An actual quote from my lovely hubby:
“If I actually listened to everything you had to say, my head would explode”
(How could you not love him!?)
I have to admit, I do think he’s onto something here. No, I’m not allowing him to use this excuse as a way to justify his Selective Listening BUT, there’s something to be said for women needing to receive or give tons of info and men needing/wanting very little.
A woman wants to know & share everything… all the little details, the before, during & after, the thoughts, reactions, emotions, and so on, and so on, and so on.
A man wants to know just enough information to move on to the next relevant topic (all other information is just white noise)
A conversation that I initiate with hubby…
Me: “How was work today?”
Hubby: “Fine”
Me: “Anything good happen?”
Hubby: “No, not really”
Me: “So, there’s nothing worth sharing?”
Hubby: “It’s work, there’s nothing worth sharing”
Me: “Ok, I just thought there might be a good story or something”
Hubby: “Nope”
A conversation accidentally initiated by hubby….
Hubby: “Did you get a chance to call the lawn guy today?”
Me: “Yes, I called the lawn guy and he said that they’ll be out to do the weed treatment next week. You know….. I was looking at the lawn today, and, I was thinking….. we could really use some flowers to add to that ugly area by the gate. So, I went to Home Depot and bought some daisies, phlox and peonies. You know peonies, they’re those cute flowers that Missy had at her house that I liked. And, while I was at Home Depot I was looking at the grills. I think that one you wanted just went on sale. I like that one but I also like the one with the extra burner. Speaking of grills, don’t forget that we have Joe & Kim’s bbq this weekend. Did you know that Joe & Kim just went on vacation to Cancun? I’d like to go to Cancun…maybe we can plan our next vacation there? You know how much I love margaritas. Maybe we should go out for Mexican tonight?”
Hubby: “Good lord, I just wanted to know about the lawn”
Me: “What do you mean, I told you about the lawn?”
And, then… His Head Explodes…..
(or at least, this is the dramatic reaction he’d have you believe occurs… as a result of my overflow of unnecessary information)
I recently came across a great video by Mark Gungor that provides a fantastic explanation of the Differences Between the Male & Female Brains. Mark is a marriage speaker who has an entire series called “Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage” (more info can be found here: http://www.laughyourway.com/). And, let’s be honest, laughter is part of the fabric of my marriage (otherwise hubby would never let me share these stories!)
In one of my previous posts about men “making an effort”, I discussed Male Sleep Mode. The interesting skill men posess where they can seemingly shut off their mental faculties and think about nothing. I’ll admit, at the time, I was unaware of the “nothing box”.
Thank you Mark… for the enlightening details (you know how women crave details!).
And, while the nothing box probably does indeed exist, I’m not convinced that this male behavior doesn’t also include a type of “battery conservation mode”. After all, as confirmed by my hubby, we know that if a man’s brain is strained in any way, he needs to “take a break” so it doesn’t explode…so, off to the nothing box he goes!
For a woman, the challenge of course, is extracting him from his nothing box and/or his sleep mode. As I mentioned in my other post, I’ve found that one of the only surefire ways to “wake him up” is to press a button (sort of like a computer in a similar mode). And, as a woman who likes to see immediate results, I can be pretty good at pressing buttons.
Just be sure that, if he’s not “rebooting” quick enough, you don’t push too many buttons at once. The last thing you want to do, is cause an all system shut down. I can assure you this can cause a whole new problem that you won’t want to deal with!
So, what boxes does your hubby have in his head??
Another classic!!
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On behalf of the guys, I’ll say, “The pictures and video were amusing, but please don’t ask me to remember all you said.”
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I wouldn’t have expected it to be any other way!! And the pictures & videos are included so I know the men will read it all the way thru! 🙂
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This was just too funny… the post & the video! After 32 years of marriage, it’s a relief to finally, at long last, know why men do the things they do (or don’t do). This is genius!
I mean, when we play golf together & I’m talking about how beautiful the day is & commenting on the resident Mississippi Kites, while thinking to order lunch over the phone AND planning my next shot, he’s busy running up curbs & off the cart path while he ponders his next shot. It makes me crazy & has for 32 of my 56 years, but now I can relax since I know the reason why… Actually, I suspected it long ago, but no one used to talk about it.
Thanks! 😉
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Liz — Isn’t it great that all of this info is now finally out in the open??! Not that it helps all that much, but I like to pretend that it does!
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Love this post! I thought I was the only one who had conversations like this. My father has always been a talker. He’d come home from work and talk about his day. I just expected that hubby would be the same way. Boy was I wrong! All these years I thought hubby was just holding out on me in the conversation department. In a weird way it’s kind of comforting to know that I’m not alone. I’m new to your blog and have greatly enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing a bit of your life with us. Keep up the good work! Take care, A.
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Anita ~ Thank you! I’m truly glad you’re enjoying the posts. And, it does seem that so many of us share similar stories about our hubbies. It’s amazing how many men share similar traits!
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You, a woman, went to Home Depot? And you actually stopped to look at the grills? And you wanted the bigger, better one?
All is forgiven!
😀
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You see, I’m not the horrid person you thought I was….. Thanks for stepping out of your nothing box to leave a comment!
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Wow! It’s like you’re talking about my husband LOL He’s not much of a talker either.
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Ha ha ha. Thanx for the blrilliantly written piece!!!!
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I’m afraid I have the opposite problem. I often have to type out my novel w/my husband yacking away. Does he yak away about trivial things or how his day had been?
Nope, about chemicals, why this is bad, why that is bad, wormholes, time travel, geology (study of minerals and rocks) and on occasion coins. Overall?
Half the time I have no idea what he’s saying and I just shake my head yes and go ‘uh huh’. It sucks sometimes having a husband who’s a scientist.
Then on the other hand, I always know our kitchen sink has safe water.:)
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Melanie ~ too funny! I’m sure there are days where I ignore hubby too. He’s in IT (while different from being a scientist.. it’s still complete mumbo jumbo & boring stuff to me!) 🙂
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ha ha so true! Great post! I can totally relate to those conversations! I’d like to also add to the end “Are you listening to me?” Hubby says Yes and then repeats word for word what I just said. “Just because you can repeat the words I just said doesn’t mean you’re “hearing” me!” =)
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Activity Mom ~ How right you are!! Hearing & listening are NOT the same thing!
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That is so funny and so true! My husband can’t understand why I’m still talking when I’m way past the point :).
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matt makes fun of me for always wanting info – he thinks i’m a gossip but i just like to be informed. i also like to talk about people behind their backs.
🙂
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Reblogged this on The Hubby Diaries and commented:
In honor of #TBT, I share an older post from THD history every Thursday. This one is a classic. And, as always, just as relevant today as it was 5 years ago! ENJOY!
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In my house, the exact opposite applies. Back when I used to work, I would talk to customers & fellow employees all day long. By the time I came home I didn’t want to talk anymore. Now I rarely leave the house because of disability so I don’t have a lot to talk about. But when hubby comes home – OMG it’s like motor mouth moved in! I’ve learned to pause whatever might be on TV when I hear is key in the door because I will not be able to watch anything for 30 – 40 mins. until he’s talked out! When I do talk, sometimes my hubby has the nerve to tell me to speed up my story. I use selective listening on him & he knows it – I could not possibly absorb everything he has to say! My head WOULD explode!
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