. SILENCE

 

 

“Honey” I say politely

No response….

“Babe?” I try again

Silence

“Honey” slightly louder

Still nothing

“HONEY” even louder still

Am I talking to myself???

“ROD!”

Finally… “huh?”

“I’ve been trying to talk to you for like 2 minutes.”

“Oh, I didn’t hear you”

“Well, I tried to get your attention like 5 times”

“Yeah, well, what do…

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Crackers vs Cookies

Admin:

THROWBACK THURSDAY!

In honor of TBT, each Thursday I will be re-sharing some my older posts for those of you who are relatively new to The Hubby Diaries.
This one is from back when I had ust started blogging (and it did get quite a few people fired up!)

Hope you enjoy!

Originally posted on The Hubby Diaries:

I’ll start today with a very basic question…. 

Let’s say, you’re hungry for a snack and you’d really like some cookies but, when you go into the kitchen there aren’t any cookies.   All you can find are a box of crackers.  

Do you eat the crackers or do you stay hungry?  Well of course you eat the crackers, after all, you are hungry and that’s all there is… it’s kind of a no brainer.

Of course this post isn’t actually about eating, or filling your belly at all… because the cookies I’m referring to are actually a metaphor. 

I’d like to say this metaphor is exclusive to male dating mentality, but I feel the need to be completely honest and tell you that I literally used these opening sentences to describe my own lovelife before I met hubby. 

Please follow along:

I wasn’t a chronic dater, I would find…

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I hate to admit this to you all but I watched an episode of Celebrity Wife Swap this week.  Now, the mere use of the word “celebrity” is probably a stretch given who appears on that show.  And, this probably helps solidify hubby’s position that reality tv is rotting my brain but.. either way, the damage is done.  I watched it.  I cannot undo it.  I lost an hour of my life into a dark abyss of mind-numbing morons.  And, I’m no better… and quite possibly more stupid for having done it.  But oh well…..we all do things we regret!

 

Anyhow, this particular episode featured the Speidi couple.  Spencer Pratt and Heidi what’s her name… from that show that whatchamacallit show, that many people watched but I have no interest or knowledge of (pretty sure it’s called The Hills).  Needless to say, I’m unsure how these nobody’s could be known as “celebrities” because of this show.  But, I suppose it if can happen to somebody named Snookie… this isn’t a far stretch.

 

What struck me as absurd, was this bozo Spencer’s inability to behave like an adult.  Now, I’ve often referred to my own dear hubby as a child.. but this Spencer moron takes it to a whole new level.  His equally vapid wife desperately wants to have children and I got the impression he wouldn’t give up his self-indulgent, extra hour of sleep to tend to his wife’s severed limb much less a crying infant.    If I had ever married this kid (which I wouldn’t) I’d have to smother him during his blissful nap on the lounge chair.

 

So, it got me thinking about men taking that giant leap into adulthood.  Some men go willingly and welcome adult responsibilities – they hum happy songs as they mow the lawn, they make their own “honey do” lists with household projects, they learn all the settings on both the dishwasher and clothes washer. Some men get dragged (or rather nudged) along, kicking and screaming the entire way as they are pushed out of Mommy’s house into their own place so she can finally have an empty nest.. but they return home every weekend with a bag of laundry, they open mom’s cupboards and fridge and pack to-go bags of food, and they even cling desperately to a life with no commitments.  But, the vast majority of men, step into adulthood very slowly, by dipping one toe into the water with a solo trip to the grocery store… then, if all goes well, they may try to vacuum, perhaps an attempt at a pasta dinner, followed possibly by a made bed (WITH all the extra pillows!) and then maybe, just maybe – if they are feeling extra confident… a load of gentle cycle laundry (this one takes a lot of trust ladies!).

 

Before you know it… your husband has become an adult.  Ok wait… I took it too far.  Your husband is on his way to becoming an adult.  We all know that this is a long term project!

 

So… here are just a few ways you know your husband is “growing up”

 

  • He not only takes a trip to the grocery store but he actually looks around the house and in the fridge to create a shopping list. Not long ago hubby wouldn’t have even considered bringing a list to the store but after 10 years of marital training he did just that this past week…. I’m such a proud wife!
  • He returns from his Saturday morning outdoor chores and stands in the house admiring his own lawn. While the lawn itself may not dictate when it needs to be mowed (even though a normal person might disagree)… hubby does , in fact, set aside an official “lawn mowing day” each week and he (generally) sticks to this schedule for the entire summer. A scheduled, recurring, chore is a BIG step towards adulthood!
  • He runs out of undies and decides to do a load of laundry (all on his own!).  I’ll admit this one is still a work in progress… since only recently did I realize the underlying male struggle with understanding the need to wear clean undershorts each and every day. Hubby has, albeit on the rarest of occasions, popped in a load of laundry because he’s run out of something.
  • He, unprompted, puts sunscreen AND a sun hat on your baby/toddler. I know this goes against every fiber of his being to somehow be this domesticated.. but, he recognizes the importance and takes action to protect someone incredibly dear to him!
  • He actually hears the baby crying when it’s “HIS” night, without needing you to nudge him. This is likely never going to apply when it’s YOUR night (and he is obviously deaf).. but always remember this foray into adulthood comes in the form of baby steps……. And this is a BIG step – a BIG kid, taking care of a little kid!
  • He actually notices AND stops to pick up something dropped on your kitchen floor. Once your hubby is able to direct his Selective Vision towards things that actually need attention you’ll know he’s growing up!

