The Twizzler Allocation

Hubby & I have a unique travel tradition.

 

We buy a couple of standard snack items that come with us on every single trip we take. These items get stowed away in our hotel room so we don’t need to run out every time we want a snack.

 

I honestly have no idea how this tradition really started.  It’s uniquely interesting because 2 of the standard food items are not items that we normally snack on at home.  I can’t explain this behavior, much like I usually cannot explain hubby’s male traits. But hey, they are what they are… so I accept them.

 

So you might be wondering, what are these snack items?

 

Well, one is a tube (or quite possibly 2 tubes – if that’s the right packaging description?) of Pringles.  The flavors may vary but I always buy them to pack in our luggage on every vacation.  Maybe I initially started with Pringles because they are packaged in a way that allows me to stuff them into our bag without finding myself with a crushed bag full of crumbs or, perhaps it’s because it’s easy to grab a mini stack of 5 or so to have a quick snack.  Either way, Pringles always come with us on a trip.

 

The 2^nd item is a large package of twizzlers.  I’d have to assume once again, that I was applying some sort of logic at one point when I decided what the “travel snacks” would be.  These are easy to grab & easy to pack… and hubby loves them.

 

So, I got to thinking recently that perhaps the biggest reason I’ve decided on these 2 particular snacks is because they are easily rationed.

 

Rationed??   Yes…. .rationed.

 

If you’re wondering why I need to ration anything, then you haven’t been reading along.   You can read about my snack battles with hubby here:  Snack Battles or here: Did You Take The Last?

In order for me to get my fair share (you could also probably read this as any) of the travel snacks, I need to make sure hubby hasn’t eaten them all in one sitting.  Years ago, we used to operate on basic consumption trust but then I realized that on day 3 of vacation, the snacks that were designed to last all week, were almost gone.  So, he forced me to do something I never wanted to do.   I felt like that mom that says to her 4 year old “if you can’t share, I’m going to take it away from you.”  So, while I certainly didn’t want to take them away… I had no choice but to react.  And, since we’re in a foreign place and I cannot run to the store to buy more twizzlers.  I was forced to put him on a strict twizzler allocation. And… he thinks he’s sneaky, but I know that, sometimes if I’m not paying close attention, he’ll sneak extras… so I have to be on full alert at all times!

 

A replay of our absurd twizzler conversation…

 

Hubby: “Can I have some twizzlers?”

Me: “How many have you had today?”

Hubby: “I’m not sure”

Me: “You’re not sure, or you don’t want to tell me?”

Hubby: “Uhm….”

Me: (getting the package from the dresser) “Babe, this package is half empty.. I think I’ve eaten like 3 of them since we got here”

Hubby: “Well, how many can I have?”

Me: “Probably none… not until I catch up.”

Hubby: (whining) “Come on… I want some now”

Me: “Ok, take a few, but just remember that if I don’t get any, you owe me!”

Hubby: “You don’t eat them fast enough”

Me: “Am I gonna have to start hiding snacks on vacation like I do at home?”

Hubby: “No, just eat faster”

 

At this point I’ve removed a few twizzlers from the package and I’m whipping hubby with them……

Hubby: “Owww.. stop hitting me”

Me: “You don’t like this do you…. Then, stop eating all the twizzlers”

Hubby: “Please just give them to me”

Me: “You can have these but, if you don’t comply with the allocation rules, the twizzlers are going into the safe with our passports and I’m not telling you the combination.  I may also hide the beer from the mini bar if you don’t shape up!”

Hubby: “Ok, ok…. You win, I’ll share the twizzlers..”

 

Aha!  I found the magic solution to ensure I had my share of twizzlers…. All I had to do was threaten the loss of beer… Wow, I wished I’d learned this lesson years ago!

 

Do I Like That?

A vacation dinner conversation.

 

Me: “What do you think you’re gonna have?”

Hubby: “I’m not sure, I’m between the salmon or the chicken”

Me: “Really?”

Hubby: “Yeah why?”

Me: “I don’t know… I guess cause I read the whole menu, and I was pretty sure you’d decide on the pork”

Hubby: “The pork, really?

Me: “Yeah, they have a shredded Mayan pork”

Hubby: “I like that?”

Me: “Well, you love pulled pork, don’t you?”

Hubby: “Yeah, I guess so”

Me: “Then why wouldn’t you like this pork?”

Hubby: “Uhm… I don’t know…”

 

Dinnner arrives.

