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Archive for the ‘Male Traits’ Category

Many years ago I posted about some of the unintended consequences of marriage.  I wrote about all the unexpected responsibilities bestowed upon the wife as she (oftentimes) becomes the administrative assistant for hubby;  his chef, his housekeeper, and his personal shopper.  Getting married, from the male side, is a pretty dang good deal.  Because even in marriages where life is “split” evenly, it seems the wife may somehow take on more of these particular tasks as she earns a whole new job description.  It’s a slow process, like with most jobs… extra duties just creep up on you.

When you accept the ring after that romantic proposal, you read the posted job overview and negotiate your best deal with the hubby-to-be.  Then as the years go by, and your world begins to demand more and more with less and less time, you take on a few more tasks.  Then as other employees go on strike –or hubby forgets where the hamper is or burns his last grilled cheese….. you take on a few more tasks.  Before you know it your responsibilities have doubled – you add kids, pets, after-school activities, a bigger house.. and you take on even more tasks.  Then, years later, you wake up one morning and realize you’ve been getting the standard 2% cost of living increase via an extra back rub here and there, or maybe a sparkly piece of jewelry on occasion, and you begin to recognize that you are now doing the job of 3 people.  You are putting in extra hours, doing things you never said you’d do like darning socks (do people do this anymore??) and sending Christmas cards to your hubby’s crazy Aunt Barbara – who you only met once at your wedding….. and, you stop.  You step back.  You wonder… how did I get here?

 

You think back…… “Hmmmm… I don’t remember the job description mentioning anything about buying new undies for hubby or making sure he changes them every day.”  You sigh “ I don’t recall signing any agreements that said I would be the gift buyer for any and all holidays/birthdays/anniversaries of everyone we know.”  But here you are.  This is your *new* job.  You celebrate the fact that you still have a job.  Many other people you know have been downsized and are no longer “working”.  You still love your job.  You work hard and there are still quite a few perks.  And then you realize, that while your job may have changed,  you’re still your own boss (well – some days………… ) and the daily grind is still rewarding.  And, ultimately, you still love what you do… even though you’re now the designated booger wiper, boo boo kisser, cleaning fairy, buyer of TP and finder of lost things  - even though, these are all things that hubby can do for himself!! J  (and just for the record these all apply LONG before you ever have any kids!!)

 

So, it’s probably no surprise when I use the above info as a “warning” for all new brides-to-be.   This is just a glimpse into your future.  You may not think so.. you may say… “nope, not me”.   And, at the beginning, you may actually fight the good fight…. and, you may actually win on some occasions.  Or, you may be one of the lucky few who marries an award winning grilled cheese maker.  Or maybe you hit the jackpot and you have a man who just loves to do laundry (do these exist??).  But I can assure you that there will be tasks that you take on without even realizing it.  Because eventually, you will realize you need to pick your battles.  And you will discover that the definition of marriage, is learning how long you’re willing to wait to have a heavy item removed from your kitchen or recognizing how many days can pass before you give up and move the empty soda can from the counter into the trash.   Because remember, nobody ever looked at a married man who is dressed in wrinkled clothes, holey black jeans, white socks and a flannel shirt and said…. “Oh boy, he looks awful”.   Instead they say….. “How could his wife let him out of the house like that??!!”… and *poof* you have instantly become his personal shopper and wardrobe consultant… just one more of your job duties!

 

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Ladies, never forget that you cannot “unknow” something.

 

If this statement alone causes you some concern, you should perhaps stop reading now.   If it prompts some curiosity, that’s only natural –  sort of like rubber-necking a car wreck on the side of the road… You really don’t want to see mangled bodies and carnage, but you can’t necessarily look away.  Some of you may be the type avert your eyes as you pass.  Others may cover your eyes with your hands and peek through your fingers… thinking that the protection of your hand, will somehow make what you do see a bit less traumatic.

 

So, whether you are the avert your eyes type… or if you want to continue reading this while peeking through your hand.. please know that you continue to read at your own risk!

 

In this blog, I often discuss the differences between men & women.  Ok, scratch that most of the time I do this.. it is, after all, what the entire blog is about.  I share how the differences play out in my own life and how absurdly irritating (dang it.. I always type the wrong thing first) wonderful? my hubby can be.  Many times, I come across articles or comments from you all that help to support the idea that I didn’t win the lottery of annoying (crap – there I go again) loving husbands.   After about 4 years of blogging about gender differences and finding humor in every-day married life, you’d think that it would be difficult to surprise me.  BUT, this week, I was indeed surprised by something I came across.

 

I will take a snippet from an article I read.

