One Small Step Towards Marital Harmony… Or Not?!

Last night hubby & I were watching tv and we saw a commercial for toilet paper without cardboard rolls…… how ingenious!

 

So, I happily say to hubby….. “Wow, that’s great.  It’s like they made toilet paper specifically for men.   They’ll be saving marriages all over the country”.

 

And, without hesitation hubby replies.  “No, not really.  Now, rather than finding an empty roll, you’ll all come into the bathroom to find nothing at all……………….”

 

One small step forwards….. and two back.

 

 

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Out Of The Frying Pan And Into The…. Skillet?

It’s that time of year. 

 

– The time when you joyously battle other happy-go-lucky people in parking lots to go into the mall.

– The time when you wait in lines of cheerful, friendly people to purchase over-priced, seemingly discounted items

– The time when you wrap presents and hold your breath, hoping-against-all-hope, that you’ve picked out just the right gift

 

And, the time when you are asked to provide a gift “wish list” so your family doesn’t need to work as hard to try to find you things that you might like.

 

Today’s post is about such a list.

 

 
Each year we ask hubby to provide a list of items he might want for Christmas.  If you’ve been a long time reader, you may remember his list from a couple of years ago where he noted a “new couch”.  He slipped it in somewhere between a video game and pajamas.  YES, I did say a couch or if you prefer, sofa! (You can read this post HERE).  And, much like the new Honda commercial about the un-reality (my own made up word) of buying cars as gifts for people, buying new furniture runs a close second in our house. (if you don’t know the commercial I’m referring to – HERE‘s a link – we just love it, cause, well, we’re not millionaires!)

 

So, this year hubby asked me for my list.  I always have a hard time writing down things I want.  I guess I’m very fortunate in that there are not many things I really *need* and therefore I have a hard time putting things on a list.  And, contrary to what my hubby thinks… new kitchen items should not go on MY list.

 

So this past weekend we’re in the car with my parents and my mom says…. “Uhm, it’s almost the end of November.  Do you think we might see a Christmas list anytime soon?”  And, I grudgingly respond, “I’ve been thinking about it but I’m having a hard time coming up with stuff to write down.”  Then, my dear hubby merrily chimes in…..”I know one thing you can put on the list!”.  And, I’m like ” Oh yeah, what?”.  And he smugly replies, “A new electric skillet”.

 

STOP RIGHT THERE………………… I say…………….

 

“I need an electric skillet?   ME….  I?   Don’t you think you might mean YOU need an electric skillet?”  I’m not sure why, every time we need a new kitchen item (for both of us), it becomes a gift for ME?  Hubby fills his list with games, toys and a variety of inane bullshit items and my list somehow fills up with toilet brush scrubbers, swiffer pads and new electric skillets??????????????

 

So, I now feel the need to give you a bit of back story.

Hubby is the “dishwasher” in our house.  That’s sort of our deal.  I cook, and anything that doesn’t go into the actual dishwasher, goes into the sink to await hubby’s arrival.  Sometimes his journey to the sink can take up to 2 weeks…. but that’s a post for a different day……  Anywho, hubby is the one who scrubs the pots and pans… apparently, sometimes, too aggressively.  Which brings us to why WE would need a new skillet.  The last time I pulled out the skillet to cook, I noticed that a lot of the coating on the bottom of the pan was worn away.  So, I asked hubby, “Hon, when you wash this, what do you use on it?”  And he responds, “Uhhh… I don’t know probably the abrasive side of the sponge, it was hard to get off all the food”.  “You do know that, a non-stick surface like that can be damaged by abrasive scrubbing…. right?”  He matter-of-factly replies, “I guess I know that now”.    And, that’s how we came to be in need of a new skillet.

 

So, I ask you…… WHO needs a new skillet for Christmas?   I had planned on just going out to buy us a new one.  BUT, if hubby wants to put it on someone’s Christmas list, I personally think it should take the place of his request for the director’s cut version of The Lord of the Rings, or perhaps replace his desire of a gift certificate for accessories for his motorcyle….. NOT on my list where it might replace my wish for a new pair of shoes!!

 

What do you think???  Please weigh in below……………..

 

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MARRIAGE

I knew marriage had to be an acronym for something.

 

Men

Are

Rarely

Right

Immediately

After

Getting

Engaged

 

 

 

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Making A List…. And Checking It….. Never?

I often wonder how Santa could have been so organized and successful at managing his “list” when most men I know avoid lists at all costs.  If I had to bet, I’d say that it was, in fact, Mrs Claus that was making a list and checking it numerous time throughout the year.

 

I only say this based on my own experience of list creation, management and maintenance.

 

You see, hubby seems to have an aversion to writing or using lists for just about any circumstance.  I, on the other hand, am a dedicated list maker.

 

• I make grocery lists – even if they don’t seem to help hubby
• I make long term “To Do” lists - these could include projects that we need to complete this year or within the next 5 years
• I make general shopping lists
• I make question lists… meaning I do a heck of a lot of prep work before we meet with any sort of service providers and I always have a list of questions to ask
• I make task lists.. which could include things like: go to the bank, buy stamps, pick up dry cleaning, make a dentist appt. etc..

