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Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

When I first started this blog I made a list of “Marriage Truths” that have truly stood the test of time.

Today I’ve decided to add some new things to my list… this is probably also a good “Things I Wish I’d known Before I Got Married” List!

 

  1. Marriage is fun… but fun doesn’t always come easy.
  2. Men & women almost never, ever, see things through the same eyes
  3. “Clean” is not always clean.  This becomes even more apparent as your family begins to grow
  4. The TV is never big enough
  5. Bright lights, bells and whistles make just about anything better (and new electronics/technology can sometimes please even the grumpiest man!)
  6. Nagging & talking can sometimes be synonymous
  7. A man cave can be a lifesaver (for both of you!)
  8. Sometimes a hug can go a long way
  9. Communication only works when you are both listening………..
  10. Laughing together is important. And, being able to laugh at yourself can be even more important
  11. Dividing up chores and keeping a tally is a horrible idea.  Feeling that what you contribute is acknowledged and appreciated can almost always provide “balance”
  12. Being in love doesn’t necessarily mean you love everything about your partner.  Sometimes loving someone is accepting the parts you don’t love (like dirty socks all over the house!)
  13. You will get mad…. Sometimes incredibly mad.  It’s ok. Everybody gets mad sometimes.  It’s what you do afterwards that matters
  14. Never going to bed angry is bad advice.  Sometimes, what you really need, is some space and some perspective (if this needs to come overnight –that’s ok!)
  15. Always trust your gut…. It usually comes to pretty accurate conclusions far quicker than your heart or your mind
  16. Apologize when you’re wrong.  And mean it.
  17. You will make mistakes.  You will hurt someone you love.  You will learn from it.
  18. Holding hands and staying physically connected can help you weather even the harshest storm
  19. Learning to forgive isn’t easy… but nothing worthwhile ever is.
  20. The amount of laundry you can do in any given week will far exceed your expectations!
  21. The amount of laundry you will have to pick up from the living room, from under beds, crumbled in corners and dropped on bathroom floors will also far exceed your expectations!
  22. The refrigerator can be completely full…. but somehow, there will be nothing to eat!
  23. There are fairies that will live in your house who replace things like toilet paper, tissues, soap and toothpaste (eventually, maybe, he will realize that YOU are the magical fairy!)
  24. Alone time is just as important as together time.  Remember marriage isn’t Two Becoming One…. It’s Two Becoming Too”
  25. Your “To Do” list will probably never get shorter… as one thing gets completed another thing will get added.  So, don’t stress about not getting it all done!
  26. There are some arguments that will quite simply never be resolved…. Agree to disagree.
  27. Sharing your life with someone is quite the journey….. always remember to enjoy the ride!

 

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There are a few life events that can very easily overwhelm you emotionally, in ways you’d never imagined.

 

If you think I’m about to talk about having babies or celebrating first steps….. you are WAY wrong.  There are far more significant, emotional moments in every-day-life.

toiletseatUP

Take for instance, the first time after your blissful new marriage to the love of your life, that you stumble into the bathroom in the middle of the night only to plop your little tushy right down into a wet, open toilet.  Yep, those are emotions that you never thought you could have…. Certainly not half asleep as you dry off your ass and consider (if only for a moment) about scooping up a cup of toilet water and throwing it on your adorable, slumbering, new hubby.  But, you stop yourself realizing that if you did toss a cup of toilet water on him… it would be all over the bed where you are also sleeping and that your hubby likely has no concept of how to launder the sheets… Thus, you’d be doing nothing but compromising your own sleep environment and creating more laundry to do the next day.

 

Or, how about the moment when that very same toilet seat is down, but loose, and you go to sit only to realize you’re sitting with too much force (or you shouldn’t have eaten that extra bowl of ice cream last night) and you slide sideways across the toilet and you’re no longer properly aligned, but you’ve had a baby (and obviously not done enough kegels!), and you’ve held it as long as you possibly could but now you’re peeing sideways and there’s nothing you can do about it.  Now you’re pissed, as you’re pissing and you’re probably wondering how a toilet seat (that never gets put down enough) could be that loose……

 

