Evenings are an interesting time in our household.
They are a time when we battle over who’s going to cave first and mention dinner. This is important simply because the “mentioner” automatically becomes the “decider”. And, while this sounds like a good role…. it’s actually not. Because the “decider” also has to be the “doer”. As in, get up off the couch and DO something about dinner. This could be cook. It could be pick the take-out menu. It could mean drive to Chipolte. Even after all the “coulds” the one thing it certainly means is that the “mentioner” needs to take some action. And, neither of us wants to do this. So, we both sit there actively ignoring the stomach grumbles and ticking clock just so we can avoiding doing something.
They are a time when we play the hot potato remote game. You see, it’s always good to be the one to control the remote. Or is it? At our house, we almost never want to watch the same thing. So, one of us is “weighted” with the burden of the remote. When you have the remote, are you supposed to grandly control the remote and choose what you want to watch OR are you supposed to make the even grander gesture of selflessly choosing the show that you know your spouse wants to watch? It’s sort of lose-lose either way. You either pick your show and make your spouse miserable or you pick their show and make yourself miserable. So, we play a stealthy game of remote avoidance. We’ve even been known to watch an entire show that neither of us wants to watch just because we are both too stubborn to pick up the remote and change the channel!
They are a time when we both become deaf & dumb. After one of us has succumbed to mentioning dinner, and one of us has begrudgingly assumed remote responsibility, we are generally settled into our comfy decompress mode. Then, of course, the dog wants to go out. She sits in front of the sofa and stares at us. We pretend to not see her (the first one to make eye contact loses since she’s smart enough to spot weakness!). Then she begins pacing…. we both focus solely on the tv. Then she moves to the door and politely “woofs”. We pretend we can’t hear her (there must be something intently interesting on tv!). Then she realizes that we’re playing the evening ritual and comes back to the couch. She picks one of us and stares so intently, you’d think our eyebrows would catch on fire. We are intentionally oblivious. Then, one of us (ok, probably me) feels bad and starts to get up from my snuggled spot on the sofa to let the dog out. The other one just sits there as if nothing at all has just transpired around him (I mean him/her?)
And perhaps the most perplexing evening activity comes much closer to bed time.
They are a time when all logical sensibilities go out the window and hubby regresses to a 5 year old child. Ok, yes this one is very specific to hubby but, that is after all why I write this blog, so I had to fit it in somewhere! Apparently there is an acceptable window in which you can retire to bed for the evening. You can not, under any circumstances, go to bed earlier than said window. Let’s take last night for example. The dog got hubby up WAY early yesterday morning so all day he complained about how tired he was. Fast forward to last night and we are snuggled on the couch…. shockingly no remote dance necessary since we like the same shows on Monday nights… Anyhooo, hubby is visibly tired. He states he’s tired. I look over at him and he’s asleep on the couch. I say to him… “Hon, why don’t you go up to bed?” “It’s too early” he responds. Hmmmmm, too early? Too early for what, I wonder? I’m of the mindset that you sleep when you’re tired, you go to bed when you’re tired. But apparently hubby has other ideas. “It’s too early to go to bed” he repeats. “But you’re asleep here on the couch!”. “Yes, I know, I’m incredibly tired”. “But you won’t go to bed?” I know, it’s silly of me to ask this… “No, I can’t go to bed yet, it’s too early.” And, then 10 minutes later, he’s asleep on the couch again. Apparently Bed Time is a firm time, and cannot be entered into prematurely. I cannot believe, after 40 years of life, I didn’t learn this until just now.
Thank you hubby for always teaching me something new each and every day……………..
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