 

I guess it would be fair to say, that I’m on list overload.   I get it, not everyone is as list crazy as I am… and by no means, do I expect hubby to adapt to my over-zealous list addiction.  HOWEVER, I’m hard pressed to understand why he wouldn’t take advantage of my compulsive behavior.  The interesting thing here is, that more lists I make, the more hubby is apt to run screaming from my organized plans.

 

Case in point, I mentioned yesterday that hubby used my grocery list when he went begrudgingly on his yearly trip to the supermarket… this, my friends, is a rarity.  What happens more frequently is that hubby stumbles on a need we have in our house.  This could happen randomly and unexpectedly and then BAM!  he comes home from work one night with a box of toothpaste.

 

“Gee, thanks for buying toothpaste hon, but how come you didn’t get anything else on the list?”  we keep a running list of stuff like this in the kitchen

“Cause I didn’t use the list.  I saw this morning we were running out of toothpaste so I stopped at the store during lunch and bought some”.  He’s proud of his initiative!

“That’s great babe… but if you’d grabbed the list, we’d also have more soap which we are almost out of”

 

Do you celebrate the effort… or do you scratch your head as you cross walk into the kitchen to cross “toothpaste” off the list?

 

And, it’s not just shopping lists that he seems to avoid at all costs.

 

This past weekend we were having a handyman stop by to do some work for us.  As we were discussing his arrival,  I merrily declared… “Ok, let me make a list of everything he needs to do”.  To which hubby replied  “I already have a list”.  ooohhhh…. ooooohhhh, I’m excited to hear this!.  “You already have a list?  Great, can I see it?”.  He says “Nope, you can’t see it, cause it’s all up here.”  as he taps the side of his head……UGH!  I thought we were getting somewhere and dippy here, is hiding away his “mental list” – as if writing it all down would somehow leave his head even more empty than it already is.  You’d think he’d be happy to have another box in his head that’s filled with NOTHING! (if this makes no sense visit this post HERE).   But no, he’s stashing away all his secret lists… most likely to ensure that I’m not able to add anything to them!!!

 

Anyhow, he confidently declares that he doesn’t need to write anything down since he won’t forget anything.  And, I bite my tongue as I want to remind him that if he “remembered everything” we have enough soap to shower tomorrow.  But then I realize, that this is a futile argument since hubby would be perfectly ok with washing his entire body with shampoo …. and I chalk this one up as yet another battle that I will never win.

 

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The Cost Of A Well Dressed Man?

It’s probably a yearly or maybe even an every-few-year occurrence, that hubby needs to “replenish” almost his entire wardrobe.

 

Key indicators that it’s time would include:

• Frayed Jeans with worn knees
• Holey underwear
• Shrunken & stained t-shirts
• The inability to zip up pants

 

It’s certainly no secret that hubby hates to shop.  There’s rarely a day that he will willingly enter the mall.. not even when the required purchases are for himself.

 

And… on the rarest of occasions, it’s not just the staples that need replenishing.  Every other leap year, on the 5th Tuesday of the month, when Mercury is in retrograde, hubby admits that he requires a shopping experience that’s slightly more complicated than running into Target to buy a package of boxer briefs.

 

So, when this dreadful day comes around, hubby is anything but excited to make the painful trek to the mall to get the necessary items.   And, this past weekend we hit the tipping point.

 

You see, hubby likes to wear things until they disintegrate.  So, as he picked up one of his last pairs of jeans and they melted away in his hands, he knew he couldn’t wait any longer.  Plus, it was a holiday weekend so there would be sales (HOORAY – hubby is picking up my frugal gene!).  But, as we start discussing our shopping tactics, hubby informs me that it’s not just jeans that are in need of replacing.  As you know, another major indicator of needing new clothes is an altered body state (usually known as more or less weight).  And, my dear hubby has been hitting the gym (and looking damn good if I do say so myself…. YUM!  ok, back to my story…)  Anyhoo… hubby’s shoulders are much broader and, in general, his body shape is vastly different, so there are many things that don’t fit him.  This makes him miserable – not the fact that he’s looking good – but the fact that he’s brought this on himself and now he needs a full-fledged shopping day.  As you can imagine, the thought of having to visit multiple stores, to shop for multiple items, is taking it’s toll on dear hubby.

 

He needs suits, sport coats, jeans, dress shirts and even some summer clothes – since we finally just book a beach vacation (Yippppeeeeee!).  And, these cannot all be purchased at the same place.  So, we head off to make hubby more miserable as we plan our attack on the local stores.  And then, the grumbling begins..

 

“I hate the mall…………”

“I don’t know which jeans I like” as he stares at every imaginable number of Levi’s

“I can’t believe how expensive these are….”

“I don’t wanna try anything on…..”

 

I swear, it’s like shopping with a 5 year old… but worse.  Since this 5 year old understands the value of money and actually has his own thoughts about what looks good (however misguided they may be) don’t forget this is the guy who used to wear white socks & black shoes!

