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When I first started this blog I made a list of “Marriage Truths” that have truly stood the test of time.

Today I’ve decided to add some new things to my list… this is probably also a good “Things I Wish I’d known Before I Got Married” List!

 

  1. Marriage is fun… but fun doesn’t always come easy.
  2. Men & women almost never, ever, see things through the same eyes
  3. “Clean” is not always clean.  This becomes even more apparent as your family begins to grow
  4. The TV is never big enough
  5. Bright lights, bells and whistles make just about anything better (and new electronics/technology can sometimes please even the grumpiest man!)
  6. Nagging & talking can sometimes be synonymous
  7. A man cave can be a lifesaver (for both of you!)
  8. Sometimes a hug can go a long way
  9. Communication only works when you are both listening………..
  10. Laughing together is important. And, being able to laugh at yourself can be even more important
  11. Dividing up chores and keeping a tally is a horrible idea.  Feeling that what you contribute is acknowledged and appreciated can almost always provide “balance”
  12. Being in love doesn’t necessarily mean you love everything about your partner.  Sometimes loving someone is accepting the parts you don’t love (like dirty socks all over the house!)
  13. You will get mad…. Sometimes incredibly mad.  It’s ok. Everybody gets mad sometimes.  It’s what you do afterwards that matters
  14. Never going to bed angry is bad advice.  Sometimes, what you really need, is some space and some perspective (if this needs to come overnight –that’s ok!)
  15. Always trust your gut…. It usually comes to pretty accurate conclusions far quicker than your heart or your mind
  16. Apologize when you’re wrong.  And mean it.
  17. You will make mistakes.  You will hurt someone you love.  You will learn from it.
  18. Holding hands and staying physically connected can help you weather even the harshest storm
  19. Learning to forgive isn’t easy… but nothing worthwhile ever is.
  20. The amount of laundry you can do in any given week will far exceed your expectations!
  21. The amount of laundry you will have to pick up from the living room, from under beds, crumbled in corners and dropped on bathroom floors will also far exceed your expectations!
  22. The refrigerator can be completely full…. but somehow, there will be nothing to eat!
  23. There are fairies that will live in your house who replace things like toilet paper, tissues, soap and toothpaste (eventually, maybe, he will realize that YOU are the magical fairy!)
  24. Alone time is just as important as together time.  Remember marriage isn’t Two Becoming One…. It’s Two Becoming Too”
  25. Your “To Do” list will probably never get shorter… as one thing gets completed another thing will get added.  So, don’t stress about not getting it all done!
  26. There are some arguments that will quite simply never be resolved…. Agree to disagree.
  27. Sharing your life with someone is quite the journey….. always remember to enjoy the ride!

 

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I hate to admit this to you all but I watched an episode of Celebrity Wife Swap this week.  Now, the mere use of the word “celebrity” is probably a stretch given who appears on that show.  And, this probably helps solidify hubby’s position that reality tv is rotting my brain but.. either way, the damage is done.  I watched it.  I cannot undo it.  I lost an hour of my life into a dark abyss of mind-numbing morons.  And, I’m no better… and quite possibly more stupid for having done it.  But oh well…..we all do things we regret!

 

Anyhow, this particular episode featured the Speidi couple.  Spencer Pratt and Heidi what’s her name… from that show that whatchamacallit show, that many people watched but I have no interest or knowledge of (pretty sure it’s called The Hills).  Needless to say, I’m unsure how these nobody’s could be known as “celebrities” because of this show.  But, I suppose it if can happen to somebody named Snookie… this isn’t a far stretch.

 

What struck me as absurd, was this bozo Spencer’s inability to behave like an adult.  Now, I’ve often referred to my own dear hubby as a child.. but this Spencer moron takes it to a whole new level.  His equally vapid wife desperately wants to have children and I got the impression he wouldn’t give up his self-indulgent, extra hour of sleep to tend to his wife’s severed limb much less a crying infant.    If I had ever married this kid (which I wouldn’t) I’d have to smother him during his blissful nap on the lounge chair.