 

Hubby: “This is one of the best dinners I’ve had”

Me: “I figured you’d like it”

Hubby: “I guess I forgot that I liked pork”

Me: “Why do I know what you eat better than you do?”

Hubby:  “I have no idea.. but thanks!”

 

I’ve mentioned that hubby has come a long way with regard to expanding his food choices beyond hamburgers, pizza and pasta but I think sometimes, even years later, he forgets that his new repertoire is rather large.  And, he definitely has trouble translating the fact that he enjoys a particular taste to trying a new food item.

 

Hubby has many idiosyncrasies when it comes to food (which I’ll have to explore in other posts). But, I think he’s finally settled into a happy place and he’s open to trying almost all new things.

 

Although there was that one Ginger Incident that I think has irreparably damaged him.

 

One of my happiest days was convincing hubby to try sushi.  In my eyes, this was a huge accomplishment because when I first met hubby he “didn’t eat seafood”.  Not just a couple of items, this was a proud declaration he made that any and all seafood items were disgusting.  So, little by little I introduced him to light, white flaky fishes.. “oh, these are pretty good”.  Then we moved to steak like fishes “wow, these are really good”.  So, I felt pretty excited to start a slow sushi introduction… and, all was going well until the ginger.

 

Hubby:  “What’s this pink stuff?’

Me: “It’s actually ginger”

Hubby: “What do you do with it?”

Me: “Well, I actually don’t like it, but a lot of people love it.  Some people put it on their sushi, other people just eat pieces of it.  It’s used as a palate cleanser and it’s supposed to aid with digestion.”

Hubby: “Will I like it?”

Me: “I have no idea.. you should just try it.  I personally think it’s gross, but like I said, many people love it”

Hubby: “You don’t like it.. but I should try it??”

Me: “Yes, you should try it”

Hubby: (pops a piece into his mouth …… gagging, spitting, choking sounds…). “What the Hell?  Why did you make me eat that?”

Me: (giggling) “I told you I thought it was gross”

Hubby: “But you didn’t tell me it would be the worst thing I ever put into my mouth”

Me: “Honey, how would you know if you didn’t like something if you never tried it? Now you know, and you never have to eat it again”

Hubby: “Yeah but, I’m not sure if I can ever trust you again”

 

What’s the takeaway from this ?? Well, every single time after the Ginger Incident that I’ve suggested that hubby try something new I get… “Is this gonna be anything like that ginger, cause if it is, I’m gonna hate you……”

 

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Senior Camisa Negro

If you’ve been following along, you probably know that when I met hubby he was a little stylistically challenged. 

 

At it’s best, his attire could probably have been described as Casual Heinekenese (meaning jeans & a free beer t-shirt).  Or, at it’s worst, 80’s Reebokation (as in black Reeboks, white socks and a whole lot of tucked in shirts).  One might wonder how I was able to see through these attire atrocities and discover the wonder that is hubby.  But, lucky for hubby, I don’t ever buy a book by it’s cover (oh wait… I actually do this.. so I guess that theory doesn’t work).  Maybe the reality is that after the age of 30 you’re willing to overlook some tube socks and Heineken t-shirts!

 

Anyhow, hubby has really, truly come a long way.

 

Yes, he’s been gently nudged by me.  Yes, many of his scariest clothing items slowly but surely disappeared from the laundry.  And, yes I’ve forced him to broaden his wardrobe into new colors and more up-to-date fashion.  Even his brother once said to me…. “you know, he dresses much better since he’s met you!”.  And that, my friends, is a huge testimony… when his own brother recognized that he needed a wardrobe intervention!

 

But, I have to say, with great pride and respect, hubby has learned a great deal and has even, at time surprised me with his new found knowledge.

 

Like the time he referred to one of his shirts as the “mustard color shirt” or another time where he called his green shirt “the olive shirt”.  These color descriptions were 100% hubby.  Bear in mind that this is a man who not only had no color variety in his attire but, who truly would have referred to just about any shade of color falling into 1 of three categories:  Black, White or Color.

 

So last week, while we were away…. Hubby had a moment of regression.  Maybe he’d had too much sun, or one too many tequilas. But, whatever the case, he seemed to lose his senses for evening.