Or, maybe you’ve cleaned yourself up, inspected the screws and realized that although you almost fell into the bowl, all you need is a screw driver to tighten the seat and all will be ok with the world again.   So you head downstairs to the place where you keep the screw drivers.  Only to realize that the “screw driver spot” is missing said screw driver.  Now, as you screw up your face and try to contain yourself, as you mutter bad words under your breath, you look around and wonder where on earth the screw drive might be.  You think back to the last time you used it.   You know you put it back.  Then you remember the last time you nagged hubby into using it.   You acknowledge, that he has an inability to ever put anything back…. It’s probably one of the biggest reasons he can never find anything.   You feel those emotions start to bubble up…. You think about the last project he did.  You think about how many times you had to ask him to do it.  You think about your wet tushy in the middle of the night.  The loose toilet seat.  The missing screw driver.  You’re overwhelmed with emotion.  You fantasize about finding the screw driver and stabbing your hubby with it as you push his head into the toilet.  (Oh wait… did I take that too far……………..) 

 

You take a deep breath and remember that hubby last used the screw driver upstairs.  You go upstairs and open the closet.  You know the closet…. the one filled with clothes and suits and purses and  hats… and oh yeah, a variety of lost tools.  You find the screw driver.  And, oh by the way… the drill, a hammer, a ball point pen and a level.   You shake your head.   You mumble more curse words.   You look around and realize you’re by yourself mumbling out loud.  You pick up the screw driver.. go to the bathroom… fix the toilet.

 

Then, you stand there for a moment.  You wonder what to do next.  Your emotional side says.. put the screw driver into the bed on hubby’s pillow.  Your rational side says… put the screw driver back in the ‘screw driver spot’ downstairs.  You’re frozen for a moment as your emotional inner self debates what to do next.  Then, you realize you have the answer.  You go back to the closet.  Replace the screw driver.  And then you go to the man cave… grab the tv remote, the game console controller and hubby’s favorite beer glass.  As you make your way back upstairs you walk past his sunglasses in the kitchen.. and just for good measure you grab those too.

 

You head back upstairs, in the most determined, steadfast way you know how.  You open the closet and you place each item neatly next to the hammer, screw driver and the drill.  You smile.  Applesaucy Hubby….. Apple….. Saucy.

 

(and if that last comment means nothing to you please read an incredibly funny blog post HERE by The Honest Toddler that will explain it to you!)

 

 ** Disclaimer – Some (or all) of this post may (or may not) be true in the THD household! **

 

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In honor of a blog link up being hosted this week at The Happy Wives Club (which is all about why we love our husbands) I’m re-posting a list that I originally put on the blog after my 1 year blogiversary.   It’s funny sometimes to go back and read old posts because it very clearly shows me that with time…. nothing really changes……   LOL!  (I’ve been blogging here at THD for over 3 years now, and hubby provides me with just as much material today *perhaps more with the addition of his mini-me* as he ever did 3 years ago).

 

So, without further ado….

 

I’ve decided to note all the reasons I love my dear hubby (read as: put up with all his annoying behaviors). Because let’s be honest, if hubby didn’t have at least some redeeming qualities I would have run screaming from the house a little over 9 years ago!    This list is slightly modified from it’s original form (with some “modern day” updates!)

 

And, in true Hubby Diaries fashion… I will of course put my own spin on the reasons hubby is so awesome! So, here we go….

 

10 Reasons I Love My Hubby

 

10. I only catch him rolling his eyes at me occasionally (and this is usually when I’m singing commercial jingles or 70s songs while we’re in public)

9. He actually does know where the laundry room is when it REALLY counts…  (just wish it hadn’t taken 9 years to know this little tid bit…..)

8. He tries to keep our bedroom clean (this is of course by filling his closet & drawers with trash & crap – and, I suppose this would actually be “clean” if I never opened any of these secret hiding places)

7. He helps me practice my linguistic skills by making me repeat myself over and over and over and over………

6. Sometimes he empties the dishwasher

5. He ALWAYS leaves at least one, solitary, lonely, cookie in the box (although I’m still not sure if this is because he’s thinking of me OR because he doesn’t want to have to be the one to throw away the box)

4. He has a firm understanding of the definition of an “insane amount of poop” and yet, he will still change a diaper!

3. His food quirks provide me with endless hours of entertainment

2. He ensures that our house is always filled with the biggest, best & newest technology (No, hubby… this does not mean it’s time for a new TV!)

 

And the #1 reason why I love my hubby…..

