The Perfect Tree

The statement that hubby HATES shopping probably doesn’t come as a surprise to you.  And, I suppose hate is perhaps too weak a word.  Other words that come to mind:  abhor, deplore, despise, detest, loathe.  Let’s just say, he’d probably rather have toothpicks shoved underneath his fingernails than go shopping.

 

If you’ve been reading my blogs for a while, you may remember the shopping excursion for our new refrigerator.  This story was shared in my unemployment blog from last year (when I was still unemployed and blogging there regularly).

There are two key takeaways from this story…

 

1. It wasn’t a shopping excursion for US, it was a shopping excursion for ME  (this is because hubby told ME to do all the shopping and then, when I had narrowed it down to my favorites, he’d come to see them -thus excusing himself from annoying trips to umpteen stores to see different styles and to compare prices) 

 

2. Hubby’s ultimate choice was driven SOLEY by bright lights & the size of the fridge (totally negating all the pre-work I had done about specs & features of all the fridges).  Not much unlike the Bigger Is Always Better Theory

 

Hubby is a fairly typical man:

A trip to Target – MISERABLE

A trip to Best Buy – HAPPY!

A trip to the Mall – MISERABLE

A trip to ummm…. ahhhh…. Ok, maybe it’s just Best Buy that makes him happy!

 

If you were to ask hubby how he might acquire things without making any shopping trips, he’d happily tell you that his store of choice would be Amazon.com.  Where he could happily shop from the comfort of his couch!

 

Anyhow, there are 2 things that can get hubby to motivate his lazy ass off the couch to go shopping. One is electronics (which should be no surprise to you, since you’ve heard me blog quite a few times about our tv purchase).   And, the 2^nd item is not so obvious…. It’s actually a Christmas tree.  Yes, my grumpy, awfulizer hubby LOVES Christmas!  He hates the crowds, the shopping, and the work involved but he sure does love his tree.

 

So every year we head out to buy a live Christmas tree.  Now, you’d think since hubby loathes shopping this would be a relatively painless experience BUT, you’d be wrong.  This is another hubby idiosyncrasy, perhaps it’s reflective of the same mental reason he needs to eat his cheese flat or, the same reason he must use a certain bowl for a certain food item but….. the tree we purchase must be PERFECT.

• It can’t be too tall
• It can’t be too short
• It can’t be too wide
• It can’t be too full
• It must be symmetrical
• It must have nooks & crannies
• It must just reach our ceiling
• It must have perfect branches
• It must sing songs of joy & Christmas cheer
• It must decorate itself
• It must bake sugar cookies…

 

Ok… maybe I got a bit carried away at the end there… but I think you’re getting the point.  We need to buy the most pristine perfect tree when we go shopping.. no matter what sort of effort this takes.

 

So, off we go to buy a tree.

 

We stop at one roadside vendor.  He has TONS of trees.

 

Hubby:  “Why does he have so many all tied up.. I can’t tell what they really look like”

Me:  “Well, let’s get him to untie some”

Hubby:  “No, they’ll still be all squished… we’ll never get a good gauge”

Me: “Well, let’s just look around anyway”

Hubby:totally disengaged at this point .. wanders around aimlessly looking at everything BUT trees

Me: “Ok, let’s try somewhere else”

Hubby:  smiling again  “OK!”

 

New Vendor

 

Hubby: “I don’t like these kinds of trees”

Me: “Huh?  They’re Christmas trees??”

Hubby:  “No, I like Balsam or maybe Nobles and these all look Douglas Firs”

Me:  “Does it really make that much of a difference.. these are only $30!”

Hubby: “Yeah, it makes a difference.  I like the ones that are less full so you can put the ornaments into the tree”

Me: “So, none of these will work?”

Hubby:  “Nope, they’re all too dense & full”

Me: “Ok, let’s try somewhere else”

 

Driving up to new vendor

 

Hubby:  “I can tell already that they don’t have the right trees”

Me:  “We’re still in the parking lot.. how on earth can you tell from this far away?”

Hubby:  “I just can”

Me: “Can we at least go look?”

Hubby: grumbling  “I guess”

 

Walking through the trees…..

 

Hubby: “See, I told you these would all suck”

Me: “You’re sure there’s nothing here that would work?”

Hubby:  “No”

Me:getting exasperated “Ok, we’ll try somewhere else”

 

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.  (I think I lost count about how many places we tried….)

 

So eventually, we wind up at Home Depot…. It’s now about 8:50pm.  We walk in the door and we immediately hear a PA announcement… “the store will be closing in 10 minutes….”

 

Hubby looks at me and says….. “You know I can’t pick one out in only 10 minutes…”

 

And then….. Yes, you guessed it….. We don’t even bother looking and we go home empty handed.

 

I swear I couldn’t make this shit up.

 

On a side note:  I will admit that we always wind up with a beautiful tree.  So, I’m not taking anything away from hubby holding out for perfection but good lord, it’s worth traveling to 6 different stores to find a Christmas tree but not to buy a $2500 refrigerator?????    Aaaaaarrrrghhhhhh!!