 

One night, we headed out to dinner (hubby looked all cute in his linen pants and shirt!).  When we checked in with the hostess, we gave her a little slip of paper that showed our confirmed reservation and we moved over to the bar to wait.  When she seated us, she placed this slip of paper on our table for the waiter.   As I glanced down at it I see that it says “Sr. Camisa Negro”.  In case you don’t speak Spanish this translates to:  “Mr. Black Shirt”. 

 

I speak enough Spanish to get by so, Hubby asks me “What does that say?”

I respond:  “Mr. Black Shirt… she probably needed a way to remember who we were when we went to the bar”

Hubby says:  “I understand that, but why would she write Mr. Black Shirt”

Me: (looking at him quizzically) “It was describing you, so she could find us”

Hubby: (confused look on his face) “But I’m not wearing a black shirt”

Me:  (now, I’m the one looking confused) “Uhm, yes you are??”

Hubby:  “No, I’m not!”

Me:  “Honey, what color shirt do you think you have on?”

Hubby: “It’s brown”

Me: (giggling) “No, honey it’s black”

Hubby: (adamant) “No, I’m sure it’s brown”

Me: “Babe, I’m looking right at you.. it’s black”

Hubby:  “Maybe it’s the lighting in here.  I know this is a brown shirt”

Me: “I don’t know how to break this to you, but I’ve seen you wear that shirt before and it’s black”

Hubby: “No, way… it’s totally brown”

Me:  “Honey, even the hostess thinks it’s black… Senior Camisa Negro… remember??!!”

Hubby: “Then why am I wearing brown shoes?”

Me: (overjoyed that he knows he supposed to coordinate his shoes to his outfit) “Honey, I have no idea why you’re wearing brown shoes…”

Hubby: “I still think this shirt is brown”

Me:  “Ok, honey.. let’s just order dinner!”

 

So, even though hubby has come light years from where he started, he still seems to have some very basic challenges.  BUT, it’s still exciting to me that he can coordinate his belt & shoes to the rest of his outfit! I like to celebrate the little things in life!

 

I also know that many men are indeed color blind and I’m sure if hubby were to replay this story he’d either tell you that even today, this shirt is definitely brown (although I’m 100% it’s not).  Or that he’s somehow developed black/brown colorblindness.

 

And…. even with this tiny misstep, the fact that he can use words like pumpkin, olive & mustard to describe colors, earns him a slight stumble backwards on occasion!

 

The Proposal

Since I’m on the theme of ROMANCE and traveling this week…. I’d like to share a story with you..

 

It’s a story of relaxation, romance, nerves and comedy.  A story that will show you that every-single-day, even in the midst of “romance”, there is laughter in our lives.

 

The year was 2003, the month was March, and we hopped on a plane for a tropical vacation in Jamaica to celebrate hubby’s b-day.

 

A little back story…

 

Hubby was still “in-training” at this point.  He still had boyfriend status but we were pretty serious. And, after we planned our getaway, there were some really odd, suspicious things leading up to our trip.

 

Let me highlight a few for you:

• I debated getting my nails done before the trip because I was tied up with a lot of last minute work but oddly enough my roommate at the time, insisted I should find the time to go.
• Hubby, who normally, could care less about my nails, expressed concern that I would not fit in a manicure…..(hmmmmmm??)…….

 

• Hubby was, in general, just a wee bit off.  I couldn’t quite put my finger on why he was so odd, but let’s just say he was more odd than usual.
• Hubby is also very bad liar… he’s gets all jittery and you can tell that he’s hiding something (a great trait in a marriage by the way — since I can pretty much always tell when he’s not sharing the whole story!)

 

Ok, let’s jump back to the trip.

 

I’m suspicious… 

 

We had previously gone engagement ring shopping, everyone seemed oddly concerned about my nails, hubby-to-be was acting strange and we were headed on a very romantic all-inclusive vacation.  Could it be that he was about to propose??  I’m anxious and excited and pretty sure that I’m right BUT, I don’t share my suspicions with anyone.

 

We get to Jamaica and we have to take a bus ride to our hotel (it’s about an hour away).   At one point the bus stops at a rest area and, when we get off,  hubby leaves ALL his bags on the bus (even his carry on).  Now, I’m paying very close attention to his behavior, so I realize that not only has he left his bags, but I can clearly see that there are not odd bulges in hubby’s pants (hey, get your mind out of the gutter).  So it’s pretty obvious he’s not carrying a ring box.  I’m totally deflated and I’m shocked about how I’ve misread all these signs.  But, frozen cocktails here I come…. so, I’m certain I’ll survive!

