I’ll start today with a very basic question….
Let’s say, you’re hungry for a snack and you’d really like some cookies but, when you go into the kitchen there aren’t any cookies. All you can find are a box of crackers.
Do you eat the crackers or do you stay hungry? Well of course you eat the crackers, after all, you are hungry and that’s all there is… it’s kind of a no brainer.
Of course this post isn’t actually about eating, or filling your belly at all… because the cookies I’m referring to are actually a metaphor.
I’d like to say this metaphor is exclusive to male dating mentality, but I feel the need to be completely honest and tell you that I literally used these opening sentences to describe my own love life before I met hubby.
Please follow along:
I wasn’t a chronic dater, I would find someone decent and settle into a relationship. I can remember one long term relationship where friends asked me why I was with the guy, as they didn’t see me marrying him. Actually, they didn’t see anything special about him at all and, to be quite honest, I didn’t see a long term future for us either. So my response, was to share with them the wisdom of my cracker & cookie analogy.. which may sound harsh, but at the time, it was the honest truth.
I finished by saying to them…
“Well I don’t have any cookies right now so, I’m eating crackers!”
For the rest of my relationship with this poor guy, he became known as “The Cracker”. Of course, he had no idea (or at least I don’t think he did!) but if we were all going out it wasn’t uncommon for friends to ask “is the cracker coming?”
I guess I finally realized that a girl cannot live on Saltines alone so… the next obvious step for me was to start actively “searching for my cookie”
Lucky for me, Hubby To Be came into my life (the boyfriend version of a warm, just baked chocolate chip cookie…. YUM!) But I digress….
He arrived just in time to meet Grandma during her last days in the hospital. She was close to the end but still pretty feisty. She latched onto his hand (just as she’d done to me) and she said to me…. “this is a nice boy”. I think it was my Grandmas’ dying wish that Hubby To Be save me from myself and make sure that I didn’t live to be the lonely, cracker eating, woman she saw in front of her. I bet if Grandma had actually known my cracker story she would have said, never settle. Or perhaps she would have whipped me up a fresh batch of her own cookies.
Needless to say, I think there are too many people out there who are eating crackers and have somehow accepted this bland, flavorless, uninspired diet. But, they don’t recognize the value of searching for that perfect cookie.
Now, I’m sure a man who is a chronic dater would argue that his cupboard is filled not with crackers, but a wide variety of cookies.
- Oatmeal Raisin
- Soft Chewy Entenmann’s
- Pepperidge Farm Milanos
- Or maybe even that ever so elusive Mallomar
And, I know it’s been said that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. But I’d challenge each of these single men to tell me if the snacks they are eating right now, are the snacks they really wanted when they went into the kitchen or, just the item that happened to be easiest to grab off the shelf?
We all know, that men take the easiest route, so it’s likely they just grabbed whatever was in front of them. And, even as they eat through their variety pack of cookies, thinking they are completely happy, they will soon realize that what they’re really craving now, is a tall glass of milk.
And, it’s very likely they are too lazy to get up and get one.
So… what are you eating right now??
This is all absolutely true. I think it is also important to spend a lot more time looking at what you want and need from your future spouse than it is to look for the future spouse. If you have a clear understanding of what make a great husband or wife, your less likely to settle for anybody just to have somebody.
I have started a new blog on how men can better love their wives. I think it would be great for women to take a look and see what a great man really is and to learn to not settle for anything less.
I hope you all will take a look when you have a minute. I would appreciate your thoughts and feedback.
http://whatsheneedsfromyou.wordpress.com
Thanks,
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I love it Michelle and you are absolutely right:
1)Your fiesty Grandma would NEVER want you to settle
2)The value of the perfect cookie IS under-rated
and since the name “Cracker” is taken I will use Saltine for my ex! An excellent analogy and we should all be reminded how life is too short to settle! Keep writing!!!
For the comment above…Gary Smalley has 2 companion books-one for “her” and one for “him”-one is called “For Better or For Best” they are excellent, interesting, insightful and quick reading!! Unfortunately I read them AFTER my divorce but am benefiting from their information in my new relationship.
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I couldn’t get past the rudeness of dating a guy just because he was convient. Disrespectful for sure (refering to him as a cracker)- the fact you write now so glibbly with no sense of remorse and no grasp of how you used him is quite sad.
People are not things with fancy bells and whistles. If that is what you want buy a car.
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Gray,
You are obviously entitled to your opinion. As I am mine. I would however, like to point out a few things to you, since you so graciously referred to me as rude and disrespectful.
1) At no point did I say that I dated someone just because he was “convenient”. I don’t believe I even said I was unhappy in my relationship, just that, as it developed, I realized I hadn’t found the person who had that “special something”. Without dating and developing relationships how would anyone be able to decide if they’ve found the right person to spend the rest of their life with?
2) I most certainly didn’t USE anyone. We had a mutually happy relationship and I didn’t mislead him in any way. This relationship ran it’s course because neither one of us believed marriage was in our future.
3) Perhaps if you’d “gotten past the rudeness” and actually read the entire post you’d see that I was simply using a metaphor to suggest that people should never settle for a relationship that’s not completely filling on all levels. And, if you feel that being fulfilled can only be defined by the amount of bells & whistles, then I’m actually quite sad for you.
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Gray, obviously you missed the levity implied. The cracker/cookie debate not being one of disrespect but more the use of a literary device known as metaphor to express the search for the man that was to be her husband. I guess someone such as yourself has never been in a relationship with a person that was less than ideal while seeking the eventual “right one”. Actually based on your own profile I see that you are a seasoned god fearing southern type. Probably married your high school sweet heart and have spent every day since then showering her with your affections. While respectable is your chosen path in life, right or wrong it simply is no longer the way of the world.
