The Decision Making Process

When hubby hijacked my blog last week he ever-so-nicely shared a post about my decision making inability.

 

Today I offer my rebuttal.

 

Yes, hubby and I are a team.  Yes, I solicit his opinion on many things.  And yes, I even value his opinion (on most occasions.. when he’s not wrong!).

 

If you are in a relationship, you know that harmony is all about compromise.  And, that you each bring something different to the table when it comes to skills, interests & priorities.

 

And, a marriage can work like a well-oiled machine when each of you takes on tasks that are most closely related to your skills & interests.  This doesn’t necessarily mean that you make all the decisions for each & every task that’s “assigned” to you but, you do undoubtedly drive the decision making process.  And, if you recall, hubby’s post was all about my process.

 

I can only imagine our marriage if I truly made ALL the decisions, without any input from hubby for ALL the tasks that are my responsibility.  I’ve already established that hubby is only involved with a task when it’s directly of interest to him or provides some sort of fun/entertainment and that virtually EVERYTHING else falls into my wheelhouse.  No, not because I’m more skilled.  No, not because I’m more interested.  Simply because, in my world, the task is a priority & in hubby’s world it’s not.  If I made my own decisions in a vacuum, about everything that’s “my job” hubby would never, ever get to voice any opinion about anything (unless of course we were talking about electronics & tvs)!

 

Maybe it’s true.  Maybe part of my process is giving him the illusion of participation.  But, I can assure you that if I truly began to include him in every household decision (like he seems to think I do) his life would be vastly different.

 

Here are some decisions that I could start to include hubby in:

• Which cleaning supplies we use to clean the bathrooms (we all know hubby doesn’t clean…)
• Which soap we use to wash our hands (I think hubby would just substitute shampoo from the shower if necessary)
• Which toilet paper we buy (I bet this would matter if all of a sudden he had a sore bumm!)
• When we launder our towels (hubby doesn’t even know that linens are laundry…)
• Which shirt he should wear out for dinner (ok… I lie.. he has a tiny bit of input on this one….)

 

He can’t pick & choose when he wants to be involved because I already pick & choose when I involve him!   My criteria however is pretty basic.. he’s really only involved in decisions that I believe will either have a significant impact on him, or when I think he’ll have a significant preference.  All other questions are just a courtesy, my dear hubby.  And, how quickly he forgets that sometimes his involvement in a decision that he originally didn’t want to be included in, has a huge pay off….. It hasn’t been that long since we bought our new fridge.   And, his involvement and influence (and excitement!) was integral in the decision making process (and arguably this decision fell pretty neatly into MY wheelhouse!).

 

And oh yeah, as for those blue curtains….. I’ll admit it, I do try to include hubby in our decorating decisions because after all, he does live in the house with me! But, I’ll be honest here.  Hubby has admitted he’s a bit color blind.  He’s admitted he really doesn’t have any decorating sense.  He’s admitted that he could give a crap about what color the curtains are.  He’s also admitted that he’d be ok if “we never, ever even put curtains up”.  So yes, I bought blue curtains even after hubby said he didn’t care for them because they look good dammit!  And, let’s be honest…. he wouldn’t know the difference one way or the other.  So yes, asking for his opinion, was indeed just part of my process!

 

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