I have coined my own term for my dear hubby.
At our home he is affectionately known as an AWFULIZER.
You may recall in my post just last week, that I live a life of extremes. Well I don’t, myself, necessarily live in extremes, but anyone who is in close proximity to hubby, must ride the pendulum with him as it swings from one side clear across to the other. (This is not to say that hubby is manic or depressed or needs to be medicated… hmmmm… unless…… nahhhhh, estrogen in his coffee doesn’t count….) He just happens to be someone who let’s stress get the best of him sometimes!
Hubby apparently comes from a family line of awfulizers…. So says my mother-in-law, who suffers her own version of extreme living, with, let’s call him… Awfulizer Sr.
Hubby can create his own version of events that automatically assumes the worse possible outcomes, the most extreme circumstances and the highest levels of stress.
Let me share some examples:
My version: The lights flicker in our new car and we should take it to the shop
Hubby’s version: This car is the biggest piece of crap we’ve ever owned and it will never be fixed, and driving it is ruining his life
My version: We should power wash & seal/paint the deck this summer year
Hubby’s version: If we don’t power wash & seal the deck NOW, this will be the year it crumbles to the ground
My version: Hubby has had a challenging work week
Hubby’s version: He’ll never get all this work done, clients will be pissed and he will obviously be fired.
As you can see, the behavioral pattern of an awfulizer basically takes something that’s somewhat less than ideal and makes it into something that’s too overwhelming, completely unmanageable, horrible, terrible and totally unfixable. Basically, well, just plain AWFUL!
Perhaps my most memorable experience of awfulizing came the year we took on a major outdoor renovation project. It was: The Year Of The Pool.
After lots of badgering, hubby finally convinced me to agree to put in an in-ground swimming pool. Now, if you’ve ever undertaken a project such as this, you know that it can be incredibly stressful, a bit overwhelming and very frustrating. You have to deal with decisions of style, size, tile, location, filter type … blah… blah…. blah…. Then, after you’ve made all these decisions, you have to deal with tons of contractors and complete and utter destruction of your backyard. Have I mentioned that hubby doesn’t handle stress well????
So, we debated back and forth and over and over, on where the pool should go and how big it should be. And, we finally came to a decision we were both happy with. I should mention that much of this conversation was hubby saying.. “I really think it should be bigger”….” “maybe it could be deeper”….”I think just a little bit longer..”. Don’t forget folks.. Bigger is Always Better! Right??!!
So, the day comes for them to dig the hole. And, if you’ve never seen a huge gaping hole in your backyard before it becomes a swimming pool, then you probably can’t imagine the shock on hubby’s face when he saw how frickin’ huge it was. Panic sets in. “What have we done??? I think we ruined our backyard” he declares. I try to talk him down and eventually he grows to accept that what’s done is done. Crisis #1 averted.
Then the day comes for them to pour our concrete patio. I’m actually not home for this but I get a call at work…. “Oh my God…it’s huge. What have we done? We have no grass left! I think we’ve ruined our backyard”. He once again declares. I calmly try to talk him down.. and he grows to accept that what’s done is done..” Crisis #2 averted.
I’m sure I can keep going… but I’m going to guess that you’re starting to get the picture here. I can assure you that by the time our pool build was complete, I was on crisis # 428,623.
I think the most important comment about hubby’s awfulizing is that, after he’s had some time and a bit of distance from whatever is causing him stress, he realizes that it’s actually not as bad as he thought it was. And, that all that stress he put himself through was truly exhausting (not just for him… but for me too!)
And, just so you know how that pool project turned out:
Once hubby started to see the big picture and we were at a point where we could put out lounge chairs, he realized that he was totally happy with all our decisions. He’s completely happy with the size of the pool & the patio and we do indeed have plenty of grassy area left. And, just for the record.. we did not “ruin our backyard”.
Do you have an “awfulizer” in your life? Or maybe you, yourself are an “awfulizer”? If you have a story, please feel free to share!
I love this post! Very funny and very much like my father.
My father thinks that every bad thing in the world is bound to happen to him or someone he loves. It’s to the point sometimes when I’m on my way to go visit my parents, I turrn onto their street, get to the house…and then keep driving. I love my Dad but his inner “Awfulizer” makes it tough sometimes. Awesome post, thank you for sharing.
