Well, we started day care.
For those of you who have lived through this traumatic experience, this statement alone probably either brings back horrible memories or perhaps it brings back nothing – because you’ve blocked out just how bad it was… on you, your baby and your sanity.
We started 3 weeks ago. And, in 3 weeks, we’ve had a baby with 3 separate illnesses all accompanied by a significant fever.. some of which have lasted 5 days. Which means that after 3 weeks of day care, we’ve only been IN day care for probably a total of 8 days or so. Seems like some sort of scam since we pay for 5 days a week… and we continually need to keep him home. We’ve made approximately 5 visits to the Dr and 1 trip to the emergency room. If you are wondering… yes, it’s been an incredibly FUN 3 weeks.
After the 3rd visit to the doctor, he said to me. “Oh, you started day care….. you’ll probably spend more time here at our office than you do at work and then you’ll start to wonder why you ever went back to work!”. Gee, thanks for the reassurance doc! So I asked, “Well, how long will it be this bad?” To which he replied, “Oh, he’ll probably be sick for at least a year or so. BUT, (his attempt at making me feel better as he sees look of utter anguish on my face) once he starts school, you will never need to come here!!!”
Wonderful. A year of a sick toddler.. and an even longer year of a hubby who has to deal with a sick toddler. It’s gonna be a doozy of a year.
Let me tell you a few things that happen when you have a sick baby.
#1. You have a very cranky baby
#2. You have a very cranky hubby
#3. You do not get very much sleep
#4. You have an even crankier hubby
#5. There’s a lot of fussiness
#6. You wonder who is fussier, the baby or the hubby
#7. There’s a lot of crying
#8. (The baby cries a lot too…..)
#9. There’s a lot of boogers, and medicine and uncontainable poop
#10. There’s not enough cuddling, or rocking, or singing that can make the baby OR the hubby any less miserable
Then, as if all of the above is not bad enough, the Swedes had to go an invent quite possibly the most disgusting device ever known to man. If you have infants, you may have heard of this device. We were steadfastly against using it. It’s just plain gross. We were hold-outs for many, many months. We wiped boogers all day long, and bought every imaginable bulb syringe to suck out as much snot as possible and we insisted we’d never, ever subject ourselves to such a revolting, loathsome activity. And then, mini hubby was on his 2nd week of illness and the boogers were taking over. You could tell he couldn’t breath and he was starting to refuse bottles…..so, we caved and bought (read this in the most ominous voice possible) The Nose Frida. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, let me give you a quick lesson.
It’s a wonderfully designed tube that attaches to an elongated nozzle that is placed into the infant’s nose. The end of the tube is then placed in your mouth…. YES, I did say mouth. And you use your own breath to literally SUCK boogers out of the baby’s nose….. say it with me….. Eeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
It’s perhaps the grossest, most effective, instrument ever created.
But here-in lies the problem. I apparently don’t have the lung capacity to properly dislodge the boogers. So, in must step hubby, to use his manly lung muscles to remove the maximum amount of boogies…. Trust me. He LOVES this job. No lie. I mean, what person wouldn’t want to suck someone else’s boogers directly into their own mouth? Ok, so maybe I’m being slightly overdramatic. There is a filter at the end of the hose so the boogers don’t actually go into your mouth. And, maybe I was lying slightly, when I said he loves this job. Cause he FREAKIN’ hates it. And, ever since day one of booger sucking he’s complained that he’s sucked all the baby’s germs right into his own system and now he feels sick himself.
Which is just FANTASTIC… because what more could I want that a sick baby AND a sick hubby —- FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR??????????
(anyone have a gun so I can shoot myself in the head??)