 

“In May of (last) year, the UK retailer Marks & Spencer did a poll and found that one-third of men admit to changing (underwear) only every two-to-three days, and one in 40 wore the same pair “as long as he can”.  And “In 2011, Clorox conducted a study that showed one-in-eight guys will wear underwear two or three times before washing them. And that half of men admit to using the “smell test” to determine if their drawers are still wearable (which should get us some points for bravery, right?)”  (Full articles can be read HERE or HERE:  )

 

OH MYYYYYYYYY…….dirty laundry

 

Ladies, I myself, have blogged about hubby’s ability to wear the same pair of jeans for more days than I can count on my hands before they walk themselves to the laundry room.  But, WOW, this study brings the definition of “smell test” to a whole new low.   And, it sure is a hit below the belt that I’m not wholly sure women were prepared for! (I know I wasn’t!!)

 

So men, I know that you may not want to “air your dirty laundry” for all the world to see (or smell) but, it seems obvious that at least 1 in 5 of you don’t change your skivvies every day.  So, I figured I’d do my own survey (I know there are some men who read this blog…)  So, if you’re a man, help us do our own THD survey (since most of what I read was UK based – Is it different in the US?? By my own initial study – the answer is NO!).  This survey is totally anonymous so no one but you and maybe your wife or girlfriend (after I give her a bit of upcoming coaching) will know that your undies, if given the opportunity, would run themselves to your laundry room right this very second and beg for some laundering!

 

 

And ladies,  here’s my piece of advice for you.  The next time you do laundry…. Please count the number of boxers, briefs or (heaven forbid) banana hammock thongs that you’ve washed in that load. Then count back the days since you last did laundry.  If the numbers don’t add up…. You have the “1 in 5”… and, I’m sorry for you.    But, at least you now know, and whether you’ve been reading through your hand this entire time or not… you can now not “unknow”.  And again, I’m sincerely sorry to be the one to break this to you!

woman dirty laundry

 

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Well… It’s almost that dreaded time of year again.

 

  • The time when the town is painted red and hearts are all a-flutter.
  • The time of starry eyes, giggles and smiles.
  • Of flowers in bloom (at least at the florist….)
  • The time when colorful bouquets of over-priced expressions of love appear everywhere and beautiful glittery diamonds sparkle all over tv with the reminder of how to spell the word kiss… (Which, by the way, is with a “K”…. Not a “Kay”) – for those if you not in the US, this is reference to a kind of annoying commercial!
  • The time when, if you’re lucky, the toilet seat gets put down… If even for a moment, as a grand expression of love.

 

As your tiny hiney is spared from the splash of cold wetness in the middle of the night…. You realize that you are truly loved and that the barbarian you live with, is truly trying to be romantic by keeping your tushy dry…. even if it only lasts for one special evening!

 

It’s the day of St Valentines.  The day that men all over the universe dread deep down to the fiber of their being.   The day when they are asked… No.  Not asked.  Expected – to civilize themselves and do something nice for their honey.

 

And ladies, while we may simply adore dry tushies.. We all know that one day of a closed toilet seat does not, in fact, represent smoldering affection (for me that would come in the form of clean counters and folded laundry – but hey, I’m a simple gal!)

 

So, we hold these poor souls, the men in our lives, to impossible standards on this day and we make it so high pressured that they’d rather submerge themselves in syrup and lie down on hill of fire ants than try to plan the perfect….. night….gift…. gesture……

 

We’re a tough bunch, Ladies.  You know it.  I know it.  And, more importantly, the men in our lives know it.

 

So, this Valentines Day… Why don’t you meet in the middle with a prize from a  fun-filled giveaway I’m running in conjunction with FANDANGO!

Fandango FeelTheLoveVday_FB_500x500Fandango Vday-500x500

Fandango has launched a new Movie Crush section which is your one-stop destination for planning the perfect Valentine’s movie night.   It’s a great way to find yourself the perfect movie to get into the spirit of romance for Valentine’s Day.  And, as an added bonus, you’ll get a pair of love songs from Amazon MP3 with any Fandango ticket purchase between January 28 – February 18.

 

For more information and info on the latest trailers and ticketing options, please visit Fandango’s “Movie Crush” at www.fandango.com/moviecrush

 

And.. more importantly, In conjunction with Fandango, I’m giving away a FREE pair of date night tickets!

 

All you have to do is comment below to be entered.  If you share this post on Facebook or Twitter you’ll earn an additional entry for each share (just leave an another comment letting me know after each share)!   I will be picking a winner, at random, at 5pm on Tuesday, February 11th.  This should give you plenty of time to plan how you want to gift your FREE tickets to your special someone on the 14th!

 

Good luck and remember….take it easy on your man this V-Day.  Romance generally doesn’t come easy…. and, if you happen to have a good catch, someone who’s great at grand,  romantic gestures….. Thank your lucky stars that you have a dry hiney….

 

There are many other women patting down their derrières this very minute somewhere else the world, cursing and grumbling because they sat down too quickly in the dark!

