It’s probably a yearly or maybe even an every-few-year occurrence, that hubby needs to “replenish” almost his entire wardrobe.
Key indicators that it’s time would include:
- Frayed Jeans with worn knees
- Holey underwear
- Shrunken & stained t-shirts
- The inability to zip up pants
It’s certainly no secret that hubby hates to shop. There’s rarely a day that he will willingly enter the mall.. not even when the required purchases are for himself.
And… on the rarest of occasions, it’s not just the staples that need replenishing. Every other leap year, on the 5th Tuesday of the month, when Mercury is in retrograde, hubby admits that he requires a shopping experience that’s slightly more complicated than running into Target to buy a package of boxer briefs.
So, when this dreadful day comes around, hubby is anything but excited to make the painful trek to the mall to get the necessary items. And, this past weekend we hit the tipping point.
You see, hubby likes to wear things until they disintegrate. So, as he picked up one of his last pairs of jeans and they melted away in his hands, he knew he couldn’t wait any longer. Plus, it was a holiday weekend so there would be sales (HOORAY – hubby is picking up my frugal gene!). But, as we start discussing our shopping tactics, hubby informs me that it’s not just jeans that are in need of replacing. As you know, another major indicator of needing new clothes is an altered body state (usually known as more or less weight). And, my dear hubby has been hitting the gym (and looking damn good if I do say so myself…. YUM! ok, back to my story…) Anyhoo… hubby’s shoulders are much broader and, in general, his body shape is vastly different, so there are many things that don’t fit him. This makes him miserable – not the fact that he’s looking good – but the fact that he’s brought this on himself and now he needs a full-fledged shopping day. As you can imagine, the thought of having to visit multiple stores, to shop for multiple items, is taking it’s toll on dear hubby.
He needs suits, sport coats, jeans, dress shirts and even some summer clothes – since we finally just book a beach vacation (Yippppeeeeee!). And, these cannot all be purchased at the same place. So, we head off to make hubby more miserable as we plan our attack on the local stores. And then, the grumbling begins..
“I hate the mall…………”
“I don’t know which jeans I like” as he stares at every imaginable number of Levi’s
“I can’t believe how expensive these are….”
“I don’t wanna try anything on…..”
I swear, it’s like shopping with a 5 year old… but worse. Since this 5 year old understands the value of money and actually has his own thoughts about what looks good (however misguided they may be) don’t forget this is the guy who used to wear white socks & black shoes!
Needless to say, we survive the outing. We spend like 16 cajillion dollars (Holy CRAP! Suits are expensive) and we head home after rewarding hubby with ice cream for being so good (ok, this didn’t really happen, but it probably should have).
Then, when we get back to our house. We’re barely in the door and hubby is headed down to the man cave. When I ask where he’s going he tells me……
“I need to go play video games to relax and relieve myself of all the trauma caused by a day of shopping”.
“Uhmmmm… ok, you go relax and unwind dear, I know it was a rough day….. I’ll just be here cleaning the kitchen, starting some laundry, cooking dinner, paying bills……and… and… and…”
I guess that’s the price I pay to have a well-dressed, stylish husband, in clothes that fit.. *sigh*