If you’ve ever been married or in a long term relationship, you’ve probably realized that ever-so-slowly extra relationship “responsibilities” seem to creep up on you.
Most of these responsibilities are in direct correlation to the harmony in your relationship. And maybe, these aren’t even really responsibilities per se… they are simply little extras that you do to live a peaceful & happy coexistence with your partner.
These can be little things like the “responsibility” of changing the toilet paper roll, or not leaving toothpaste in the sink. Or, they can be larger things like extra chores, household repairs or renovating the bathroom.
All of these are important as you grow closer to your partner and begin to build your lives together. But, these are not the only responsibilities that sneak their way into your life. There’s a whole unspoken & unwritten list of duties that you take on as the woman in a relationship. These are the tasks that are whispered about in corners, and snickered about as older generations happily pass the torch to younger more naïve girls.
And, it’s these unforeseen and unspoken responsibilities that I want to highlight today.
I’ll bet you’ve heard one (or more) of these statements whispered among friends…
- How could his girlfriend let him leave the house in those pants?
- Why would his wife let him come to this event with his hair looking like that?
- Did you see how messy their basement was? I can’t believe she didn’t straighten up before we came over.
I’m not sure if you’re starting to see a trend here so let me say it in a much more obvious way:
When a women enters a relationship, she truly does take on the responsibility of managing the life of an adult child.. (AKA a man). It doesn’t necessarily matter what the topic or task is (there are many). What does matter is that, as a woman, unbeknownst to you, everything your boyfriend/husband does (or doesn’t do) has now become a direct reflection on you!
So ladies, today I’m breaking the code and I’m about to outline for you these unwritten responsibilities. The ones no one tells you about. The ones by which you will forever be judged. The ones that will sneak their way into your life and require you to take on a whole slew of additional duties that you never really knew were coming.
The Rules/Responsibilities No One Tells You About.
- How Your Man Looks/Dresses Will Now Always Reflect Back On You: If he’s in mismatched outfits, if he’s wearing wrinkled clothes, if he’s wearing white socks with black shoes … People will always wonder how you could let him out of the house looking that way. If he’s ungroomed, he needs a shave or a hair cut, or is sporting a massive unibrow, people will shake their heads about the woman in his life who is ok with him looking so unkempt. Conversely, if he’s well coiffed and dressed to the nines, they will compliment him on his ability to put himself together (only a small few.. who have projects of their own at home, will recognize that you truly deserve all the credit).
- The Home Is Your Domain.. Any Time It’s Not In Pristine Condition, It’s Your Fault. It’s certainly no secret that men, generally speaking, aren’t homemakers. And by homemaker I mean they could care less about curtains, tchotchkes or just about any other home décor item. Consequently, everything that goes into keeping your home looking nice is a reflection of you, not him. This of course means that, if for some reason you have people over and there are dust bunnies free-flowing through the man cave or piles of unopened mail on the counter, as the woman of the house, YOU do not keep a clean home, not your hubby. He could choose to live perpetually in a crap-filled, filthy home but the moment you enter his life, his lazy, unclean lifestyle now makes YOU look bad.
- A Man Can Arrive Alone At Any Get Together With Arms-a-Swinging (or a 6 pack of beer) And Get Away With It…. Until A Woman Enters His Life. How many times have you watched a guy get together with his buddies and not ever think to bring anything with him? And, do you think that if he were invited to a nicer dinner party he would ever think to offer to bring a pie or a bottle of wine? How about a Hostess Gift? (Wait…what’s a hostess gift? Do Twinkies count??) BUT, once a man has a woman in his life, he’s no longer able to show up with nothing. If he arrives with his girlfriend to family dinner you had better believe that there will be chatting in the kitchen about what they did or did not bring.. even if this exact same man has never, ever, shown up with anything other than himself. And, as the woman in his life, you had better believe that it’s your responsibility to make sure that something is in his arms as he enters the party.. otherwise, YOU are the one who looks bad!
- He’s Never, Ever, Remembered A Special Event … Until Now. We all know that a man’s internal calendar is sometimes not set properly. They don’t remember birthdays, anniversaries or any other important dates. But, once you’re in a relationship, it’s no longer his responsibility to remember any calendar entries… it’s YOURS. His grandma’s birthday – your responsibility. His cousin’s wedding date – your responsibility. This duty extends well beyond yearly occurrences. You need to remember dinner plans for next Tuesday, Uncle Jim’s retirement party and so on. You have become his calendar… it’s part of your job description… there’s no need for him to remember anything anymore. And, if he misses calling his Aunt on her birthday… it’s YOUR fault!
- How Many Ways Do I Need To Say Thank You? A man on his own, feels that niceties are unnecessary. Why should I send a card or a thank you note? (Because you should dang it!) And, on his own, no one expects a thank you card from a man. They don’t expect a housewarming gift, an engagement card or a sympathy note. BUT, when a woman enters his life there’s a whole new set of expectations. If someone does something nice or goes out of their way and the new couple doesn’t send a thank you card, you had better believe that idle chit-chat at the next get together is “Can you believe how rude.. they didn’t even send a card”. But, by “they”, what they really mean is “she”… because it’s all YOUR fault.. you are shirking your relationship responsibilities……
- You Have Now Become a Personal Assistant/Secretary. In addition to maintaining both of your personal calendars, you will also begin to receive phone calls to schedule appointments for the man in your life. His aunts, sister, and even some friends will begin to call you when they want to see him since either a) they know that he will not return their call or b) they recognize that you are the keeper of the calendar. Now, if he doesn’t return a phone call or doesn’t share information with other people in his life, it’s no longer his fault…. It’s yours, since his communication with others (or lack thereof) is now your responsibility!
So, there you have it…the unwritten list of things you’ll wind up doing solely to make sure that your man doesn’t make YOU look bad, by simply being himself!
Remember, these things don’t all happen at once, they gradually infiltrate your life and before you know it you’re not only doing all the extras you anticipated (extra cleaning, extra laundry, extra grocery shopping) but you’ll wake up one day and you’ll have a whole list of new duties. And you’ll take on these responsibilities, just to make sure you don’t overhear those whispers in the corners about why you’d let him out of the house in a holey, wrinkled shirt that should have been retired long ago…..
I”m sure I’ve missed some hidden and unforeseen duties that you take on as a woman… if I’ve missed one that you’ve found yourself doing, please feel free to share!!