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Ladies, never forget that you cannot “unknow” something.

 

If this statement alone causes you some concern, you should perhaps stop reading now.   If it prompts some curiosity, that’s only natural –  sort of like rubber-necking a car wreck on the side of the road… You really don’t want to see mangled bodies and carnage, but you can’t necessarily look away.  Some of you may be the type avert your eyes as you pass.  Others may cover your eyes with your hands and peek through your fingers… thinking that the protection of your hand, will somehow make what you do see a bit less traumatic.

 

So, whether you are the avert your eyes type… or if you want to continue reading this while peeking through your hand.. please know that you continue to read at your own risk!

 

In this blog, I often discuss the differences between men & women.  Ok, scratch that most of the time I do this.. it is, after all, what the entire blog is about.  I share how the differences play out in my own life and how absurdly irritating (dang it.. I always type the wrong thing first) wonderful? my hubby can be.  Many times, I come across articles or comments from you all that help to support the idea that I didn’t win the lottery of annoying (crap – there I go again) loving husbands.   After about 4 years of blogging about gender differences and finding humor in every-day married life, you’d think that it would be difficult to surprise me.  BUT, this week, I was indeed surprised by something I came across.

 

I will take a snippet from an article I read.

 

“In May of (last) year, the UK retailer Marks & Spencer did a poll and found that one-third of men admit to changing (underwear) only every two-to-three days, and one in 40 wore the same pair “as long as he can”.  And “In 2011, Clorox conducted a study that showed one-in-eight guys will wear underwear two or three times before washing them. And that half of men admit to using the “smell test” to determine if their drawers are still wearable (which should get us some points for bravery, right?)”  (Full articles can be read HERE or HERE:  )

 

OH MYYYYYYYYY…….dirty laundry

 

Ladies, I myself, have blogged about hubby’s ability to wear the same pair of jeans for more days than I can count on my hands before they walk themselves to the laundry room.  But, WOW, this study brings the definition of “smell test” to a whole new low.   And, it sure is a hit below the belt that I’m not wholly sure women were prepared for! (I know I wasn’t!!)

 

So men, I know that you may not want to “air your dirty laundry” for all the world to see (or smell) but, it seems obvious that at least 1 in 5 of you don’t change your skivvies every day.  So, I figured I’d do my own survey (I know there are some men who read this blog…)  So, if you’re a man, help us do our own THD survey (since most of what I read was UK based – Is it different in the US?? By my own initial study – the answer is NO!).  This survey is totally anonymous so no one but you and maybe your wife or girlfriend (after I give her a bit of upcoming coaching) will know that your undies, if given the opportunity, would run themselves to your laundry room right this very second and beg for some laundering!

 

 

And ladies,  here’s my piece of advice for you.  The next time you do laundry…. Please count the number of boxers, briefs or (heaven forbid) banana hammock thongs that you’ve washed in that load. Then count back the days since you last did laundry.  If the numbers don’t add up…. You have the “1 in 5”… and, I’m sorry for you.    But, at least you now know, and whether you’ve been reading through your hand this entire time or not… you can now not “unknow”.  And again, I’m sincerely sorry to be the one to break this to you!

woman dirty laundry

 

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Wow…. You know how sometimes you blink and you’ve lost like a month of your life?  Well, that’s me right now.  I’m short staffed at work which is slowly and painfully killing me and then add to that a cute little munchkin to take care of (ok, 2 munchkins if you count hubby – who arguably is less cute, although cute in his own right….) and I have no idea where my time goes.

 

What I do know is that the tasks that used to not get done at my house because of hubby’s inability to commit (or at least align) with my timelines now take even L O N G E R…. if you can possibly imagine that.   And longer means that Christmas bags filled with gifts are still sitting in my bedroom (read HERE), laundry baskets filled with clean clothes NEVER get emptied.  A picture that I put on the side of our bathroom to get hung (oh say, about 6 months ago) still knowingly winks at me – from the floor  – every time I take a shower.    I remember a day when blogging somehow inadvertently led to action… or at least considered action by hubby.  But maybe because we’re both so busy.. and tired…. and busy…. and MORE tired and I can’t find time to blog, it’s not easy to subtlety put things on hubby’s radar.