 

Needless to say, we survive the outing.  We spend like 16 cajillion dollars  (Holy CRAP!  Suits are expensive) and we head home after rewarding hubby with ice cream for being so good (ok, this didn’t really happen, but it probably should have).

 

Then, when we get back to our house.  We’re barely in the door and hubby is headed down to the man cave.  When I ask where he’s going he tells me……

 

“I need to go play video games to relax and relieve myself of all the trauma caused by a day of shopping”.

“Uhmmmm… ok, you go relax and unwind dear, I know it was a rough day…..  I’ll just be here cleaning the kitchen, starting some laundry, cooking dinner, paying bills……and… and… and…”

 

I guess that’s the price I pay to have a well-dressed, stylish husband, in clothes that fit..  *sigh*

 

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The Circles Of Hell

If you’ve ever dragged a man shopping to a place that he really didn’t want to go, then you’ve probably heard your fair share of bitching and moaning.

 

If there aren’t any fancy lights, bells or whistles at a store, it generally needs to be a very structured mission.  And, by structured I mean there can be no perusing the shelves, comparing prices, trying stuff on, or simply meandering to see what might catch your eye.  When I take hubby shopping we need to have a game plan and a stop watch.  Hubby stands outside the car and says to me:

 

“Runners take your mark….”

“Get Set…..”

 

And, then he presses the start button on the timer and I have like 6.3 minutes to enter the store, grab the paper towels, toothpaste and deodorant before I run out of time.  Ok, that may be a slight exaggeration… but only slight!

 

 

The reality is that there are a few kinds of shopping excursions:

 

A “run” to grab some necessities.

Generally a quick in-and-out shop that is about convenience (may or may not include hubby)

 

A full-fledged grocery shop.

There’s a list but there’s also a lot of stuff in my head that needs to be purchased (probably doesn’t include hubby)

 

A trip to the mall.

Could be a quickie…. could be an all afternoon affair (generally doesn’t include hubby.. unless, he’s got nothing going on.. then I consider it bonding time – although hubby surely disagrees with me here!)

 

Shopping for larger household items.

Items might include: furniture, appliances, renovation items (almost always includes hubby …. unless he insists that I pre-shop and only subject him to a shorter version of this to see my “favorites”)

 

Electronics shopping.

Pretty self-explanatory (this is probably the only shopping excursion where you see hubby with a little spring in his step!)

 

This list is certainly not all-inclusive of any and all shopping trips and, as you know, sometimes one destination turns into a full day of errands and takes you in-and-out of many stores.  These are the days that Hubby dreads the most.

 

I’m sure you know the days I’m talking about.. the Saturday afternoon where you decide to go out for a leisurely lunch.. which turns into…….

“Hon, since we’re gonna be passing the post office.. let’s stop so I can mail these bills”

which is followed by………..

“Babe, the restaurant is right next to the beauty supply store.. so let me just run in…..”

which conveniently becomes……..

“If we take Rt 18 home from here we can drive right past Target”

which leads to….

“You know…. Michaels is right in the same shopping plaza as Target and I need to get a basket, for that gift we’re bringing on Saturday”

 

And then, all bets are off since I’ve forced him to wander through Target and now I’ve got new bar stools on my mind

 

Me: “Hon, did you like those stools?”

Hubby: “Uhmmm… yeah, whatever”

Me: “I like them but do you think that the wood is the right color?”

Hubby: “I don’t know”

Me: “Hmm… I wonder if wrought iron would be better than wood”

Hubby: “Sure”

Me: “You know what… we are right down the road from Walmart*, maybe we should check there for stools”

Hubby: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”

Me: “And there’s also a Home Depot down there, and maybe we could swing back around to Bed Bath & Beyond”

Hubby:  “You’re killing me!”

Me:  “Why?  Don’t you want new stools?”

Hubby: “You’re about to drag me through all THE CIRCLES OF HELL!”

Me: “What are you talking about?

Hubby:  “We’ll you’ve already forced me, against my will, to go to a craft store with you (Michaels) which is like Hell on Earth for me..  And, now you want to follow that up with another Circle of Hell… also known as Walmart*”

Me: “Don’t you think you’re being overly dramatic?”

Hubby:  “NOPE!  You regularly insist that I join you in one of the Circles of Hell…. You must hate me!”

Me: “But Hon, they could have bar stools at a good price”

Hubby:  “I’d pay any price not to have to go there…… TODAY IS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!”

Me: ”You said that last time I made you go to KMart*”

Hubby: “Yes, that day was the worst day of my life until….. TODAY.  And, I’m sure that the next time you drag me to a new mass- merchandise discount store, or a craft store, or a home store, will be the next worst day of my life!”

Me:  “Well good.. then I suppose we should just get them all out of the way today….  I think Kmart* & Home Goods might have stools also… and since we’ll be over by Home Goods, I think there’s an AC Moore in that shopping plaza and I’d like to check out their baskets”.

Hubby:  grumbling  “Great….. all 9 Circles of Hell in one day…. can somebody just kill me now……….”

 

*Just for the record:   I hate these stores too for a variety of reasons -but it doesn’t stop me from occassionally visiting them for certain items as I have a higher tolerance level than Hubby!

 

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