There’s an interesting dynamic that happens when you officially enter coupledom. It sort of happens without knowing it and although you may not realize it’s happened to you, people around you are taking note.
We spent last evening with some friends of ours. They have been dating for a little over a year. How serious or not-serious they are is probably up for debate but….. there were quite a few conversational nuances last night that might make you lean a bit more towards serious.
Even hubby, who barely listens (as you know) picked up on a few key words. When we got home hubby said to me..“Did you hear how many times they used the word we?”
“We picked out this new furniture…”
“We’re not sure how long we’ll be in this house” (even though they don’t technically live together)
“We’ve talked about such and such renovation”
Even though this couple probably didn’t realize it, they were exhibiting all the traits of official coupledom.
I can vaguely remember back to when hubby & I first started dating. I remember the warm & fuzzy feelings I got when he referred to me as his girlfriend or when he started asking my opinion on more important things. And, I almost remember the shift for us, as a couple, when we started talking in “We’s”. It was a subtle transition and, I’m sure our friends picked up on it before we did.. .but it was the first step for us to really begin to share our lives. When you begin to speak in “We’s” as opposed to “I’s” you demonstrate with these teeny, tiny words that you are approaching the future as a team.
After being married for many years however, I’ve noticed an odd trend in hubby’s vocabulary.
We are indeed still a team. We make all big decisions collaboratively. We still share our lives. We still approach things as a couple.
But, on occassion, hubby has somehow reverted back to “I’s” when he has conversations with people.
Here’s an example:
I’m sitting right next to him while he’s talking to her.
I did an equal amount of Googling & reading of CNET reviews on TVs.
WE decided which TV was right for US
I stood right next to him when WE bought the tv.
I’m even the one who handed the cashier MY credit card and signed the receipt for OUR TV
But…. When he talks about the TV… it’s HIS TV and HE’s the one who bought it.
Or another example:
WE went to see a show in NY not long ago. It was actually a gift I bought hubby for Christmas. Two tickets so we could see a comedian he really likes.
I went to the show with him
WE held hands walking to the venue
WE had cocktails pre-concert together
WE sat next to each other the entire time
But, in the re-telling of this story it went something like this…”I went to see a great show last night”. Again, I’m sitting next to him as he’s saying this… ahem… uhmmmm… who went to the show last night?? “Oh yeah, sorry…. WE saw a great show last night”.
All of a sudden, any time the topic of conversation is something that leans more towards him (like electronics, or a comedian HE likes) I become chopped liver, or some sort of no-name, side-kick, or that girl who always happens to be around. Just as the WE gradually sneaks up on you as a new couple, somehow the WE has gradually disappeared the longer we’ve been married. I guess at this point it’s just understood. Or our lives are so intertwined that it goes without saying, or perhaps, it really isn’t my TV? Whatever the case, I think I’m going to start using the pronouns interchangeably myself..
“We have our period this week”
“We are having our bikini waxed on Saturday”
“I spent all MY money on some new clothes”
“I sold MY new TV on Craigslist this week”
The question is of course, since we know hubby barely listens to me, do you think he’ll even notice?? Ok, I suppose he’ll probably notice that the new TV is missing… but, maybe it would be a good lesson to learn?? 🙂