 

But alas, all this really means is that the fairies have needed to kick into overdrive.

 

And by fairies….. (contrary to hubby’s perspective)…. I mean ME!

 

Take this example.

 

It’s allergy season at our house… which sucks!  If you don’t have seasonal allergies consider yourself incredibly lucky because it’s almost impossible to communicate how much it truly blows.  The sniffling, sneezing, nose blowing, medicine swallowing, windows open/closed debates that happen on a daily basis at our house are ridiculous.  We have loaded up on tissues and Allegra D and nasal spray and umpteen other remedies so we can try to make it through this season with minimal discomfort.

 

So, I’m in the kitchen the other day and I go to the counter to get a tissue….. but…………. The tissue box is no longer there.  Shocking, I know.

 

So, I go to the bathroom to blow my nose… thinking to myself…. “Self, don’t replace the tissues.  Hubby used the last one.  He will undoubtedly need more.  He will replace the box that he emptied.”  And then the part of me that lives in reality said …. “Self, you’re delusional.  Replace the tissues.  You will absolutely need another tissue long before that box gets replaced.”   And then the hopeful side of me responded…. “No.  He’s going to prove you wrong.  He WILL replace the tissues”

 

And then, like 4 days passed.   No tissues.

 

And every dang time I walked to the counter…. forgetting that there are no tissues there, I curse under my breath as I reach into thin air grasping for a non-existent tissue box.

 

And then, one day hubby was standing in the kitchen as I walked to the counter for a tissue (apparently I’m not good at un-training myself).  But this time, rather than silently have a conversation in my head I decided to talk to our son.   “Mini-hubby” I said, “When you get older, please, oh please, make sure you learn how to do things like this for the people around you.  Daddy doesn’t care that mommy has snot running down her face……”    And hubby, who is obviously listening, perks up and says…. “Oh, there’s no tissues?”.   “No honey, there’s no tissues…. Because you emptied them days ago and didn’t get a new box”.

 

With a straight face hubby responds….. “But tissues replace themselves, I don’t understand why there not there?”  “Uhm, no hubby, tissues actually don’t replace themselves”.  I sigh a long sigh….. “Fairies??”  he asks, seemingly perplexed.  “Nope, the fairies don’t do it either”.  “Hmmmmm…..” he thinks for a moment (you can see the wheels turning in his head).   Then he comes to a brilliant conclusion.   “I will get new tissues”  he declares.  And then, without skipping a beat he asks me….. “where do we keep the tissues???”

 

(We’ve lived in this house for 8 years.  The extra tissues have had the same storage spot for 8 years.  Hubby has no idea where that storage spot is)

And that your honor, is why I had to kill him.

 

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Ok.. so like every post I write lately, I will start with an apology for dropping off the face of the earth.   I’ve been traveling for work 2 weeks out of the last 3.  We’ve had to deal with a sick baby with a fever for days (and shockingly, I mean the real baby, not the hubby).  And, I also somehow need to fit in all the stuff that life throws at me.. all this, while maintaining the ever-so-late bedtime of about 9:00pm since our wonderful little bundle of joy is still filling our lives with “joyous” sleepless nights.  It’s hard to squeeze in blogging time in between a work day that ends at 7pm, the baby’s dinner, my dinner, bath time and the baby’s bedtime all before I collapse from exhaustion at 9:00.

 

Anyhoooooo…..

 

You may recall from past posts that sometimes, only sometimes, I do what some might refer to as nag.

 

I prefer to call it reminding…… over and over and over and over and over………….

 

You may also recall that hubby has a severe case of Selective Vision.  In that, he has the unique ability to not actually see what’s directly in front of him… in plain sight, day, after day, after day.