 

1.  He puts up with the fact that I blog about every silly little thing that he does!!

 

(and, after over 3 years of blogging… he still provides me with more material than I know what to do with!!!)

 

If you’d like to visit the blog link up to find other “Why I Love My Husband” lists please visit The Happy Wives Club by clicking the image below

Why I Love My Husband

 

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IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR THE MOST RECENT POST…..

PLEASE SCROLL DOWN!

IF YOU HAVEN’T TAKEN A MOMENT TO VOTE YET, PLEASE READ BELOW!

 

A short while ago I posted asking you to take a moment to nominate The Hubby Diaries as one of your favorite marriage blogs over at  Stupendous Marriage

 

So, let me start by saying THANK YOU! 

 

They have now listed the nominees for this year and the site is ready for voting!    I would LOVE to be included in the final list this year.  So, if you could, please take a moment and head over there to vote.  I swear it will still only take a second.  You will need to provide an email address since there’s only one vote allowed per person but they will not solicit you at any time afterwards.

 

There are many, many great websites that provide coaching and forums to improve your marriage but at The Hubby Diaries we take a slightly different approach.  We offer you the opportunity to laugh at your differences and to find comfort in the fact that women all over the world are, right-this-very-second, shaking their heads at their husbands.  So, if we make you chuckle or if you’ve ever thought, I can soooo relate, please give us a vote.  (and we wouldn’t mind it if you asked your friends to do the same, or if you tweeted this, or posted it to Facebook – easy buttons are below – , or just shared the blog with your other friends who are in relationships).  This is my one and only pitch for you to help promote The Hubby Diaries if you enjoy it.    And I promise, next post, we’re right back to exploiting hubby’s craziness!

 

So…. if you click on the image below, it will take you directly to their site where you can vote for us as your favorite. 

 

And again…. who knows, maybe you’ll discover some great new blogs….. so long as you don’t abandon us for these new blogs, I say it’s a win-win all around!!!

 

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MARRIAGE

I knew marriage had to be an acronym for something.

 

Men

Are

Rarely

Right

Immediately

After

Getting

Engaged

 

 

 

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I mentioned not long ago, that hubby thinks an entire brigade of fairies lives in our house. These fairies buy toothpaste, change toilet paper and do laundry.  But at Christmastime, the fairy brigade brings in reinforcements in the form of an entirely new army…. The Nutcracker Brigade. 

 

Ok, I admit it….. I am an over-decorator.  Christmas can be found EVERYWHERE in our home. In the kitchen, on many windows, in the family room, the living room, the dining room, the bathrooms.  And, it might be important to note, that I do the decorating.  And realistically this probably doesn’t surprise you.  We know hubby doesn’t have an eye for decorating and he surely doesn’t have the oomph to motivate himself to clear off surfaces of day-to-day decorations.  It’s also highly unlikely that he’d take the initiative to sort through something like 10 bins of Christmas crap.  So, his role winds up being; lugging all the bins down from the attic, hanging all the high Christmas lights outside and readying the army for their holiday battle.

 

So, after I’ve put away tchotchkes, candles & family photos to make room for the Christmas explosion, I then sort through my 9 (ish) bins of Christmas joy.  But, there’s always one lonely bin that sits untouched in the dining room, anxiously awaiting hubby’s attention. 

 

It would be unheard of for me to display hubby’s prized nutcracker collection.  You see, it’s been a tradition in hubby’s family for his mom to buy him a new nutcracker every-single-Christmas.  And, given that hubby is now 35… that’s a damn lot of nutcrackers.  We’ve actually been challenged over the years, to find a suitable surface that can accommodate this ever-growing army.

 

The Entire Christmas Army

 

Hubby does indeed love his collection.  And, I know better than to try to position the army on the table (which they’re close to outgrowing) because I obviously have no idea what formation the army will be taking this year…. That’s all part of the magic…….

 

So, while hubby can sit around and watch me decorate the rest of the house for hours, he bides his time for the correct, exact, moment to deploy his soldiers.  And then, he meticulously removes them from their bin, one-by-one, and situates each one into the proper formation for the year. 

 

Sometimes they are all lined up like soldiers marching forward in the Civil War.

Frontline Soldiers Leading The Attack

 Sometimes they stand together in small groups like a football team taking the proper starting positions on the field.