 

So, it got me thinking about men taking that giant leap into adulthood.  Some men go willingly and welcome adult responsibilities – they hum happy songs as they mow the lawn, they make their own “honey do” lists with household projects, they learn all the settings on both the dishwasher and clothes washer. Some men get dragged (or rather nudged) along, kicking and screaming the entire way as they are pushed out of Mommy’s house into their own place so she can finally have an empty nest.. but they return home every weekend with a bag of laundry, they open mom’s cupboards and fridge and pack to-go bags of food, and they even cling desperately to a life with no commitments.  But, the vast majority of men, step into adulthood very slowly, by dipping one toe into the water with a solo trip to the grocery store… then, if all goes well, they may try to vacuum, perhaps an attempt at a pasta dinner, followed possibly by a made bed (WITH all the extra pillows!) and then maybe, just maybe – if they are feeling extra confident… a load of gentle cycle laundry (this one takes a lot of trust ladies!).

 

Before you know it… your husband has become an adult.  Ok wait… I took it too far.  Your husband is on his way to becoming an adult.  We all know that this is a long term project!

 

So… here are just a few ways you know your husband is “growing up”

 

  • He not only takes a trip to the grocery store but he actually looks around the house and in the fridge to create a shopping list. Not long ago hubby wouldn’t have even considered bringing a list to the store but after 10 years of marital training he did just that this past week…. I’m such a proud wife!
  • He returns from his Saturday morning outdoor chores and stands in the house admiring his own lawn. While the lawn itself may not dictate when it needs to be mowed (even though a normal person might disagree)… hubby does , in fact, set aside an official “lawn mowing day” each week and he (generally) sticks to this schedule for the entire summer. A scheduled, recurring, chore is a BIG step towards adulthood!
  • He runs out of undies and decides to do a load of laundry (all on his own!).  I’ll admit this one is still a work in progress… since only recently did I realize the underlying male struggle with understanding the need to wear clean undershorts each and every day. Hubby has, albeit on the rarest of occasions, popped in a load of laundry because he’s run out of something.
  • He, unprompted, puts sunscreen AND a sun hat on your baby/toddler. I know this goes against every fiber of his being to somehow be this domesticated.. but, he recognizes the importance and takes action to protect someone incredibly dear to him!
  • He actually hears the baby crying when it’s “HIS” night, without needing you to nudge him. This is likely never going to apply when it’s YOUR night (and he is obviously deaf).. but always remember this foray into adulthood comes in the form of baby steps……. And this is a BIG step – a BIG kid, taking care of a little kid!
  • He actually notices AND stops to pick up something dropped on your kitchen floor. Once your hubby is able to direct his Selective Vision towards things that actually need attention you’ll know he’s growing up!

 

 

I’m sure there are others and your list may indeed be longer than mine!  Some of the indicators I mentioned above may not actually be perfected in our home.    But as I mentioned before, it’s a long term project.  It’s a marathon, not a sprint.  And, it’s the path I have chosen… each day, my hubby grows up a teeny, tiny, bit.  Someday, hopefully before my son starts catching up to him, he will firmly step into adulthood and then we can begin to hone some of the skills he’s acquired to start coaching our son –so his wife-to-be will not have nearly as much work as I did!!

 

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For those of you who have ever squeezed a little alien-like, spooge covered, wailing, little munchkin out of your hoo-hah, then you may be excited for this weekend.

 

It’s likely that most of you don’t have to ask why.. but just in case, for the uninformed.. or for those of you who don’t recall the day when you, yourself, made a screaming entry into this world.  It’s Mother’s Day.

 

And, if you aren’t a mother yourself, you surely have a mother because….. much like opinions…. everyone seems to have one!

 

So, why the excitement?  Well, for most of the world (at least the part of the world that celebrate’s Mother’s) it’s a day  – one day – where everyone must stop and thank Mom for being Mom.  That’s not to say she’s any better than Dad, or that all moms deserve celebrating.  But, it forces you to take a moment to think about the women in your life who ruined their bodies (ok, maybe not those celebs – who all seem to be in post-baby perfect shape), who gave up ever having a full night’s sleep, who learned way-too-quickly that they would never again be able to cook with both hands and whose bodies & clothes became instant tissues, vomit catchers, and warmth providers.

