In my esteemed opinion (and since it’s my blog, I think I’ll call myself an authority) there’s a huge myth that exists about marriage.
Marriage Myth #1: By joining your lives in marital bliss…
Two Becomes One.
The assumption that when you merge your life with someone else’s, you blend together all of your emotions, thoughts, needs and desires is quite ludicrous, in my opinion.
Let’s take hubby & me.
Hubby feels that Sundays should be a day of rest & football games
I feel that broken cabinets should be fixed before there’s rest & football on Sundays
Hubby thinks that everyone driving on the road in close proximity to him is a stupid moron
I think that hubby can be a bit intolerant and mean to all those stupid morons
Hubby needs a beer & a great video game session to make him happy
I need a glass of wine & a clean bathroom to make me happy
Hubby desires a 70” HD LCD TV
I desire beautiful, granite counter tops in the kitchen
As you can see, hubby and I can be quite divergent on all those things that should have been merged by marriage, into a singular life of togetherness.
While togetherness and a joint approach to things is important, there’s a lot to be said about independence in a marriage. Maintaining a sense of who YOU are, is just as important as developing a shared approach to married life. And, giving each other the freedom to pursue independent interests, or to simply enjoy personal time, can be invaluable.
So, that of course brings me to my personal theory about marriage.
When you share your life with someone through marriage…
Two Becomes Too.
This allows you to continue to have your own emotions, thoughts and wants but offers you the opportunity to have someone join you as you both walk forward side by side.
You will of course need to ensure that you do share some commonalities with the “Big Ticket Relationship Items”.
- Who gets which side of the bed
- Who holds the remote
- And.. the ever-so-important, Which beer do you keep on tap
And, even if you disagree on some of these, you can still maintain a healthy respect for your spouse’s opinions and learn to compromise. Sometimes it’s necessary to just simply agree to disagree. (and trust me… this is a necessary tool for any successful marriage!!)
And, when all else fails, you can agree to rotate between light, amber beers, and dark, hoppy beers each time you get a new keg.