 

So, it might come as no surprise to you when I tell you that the below picture is a bag that’s sitting beside the dresser in our bedroom.   Now, at first glance you say “Eh, no biggie….. it’s obviously holding important items” or you may think “What’s the big deal… it’s a pretty tiny bag that’s barely noticeable”.  But, let me share a few facts about this bag:

christmas gifts

  • It’s literally right next to the door to the bedroom so you see it (or at least I see it) Every. Single. Time.  I go into the room.
  • It’s also right outside the door to the bathroom…. So, if you were sitting on the toilet with the door open (not that we ever do this………) you would be staring straight at it
  • It’s been sitting in this spot for approximately 2 ½ months
  • Prior to sitting in it’s current spot, it was sitting in our living room for approximately 1 month  (and then I got SICK of looking at it all day long and moved it to it’s current – AND APPARENTLY FINAL – resting place in the bedroom)

 

Perhaps the most perplexing fact about this bag is it’s contents………….

 

Wanna guess what’s in it?

 

Wait for it….. it’s a good one……………..

 

The bag is filled with an assortment of hubby’s Christmas presents.   YES, you read that correctly……. It’s holding friggin Christmas presents.  And, just in case, you need clarification on this.  TODAY is April 17th.  Christmas WAS December 25th.

 

These are apparently items of little-to-no urgency… hubby is obviously saving them for a rainy day (literally….. a rainy day…. one of the items is a poncho for him to wear at Giants games during inclement weather).  Another item is actually remnants of the actual gift… you see, the bag is still holding a shoe box from a new pair of kicks he received.  He’s worn the new sneakers but, heck, why ever get rid of the box when you can leave it in a bag, in the bedroom…… F-O-R-E-V-E-R????????????????

 

These are likely gifts that require thinking about where they should live permanently…… and, if it’s not completely obvious about where an item should be put away…. Hubby’s solution is to NEVER put it away.   LUCKY ME!

 

being a nag

So, I ask you this……. I have not nagged about this bag once…. Nope, not one single time.  I quietly moved it upstairs.  I silently walk past it every day.  I bite my lip as I move it around the room so the cleaning ladies can vacuum.  BUT, I have not nagged one time.   So… after almost 4 months, if I were to remind him about this bag…. (since it’s obviously a permanent fixture in our room and he no longer sees it) would it in fact be nagging?????????????????

 

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Did you ever wonder how one area of your home slowly gets taken over by so much stuff that it eventually assumes the responsibility for the new stuff more than the old stuff?

 

And then one day, you realize that you don’t know what has happened to your house.  And you wonder how your sewing room became the exercise room, or your exercise room became the laundry/ironing room.  Or perhaps you had a great den where you used to snuggle up and watch movies and now it’s become the kid’s playroom and is constantly littered with toys.  I’m sure many of you can relate.  And, you probably think that this post is about to outline all the ways our house has been overcome by baby crap (which it has) or that my family room no longer resembles an adult space (which it doesn’t) or that my office has become the staging area for baby baths… and the permanent home of a bath tub (why wouldn’t you keep a bath tub in your office??).  Anyhow, this post is about none of those things.  And, it’s NOT about how the baby has impacted our space.  It’s all about how hubby likes to “re-locate” items to places where they don’t belong and leave them there so long that they adopt the new-found space as their permanent (inappropriate) home.

 

You may recall THIS POST where I first started talking about this phenomenon and how it impacts every-day life and the relocation of items around my kitchen .. over .. and over… and over… and over…  That post is worth a read if for no other reason than to commiserate, if you find yourself constantly wishing that items would be Put Away at your home.

 

Well, be careful what you wish for… because sometimes, Put Away, doesn’t necessarily solve the problem.

 

I present to you Exhibit A:

Closet Upstairs

This is one of our closets.  In all honesty, it would probably be defined a “catch all” closet.  Hubby keeps some suits in here.  I keep extra purses, some hats, some of our travel items and other misc stuff.   It’s a closet filled with things we don’t really use regularly……………………including, apparently, a good deal of our “regular-use” tools.

 

Hmmmmm, you may be thinking……  Screwdrivers and drills in your suit closet……. Interesting use of space.

Ahhhhhhh, you may say…… easy access tools upstairs for quick repairs……. Smart storage.

