Yesterday I talked about Selective Vision:
- The unique ability of men to “not clutter their brains with unnecessary information”
- The male ability to literally choose to not see things around them, that they deem unimportant.
Well today, I’d like to address an even worse affliction… Selective Listening.
Yes, we’ve all been there. We talk to our spouse, perhaps just one word, maybe one comment, perhaps 3 or 4 sentences and then we stop. Anxiously awaiting acknowledgement, a response, an answer, a sign of life…. AND….. SILENCE
“Honey” I say politely
No response….
“Babe?” I try again
Silence
“Honey” slightly louder
Still nothing
“HONEY” even louder still
Am I talking to myself???
“ROD!”
Finally… “huh?”
“I’ve been trying to talk to you for like 2 minutes.”
“Oh, I didn’t hear you”
“Well, I tried to get your attention like 5 times”
“Yeah, well, what do you want?”
“Can you carry this downstairs, it’s kind of heavy?”
“Yeah sure”
I got his attention… HOORAY!!
The wheels are in motion (so I think)….
Then there he goes… right back to watching tv.
This is the moment of realization for me… that I really didn’t have his attention at all. Even after he stopped, looked at me, and formed responsive words…. He really wasn’t LISTENING. But, I’m a reasonable gal, so I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt.
I go about my day
Heavy item is still sitting there
We have dinner
Heavy item is still sitting there
We snuggle up to watch tv
Heavy item is still sitting there
I mention to him, in my most loving voice…. “honey, don’t forget to carry that downstairs”
“I won’t”
We go to bed
Heavy item is still sitting there
The next day comes……
He goes to work…….
I stare at the heavy item….
I sigh…..
Hubby comes home from work, STEPS OVER heavy item in the middle of the kitchen (I’ve shuffled it over to a can’t miss location). He employs “Selective Vision” and goes to get a snack.
I watch, wide eyed.
“Honey, do you think you can carry that downstairs?”
“I just got home from work”
“I know, but I can’t do it myself”
“I told you I’d do it”
“ok”
We have dinner
Heavy item is still sitting there
We sit down to watch tv
Heavy item is still sitting there
“Honey, I know it’s late but do you think you can carry that down tonight?”
“You just don’t ever want to let me relax, do you?”
“That’s not it, I just don’t want to have to walk around it all day tomorrow”
“FINE.. ” he gets up grumbling…. “and, you don’t think you’re a nag”
Once again, I have to ask…. If men admittedly don’t remember to do stuff, but when we remind them about anything, it’s nagging……. what’s the right way to communicate with a man??
I have yet to uncover the mystery solution…
Maybe it’s not even a true issue of communication. Maybe, just maybe, it’s a topic that I haven’t even addressed in this entry. Perhaps it’s the concept of “timelines & scheduling”. It could be that, where we are misaligned, is actually the simple fact that my project completion timeline did not match up with hubby’s for this given task (but that’s a blog topic for a completely different day!!)
The one good thing is, that I’ve learned to recognize “Selective Listening”. At least this way, I can properly set my expectations. I’ll admit, I haven’t mastered controlling my response to his actions but at least I’m no longer surprised when the heavy item sits, in the middle of my kitchen, for days!
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Amen Sister! I’ve been working HARD these past seven years at overlooking what I refer to as my dear husband’s “shiny thing syndrome.”
Selective listening is a survival tool developed by all men. We require this ability because women say so much that if we listened to it all our heads would explode.
touche.. honey. We wouldn’t want your head to explode now would we!
OMG! Are we married to the same man or are they really that easily categorized? Yes, I suppose they are. Bless their pointed little heads…. I’m so glad you dropped by my blog so that I could find you!
You’re definitely going to be on my blogroll…
Liz … Thanks for stopping by and yes, unfortunately, I think there are far too many men who share comment traits! I guess that’s what keeps us on our toes!
Great to hear from you!
I love your blog! It’s so funny, but more importantly, it sooo true! Had a good laugh. Men really do have selective hearing! That’s why we always have to nag!
Very good post, thank you. Effective communication is so important to a relationship. We all communicate and we all think we are doing ok, but it is not until you learn more about listening and communicating until we realize that we probably could do much better. Regards, Stefan
Yes, I remember those times….don’t have a husband, but my daughter sure reacts the same way infront of the TV when watching a movie!!! Thank goodness it is rare, since we don’t have actual “TV” just use it for movies, lol!!!! THe Zombie Box!!!
Loved your post!
Thanks Kelly! I wish I only had the TV to blame.. it seems there are so many “diversions” that I often talk to myself!
Sorry about that (smile).
oh my… im so glad that i have found your blog via the “freshly pressed” blog section. C= i experience the same thing wif my lil bro. (n my mum wif my dad …) XD now i noe im not alone in this selective hearing/vision anymore. keke!
I want to leave a snarky comment like, “oh yes – you’re such a nag!” (like duh!) but I don’t want to gang up on your husband. My husband and I joke about this selectivity all the time.
This is a common conversation in our house as well. It is an amazing thing to watch them look at the world (heavy item) with a completely different filter than we do. I have a sort of resignation about it all after 13 years, but the hardest part for me is watching them step OVER the heavy object.