 

Fast forward a bit.

 

We’ve checked into our hotel.  I’m tired (we’ve been traveling since very early morning).  I’m unshowered.  I’m wishing hubby had used this romantic trip to propose but I’m going to make the best of it.

 

The bell hop walks us to our room all the while pointing our great romantic spots around the hotel.  and then he takes his time walking us to the balcony in our room, showing us the mini bar, explaining the safe and hubby is all weird again.  He’s sort of pushing the guy out of our room, he’s all antsy and trying very hard to speed this guy up (who’s obviously on island time and not privy to Hubby’s agenda).

 

Finally the bell hop leaves… I walk in the bathroom for a moment and the next thing I know hubby’s calling me into the other room.
BAM!  The ring is out and he’s proposing!

 

Hubby went through all this trouble to take me to a tropical paradise, with sunsets, beautiful beaches, and fine dining  — endless romantic proposal opportunities — and he proposes to me in the hotel room about 2 minutes after we check in! 

NOW THAT’S ROMANCE!

 

Apparently he couldn’t contain his nerves anymore and since he was just busting at the seams he felt he had to do it RIGHT away!  How cute is he??!!

 

I later say to him.  “Hubby, I was suspicious but, after I saw you leave your bag on the bus I was convinced I was wrong”

Hubby replies:  “Yeah, that was to throw you off!”

Me:  “Really?  Well it sure worked.  I couldn’t see a box in your pocket and I was sure you wouldn’t leave it on the bus so I figured I’d misread everything”

Hubby:  “Oh boy…  OK, I’ll come clean… it wasn’t to throw you off at all.  I really did leave the ring in the bag on the bus, and I was freaking out the entire time worrying that it would be stolen when we got back on!”

Me: “Oh God, you really left it on the bus”

Hubby:  “Yeah, I’m a moron… but I’m your moron now!”

 

And that’s the story of my engagement and I’m now reminded of it every time we take a tropical vacation…. it just set the stage for all that was to come: Funny stories, laughter, comedy and a marriage filled with endless “romance”.

Love you baby!

 

Do you have a funny proposal story?  If so, I’d love to hear it!

 

Romancing a Stone?

I fondly remember my courtship days with hubby.

 

We chatted for hours on the phone, he took me on well planned, thoughtful dates, he bought me a book on star gazing, we drank wine in the park.  He did all the things that a man should do when trying to win the heart of a (ahem… cough, cough) young lady.

 

When you think about it, it’s incredible how much things can change when you’ve “sealed the deal” with marriage.  Now, I’m certain that I’m generalizing, and that many couples continue to have overflowing traditional romance in their lives.  But today, I’m just sharing the realities of MY life.  And, don’t misunderstand, I’m not exactly complaining… I’m just thinking about how much your definition of romance can change as you build a life with someone.

 

As you may know, last week hubby and I took a much needed vacation.   As we were walking to dinner one night, in the midst of tropical paradise, I mentioned to him that I wished we lived more romantic lives.  I was of course, influenced by our current surroundings…the star filled night, the sounds of the ocean, the light shimmering off the pools.

 

And, you know what hubby said??

 

You may want to sit down for this…. His, loving, romantic response may just knock your socks off

 

He said….

 

“What more romance could you want??  I’m holding your hand aren’t I?”

 

Ahhhhh how I love him. 

 

He still knows exactly how to give me the warm fuzzies!   And, while I’m not undervaluing the importance of holding hands, somehow it alone does not necessarily equate to romance in my mind.  Men!  Sometimes they just don’t get it, do they??

 

So, I got to thinking about how our lives have evolved over the years…  or maybe just how our definition of romance has changed.

 

ROMANCE BEFORE:

• When we lit candles all around our bedroom
• When he remembered my favorite color
• When we sat for hours, snuggling under the stars
• When he surprised me with an impromptu picnic in the park

 

ROMANCE NOW:

• Remembering to put his dirty socks in the hamper
• Washing the dishes
• Taking out the trash without being asked
• Cleaning up the stray toothpaste from the bathroom sink

 

I realized that I really do have a life filled with romance… it’s just not necessarily the romance of our early relationship. 

 

It’s the romance that ensures that I don’t sit down to an empty roll of toilet paper and the romance that pays me an extra buck or two when I empty his pockets to do laundry!