Oooohhh, you may utter…. That’s a mighty nice vest hubby has…… He’s quite stylish.

Yikes, you may be judging…. They REALLY need some professional closest storage help…. That’s quite a disaster.

 

And to pretty much all of these…. I would say you are correct…………… well, sort of.

 

Until you think deeper about it.  And realize.. we have a full basement at our house.  We have a 2 car garage at the house.  Read this as:  MANY other, BETTER, permanent home locations for all the tools.  But alas, they are living happily in my upstairs closet.  I suppose there’s a part of me that’s happy they are not sitting in the hallway (which is likely where they started) … They were probably relocated to the closet when I forced hubby to pre-clean for the cleaning ladies, or maybe when we were having house guests, or quite possibly after I tripped over them with the baby so many times that I BEGGED him to move them out of a regular walking path.  To be totally honest, I don’t actually remember how they wound up in this closet…. Because it’s been THAT LONG that they’ve been living there.

 

Out of sight, out of mind for hubby…. So I’m pretty sure these items could stay in this closet until the baby leaves for college or until hubby needs his drill for something.  At which time, he will undoubtedly scour the house for tools that he cannot locate only to declare that he’s “looked everywhere” and they must be “gone” and he now needs to go buy everything new.   And, then of course, as we wives always do… I will ask him to re-confirm that he has indeed looked “everywhere” and then I will promptly go to this closet, pull them all out and remind him that the reason he cannot find anything, EVER, is because he never puts things back in their proper place…………   and the cycle will continues, as it always does………….

 

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Hello my name is The Wife…. And I have a coat addiction.

 

There I said it.  Out loud.  (of course “out loud” is to no one other than the baby  – who is currently sleeping, probably didn’t hear me, and likely wouldn’t care if he did).  But, they say that admitting that you have a problem is the first step…. Right?   Ok, it’s not so much a problem if it doesn’t hurt anyone…. Right??

 

I have been addicted to coats for about 20 or so years.  It probably started right after I got my first job out of college, since this was probably the first time I had enough money to actually go out and feed this addiction.  Coincidentally, this was likely also the time when I started to have enough places to go in order to actually have a need to wear multiple coats.

 

As of this exact moment, I have 35 in total (and, yes I actually did just go and count them – which was sort of eye-opening in and of itself).  Some women have shoe addictions (ok, I have that too… but that’s a post for a different day) but most of my attention is put towards outer wear.  I simply cannot resist a new, fashionable jacket that has a unique cut, or color that might, some day, look cute with a certain outfit (that I don’t even own yet……)  My addiction has grown well beyond the “coat closet” in our foyer.  It’s also taken over almost an entire closet in the spare bedroom, and necessitates a seasonally appropriate swap to ensure that coats downstairs are the right weight for the current weather. 

 

There are a few problems with this.

 

1)      My addiction has oozed over into hubby’s attire.  Now, you may be scratching your head wondering what the heck this means.   Well, my inability to pass up a fashionable, on-sale jacket may have trickled over into buying coats for hubby.  To date hubby has 14 coats….. yes, probably overkill for a guy. But, I can assure you, he looks mighty dapper (dapper –what a fun word, and not easily worked into conversation…..)  in each and every one of them!  If you were to add his coats to my coats, we could probably keep our entire block warm during the winter…. Which brings me to the 2nd problem………..

2)      The sheer # of coats might, just possibly, impact hubby’s ability to put away his coats.  You should probably read THIS POST about the # of coats that are NOT in our coat closet, in order to understand my dilemma.    Could I have created my own challenge here….. NO!! I’m not willing to accept any responsibility…. So, we’ll just move onto the next problem.

3)      Hubby seems to need his own intervention.   You’d think that hubby, who doesn’t necessarily understand my affinity towards outerwear.  Who doesn’t really “get” the need for himself to have 14 coats.  Who needs reminding that he has a different coat that might look better with an outfit.  Who complains that I have too many coats.  Who can’t cram his own coats into the coat closet because I have too much in there (WAIT – I just remembered, I’m not taking responsibility for this…..).  Anyhow, you’d think that he, of all people, would not feed into my addiction…… but you’d be WRONG!

