A friend made a comment to us recently that really hit the nail on the head with regard to another “division of labor” at my house.
I don’t even think he even realized how much underlying truth there was to the statement when he made it.
He said, quite simply (in the most sarcastic, funny way possible, in a text message)… “Cancel your party.. you have no host”.
Now, in order to best understand this statement, I’ll need to bring you back to a post from last week about scotch & cigars. (Click HERE if you haven’t read it)
So, on this particular evening hubby may have, uhmm, ahhh, over-consumed a tad……….
Well, the next day we were supposed to have a few friends over for a bbq (this is actually a pretty common weekend activity at our house during the summer). There’s never been a truer statement than, if you build it, they will come. Trust me, if you have a pool, your home becomes the destination for everyone you know who doesn’t have a pool, all summer long!
Anyhow, we wake up Saturday morning and hubby’s feeling, how shall we say, a little under-the-weather, maybe a little green, a bit fuzzy…. But, he really needs to rally because in a few hours we’ll have to do it all over again; banana mudslides, ice cold Coronas, some Rolling Rock nips – the perfect ingredients for a fun-filled day in the sun!
As you may imagine, hubby’s cell phone is blowing up with text messages from his buddies about the night before. They are mocking him like men do, about what a lightweight he was, and telling him he needs to “turn in his man card” since he retired to bed so early the previous night. Hubby’s taking it pretty well, considering he’s still not feeling all that great, and some of the texts are inquiring about whether or not we are still bbq’ing today. But hubby’s a trooper, and he’s in it for the long haul, so he’s responding that the bbq is indeed still happening although he admits to them that it’s been a rough morning.
In the midst of this man-mocking session, I get a text message from one of these same friends (remember, I’m one of the boys too!). And it says, “cancel your party, you have no host”. This friend is implying that hubby is not in any condition to entertain people today. Insulted, I reply…. “Well, what am I, chopped liver?”. And, his response, as classic as this is….”Well, when you have people over, you do all the work while hubby entertains, so there won’t be anyone to entertain today”. So, instead of being insulted, I pause for a moment. Hmmmm…. I think I’ve just stumbled onto irrefutable proof that again, our division of labor is not equal.
So, I take this text message – Documented Proof – and I show it to hubby! “See” I say, “Even our friends know that I do all the work around here”. “You’re known as the ‘entertainer’ and I’m the schlep who’s slaving away inside the house (not enjoying the pool or the sun mind you…) prepping all the food, making sure people have drinks, re-filling plastic utensils, shucking corn, getting towels for the kids, finding more toilet paper…. .should I go on?” Hubby’s response “Well, I do all the grilling”. “Yes, you do all the grilling – On the deck. In the midst of people. In the sun. Something just doesn’t seem right here”. Then, what do you think he says???? “Well, someone has to be outside with our guests….”. And then, I drowned him in the pool. Ok, I didn’t drown him in the pool, but in my mind, I could see myself dragging him out back and holding his hungover little head underneath the water until his cute little tan legs stopped kicking!
But, you know what I realized rather quickly. Hubby truly doesn’t care if the “food is prepped”, “people have drinks”, or even if anyone has any toilet paper. Much like all the other extra things I do, I do them because they matter to ME. And, they’re just never gonna be on hubby’s radar. He would still have the same good time with the “everyone fends for themselves” mentality. And once again, I have identified one of the most challenging & irritating differences between men & women. Men just simply don’t care and women do! And, as frustrating as it is…. It’s just never gonna change (at least not unless I string him up by his toenails and threaten no more TV!)
And he wonders why he’s always more tan than I am…… BASTARD!