 

And… I have to admit that this sort of “romance” is important to our lives as well.. but let’s be honest…one day, after he takes the trash out, I’d love a bottle of wine, a blanket and a back massage at the beach.

 

What do you do to keep that spark in your relationship?

 

Be Back Soon!

With some great Hubby vacation stories!

 

Yes, hubby and I have decided to take a MUCH NEEDED vacation.  We’re off to sun ourselves, drink mucho margaritas and enjoy ourselves without the stress of every-day life.

 

I’ve been a bit disorganized with my blogging this week.  I’ve had a few commitments that took extra time and I’ve had to prep for our trip so I’ve fallen behind on sharing stories with you.   Rest assured, that I have plenty of notes jotted down with new, humorous anecdotes.   And, I’d have to bet that a week away with hubby will bring me back chock full ‘o material!

 

While I’m away, feel free to drop me a note or leave a comment with any “blog worthy” stories you may have.  It’s likely that I can relate, and heck, I’d love to hear from you!

 

But before I go… I’ll leave you with this.  

If I hadn’t done laundry today, what do you think Hubby would have packed to wear on vacation?

 

See ya in about a week!

What We Have Here.. Is a Failure To Communicate

There are many different types of communication: verbal words, written words, body language, visual cues.

 

There are other important factors to consider with effective communication:  timing, tonality, inflection, eye contact, noise.

 

But perhaps the most important factor in successful communication is GENDER.

The communication styles between men & women can be vastly different………….

 

Let me roll back the clock to Sunday.

 

Background info:  I have to attend a baby shower for one of hubby’s cousins.  I’m completely not a girlie, girl and I find these things to be incredibly painful.  Not because I don’t care about the people involved, not because I don’t want to celebrate a new baby and not because I’m a total biatch (ok, maybe this is why….) but because, if you asked me one of the best ways torture me in hell after I die, it would be to continually put me into a banquet room filled with women for an excruciating 4 hours.  If you love baby/bridal showers… more power to ya but,  it’s just not my thing. 

 

Anyhow, I’m already bitter cause hubby doesn’t have to go to this thing (why do guys get to escape?).  So, I’m getting ready and the phone rings and I can hear hubby talking to someone.  I hear words like bungee cords and sanders and probably a few other things.  I infer it’s his Dad that he’s talking to but he never actually says this.  He hangs up the phone, heads to the garage, brings in our sander and puts it on the kitchen table.  No comment, no explanation, and, to be quite honest, I don’t ask.

 

I leave for the shower.

 

I’m gone from the house for about 3 minutes and my cell phone rings… I can see it’s hubby.

 

Me: “Hey babe, what’s up”

Hubby:  “You forgot the sander.”

Me: “Uhm, no I didn’t”

Hubby:  “Yes, you did”

Me:  “Uhm, no I didn’t”

Hubby:  “You were supposed to bring it to my mom”

Me: “Huh?”

Hubby: “I told my Dad you’d bring this to her, since you’ll see her at the shower”

Me: “Ok, but when did you tell ME this?”

Hubby:  “Well, you saw me get it from the garage”

Me: “Yeah, but how was I supposed to know that I was supposed to take it?”

Hubby: “I just thought you knew.  I guess it was a miscommunication”

Me: “No, actually it wasn’t a miscommunication…. It was an complete lack of communication”

Hubby: “Well, I just assumed you knew… you heard me on the phone.”

Me: “Honey, I’m not a mind reader”

Hubby: “Ok, well, can you just tell my mom you forgot it”

Me:  “No, I can’t tell her I forgot it, BUT,  I can tell her this story so she knows you never actually told me to bring it”

 

And, there you have it… the epitome of failed communication.

 

How many times have you heard a man complain that a woman wants him to “be a mind reader” or “read between the lines”

 

Well, contrary to popular belief, I am not a mind reader either!

 

And, after conveying this story to hubby’s mom.. once again, we had a good chuckle about how we both have to contend with the same stuff at home.  The apple certainly didn’t fall far from the tree with hubby & his dad!

 

What’s your best “failure to communicate” story?

 

The Power Of Love Notes

I can remember when hubby used to leave me cute little notes… they used words like amazing, magical, wonderful.  They came via post-its hidden in my work calendar or maybe via a mid-day text message.  

 

It was always a tiny gesture but, to me… it was awesome.  Just goes to show that a tiny bit of effort really can go a long way.  What hubby didn’t realize was that one of these notes could often replace say….. cleaning up the sink after he shaves.  This trick might only work on occasion, but, assuming I’m having a good day, a cute romantic gesture (one that only takes him a second) could stop me from grumbling as I clean up the crumbs he left on the counter.