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The winner of this contest is Jessie C with comment #9.  CONGRATULATIONS!!!

random #

 

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It’s been a whirlwind couple of months at the THD household.

 

We kicked off November with ear tube surgery for mini hubby.    This was necessitated by about 14 million ear infections since we started day care (ok, maybe not 14 million – he was after all, only a year old.  But, let’s just say one little munchkin shouldn’t have been on as many consecutive doses of antibiotics as our little guy was).  About 2 weeks after surgery, mini hubby was toddling along, and as new walkers tend to do… he toppled right over……… fracturing his little mini wrist.  Have you ever seen an x ray of a of a tiny little hand.  It’s like a freaky, mysterious picture with tiny floating little bones…. It’s just NUTS!

Xray Nov 2013 (2)

None of this stopped him.  He still laughed, and giggled and toddled around the house like he was a skilled tight rope walker (minus the tiny balancing line and plus a whole new dimension to balancing with his itty bitty little cast).     Hubby could learn a lot from the little guy.  He’s tough as nails and none of this phased him.  No awfulizing.  No grumbling.  No complaining.

 

Then Thanksgiving week came and mini hubby brought home the plague from day care…. And, it wiped out the entire family.   I think it was Rotavirus. And, if you’ve never experienced lovely ailment… I’ll say a little prayer that you never do.   Hubby and I spent all night with dueling bathrooms as we raced past each other to vomit and twist ourselves into a pretzel as we agonized with the worst abdominal pain ever.  A few days earlier,  mini hubby had vomited a bit, cried a bit and then toddled around the house throwing blocks and racing cars.  Man, he’s a trooper… and he recovered quite nicely as his dad and I prayed for death for a full 24 hours as we dealt with this doozy of an illness.

 

You may recall how hubby deals with sickness (if you forgot you can get a refresher HERE).  For me, it was simply wonderful.  There’s just nothing better than throwing up all night and then getting out of bed the next day to care for your toddler and your sick husband…. All the while, wondering how you could possibly vomit more when you haven’t eaten anything for hours upon hours.  This lovely day ended with a trip to the ER to treat hubby for dehydration.  Yes folks, it’s been a fun holiday season.

 

So we are definitely in need of some Christmas magic… BUT, we are getting there….. S L O W L Y……

I have revived the Hubby Diaries version of “A Very Married Christmas”… if you’ve missed it (or would just a reminder chuckle – click HERE or on the image below!)

Christas Poem 2013

 

Now if only the Christmas magic would wrap my presents AND bake my cookies AND clean my house AND finish my laundry AND.. AND… AND……

 

HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!   Hope your holiday season has been less dramatic and more pleasant than ours so far……………………………….

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Wow…. You know how sometimes you blink and you’ve lost like a month of your life?  Well, that’s me right now.  I’m short staffed at work which is slowly and painfully killing me and then add to that a cute little munchkin to take care of (ok, 2 munchkins if you count hubby – who arguably is less cute, although cute in his own right….) and I have no idea where my time goes.

 

What I do know is that the tasks that used to not get done at my house because of hubby’s inability to commit (or at least align) with my timelines now take even L O N G E R…. if you can possibly imagine that.   And longer means that Christmas bags filled with gifts are still sitting in my bedroom (read HERE), laundry baskets filled with clean clothes NEVER get emptied.  A picture that I put on the side of our bathroom to get hung (oh say, about 6 months ago) still knowingly winks at me – from the floor  – every time I take a shower.    I remember a day when blogging somehow inadvertently led to action… or at least considered action by hubby.  But maybe because we’re both so busy.. and tired…. and busy…. and MORE tired and I can’t find time to blog, it’s not easy to subtlety put things on hubby’s radar.

 

But alas, all this really means is that the fairies have needed to kick into overdrive.

 

And by fairies….. (contrary to hubby’s perspective)…. I mean ME!

 

Take this example.

 

It’s allergy season at our house… which sucks!  If you don’t have seasonal allergies consider yourself incredibly lucky because it’s almost impossible to communicate how much it truly blows.  The sniffling, sneezing, nose blowing, medicine swallowing, windows open/closed debates that happen on a daily basis at our house are ridiculous.  We have loaded up on tissues and Allegra D and nasal spray and umpteen other remedies so we can try to make it through this season with minimal discomfort.

 

So, I’m in the kitchen the other day and I go to the counter to get a tissue….. but…………. The tissue box is no longer there.  Shocking, I know.

 

So, I go to the bathroom to blow my nose… thinking to myself…. “Self, don’t replace the tissues.  Hubby used the last one.  He will undoubtedly need more.  He will replace the box that he emptied.”  And then the part of me that lives in reality said …. “Self, you’re delusional.  Replace the tissues.  You will absolutely need another tissue long before that box gets replaced.”   And then the hopeful side of me responded…. “No.  He’s going to prove you wrong.  He WILL replace the tissues”

 

And then, like 4 days passed.   No tissues.

