I mentioned not long ago that I love to be surprised for Christmas rather than providing a wish list for Santa. Hubby on the other hand, is perfectly happy making a check list of items for me to divvy up among his family. This way he gets all the things he really wants but probably won’t buy for himself. If you were reading The Hubby Diaries last year around Christmas time, you may remember that hubby likes to slip items into the list that may seem a bit unrealistic. (Click HERE for a sample of hubby’s list from last year.) Yes, last year, hubby slipped a sofa onto his list. This item was intermingled with normal items like new socks, video games & shaving cream. Then BAM! You’re hit with a request for a new sofa….. I’m not sure if this is a test to see if I’m actually reading his list thoroughly or, if he really wanted to take a shot at asking for something he was unlikely to get.
The more I think about it, maybe he really was just hopeful that someone would actually surprise him with a new sofa. And, if I give it some additional evaluation, I’m worried that he might have actually learned this behavior from me. Now, I know you are shocked to hear this… but I’m afraid it could quite possibly be the case…
I’m certainly the first to admit that I’m perfect… and that all the crazy behavior in our home comes from hubby and hubby alone. I’m also fairly certain that hubby’s quirks FAR OUTWEIGH my own. Hubby is obviously the nutty one and I am the sane one. Come to think of it, it’s obvious to anyone who knows us that hubby’s personal, gravitational pull is far stronger than mine and, if anything, I’ve become more like him than him like me. Sometimes when I catch myself doing something that makes no sense, I have to stop and pause. And then I realize that I’m behaving exactly like hubby and he’s undoubtedly rubbing off on me. Actually, now that I’ve gone through this circular line of thinking, I guess I’m willing to admit that this too is probably hubby’s fault! (Wow, I’m exhausted.. that was some deep self-analysis right there…)
Anyway, now that I’m done babbling, please let me explain.
Anytime hubby asks what I’d like for a gift giving occasion, be it a birthday, Christmas, anniversary etc., I give him the same response: A Masseuse
(I suppose this could be considered my sofa!)
Now mind you, I do not mean a gift certificate to the local spa (although these are certainly nice). I mean a real, living & breathing masseuse who comes with strong hands and a permanent, wafting, aromatherapy-like scent. Ahhhhhh…. Wouldn’t life be grand if I could come home from a long day at work, lie down and have someone massage away all of the stresses of my day???
Now, you may be thinking…. Well, you don’t have a trained masseuse BUT you do have a husband who could substitute an awkward, less smelly (in bad way) rub down. But you’d be wrong! Hubby is not a back rubber. Period. The End.
I keep a lot of my stress in my neck & upper back and any time I’ve asked hubby to work out some of my tension, I get the same exasperated look as if I’ve just asked him to visit one of the Circles of Hell with me. He grumbles, and sighs, and squishes his face up, and begrudgingly extends one of his hands to barely touch my back. And, after about 2 seconds of lightly running his fingers across my neck, he starts complaining about hand cramps. And this happens Every. Single. Time.
So, you can see why I have this dream of absolving hubby of this husbandly duty and fulfilling this role with a well-trained, live-in, pair of cramp-free hands! This would in essence be a gift for both of us (and you know how much hubby loves those gifts for me that are actually gifts for him!!)
Needless to say, after years and years of asking I have yet to receive this gift.
So a few months ago I took matters into my own hands (so to speak) and I ordered a spa neck wrap & eye pillow. You know the ones that are filled with a wonderful spa-like herbal scent and offer you a tiny glimpse of relaxation coupled with some tension removing heat. Now, there are no magical fingers that spring out from this neck wrap to massage away my knots but, the aroma brings me to the spa (even if it’s just in my head) and the heat does indeed help to melt away some of my neck tension. And, when the neck & eye pillow arrived it was like the skies cleared, the sun shined down upon me and the angels were singing. Ok, perhaps that was an overstatement but suffice to say I was in love. (As much as I could be with an inanimate object that needed to be microwaved to get in the mood).
And, I think that hubby saw extreme value in this small addition to our lives. I had a live-in solution to the “Hubby, won’t you please rub my neck” question. So, as I began to use this neck wrap regularly and get more and more intimate with it, hubby decided to give it his own pet name. I suppose that Aromatherapy Spa Neck Wrap was too difficult to roll off the tongue, so hubby started calling it my ‘Hot Smelly’. As in, “Hubby, my neck is bothering me tonight” which would bring the response “why don’t you heat up your Hot Smelly”. And that my friends, is how our love affair with the Hot Smelly began.
But, as you may know, I’m all about sharing.. .and I just couldn’t keep this warm, new friend all to myself. So, one day I say to hubby… “You know, these Hot Smellys (cause now I called them this too!) would make great Christmas presents for everyone.” And, hubby agreed. And that should be where this story ends but…….
I couldn’t end this story without a quick fast forward to Christmas.
I proceeded to buy Hot Smellys for everyone in our lives. And, as we handed them out to our family on Christmas… I’ll can tell you this – there are two words that you probably shouldn’t use when you’re explaining the gift you’ve just given. One word is Hot and the other word is Smelly.
And oh, by the way, I still haven’t given up on the request for a full time masseuse. If I’ve learned anything from hubby it’s that persistence (or maybe it’s just wearing someone down) does indeed pay off! Here’s to a live in masseuse in 2011!
I have no affiliation whatsoever with the company that makes Hot Smellys (I imagine that if they knew I called them ‘Hot Smellys’ they probably wouldn’t be thrilled) but, if you’re interested in purchasing one (which I highly recommend since they are on special for $15.00!) here is the link: http://www.spawrapsretailoutletstore.com/featuredspecial.html