 

Those women who, in most cases, will forever worry if you’re getting enough to eat, enough sleep, enough love and enough challenge.  They will lose sleep thinking about your future, your education and the impact of the ever-changing world around you.  They will read articles about the correct amount of tv, technology, vegetables, play time, study time and nap time.  They will judge the world with new eyes…. They will celebrate your first step, first word and first day of school and then every day afterwards, they will worry that you’re going to fall, that your words will be used against you and that your days away from them will be surrounded by others who may not always have your best interests at heart.

 

They will cry when you cry (unless of course that crying was brought on by a demand to not touch the hot stove).  They will forever laugh when you laugh and they will smile both inside and out when you smile.  Your joys will be their joys and your sorrows will consume their hearts as they try to balance swooping in to fix everything and allowing you to learn to manage through life on your own.  They will say “No” ….. A LOT…..  but probably not nearly as much as you did as a toddler just learning to use your voice to express your independence.

 

They will shuttle you around and protect you until you show that you can be trusted to do things on your own.  And even after you’ve gained that trust.. they will worry.  That’s what they do.  They will worry you will crash the car, make bad decisions, bend to peer pressure.  They will worry that all the knowledge they’ve bestowed upon you will not be enough, that they could have done more, said more, loved more.

 

They will work to make your life easy, but not too easy.    They will fill both your belly and your mind, as you fill their hearts.  They will encourage you.  Love you.  And eternally support you.   And…… they will make mistakes.  But they will pray that every mistake they make will somehow make you a better person.. and them a better Mother.  Life is a journey they take with you… there will be bumps in the road, tears, harsh words and anger… but hopefully these will be far outweighed by giggles, cuddles, laughter & happiness.

 

For this is the life we have chosen… as a Mother.  And, we wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

So for these reasons….. we celebrate Mother’s Day.  Not because Mom needs a day dedicated to her.. but because a day dedicated to acknowledge the journey you have taken together is worthy of celebration!

motherhood2

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It’s been a whirlwind couple of months at the THD household.

 

We kicked off November with ear tube surgery for mini hubby.    This was necessitated by about 14 million ear infections since we started day care (ok, maybe not 14 million – he was after all, only a year old.  But, let’s just say one little munchkin shouldn’t have been on as many consecutive doses of antibiotics as our little guy was).  About 2 weeks after surgery, mini hubby was toddling along, and as new walkers tend to do… he toppled right over……… fracturing his little mini wrist.  Have you ever seen an x ray of a of a tiny little hand.  It’s like a freaky, mysterious picture with tiny floating little bones…. It’s just NUTS!

Xray Nov 2013 (2)

None of this stopped him.  He still laughed, and giggled and toddled around the house like he was a skilled tight rope walker (minus the tiny balancing line and plus a whole new dimension to balancing with his itty bitty little cast).     Hubby could learn a lot from the little guy.  He’s tough as nails and none of this phased him.  No awfulizing.  No grumbling.  No complaining.

 

Then Thanksgiving week came and mini hubby brought home the plague from day care…. And, it wiped out the entire family.   I think it was Rotavirus. And, if you’ve never experienced lovely ailment… I’ll say a little prayer that you never do.   Hubby and I spent all night with dueling bathrooms as we raced past each other to vomit and twist ourselves into a pretzel as we agonized with the worst abdominal pain ever.  A few days earlier,  mini hubby had vomited a bit, cried a bit and then toddled around the house throwing blocks and racing cars.  Man, he’s a trooper… and he recovered quite nicely as his dad and I prayed for death for a full 24 hours as we dealt with this doozy of an illness.