 

The more cute gestures, the less irritated I’d be at his little housekeeping transgressions.  This of course is a fine line, that most men have not learned to walk.  It’s a balancing act that requires the utmost of thought and care.  Because: It does NOT mean you can buy me a card and expect me to excuse the fact that you never lift a finger in the house.   SO MEN — just for the record, that’s not how this works…

 

After all, ladies… all we really want is to feel loved & appreciated right??  Well, that and a partner who does his share of chores, and takes us out for nice dinners, and rubs our feet, and listens to us, and cooks for us and.. and, .. and……..(hehe.. ok, maybe we’re not that simple… but anyway….)

 

Back to Hubby. 

 

He truly was a smart man. He learned how to make me feel great and, I think deep down, he realized that this was a good way to quell some of my frustrations.  So, every few days I’d find a loving note…. Until … (insert ominous music tones here…).  He lost his mind.  Ok, maybe he didn’t lose his mind, but, ever-so-slowly, the notes began to change.

 

And as the years passed, the notes started to look more like this:

 

 

As you can see, the tenor of these notes is slightly different.  He still loves me but these notes are not tucked away in cute places and there aren’t any fluffy, happy words.  These notes are found in plain site, on the kitchen counter, scrawled before heading to work.  And, well, they just don’t seem to have the same ring to them.

 

Has hubby forgotten this delicate balancing act?  Does he not realize that these notes may actually have the capability of squashing some of the “nagging”?  No, not all of the “nagging”… they’re not brainwashing, magical notes.  But, I bet at least on that day, I’d be less apt to ask him why he can’t seem to remember to put his dirty socks into the hamper where they belong.

 

What’s the morale of my story today??  Well, it’s all about the power of a well timed loved note…

 

If this power is used for Good rather than Evil.. there would be a lot more happy, romantic couples in the world.  AND MEN – you can read this as LESS NAGGING!

 

(Hubby…. I hope you’re reading this…. Love you!! )

 

Ladies feel free to share this post with your man…maybe even subtly leave a copy around the house?  Who knows what cute little expression of love you may find tucked into your purse tomorrow! 

The Snack Battle

Today is Halloween.  For normal people, Halloween is a time to celebrate the Fall season with tricks & treats and ghosts and goblins.

 

For me however, it’s a day to test my ingenuity.

 

Let me explain.

 

Hubby has a sweet tooth.  He has a weakness for certain candies & cookies.  Anytime I bring something into the house that I know he likes, I have to either:

• Stash some away for me or….
• Buy multiple boxes to ensure that I get a taste. 

 

I’m the kind of person that could make a box of cookies last weeks.  I may eat 2 today, then none for 3 days, then maybe 2 more, then none for a week.  The problem with this method of consumption is that by day number 5, when I go to the cabinet I cannot find the package of cookies…. because, while I’ve been savoring this snacking experience, Hubby has been devouring all the cookies.

 

Then the conversation goes something like this:

 

Me:  “What happened to the cookies?”

Hubby: “I ate them”

Me: “But I didn’t get any at all…”

Hubby:  “Well then, you should have eaten them quicker”

Me: “Quicker??  I bought them 3 days ago”

Hubby: “So?”

Me: “So, how could you eat them all in only 3 days.”

Hubby: “Well, I eat 3 at a time.”

Me: “But it was only 3 days ago”

Hubby: “Well, you took too long. You gotta be quicker”

Me:  “Humpf …. Next time I’m hiding them”

There’s rarely a concept of sharing.  Hubby is conducting his own Survival of The Fittest with the cookie reward going to the top of the food chain.  If I can’t get my hand into a bag quick enough I may blink and all if it will be gone.  I joked about Hubby “sharing” items by ensuring that there is always ONE left in the bag/jar/box.  I think, on occasion, he feels sorry for the weaker person in the house (aka ME) and he leaves one sad, solitary item for me.  

 

What he doesn’t realize is, I’ve developed my own way to counteract this behavior.  I have started buying things that I know Hubby doesn’t really like.  Things like cookies or candies with nuts or coconut.  Miraculously, every time I go to get one, they are sitting right were I left them, waiting for me.  A tiny battle that I’ve won!

 

So, back to Halloween….

