My wife said she doesn’t like my Christmas wish list and if I want any of these items for Christmas I need to go directly to you.
I have been a pretty good boy this year. I almost always remember to replace the toilet paper roll, I can distinctly remember folding some socks at some point this past year, I always put the toilet seat down, most of my clothes make it to the hamper and oh yeah, I even vacuumed just last month after I tracked mud all over the carpet (oops!).
I’m sure, since you spend all year up at the North Pole with the elves, you can appreciate the need for some time away from the Mrs. Not that I’m saying there’s anything wrong with Mrs. Claus, but you are a man after all… and to be that jolly, you must have figured out how to balance doing things you love and keeping Mrs. Claus happy.
You may notice that many of my requests are things that I’m sure you, yourself could appreciate.
So, here goes my list:
A 60” LED TV (Santa, please oh please, help me out here…. Right now I have the smallest TV in my neighborhood and I NEED to rectify this issue.. if you can’t fit it on your sleigh, I’d be happy to come by and pick it up. Maybe we could even have a beer together & watch the game?.. Which brings me to my next item….
A Keg of Rogue Dead Guy Beer (my wife tells me there’s no such thing, that it’s only sold in 6 packs… but I’m sure you & the elves can appreciate a good beer… I have to assume you are already brewing beer up at the North Pole otherwise there’s no way you could be that jolly all year long?)
7.1 Bose Surround Sound System (oddly enough, my wife seems to think that the mild shaking of the house from my man cave TV is annoying but, I can assure you that she has no idea what annoying could really be like! Just imagine how cool the pitter-patter of reindeer hooves would sound coming at you from all directions!)
A New Couch for the Man Cave (Santa, how cool would it be to deliver a new leather sofa to my basement and then plop down for a much needed break on Christmas Eve. In addition to a plate of cookies, I’ll even set out some scotch, and some amazing gourmet cheeses.)
Santa, I understand that these requests might seem like a lot, but if you can’t help me… who will? I tried getting my wife drunk before I gave her my wish list, but she’s just too smart for that. Even in her drunken slur, she proceeded to tell me “wha you needsa isa Chrishtmas schmiracle… “ It wasn’t easy to make out, but I think she was saying that I should write to you.
So, from one married man to another… please help me out!