 

You may recall how hubby deals with sickness (if you forgot you can get a refresher HERE).  For me, it was simply wonderful.  There’s just nothing better than throwing up all night and then getting out of bed the next day to care for your toddler and your sick husband…. All the while, wondering how you could possibly vomit more when you haven’t eaten anything for hours upon hours.  This lovely day ended with a trip to the ER to treat hubby for dehydration.  Yes folks, it’s been a fun holiday season.

 

So we are definitely in need of some Christmas magic… BUT, we are getting there….. S L O W L Y……

I have revived the Hubby Diaries version of “A Very Married Christmas”… if you’ve missed it (or would just a reminder chuckle – click HERE or on the image below!)

Christas Poem 2013

 

Now if only the Christmas magic would wrap my presents AND bake my cookies AND clean my house AND finish my laundry AND.. AND… AND……

 

HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!   Hope your holiday season has been less dramatic and more pleasant than ours so far……………………………….

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If you’ve ever had a sensation, any sensation, then this story might just irritate you as much as it did me.  Because, contrary to many beliefs (most of which come from hubby), not all sensations are good sensations and what may be a good sensation to one person may not necessarily be a good sensation to another.  And no, regardless of where your mind just went… this is not at all about S E X.

 

So, please let me explain.

 

Sometimes I like to make impulse purchases.  You know, the kind when you’re shopping and randomly come upon something  that you didn’t think you needed, but now that it’s staring you straight in the face, beckoning you, you decide now is the time to buy.

 

I’ve wound up with random household décor items this way.   I’ve found a new home for a pair of sunglasses that seemed to jump out at me as I was on my way to buy cleaning supplies.  Just last week, I came home with new bath towels.  Not because I needed bath towels but because they were there.  I was there.  They were on sale.  I was there.  I imagined them in my bathroom and then *poof* they were magically in my hands.

 

Sometimes hubby benefits from this wonderful trait.  He’s come upon a new bathing suit, some shorts and even box of cookies all because of my fine-tuned, impulse buying abilities.

 

And sometimes, he benefits in a very unintended way.

 

I was grocery shopping recently.  You know, a task that I cannot send hubby to do because sending him to the grocery store actually creates more work for me (In case you didn’t read about the last time he tried to grocery shop please go HERE.  Go ahead, I’ll wait.)  As I was checking out, staring at that at the rack filled with impulse items, I had a weak moment and I bought myself a treat.  One of the best kinds of treats.  Better than towels.  Better than a candle holder.  It was one of those items where you tell yourself, I’ve had a hard day, I’ve earned this.  A treat of the edible, chocolate variety.  I bought myself a Kit Kat and a York Peppermint Pattie.

 

I tossed these treats into my purse as I loaded my cart with bags of groceries.  Then I got in the car, likely side tracked by God only knows what (since my brain doesn’t work anymore since I had the baby) and I forgot I had rewarded myself with these delectable bits of heaven.

 

The next day I’m getting ready for work and I spot the treats peaking at me from my purse.  So, I take them out and gingerly place them on the counter… right in the spot where my purse always sits.. to await my return.  Now, if I’d been hubby I would likely have stuffed these babies into my mouth right then & there.  Never mind that it was 7:00am or that I had just brushed my teeth.  He would have stood there wiping his mouth as bits of chocolate dropped onto the floor & counter only to be discovered (and cleaned) by a not so happy wife later.  But I digress.  I am not hubby and I wanted to leave them so I could savor them at the appropriate moment in the future.

 

So…. Imagine my surprise later, when I return to the spot where I stowed away my treats, only to….  W  A  I  T…… where are my treats??  I see the Kit Kat BUT, the Peppermint Pattie is gone.  Is it under these papers.. NO?!  Has it fallen to the floor…… NOPE!?  Uhm, did the fairies take it????  WTH.  I want my Peppermint Patty NOW and it’s gone.

 

I yell across the house… “Hey hon,  I had a Peppermint Patty here on the counter… did you see it?”

And from a distance I hear…. “Uhm, yeah, I saw it”

 

And that’s when the sensation starts….. a sensation that something is not right.  A sensation that something is amiss.  A sensation that I somehow, some way, got screwed out of enjoying MY Peppermint Patty.

