When hubby hijacked my blog last week he ever-so-nicely shared a post about my decision making inability.
Today I offer my rebuttal.
Yes, hubby and I are a team. Yes, I solicit his opinion on many things. And yes, I even value his opinion (on most occasions.. when he’s not wrong!).
If you are in a relationship, you know that harmony is all about compromise. And, that you each bring something different to the table when it comes to skills, interests & priorities.
And, a marriage can work like a well-oiled machine when each of you takes on tasks that are most closely related to your skills & interests. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you make all the decisions for each & every task that’s “assigned” to you but, you do undoubtedly drive the decision making process. And, if you recall, hubby’s post was all about my process.
I can only imagine our marriage if I truly made ALL the decisions, without any input from hubby for ALL the tasks that are my responsibility. I’ve already established that hubby is only involved with a task when it’s directly of interest to him or provides some sort of fun/entertainment and that virtually EVERYTHING else falls into my wheelhouse. No, not because I’m more skilled. No, not because I’m more interested. Simply because, in my world, the task is a priority & in hubby’s world it’s not. If I made my own decisions in a vacuum, about everything that’s “my job” hubby would never, ever get to voice any opinion about anything (unless of course we were talking about electronics & tvs)!
Maybe it’s true. Maybe part of my process is giving him the illusion of participation. But, I can assure you that if I truly began to include him in every household decision (like he seems to think I do) his life would be vastly different.
Here are some decisions that I could start to include hubby in:
- Which cleaning supplies we use to clean the bathrooms (we all know hubby doesn’t clean…)
- Which soap we use to wash our hands (I think hubby would just substitute shampoo from the shower if necessary)
- Which toilet paper we buy (I bet this would matter if all of a sudden he had a sore bumm!)
- When we launder our towels (hubby doesn’t even know that linens are laundry…)
- Which shirt he should wear out for dinner (ok… I lie.. he has a tiny bit of input on this one….)
He can’t pick & choose when he wants to be involved because I already pick & choose when I involve him! My criteria however is pretty basic.. he’s really only involved in decisions that I believe will either have a significant impact on him, or when I think he’ll have a significant preference. All other questions are just a courtesy, my dear hubby. And, how quickly he forgets that sometimes his involvement in a decision that he originally didn’t want to be included in, has a huge pay off….. It hasn’t been that long since we bought our new fridge. And, his involvement and influence (and excitement!) was integral in the decision making process (and arguably this decision fell pretty neatly into MY wheelhouse!).
And oh yeah, as for those blue curtains….. I’ll admit it, I do try to include hubby in our decorating decisions because after all, he does live in the house with me! But, I’ll be honest here. Hubby has admitted he’s a bit color blind. He’s admitted he really doesn’t have any decorating sense. He’s admitted that he could give a crap about what color the curtains are. He’s also admitted that he’d be ok if “we never, ever even put curtains up”. So yes, I bought blue curtains even after hubby said he didn’t care for them because they look good dammit! And, let’s be honest…. he wouldn’t know the difference one way or the other. So yes, asking for his opinion, was indeed just part of my process!
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Absolutely true! I love it; being a husband I can relate to the fact that most of the time we do not share the same priorities in life as our wives.
Unfortunately the difference in priorities leads to misunderstanding…
Ladies it’s not that we don’t care about the things you care about; it’s that we don’t know we’re supposed to care until you threaten us with; well anything…
We need a good hit upside the head sometimes to understand the importance of things in your world!!!
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Nathan ~ Ahhhh,, the good old argument that you need to be “reminded” of the importance of things. It just reinforces my theory that “it can’t be nagging.. if it’s not actually nagging”!! 🙂
Here’s the original post!
https://thehubbydiaries.wordpress.com/2010/01/12/is-it-nagging-if-its-not-nagging/
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Yes, so once again I show up to a battle of wits unarmed!
*he slowly backs away and retreats into his cave to once again feel sorry for himself all the while wondering where he went wrong*
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Actually, Nathan, is IS that we don’t care about the same things they do.
The idea that we are SUPPOSED to care about the same things they do — more specifically, that men are by default wrong when they don’t care about the same things women do — is the problem.
Frankly I wonder why more women don’t just marry each other.
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Well, you are very kind to even bother to ask his opinion. In my home however, hubby is asked, but if his decision is not the same as mine (ie. like you said, is wrong) then I get final say. I like my life….aaaaahhhh….
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Sandra ~ Sounds like you have it all figured out! The person who is correct (ie. US!) should really always have the final say.. it’s the only thing that makes sense! 🙂
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If you are going to go with your inclination despite what he said, it would be more polite to not interrupt his football game.
In some cases “Yes, dear” is the polite form of “I know your little game, now bugger off, do whatever the hell you want, which is what you intended the whole time, and stop bothering me with your faux show of valuing my input as anything other than funding for your decisions.”
When football is involved, “Uh-huh” means “Yes, dear.”
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Man I am in awe that you are even wanting his input. Tracy doesnt ever ask me anything. I most of the time (all the time) do what she tells me and if she ask for my input I just tell her “whatever you want”. Oh well
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Scott ~ You are indeed a wise man. Following your wife’s lead is probably the smartest thing you could do (she’s probably always right anyway 🙂 ) I do value hubby’s input (but only when I choose to solicit his thoughts… LOL!)
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