 

 

I’m sure there are others and your list may indeed be longer than mine!  Some of the indicators I mentioned above may not actually be perfected in our home.    But as I mentioned before, it’s a long term project.  It’s a marathon, not a sprint.  And, it’s the path I have chosen… each day, my hubby grows up a teeny, tiny, bit.  Someday, hopefully before my son starts catching up to him, he will firmly step into adulthood and then we can begin to hone some of the skills he’s acquired to start coaching our son –so his wife-to-be will not have nearly as much work as I did!!

 

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We’re On A Mission!

Last year I was on a mission.  A mission to find a cool gift for hubby.  A mission to give him a gift that he would tell his friends about.  A mission to buy something that stood out.  While he may have a variety of hobbies, some of which fall pretty far down on my “approval” list (things like his motorcycle –which I despise.  Or his video game interest – which I don’t understand.  Or his obsession with new tvs – which I can’t support for fear we’d have a new tv every 6 months!).  It’s not always easy to find him a gift that he will like, that is unique, and that has some sort of longer term appeal – you know, something beyond an enormous box of cookies (although – I did give him a Cookie of the Month subscription once – which I *think* went over well??).

 

So, as I scoured the internet and asked around, I found myself… like usual…. coming up with nothing.

 

Then one day I was feeding my reality tv addiction.  An addiction that hubby despises (probably as much as I despise his motorcycle!).

 

“Why do you watch this crap?” he asks.

“Because sometimes it’s awesome, mindless entertainment!”  I happily reply.

“But, you have it on all the time….  Who can possibly watch this many house buying/renovating shows?  Who cares about these moronic celeb wannabes, or the failing bar/restaurant, or the cupcake baking, or Donald Trump’s ridiculousness, or the.. – fill in just about any blank- ?”

“Lots of people do.  That’s why there’s so much of this crap on tv!”  I solidly state my case.

“But you’re a smart, successful woman.  How can you possibly be interested in this nonsense??” as he worries about my brain becoming mush – he’s such a caring guy!!

“But see, that’s why I watch it.  I’m under so much pressure all day at work AND I have to actually use my brain all day.  When I watch this garbage – there’s no brain necessary!!”

“But, it’s rotting the brain you have.”  Again, such concern for me (see why I love him??)

“I suppose that might be true – But, even you watch it sometimes!”  touché hubby. touché.

“I only watch it because you have it on….”

“Not true” I snarkily reply

“Ok, tell me what I watch… if you’re so certain.”

Shark Tank

Silence…….

Gotcha!

 

So hubby has to admit.  Even if it’s by silence, that he does, in fact, watch (and enjoy) Shark Tank.

 

mission beltSo, back to my original story.  I’m watching Shark Tank (wishing and praying that someday, I will come up with an idea that will be marketable and make me some moolah).  And they show this awesome product.  This seemingly nice guy has come up with a belt, called The Mission Belt – a belt without any holes…. It’s friggin genius!  You can wear the belt, like….. FOREVER.   You put on some baby weight (and I’m referring to hubby… not me!) no problem.. just loosen the belt.  You go back to the gym… no problem… just tighten the belt.   You consume too many slices of pizza & beer at dinner… no problem.  No holes, no fuss… the belt is like a magical solution to the ever-changing man belly.   It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen…. And BAM!  I’m like, that’s it!!  Awesome gift for hubby!

 

So, I run to the internet and buy a belt… (actually I buy 2 belts – one for casual wear and one for dressier occasions – in the dreamy (aka wishful thinking) hopes someday hubby will take me out on the town).

 

Well, I think I hit the jackpot.  Hubby tries on the belt.

 

“This is sooooo cool!” he says. 

“Wow, this is awesome!” he says.

“This is the smartest idea I’ve ever seen” he says.

“I will never wear another belt” he says.

 

And then……

 

“Why did you buy 2 versions?  I’ll never take this one off.. no need for 2”   And poof, in half a second he crushes all my dreams of a dressy date night.

 

Ahhhh well, such is the life I live!  My next Mission….. if I chose to accept it, is to get him all dolled up for a date.  The good news is that since the belt is so versatile, I can make it small enough to fit around my own waist and maybe, just maybe, if I dance around in only a belt, I can convince him to put it on himself and take me out??   I’ll have to let you know if this mission is successful (only – I probably won’t blog about that …..so don’t expect a full report!)