 

Knowing Hubby’s proclivities, I waited until YESTERDAY to buy the candy (this way I know hubby couldn’t get into it and eat it all before the holiday)  And, in addition to buying items hubby likes, the bowl is filled with Snickers, Peanut M&Ms and Almond Joys (this one is a good ol’ double whammy!)

 

My only other choice would be to hide some snacks in a place where I know hubby will never go… like say…… the laundry room!    (Oh damn!  I just gave away the hiding spot!)

 

Hey, I can be pretty creative if I need to be… (the linen closet is probably a good place too!  sshhhhhhhhh.. don’t tell him!)

 

Where do you hide your snacks?!

 

Bigger Really Is Better?

Man Rule:  If it isn’t the biggest…. it can’t be the best  …. Right??

 

My TV post earlier this week got me thinking about this bigger is better theory.  This is one particular Man Rule that creeps up on me sometimes, even when I least expect it. 

 

You see, I don’t feel the need to have the biggest anything.  Small things can still be fantastic and I generally prefer performance & quality over size.  (this post is starting to sound sexual…. It’s not meant to be… although I suppose this could be the first Woman Rule since some of the same principles do indeed apply!)

 

Men always want women to say that size doesn’t matter but in actuality, it matters tremendously…… to THEM! 

 

In a man’s mind, size is a physical display of manliness (get your mind out of the gutter!). It’s a way to illustrate your success, or dominance to the outside world.  Size comparisons also breed competition, which is a cornerstone of the male psyche.

 

Vinnie’s TV was an example of how size gives you bragging rights when you’re a man.  We all know how important competition and bragging rights can be to a fragile male ego…

Some examples of male “competition”:

• My team is better than your team
• I can grow a better beard than you can
• I can eat more hot dogs than you can
• I’m the Guitar Hero Champion
• I can toss this wedding ring into that cup more times than you can

 

Most of those examples are performance based competitions BUT…

When a man sees that he can “win” the competition by way of a physical object instead of actual effort, well…. you can guess which route he takes!

 

Hubby illustrates this behavior quite regularly. Most recently with Electronics Envy, not long ago with our new fridge purchase (in case you missed the post — hubby insisted we buy biggest/coolest fridge on the block).  And even more recently with our pumpkins.   Yes, I did say pumpkins  (I told you this man rule creeps up on me sometimes!).

 

Every year we take our nephews out to pick & carve pumpkins.  Hubby likes to egg them on when they chose what he considers to be pumpkins that are too “puny” (keep in mind these kids are 4 & 6 yrs old, so” puny” pumpkins to hubby is certainly a decent size for the kids).

 

Thank God, this one was not available

Anyhow this year, as we’re perusing the pumpkin selection, hubby is drawn to the biggest pumpkin there.   This is a pumpkin that I might refer to as “too big”, but hubby refers to as “perfect”.  He bullies the kids into selecting it.  Ok, maybe bully is too strong a word.  Other choices might be:  Coaxing the kids?  Applying to their young male egos?  Training them early on the “bigger is better” man rule?  Whatever you want to call it, we wind up buying this ridiculously big pumpkin.  He’s so proud of his selection that he actually wants me to “carry it” for a minute to see how heavy it is.  This is his effort at covert bragging… in his head he’s saying…  “see, my pumpkin is bigger & better than yours”.  Needless to say I don’t play along.

 

Pumpkins get loaded into the car and we carve them with the kids at home.  All the while hubby is still training the nephews…. 

 

“See how my pumpkin is bigger than Aunt Shell’s?”

“Whose pumpkin do you like better… mine or Aunt Shell’s?”

“Isn’t the big pumpkin cool?”

“Aren’t you glad we picked out the biggest & best pumpkin?”

 

It’s hardcore little boy training at it’s best.  The kids are initially resistant but they soon seem to realize that the BIGGER pumpkin is obviously the BETTER pumpkin.  Hubby glows with joy & pride.

 

How does this story end?

 

Well, our pumpkins are happily displayed on our stoop…. hubby’s large pumpkin dwarfing my “puny” pumpkin.   It would seem that hubby has indeed won two competitions.  The one against me that I wasn’t really playing in the first place.  And the imaginary one he’s playing against the neighbors now that his HUGE pumpkin is on display for the entire world to see.  He is obviously taunting Vinnie…. who may indeed have the bigger TV, but obviously hubby has the better pumpkin.

 

And… all I can do is shake my head……………