I was having a bout of writer’s block today but I think you’ve served as my muse today! 🙂
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Thanks for stopping by skrapdiggy! Glad the post was something you could relate to.. although, since I understand your pain, I wish you couldn’t relate! I’ll have to swing by your blog to check out your new post!
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Thanks. I’ve read a good number of your posts today and it’s definitely been a pick me up…serving as a handbook for what to try not to do should I ever get married, which at this point looks questionable. 🙂
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Most of my posts are all in good fun. Maybe not so much a “what not to do” guidebook as it is a lesson in how important it is to have a sense of humor & laughter in marriage. There will always be differences between men & women, along with plenty of frustrations, but having a lighthearted outlook makes it far easier to manage day-to-day!
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My folks (48 years last March) tell me the same thing that you mentioned all the time. Their main advice is to not take things so seriously and to take the time to laugh at yourself. I re-read my comment and didn’t like it [“what not to do] When you’re typing fast the thoughts and what actually comes out doesn’t always match up! 🙂
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Don’t forget Awfulizer #3 over here….we are on that crazy end of the pendulum this week…I admit I’m learning how to deal with these times, but my God!! We love them though, as they are. Thanks for this post..I needed it more than u know today!!
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OMG — my hubby is the same way!!!!!!
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oh no, there goes my laptop jumping around again. I tried to say this was the best Michelle – perfect. Then my finger nail hits something and the icon jumps around. sorry again.
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I am the positive Penny and my husband is the negative Nancy. Well that is what I call our relationship. Now I know to call him an awfulizer. I just hope I hall-full our cup to the point where I rub off on him. It’s already been 10 years so not quite sure when it will happen.
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Allison ~ There are some days where I think I’m rubbing off and he’s getting better but then, something happens and we’re right back at square one! I refuse to give up hope!! Good luck to you!!
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My husband has to think through every detail for a loong time.
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So funny! My husband is the one who thinks any problem can be solved – I’m usually the one carrying around the stress. Love how we balance each other.
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Unplanned cooking ~ You are totally right, it really is all about balance! I can’t imagine if we were both awfulizers, we’d probably talk each other out of ever leaving our house!
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i think your husband and mine may just be related.
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Liz ~ All I can say is… you have my sympathy! 🙂
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OMG, I love this. Not for the HORRIBLE things that your husband has gone through, but for the fact that I think I may have found my long lost brother.
I think I relate to everything you just wrote about.
I will probably drive home later and wonder if I too am an Awulizer. And then realizing I am I might pull over and beat myself till I forgot the problems.
I love the blog and tell your husband his long lost brother in in Atlanta, Ga.
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Oh Scott…… I’m sure hubby is thrilled to have located someone who shares this ever-so-frustrating attribute.. you know, strength in numbers and all. Thanks for commenting and sharing your similarities. Hopefully you don’t also share some of hubby’s other “male traits” selective listening, selective vision and so on. But I suppose you are a man after all, so I can’t hold it against you!
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I stumbled upon your blog tonight and just had to comment to you!
First off , you’re hilarious, just naturally funny. What a wonderful trait to have for that to come through in your writing. Second off, I’m so happy to hear that there are others out there that are Awefulizers! My ex of 20 years was the premier Awefulizer, always was, still is and no matter how I try to still calm him during anxious moments, always will be. We are still very dear friends, so I can laugh along with you! btw….we had 4 children together and just a fyi…it’s hereditary this Awefulizer thing! 😉
I look forward to reading your entries in the future.
Sheree 🙂
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Sheree ~ Thank you so much for your kind words! And, unfortunately we are aware that’s it’s hereditary. My husband, his father & his brother all have this lovely quality. I can only hope that it dissipates a bit through each generation, if we ever have kids!
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Wow – I wish I could find this amusing but actually I find it absolutely exhausting. My husband is an extreme awfulizer with a huge and violent temper. He makes no decisions and there fore takes no responsibility. If something doesn’t turn out right he can sit high and mighty and place blame. EVen if it’s his decision he places blame. On. Everyone. Else. but himself.
Ready to pull my hair out because it disrupts the flow of the family and seems to always be centered around keeping him calm and not asking anything of him.
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