The statement that hubby HATES shopping probably doesn’t come as a surprise to you. And, I suppose hate is perhaps too weak a word. Other words that come to mind: abhor, deplore, despise, detest, loathe. Let’s just say, he’d probably rather have toothpicks shoved underneath his fingernails than go shopping.
If you’ve been reading my blogs for a while, you may remember the shopping excursion for our new refrigerator. This story was shared in my unemployment blog from last year (when I was still unemployed and blogging there regularly).
There are two key takeaways from this story…
- It wasn’t a shopping excursion for US, it was a shopping excursion for ME (this is because hubby told ME to do all the shopping and then, when I had narrowed it down to my favorites, he’d come to see them -thus excusing himself from annoying trips to umpteen stores to see different styles and to compare prices)
- Hubby’s ultimate choice was driven SOLEY by bright lights & the size of the fridge (totally negating all the pre-work I had done about specs & features of all the fridges). Not much unlike the Bigger Is Always Better Theory
Hubby is a fairly typical man:
A trip to Target – MISERABLE
A trip to Best Buy – HAPPY!
A trip to the Mall – MISERABLE
A trip to ummm…. ahhhh…. Ok, maybe it’s just Best Buy that makes him happy!
If you were to ask hubby how he might acquire things without making any shopping trips, he’d happily tell you that his store of choice would be Amazon.com. Where he could happily shop from the comfort of his couch!
Anyhow, there are 2 things that can get hubby to motivate his lazy ass off the couch to go shopping. One is electronics (which should be no surprise to you, since you’ve heard me blog quite a few times about our tv purchase). And, the 2nd item is not so obvious…. It’s actually a Christmas tree. Yes, my grumpy, awfulizer hubby LOVES Christmas! He hates the crowds, the shopping, and the work involved but he sure does love his tree.
So every year we head out to buy a live Christmas tree. Now, you’d think since hubby loathes shopping this would be a relatively painless experience BUT, you’d be wrong. This is another hubby idiosyncrasy, perhaps it’s reflective of the same mental reason he needs to eat his cheese flat or, the same reason he must use a certain bowl for a certain food item but….. the tree we purchase must be PERFECT.
- It can’t be too tall
- It can’t be too short
- It can’t be too wide
- It can’t be too full
- It must be symmetrical
- It must have nooks & crannies
- It must just reach our ceiling
- It must have perfect branches
- It must sing songs of joy & Christmas cheer
- It must decorate itself
- It must bake sugar cookies…
Ok… maybe I got a bit carried away at the end there… but I think you’re getting the point. We need to buy the most pristine perfect tree when we go shopping.. no matter what sort of effort this takes.
So, off we go to buy a tree.
We stop at one roadside vendor. He has TONS of trees.
Hubby: “Why does he have so many all tied up.. I can’t tell what they really look like”
Me: “Well, let’s get him to untie some”
Hubby: “No, they’ll still be all squished… we’ll never get a good gauge”
Me: “Well, let’s just look around anyway”
Hubby:totally disengaged at this point .. wanders around aimlessly looking at everything BUT trees
Me: “Ok, let’s try somewhere else”
Hubby: smiling again “OK!”
New Vendor
Hubby: “I don’t like these kinds of trees”
Me: “Huh? They’re Christmas trees??”
Hubby: “No, I like Balsam or maybe Nobles and these all look Douglas Firs”
Me: “Does it really make that much of a difference.. these are only $30!”
Hubby: “Yeah, it makes a difference. I like the ones that are less full so you can put the ornaments into the tree”
Me: “So, none of these will work?”
Hubby: “Nope, they’re all too dense & full”
Me: “Ok, let’s try somewhere else”
Driving up to new vendor
Hubby: “I can tell already that they don’t have the right trees”
Me: “We’re still in the parking lot.. how on earth can you tell from this far away?”
Hubby: “I just can”
Me: “Can we at least go look?”
Hubby: grumbling “I guess”
Walking through the trees…..
Hubby: “See, I told you these would all suck”
Me: “You’re sure there’s nothing here that would work?”