Special Formation Groupings

 

Then, there’s a General (hubby’s favorite soldier) who clearly leads the charge and is purposefully positioned in the center of his brigade.  All other soldiers are fastidiously placed in their corresponding roles.  And, as hubby says, he never puts the soldiers he likes in the flanking positions (these spots are obviously for the expendable soldiers).  Yes, he truly has given this thought.

The General

The formation is indeed different each year. I guess it depends on who fought well in the previous year’s battle.  And, should a new soldier enlist who hubby particularly fancies, you just never know what might happen to the current General.  It’s quite possible he’d be demoted the following year.  I think the current General has had his post for about 8-9 years now but you never know when some young blood might come into the mix and earn himself a gold star.  Yes, this may sound crazy to you… but I suppose it’s hubby’s way of irritating me,  acting like a child, walking down memory lane.  And, I do also suppose that if it puts a holiday smile on his face it’s a small price to pay..

 

Now, if only these soldiers would indeed perform some tasks around the house (similar to their sister brigade of fairies) maybe, just maybe, I’d have a holiday smile on my face too…..

 

A gal can dream…. Can’t she???

 

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If this is the first post you are reading, please start HERE to read the beginning of this story.

 

If you’ve been anxiously awaiting the ending to my cliff hanger, I apologize for disappearing.  I’ve been traveling all week for work and I just couldn’t find time to fit in blogging! 

 

Anyhow, when I last left you, our protagonist (also known as hubby) was grumbling incessantly about having to “pay money to cook his own dinner”.  For some reason he wasn’t able to see the value in spending quality time with his loving wife while learning a valuable lesson in the kitchen (this is probably because avoids the kitchen at all costs and, driving over an hour in rush-hour doesn’t necessarily make cooking your own dinner any more palatable!)

 

Anyhow, we started our cooking experience with a group of 26 other people.  We had assumed that each couple would get their own station to learn how to cook each course but alas, that was a silly assumption!   We cooked together as a class, which basically means that 6 overly aggressive people in the class did all the prep & cooking and the rest of us craned our necks to see what was going into the pan.  Hubby was assigned the exciting task of crushing walnuts for dessert (a task that he obviously needed to travel NY to master).  All-in-all this was a successful nut crushing experience (come on – I just had to go there!) and we did in fact enjoy a tasty dinner.  Now, given that our dinner was successful and ended around 10:00pm, you’d probably think that we were approaching the end of an enjoyable and relaxing evening.  We had survived the drive into the city, we had learned how to mould dough and bake pear crustatas and we were headed off to find a nice place to have a cocktail with our friends before we set out for our hour drive home.

 

But, as they say, be careful of making assumptions too quickly.  Because what seemed like an enjoyable end to our evening was about to take a turn……

 

We settled into seats at new bar in Bryant Park.  Hubby asks what sort of smoky scotches they have (you may remember, that hubby likes his scotch!) and the waitress looks at him as if he’d asked her how much it cost to build the Empire State Building.  So, hubby follows her to the bar to speak directly to the bartender whose only additional knowledge comes in the form of pointing to bottles on the back bar.  So, after hubby noses a few bottles, he finds one he likes, and asks the bartender how much.  When he settles back at our table hubby declares that he just selected a $21 glass of scotch.  Now, hubby’s had an incredibly crappy month, he’s put up with my NYC cooking excursion and if he wants a $21 glass of scotch then so be it!  Except of course, the moron bartender didn’t actually tell him how much the scotch was at all.  But, we don’t find this out until we get our bill which shows that hubby ordered a whopping $55 a glass scotch…. Apparently it was a 21 year old scotch.. NOT a $21 scotch!!

 

Now maybe it was at this point, that we should have realized our relaxing night was about to take a rapid turn down a dark road, but we were naïve as we paid our astronomical bill and went on our merry way.

 

As we start this story, it’s about 11:30pm and I’ll try to take you through the next 6 hours of our night the best I can (yes, I did say SIX hours….)