 

So, the long story short is.  These belts are awesome.  We have since purchased one as a gift for almost every male family member.  Hubby still loves his and, while he still despises my penchant for reality tv, he can admit (albeit in a whisper and behind closed doors) that sometime, just sometimes, there’s some good to be had from my “addiction” and *gasp* reality tv

 

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The Role Of A Dad

Any good dad realizes he plays a significant role in a child’s life.  Whether it be teaching life lessons….. like when cursing is appropriate while driving.  Or, the importance of treating others kindly…..  like sharing some of your Twizzlers, but never the last one. Or, how to make smart decisions….. like only trying to “ride” the dog when there is some sort of adult supervision.  But perhaps some of the most important lessons come by way of every day interactions with Dad.  These are the moments that shape a little one into the person they will become in the future.

 

So, I’d like to take a moment to focus on some of these interactions.  My son, who is only 21 months is already a little mini version of my hubby.   He idolizes Dada, the way a little boy should and he mimics everything he does – including the things we wish (OK- maybe I wish) he wouldn’t.  I suppose this is where my thoughts and hubby’s thoughts become divergent.   As any man with a son knows, whether he admits it to you or not, watching your little one do everything he can to be like his Dad is a tremendous ego boost and a very proud moment for every Dad.  Even when some of the mimicry looks like this:

 

Intense Food Discrimination:  When I first met my dear husband he ate probably 5 things:  Hamburgers, Hot Dogs, Pizza, Pasta and maybe an occasional piece of chicken.   My miniature version of hubby has a phenomenal knack to refuse just about anything I put in front of him (must make hubby so proud!).  If he could, he’d simply eat yogurt all-day, every-day.  Do you want pasta with meatballs?… “No, Gogurt”.  Do you want chicken nuggets “Hmmm.. Gogurt”.  How about grilled cheese for lunch “NOOOO.  Gogurt”.  You get the picture.  The more time I spent with hubby, the more he opened up his food repertoire but this took almost 10 years and I just can’t wait that long with our son!!

 

Footwear Rebellion: Let’s just say that hubby’s wardrobe is…… limitedHe’s a jeans, t-shirt and sneakers kinda guy.  Luckily (for him!) he works in an office environment where this style is perfectly acceptable.  It’s not however, lucky for me when my mini-hubby only wants to dress like Dada.  I love his Dada.. but, I’d also love some khaki’s, maybe a cool button down and god forbid a pair of hip sandals.  YIKES!  You’d think I asked him to sport a pink tutu and a pair of heels!  Well, our little guy is already following in these sneaker covered footsteps.  He has one pair of shoes he will wear, and ALL other options result in a complete meltdown.  A meltdown that I can’t help think makes hubby inwardly smile as he proudly watches his son resist my attempts to make him look different from his Dada.

 

Utensil/Cup Selection:  I once wrote a post (HERE) about hubby’s need to use the “appropriate bowl” for the “appropriate foods”.  I suppose this could be classified as OCD.  Or perhaps, it’s more aligned with the desire to be difficult (this one gets my vote!).  Or perhaps it’s just a silent, but very powerful, training method for raising a mini version of himself.   It’s amazing how similar our son can be when I try to give him milk in his “water cup” or I grab the blue fork for dinner when it’s completely obvious that the appropriate fork for this dinner is the white one.  Hubby’s response… “well, why would you try to put milk into a water cup?”

 

The Ham Switch:  For all of hubby’s annoying qualities, he can be quite cute and charming (this is obviously why I put up with him……)  I learned some time ago that he likes to “perform” and can turn on his charm and charisma just as quickly as he can turn it off.   It’s like a light switch of manipulation – one I affectionately call his “ham switch”.  One minute he’s cranky and grouchy…. The next he’s all nice, smiley and dare I say adorable… and “hamming it up”?  Well, it’s sort of like having a toddler and watching the absurd range of emotions that can all happen within about a 90 second window.    The rolling on the floor temper tantrum that occurs when you won’t give them the knife off the counter (that they must have NOW).  That’s quickly followed by silence and happy head nodding as you offer a cookie in place of the knife. Immediately followed by a sweet smile as they peek around the corner to catch your eye and the giggle that follows as you play peek-a-boo behind the cookie.  And then, the switch flips again as you mention that one cookie was enough and that giggling, adorable little guy drops to the floor and writhes in a screaming fit because you’re obviously the meanest mom ever.   Yep, our little one has fine tuned the ham switch of manipulation at 21 months…. Well done Dada. Well done.

 

So, with all these wonderful lessons being learned every day.  I can’t help but think that hubby just loves the role he plays as a Dad.  He imparts wonderful tidbits of learning and coaching, he molds a young and impressionable mind and he proudly looks into a miniature mirror every time our son demonstrates something he’s learned from his dad.    OR…. I’ve actually just proven that I live with TWO toddlers and the reason they are so alike is because men take so long to mature that, at the age of 39, I’m still waiting for hubby to take his next mental leap into adulthood.  (Where’s that chapter of The Wonder Weeks??)

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