I feel like people say this to somehow make themselves feel better when they are drowning in life.
You know what I’m talking about: one really crappy thing happens and then another and then another… and just as your gasping for your last breath of air, someone along the shore yells to you….”You know, when it rains it pours”. “Gee thanks asshole, for your philosophical analysis of my life but, did ya notice??? I’m drowning here!”
Anywhooo…. we’re having one of those months (or I suppose it’s a couple of months). We started a bathroom renovation only to discover that our subfloor had issues and needed to be completely reinforced — read that as more $$. Then we find out we are pregnant (notice I used the word “we” here… even though it’s just “me” who’s pregnant – somehow the “we” let’s hubby believe we are both experiencing the same things –HA!!) — read that as more $$. Then we look around our yard and realize that this needs to be a “mulch year”, you know the year where all your flower beds are full of weeds and you can see dirt – yeah, we’re there this year — read this as more $$. Then we look at our dilapidated gazebo by the pool. The one that is jury rigged together with cables to make sure it doesn’t blow away in the wind, yep this is the summer to buy a new one — read this as more $$.
As if this isn’t enough, just I’ve grabbed on to a life preserver and I’m bobbing trying to catch my breath, I look up and here comes a tidal wave – bigger than any you’ve ever seen before – for us, this tidal wave was also known as The Tax Man.
Holy crap folks, we owe so much money to the dang US government, we might just be able to pay back China with my tax bill.
I was at the accountants office by myself when I learned I’d have to sell everything I own to pay the government this year. And, on the way home, I dreaded telling hubby. As you may remember, he’s an awfulizer under the best circumstances so I couldn’t quite imagine his reaction to this lovely information.
So, I decided to take a lighter approach to sharing this news…..
“Hon” I said, “Did you have a good motorcycle ride today?”. ”Yes” he replied…. looking at me as if there must be more coming (I’m soooo not a fan of the motorcycle). “It was a really nice day today, did you get in a long ride?” “Ahhhh…..” he stammered. I think he may be onto me so I just plunge ahead….. “Well, I was just hoping you really enjoyed your ride because, as you know, I had our taxes done today aaaannnnndd……well, uhm, I’m thinking we might need to sell your bike to pay the tax bill.” (I’m kidding but it’s enough to cause incredible …………..SILENCE……)
So, I shift gears.. and make a quick recovery with an alternate solution……..
“Or….. I suppose…… we could possibly sell the baby to pay the tax bill……” (I’m thinking this option might lighten his mood) Or, perhaps it might actually make him want to sell the bike that I so much loathe……
He pauses for a moment, as if considering his options and…………. (hold onto your hats – this one’s a doozy!)
He calmly replies. “Well, I’m really not all that attached to the baby yet………………”
Yep… that’s my hubby, always knows the right thing to say…….
(just for the record….. and so you all don’t go reporting us to the authorities, we are not selling the baby, although, I suppose this would be the easy route – since babies are a pretty hot commodity – but I suppose we’ll just have to figure something else out…………..)
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