Since you were kind enough to give my wife some advice in stating that she should by a car rather than buy into a person when looking for that special something that fits just right, I offer you some in return. When reading what is intended to be a humorous and anecdotal tale from a woman’s life, try not to let the enjoyment be clouded by your too high and surely not universal moral code. And, in the end, should you have nothing but ugly judgmental close minded opinion to spout, feel free to keep it to yourself.
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Bravo – you read my mind. It’s unfortunate that there are still people in this world who can be so narrow-minded and completely devoid of even a basic sense that there are other points of view in this world. The real shame of it is they feel a need to actually put a voice to their ugliness.
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“I guess someone such as yourself has never been in a relationship with a person that was less than ideal while seeking the eventual “right one”.
I’m not Grayquill, but as a matter of fact, no, I have never done that. I have either been fully in relationship with the person I’m with, or I haven’t been with them anymore at all. I haven’t ever kept someone around while I was searching for someone better. If things are sufficiently unsatisfying to even consider looking elsewhere, then they are sufficiently unsatisfying to end the relationship right then and there.
The one time where that sort of arrangement is acceptable is where both people feel that way, both people are upfront about their feelings, and both mutually elect to continue the relationship in full understanding of how each other feels. If that was the case with Cracker Guy, it sure wasn’t made clear in the post.
And I haven’t _ever_ tolerated my friends disrespecting my partner. Or was the stuff about the friends just a literary device, too? Did that actually happen or not?
Ugly is in the eye of the beholder, Rod.
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The Cracker was indeed in the loop on the realities of our relationship. If there’s one thing I can say with certainty, I am honest and forthcoming. Some people may like this and some may not. I certainly try not be malicious with this honesty (the reason he was unaware of this title) But, The Cracker was not misled.
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Amen sister!!
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Story of my life… Love the metaphor!
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So, let me get this straight. ..my filter is messed up to such a point I was unable to understand what was written. I don’t think I missed the point at all. Since when did using people become fashionable or modern? When did treating someone disrespectful become okay? The reaction you wrote back seemed to be a release of anger and I seem to have made you feel judged. You gave me too much power. I am just another blogger who has zero impact on you and doesn’t even know you. I was under the impression the lady wrote the post but regardless who wrote it; the choice was made to use a demeaning example. I don’t think you should be mad at me – I didn’t write the post. If your lady did write it I do admire you coming to her defense. I hope you don’t ever find that to be old fashion.
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Admin> I understood your point of dating to find the right partner. But the metaphor seemed to make the old boy friend look like the fool. I think your choice of example, crackers and cookies was a very poor choice.
The phrase, ’ Well of course you eat the crackers, after all, you are hungry and that’s all there is…’’or ‘ they didn’t see anything special about him at all.’
You really don’t see those phrases as very disrespectful?
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You are a delight to my eyes. Do you have any idea how many blogs I read? Thank you for letting your light of delight shine.
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Let’s stop addressing “Grayquill”‘s comments as he has obviously missed the point and is incapable of seeing anything beyond his narrow-minded ideals. We are paying him WAY to much attention; of which…he deserves none! His opinion is his opinion and I for one and am thankful not to actually know him! Ignore his ignorance, he can’t help himself!
Love the blog Michelle! Please keep up the good work = )
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This post is so beautifully written. I just loved it. Keep up your good writing skills, great imagination and lovely way of relating them.
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Remya.. Thank you so much for your kind words. Hopefully you’ll stop back for other stories!
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“For the rest of my relationship with this poor guy, he became known as “The Cracker”. Of course, he had no idea (or at least I don’t think he did!) but if we were all going out it wasn’t uncommon for friends to ask “is the cracker coming?”
You honestly don’t see the contempt inherent in that? Not only by you, but by your coterie of friends? You were all laughing up your collective sleeve at him, and he had no idea. Poor guy, indeed.
Regarding your responses to Grayquill, you most certainly did mislead this guy. Had you been honest with him, or had he found out through other channels, it would have been entirely appropriate for him to dump you over “the cracker” and the level of respect within your social circle that implied. I wonder how long you let that go on?
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Just so we’re clear: I have no problem whatsoever with your cookie vs cracker thing as a metaphor. By all means, don’t settle for someone who is only sort of right for you. By all means, figure out what you need in a partner and go find that person. I’m genuinely pleased for you that you found your cookie. (Even if the vast majority of this blog seems to be about how your cookie turned out to be a nutbar.) 🙂
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YUMMMMMMM……. NUTBARS!
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Truly a brillant way to look at relationships. As for myself when I walk into the kitchen I see lots of cookies and how do I know which is the best until I have tried a few of them. Some cookies can even become crackers and maybe some crackers can become cookies. You never know! And even though you may know that the cookies on the counter may not be the best cookies since they are easily obtained. You usually try them first instead of finding the best cookies which can be hidden in drawers or cabinets.
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This is hilarious!!! I am most definitely going to ask my long-term boyfriend tonight if I am a cracker or a cookie! It will be amusing!
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Reblogged this on The Hubby Diaries and commented:
THROWBACK THURSDAY!
In honor of TBT, each Thursday I will be re-sharing some my older posts for those of you who are relatively new to The Hubby Diaries.
Hope you enjoy!
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I’m so glad you threw this back into the mix, it’s really funny!
Good for you finding your cookie…and releasing your cracker so he could find his own cookie and in turn become someone else’s!
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I am having crackers & I make sure my hubby knows he dated “Up.” Instead of being the girl other guys left, I became the girl he HAD to have.
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