 

And every dang time I walked to the counter…. forgetting that there are no tissues there, I curse under my breath as I reach into thin air grasping for a non-existent tissue box.

 

And then, one day hubby was standing in the kitchen as I walked to the counter for a tissue (apparently I’m not good at un-training myself).  But this time, rather than silently have a conversation in my head I decided to talk to our son.   “Mini-hubby” I said, “When you get older, please, oh please, make sure you learn how to do things like this for the people around you.  Daddy doesn’t care that mommy has snot running down her face……”    And hubby, who is obviously listening, perks up and says…. “Oh, there’s no tissues?”.   “No honey, there’s no tissues…. Because you emptied them days ago and didn’t get a new box”.

 

With a straight face hubby responds….. “But tissues replace themselves, I don’t understand why there not there?”  “Uhm, no hubby, tissues actually don’t replace themselves”.  I sigh a long sigh….. “Fairies??”  he asks, seemingly perplexed.  “Nope, the fairies don’t do it either”.  “Hmmmmm…..” he thinks for a moment (you can see the wheels turning in his head).   Then he comes to a brilliant conclusion.   “I will get new tissues”  he declares.  And then, without skipping a beat he asks me….. “where do we keep the tissues???”

 

(We’ve lived in this house for 8 years.  The extra tissues have had the same storage spot for 8 years.  Hubby has no idea where that storage spot is)

And that your honor, is why I had to kill him.

 

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Ok.. so like every post I write lately, I will start with an apology for dropping off the face of the earth.   I’ve been traveling for work 2 weeks out of the last 3.  We’ve had to deal with a sick baby with a fever for days (and shockingly, I mean the real baby, not the hubby).  And, I also somehow need to fit in all the stuff that life throws at me.. all this, while maintaining the ever-so-late bedtime of about 9:00pm since our wonderful little bundle of joy is still filling our lives with “joyous” sleepless nights.  It’s hard to squeeze in blogging time in between a work day that ends at 7pm, the baby’s dinner, my dinner, bath time and the baby’s bedtime all before I collapse from exhaustion at 9:00.

 

Anyhoooooo…..

 

You may recall from past posts that sometimes, only sometimes, I do what some might refer to as nag.

 

I prefer to call it reminding…… over and over and over and over and over………….

 

You may also recall that hubby has a severe case of Selective Vision.  In that, he has the unique ability to not actually see what’s directly in front of him… in plain sight, day, after day, after day.

 

So, it might come as no surprise to you when I tell you that the below picture is a bag that’s sitting beside the dresser in our bedroom.   Now, at first glance you say “Eh, no biggie….. it’s obviously holding important items” or you may think “What’s the big deal… it’s a pretty tiny bag that’s barely noticeable”.  But, let me share a few facts about this bag:

christmas gifts

  • It’s literally right next to the door to the bedroom so you see it (or at least I see it) Every. Single. Time.  I go into the room.
  • It’s also right outside the door to the bathroom…. So, if you were sitting on the toilet with the door open (not that we ever do this………) you would be staring straight at it
  • It’s been sitting in this spot for approximately 2 ½ months
  • Prior to sitting in it’s current spot, it was sitting in our living room for approximately 1 month  (and then I got SICK of looking at it all day long and moved it to it’s current – AND APPARENTLY FINAL – resting place in the bedroom)

 

Perhaps the most perplexing fact about this bag is it’s contents………….

 

Wanna guess what’s in it?

 

Wait for it….. it’s a good one……………..

 

The bag is filled with an assortment of hubby’s Christmas presents.   YES, you read that correctly……. It’s holding friggin Christmas presents.  And, just in case, you need clarification on this.  TODAY is April 17th.  Christmas WAS December 25th.

 

These are apparently items of little-to-no urgency… hubby is obviously saving them for a rainy day (literally….. a rainy day…. one of the items is a poncho for him to wear at Giants games during inclement weather).  Another item is actually remnants of the actual gift… you see, the bag is still holding a shoe box from a new pair of kicks he received.  He’s worn the new sneakers but, heck, why ever get rid of the box when you can leave it in a bag, in the bedroom…… F-O-R-E-V-E-R????????????????

 

These are likely gifts that require thinking about where they should live permanently…… and, if it’s not completely obvious about where an item should be put away…. Hubby’s solution is to NEVER put it away.   LUCKY ME!

 

being a nag

So, I ask you this……. I have not nagged about this bag once…. Nope, not one single time.  I quietly moved it upstairs.  I silently walk past it every day.  I bite my lip as I move it around the room so the cleaning ladies can vacuum.  BUT, I have not nagged one time.   So… after almost 4 months, if I were to remind him about this bag…. (since it’s obviously a permanent fixture in our room and he no longer sees it) would it in fact be nagging?????????????????

 

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