In my home, I have realized that if there’s an item that doesn’t provide hubby with some sort of enjoyment or conversely some sort of stress, it really never hits his radar and therefore is unimportant to him in his every day life. And, if it’s unimportant to him… apparently I am the only one who pays attention to it. And, I have to admit that hubby & I are generally not focused on the same things…
So, anything that applies to the home, is purchased for our home, or is used for decorating our home is for Me
Unless, and this is a huge unless, it provides some sort of happiness & fun for hubby.
If it provides hubby with some entertainment or enjoyment then it may be for Us.
What do I mean by this?? Well, I’ve noticed this trend over the years and it has come to light again recently since we just renovated our family room for HGTV. The things that cause me stress.. or at least draw my immediate attention, are NOT the same things that attract hubby’s immediate focus.
We have a beautiful new family room. It’s so nice that it draws attention to how bad our kitchen counters are. This makes me want to bump the kitchen counters closer to the top of our “To Do” list. We also have a bathroom that’s 1/3 renovated from almost 2 years ago. I walk into it each & every day and wistfully think about the day that I will have a new vanity. We also have quite a few touch ups necessary from the recent TV renovation we did. The room is sort of finished… by sort of I mean, we did a 72 hour renovation for TV. Let’s be honest, the magic of TV (hopefully) allowed us to finish the room for the camera, when in fact, there are quite a few things that need to be tweaked in real life.
What projects does hubby think about?
- Moving our patio door to a completely different location on the back of our house
- Building a new deck in our backyard
- Buying a new dishwasher (ours works perfectly fine… even if it does sound like an airplane taking off)
Are hubby’s projects important.. YES
Are they on our long term project list… YES
Will we eventually make our way to these tackling these items.. YES
Must we forgo all the other projects that are higher on the “To Do” list just to satisfy his need for immediate gratification…. Uhm… I’d like to say NO!
When hubby gets something in his head.. he wants immediate gratification… yes, he’s that guy. So, once he becomes fixated on something (even if it’s something we won’t really need or use for 5-6 months) he wants it done now. And, all I can say is… what about new curtains or my kitchen counters?
But you see.. that’s the problem…. It’s MY kitchen… and MY curtains…
Whereas the patio door & new deck are arguably His (at least in his mind)… or quite possibly Ours. As for the dishwasher, while I suppose technically.. it’s mine (based on my aforementioned logic)…. It is loud enough to interrupt hubby’s TV viewing which puts it into the category of a stressor… which gets hubby’s attention and therefore obviously requires immediate action. You can see how this cycle works!
If only we truly saw things through the same eyes… Or, if all the stuff in the house was actually OURS. Maybe we’d be closer to being on the same page. But, I live in reality and I know how hubby’s mind works. If it’s not impacting hubby TODAY and either making him happy or unhappy it’s just not on his radar and probably never will be!
Now, if I could only find a way to make curtains & counters fun… maybe I could begin to solve marriage problems all over the world!