If you’ve ever dragged a man shopping to a place that he really didn’t want to go, then you’ve probably heard your fair share of bitching and moaning.
If there aren’t any fancy lights, bells or whistles at a store, it generally needs to be a very structured mission. And, by structured I mean there can be no perusing the shelves, comparing prices, trying stuff on, or simply meandering to see what might catch your eye. When I take hubby shopping we need to have a game plan and a stop watch. Hubby stands outside the car and says to me:
“Runners take your mark….”
And, then he presses the start button on the timer and I have like 6.3 minutes to enter the store, grab the paper towels, toothpaste and deodorant before I run out of time. Ok, that may be a slight exaggeration… but only slight!
The reality is that there are a few kinds of shopping excursions:
A “run” to grab some necessities.
Generally a quick in-and-out shop that is about convenience (may or may not include hubby)
A full-fledged grocery shop.
There’s a list but there’s also a lot of stuff in my head that needs to be purchased (probably doesn’t include hubby)
A trip to the mall.
Could be a quickie…. could be an all afternoon affair (generally doesn’t include hubby.. unless, he’s got nothing going on.. then I consider it bonding time – although hubby surely disagrees with me here!)
Shopping for larger household items.
Items might include: furniture, appliances, renovation items (almost always includes hubby …. unless he insists that I pre-shop and only subject him to a shorter version of this to see my “favorites”)
Pretty self-explanatory (this is probably the only shopping excursion where you see hubby with a little spring in his step!)
This list is certainly not all-inclusive of any and all shopping trips and, as you know, sometimes one destination turns into a full day of errands and takes you in-and-out of many stores. These are the days that Hubby dreads the most.
I’m sure you know the days I’m talking about.. the Saturday afternoon where you decide to go out for a leisurely lunch.. which turns into…….
“Hon, since we’re gonna be passing the post office.. let’s stop so I can mail these bills”
which is followed by………..
“Babe, the restaurant is right next to the beauty supply store.. so let me just run in…..”
which conveniently becomes……..
“If we take Rt 18 home from here we can drive right past Target”
which leads to….
“You know…. Michaels is right in the same shopping plaza as Target and I need to get a basket, for that gift we’re bringing on Saturday”
And then, all bets are off since I’ve forced him to wander through Target and now I’ve got new bar stools on my mind
Me: “Hon, did you like those stools?”
Hubby: “Uhmmm… yeah, whatever”
Me: “I like them but do you think that the wood is the right color?”
Hubby: “I don’t know”
Me: “Hmm… I wonder if wrought iron would be better than wood”
Me: “You know what… we are right down the road from Walmart*, maybe we should check there for stools”
Me: “And there’s also a Home Depot down there, and maybe we could swing back around to Bed Bath & Beyond”
Hubby: “You’re killing me!”
Me: “Why? Don’t you want new stools?”
Hubby: “You’re about to drag me through all THE CIRCLES OF HELL!”
Me: “What are you talking about?
Hubby: “We’ll you’ve already forced me, against my will, to go to a craft store with you (Michaels) which is like Hell on Earth for me.. And, now you want to follow that up with another Circle of Hell… also known as Walmart*”
Me: “Don’t you think you’re being overly dramatic?”
Hubby: “NOPE! You regularly insist that I join you in one of the Circles of Hell…. You must hate me!”
Me: “But Hon, they could have bar stools at a good price”
Hubby: “I’d pay any price not to have to go there…… TODAY IS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!”
Me: ”You said that last time I made you go to KMart*”
Hubby: “Yes, that day was the worst day of my life until….. TODAY. And, I’m sure that the next time you drag me to a new mass- merchandise discount store, or a craft store, or a home store, will be the next worst day of my life!”
Me: “Well good.. then I suppose we should just get them all out of the way today…. I think Kmart* & Home Goods might have stools also… and since we’ll be over by Home Goods, I think there’s an AC Moore in that shopping plaza and I’d like to check out their baskets”.
Hubby: grumbling “Great….. all 9 Circles of Hell in one day…. can somebody just kill me now……….”
*Just for the record: I hate these stores too for a variety of reasons -but it doesn’t stop me from occassionally visiting them for certain items as I have a higher tolerance level than Hubby!
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