 

 

And then, I’d like to say sheepishly, but it was probably more like - sheepishly proud of himself, hubby comes over.  And you know what he says?????????

Swiss Alps15

 

“I saw the Peppermint Patty.  I saw it on the counter.  I saw it unwrap.  I saw it enter my mouth.  And, then I had the sensation of the skiing in the Swiss Alps with a cool fresh breeze blowing in my face.  And, you know what….” He says…….  “ It was AWESOME”.

 

 

And then, he got to enjoy the sensation of me punching him square in the jaw.

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Some of you may recall that I like to make up silly songs…. HERE is a link to a very old post, if you don’t remember or are a new reader.

 

If you’ve decided not to go back and read that post here’s the gist – I think everyone should have a life filled with song.  I like to sing old commercial jingles.  I like to sing cheesy 70s songs.  I occasionally make up words to traditional music that appropriately matches whatever inane task I am doing.  Hubby has a stick up his a………. ok… maybe that was too harsh……. Hubby is a stick in the mud.   Ok, that’s not actually true at all………….. But hubby does have a distinct response to my behavior that resembles something like eye rolls and sideways glances…………  Yeah, that’s about right.   Hubby doesn’t have “silly” in him.  He has fun.  He has entertaining.  He has amusing.  Delight.  Funny. Witty.  Engaging.  Comical….. you get the picture.  BUT, he doesn’t really do silly.  I think underneath that tough(ish) exterior he enjoys silly (he did marry me after all) but he doesn’t DO silly.

 

So anyway… add a baby to your life and all of a sudden “silly” becomes acceptable.  Maybe even expected.  UNTIL, I apparently take it too far……….

 

Everyone knows the “Wheels on the Bus” song.   And, the beauty of this song it that it’s just so dang easy to change the words.  I have put everything imaginable on the bus.    There have been grandma’s saying “hush”, babies saying “waaaaaah”, mommies saying “I love you” …..all the traditional bus items: doors, windows, wipers, gas, coins and so on….

 

But then one day, I all of a sudden have animals on the bus………… And then, while hubby was listening, I added a chicken……. “bock, bock, bock”.  And he said, from across the room….

 

“Stop That Bus!”

 

“Did you just say there was a chicken on the bus?”

“Uhm, yeah” I replied

And he said, “ What are you teaching him??…. There are not chickens on buses.”

“Well, there is a chicken on MY bus” I said, with all the rigor of a mom being challenged

To which he of course, responds…. “Where is your bus….in India?”

“Maybe.  Or maybe, it’s just down the road, and it’s a bus that happens to have chickens”

 

Humph… he replies..

 

And off I go, continuing to sing…

 

“The lion on the bus says ROAR, ROAR, RO…..”

“Hold on…. There’s a lion on the bus??” he interjects

“Yep, this bus has chickens AND lions.  And you know what, they get along famously…………..”

“There are no lions on the bus.” He declares (a smirk growing on his face……….)

“How do you know what’s on my bus?  If you want to change what’s on the bus, you sing the song………..”

 

Humph… he replies again.

 

And then I continue on my merry way filling the bus with “silliness”…..

 

Now I feel the need to incorporate Daddy into my song, who obviously has no imagination and no ability to sing silly songs (which is ironic given the tall tale he told our neighbors kids about Joe the Cricket Herderbut I digress….)

 

“The Daddy on the bus says…. Get. Me. Off!”

“Hang on” hubby says “Did you listen to what you just said??”

“Yes, the Daddy doesn’t want to be on the FUN bus with all the animals” I reply

And hubby says again…. “No.  Did you actually listen to what you said?”

“Oh, uhm…. Welllllll, that’s not what I meant………..get your mind out of the gutter…………”

“You just put a pedophile on the bus……..”

“Oh good lord.” I say to hubby…. and I look back to the baby (who is happily enjoying my rendition of the song) and say “The people on the bus, they kick Dad off… kick Dad off… kick Dad off…………..”

 

What’s your favorite version of this song???

 

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