 

With any good addiction, the person suffering from the problem is usually surrounded by some great enablers.  So, I’d like to share with you some evidence.

 

This, my dear blog readers, is a picture of one of my Christmas presents from this year, FROM HUBBY:

leather jacket 

 This, my dear blog readers, is a picture of one of my Christmas presents from 2 years ago, FROM HUBBY

 Red jacket

 

Yes, they are DAMN CUTE coats.  Yes, I will happily wear them.  Yes, I can already envision the cute outfits that will coordinate with my most recent gift.  Yes, I will find-a-way to squeeze it into an already overflowing closet.  Yes, I LOVE my gift… but heck, I ask you this?????  Who has exactly has the problem here??  Me, or hubby who, if he continues to buy me cute coats, will probably have to start moving his entire wardrobe into the shed in the backyard just so I have a place to put everything???!   :-)

 

And.. in honor of the “Why I Love My Husband” link up party at  The Happy Wives Club….  (my list started HERE in case you missed it)

 

Reason # 11 why I love my hubby is….. he buys me stuff that I absolutely do not need, but that he knows I will enjoy!

Reason #12  is…. he really is a good gift buyer (which is a huge complaint of most women) but my hubby has always been really, really good at this as noted here & here!

 

 

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You might think that the threat of a new baby rapidly approaching would keenly re-prioritize for my hubby.   But alas, if you’ve been reading for any length of time, you probably know that nothing is on hubby’s radar that’s not important (read that as electronics – and apparently baby monitors and breast pumps don’t count!)

 

So, it’s probably no surprise that the new furniture we purchased for the baby’s room has been sitting, in boxes, in my living room for probably over 6 weeks.  It causes me anxiety Every. Single. Time. I walk past it.  My OCD (see hubby, I can admit I have a bit of OCD) screams at me when stuff is not where it belongs… it’s why hubby’s empty soda cans, invisible boxes, and crap on the stairs drive me bonkers!

 

Every day, when I come home I politely remind hubby of his timeline…

 

“Hon, a little over 3 months left”

“Hon, less than 3 months left”

“Hon, only 2 months left…”

 

And every day, hubby employs selective listening to tune me out and his selective vision kicks into high gear as he uses all his special powers to pretend he doesn’t seen the boxes… which equal 5 in total.  One is approximately 4 ft tall and another is probably 5 ft long.  (UHM, I don’t know, kind of hard to ignore – but I guess that’s just me……….)

 

His logic has been that we need to remove all the stuff from what will become the baby’s room, before he can move the boxes.

 

Problem #1:  This is HIS job…. I cannot carry the boxes, nor can I remove the existing furniture.

 

He also wants to paint the room before we put the new furniture in (makes sense but……………..)

 

Problem #2:  This is HIS job…. I cannot paint in my current state.

 

So, under normal circumstances, where I could easily become exasperated and do the work myself, I cannot do anything myself.   So, I’m at his mercy, and on his timeline, if I want to have this done.   UGH!

 

******* UPDATE *******

 

I wrote much of this post last week…. And didn’t have time to get it uploaded until today because my hard drive crashed (back up your stuff people – don’t be me and lose everything!!).   And, here’s a crazy news flash.   I expected to be able to take pictures of the HUGE boxes to illustrate the absurdity of my life but HOLY CRAP, they are gone.   It’s like I put it out into the blogosphere and magical things happened.  They actually made their way to the baby’s room.   The crib is assembled and everything is where it belongs……………HOORAY!

 

Here’s the catch.

 

Now that all the furniture is in the baby’s room, hubby is now questioning the need to paint the room….. “I kinda like the color it is right now”  he says.  Which he quickly follows up with  “But, if you still want it painted, I’ll be happy to do it”.  What sort of ploy is this???   Another 6 week delay and the baby will likely be in the room…. And then, no painting can occur… very sly hubby, very sly…………………..

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