 

11:30 – we return to pick up our car from the parking garage

11:45 – we’ve successfully made it out of the Lincoln tunnel without any major traffic issues

11:46 – we hit some major traffic issues (cars are literally not moving through the toll plaza to get onto the NJ Tpke)

11:50 – we still haven’t moved

11:55 – we change the radio station to find out what the heck is going on (we hear that all lanes are merging down to one lane at some point – that we can’t currently see – after the toll plaza)

12:00 – since we’ve still only moved about 10 feet, we decide to give up and cut across the traffic and to turn around and take a completely different route home

12:15 – we start to hear some really odd rattling in the car

12:20 – rattling is getting worse

12:30 – hubby’s getting cranky

12:35 – rattling is getting worse

 

It’s at the point in the story that I should mention that the car we are driving is a leased car, only a year old and has about 10,000 miles…. In other words:  It should NOT be rattling.

 

12:55 – our car breaks down on the side of the road… on a bridge…. with no shoulder  (bad, but only be beginning of how bad our night was about the get!)

12:56 – I pull out my cell phone to call AAA….. only to find that the battery is dead.  So, I say to hubby “hon, I need your phone, mine is dead”.  Hubby replies “well, that’s fantastic ‘cause my battery is dead too”

12:57And, it’s about now that I think my awfulizer hubby is going to have his own breakdown

12:58 – hubby is now out of the car, on the side of the road, leaning against the guard rail. The hood of the car is open and we are wondering what we’re going to do since we can’t call anyone, and there’s really no place to walk to get help.  So, we wait and hubby stews……

1:20ish – a cop finally pulls up behind us.

1:21 – he comes on his PA system and yells at hubby to “get back in the car”.  He then yells at us to “move your car off the bridge”.  Uhmmm…. Ok, asshole, don’t you think we would have moved the car if we could???.  Then, this ever-so-pleasant police officer, pushes our car about ½ a mile onto a shoulder, tells us a tow truck is on the way and drives off.

1:45 – tow truck arrives but since it’s a NJ Parkway tow truck he can only tow us off the next exit, not all the way home.

2:15 – we are deposited in the parking lot of a 24 hour grocery store and the tow truck guy lets me borrow his phone to call AAA.

2:20 – AAA tells us that it will be about an hour before the tow truck can get to us (I should also probably mention that we are still about 45 minutes from where we live)

2:21 – hubby hears that we’re still an hour away from getting any help and the furrow in his brow deepens……..(this is a bit of an understatement, but I’m not sure I can do  appropriate justice to his reaction without a camera – and, I’m not so sure it was the appropriate time to say “honey, lemme get a picture for the blog”)

2:25 – we go into the grocery store to use the rest room and to try to find an emergency charger for the phone

2:35 – we are now back in the car (it’s freezing outside – and we can’t turn it on) and I call AAA back to let them know that my phone is back on, in case they need to contact me

2:37 – AAA so pleasantly tells me, that the tow truck guy apparently came to the parking lot while we were in the store and he couldn’t find us.  And, since they didn’t have any way to contact us, he’d moved onto his next job.

 

WTF – We were in the store for 10 minutes – We were told it would take him an hour – AND – there are only 10 friggin’ cars in the parking lot.  WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE COULDN’T FIND OUR CAR????

 

2:38 – we are basically told that since he took another job we have to wait at least ANOTHER hour for him to come back.

 

Did I mention that it’s about 35 degrees outside and we can’t turn on the car????

And, if my last description of hubby’s furrowed brow was an understatement, I’m not even sure where to begin to describe his reaction to this new news!

 

Let’s just say, he got out of the car for a few minutes of private time………………….

 

 

3:00 – hubby hasn’t actually said anything  for about 30 minutes and it looks like his head could possibly explode (and I don’t mean the kind of explosion that could come from me over-talking.  This explosion would more likely come from a boiling over of emotions that had begun to make steam seep from his ears…..)

4:00ish – We get a call – on my newly charged cell phone – that tow truck guy is on his way back to us

5:00 – we are finally pulling into our driveway

5:01 – I’m forking over $170 to the tow truck guy to put the finishing touches on our fun-filled cooking excursion to NYC

 

We are cranky, miserable and just plain exhausted as we finally climb into bed ….

 

Needless to say, I think I did actually learn a few lessons from this relaxing, fun, enjoyable, nightmarish evening in NY with friends.

  1. Things can indeed get worse…
  2. If you’re having a rough month and living under a dark cloud, it will indeed follow you to another state
  3. You should never, ever leave the house without a cell phone charger

 

And perhaps the most important learning….

 

Maybe, just maybe, Hubby will go to any lengths possible to try to ensure that he’s never again asked to cook dinner………………..

 

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