Hubby: “No”
Me:getting exasperated “Ok, we’ll try somewhere else”
Lather. Rinse. Repeat. (I think I lost count about how many places we tried….)
So eventually, we wind up at Home Depot…. It’s now about 8:50pm. We walk in the door and we immediately hear a PA announcement… “the store will be closing in 10 minutes….”
Hubby looks at me and says….. “You know I can’t pick one out in only 10 minutes…”
And then….. Yes, you guessed it….. We don’t even bother looking and we go home empty handed.
I swear I couldn’t make this shit up.
On a side note: I will admit that we always wind up with a beautiful tree. So, I’m not taking anything away from hubby holding out for perfection but good lord, it’s worth traveling to 6 different stores to find a Christmas tree but not to buy a $2500 refrigerator????? Aaaaaarrrrghhhhhh!!
Perhaps bribing him with a trip to Best Buy or BrandSmart (if you have those up there…completely droolworthy electronics heaven) if he picks one quickly will work better? I don’t know, just throwing out ideas here… 🙂 Merry Christmas you two!
LikeLike
skrapdiggy… hmmmmm, you may be onto something! And, I’m certainly not beyond bribery (or Aversion therapy!). Happy Holiday to you too!!
LikeLike
That was very funny!!!!!
I woudl tell my man that it is his responsibility, just like so many things are mine, and he really can do this all on his own. It may not happen then…… haha.
LikeLike
Mynakedbokkie ~ Normally I’d be all over the “this one is your responsiblity” but since it’s the holiday I sort of feel like we should do it together… even though it winds up being painful sometimes! Guess, I sort of bring this one on myself! 🙂
LikeLike
His long lost twin brother who is exactly like him is living here with me in the UK. Dropped by from the LBS.
Carol from http://www.facing50withhumour.blogspot.com
LikeLike
Hi,
I’m from the Lady Bloggers Tea PartyQ
This was so funny! That’s cool that even with all the quirks of Christmas tree shopping you wind up with a great tree. You have got some patience girl.
How would he like it if you both went shopping for a tree and you said, This tree is beautiful lets pick this one? I’m thinking he would say, well it’s just not full enough.
TJ of http://www.Bubblingwitheleganceandgrace.com
LikeLike
You, my dear, have the patience of a saint! I don’t think I could do it; not only because I really hate shopping and driving to multiple places, but also because I have very, very, extremely low patience.
I hope you get your gorgeous, perfect tree soon!!
LikeLike
Too funny! And a bit ironic (for me). Why? For the past two weeks I’ve been asking my husband to get the Christmas decorations out of the shed. He finally did last night right before our sons opened their XMAS cards with gift cards for Best Buy. Everyone (but me) is dressed and ready to go down to Best Buy. Seriously, electronic shops should sell Christmas trees and decorations.
I loved your writing and quite happy to have stumbled upon your blog (via Lady Tea Bloggers Society). Have a very merry Christmas!
LikeLike
Hi there! Just found you via LBS tea party! LOVE it! Sounds like my husband!
LikeLike
My husband would argue that this is a genetic glitch in my family – I tortured him about our tree this year! It’s got nooks, it’s got crannies….and it gracefully skims the ceiling. That is until Eamon hacked the top off with a hand saw……ack! Now the top’s a bit stubby but the star sure looks grand. Merry Christmas!
LikeLike
Oh My!!! My husband hates shopping too, but I can honestly say that he is not picky about anything. My 6 year old son however, well let’s just say we had an similar experience picking out our tree with him.
Hopping over from Lady Bloggers:)
LikeLike
Oh..My..Goodness. I would find any excuse to get out of tree shopping. lol Give him some snacks and a scarf and tell him you will see him in a few days. 🙂
LikeLike
I do like me some snacks. You may be onto something.
LikeLike
No idea how you are able to be so patient. That is amazing. My other half also LOVES Christmas and while we had different ideas of what we like in a tree, I am grateful neither of us wanted to go elsewhere to get one.
Thanks for the laughs! Keep up the great work.
LikeLike