Posts Tagged ‘becoming an adult’

I hate to admit this to you all but I watched an episode of Celebrity Wife Swap this week.  Now, the mere use of the word “celebrity” is probably a stretch given who appears on that show.  And, this probably helps solidify hubby’s position that reality tv is rotting my brain but.. either way, the damage is done.  I watched it.  I cannot undo it.  I lost an hour of my life into a dark abyss of mind-numbing morons.  And, I’m no better… and quite possibly more stupid for having done it.  But oh well…..we all do things we regret!


Anyhow, this particular episode featured the Speidi couple.  Spencer Pratt and Heidi what’s her name… from that show that whatchamacallit show, that many people watched but I have no interest or knowledge of (pretty sure it’s called The Hills).  Needless to say, I’m unsure how these nobody’s could be known as “celebrities” because of this show.  But, I suppose it if can happen to somebody named Snookie… this isn’t a far stretch.


What struck me as absurd, was this bozo Spencer’s inability to behave like an adult.  Now, I’ve often referred to my own dear hubby as a child.. but this Spencer moron takes it to a whole new level.  His equally vapid wife desperately wants to have children and I got the impression he wouldn’t give up his self-indulgent, extra hour of sleep to tend to his wife’s severed limb much less a crying infant.    If I had ever married this kid (which I wouldn’t) I’d have to smother him during his blissful nap on the lounge chair.


So, it got me thinking about men taking that giant leap into adulthood.  Some men go willingly and welcome adult responsibilities – they hum happy songs as they mow the lawn, they make their own “honey do” lists with household projects, they learn all the settings on both the dishwasher and clothes washer. Some men get dragged (or rather nudged) along, kicking and screaming the entire way as they are pushed out of Mommy’s house into their own place so she can finally have an empty nest.. but they return home every weekend with a bag of laundry, they open mom’s cupboards and fridge and pack to-go bags of food, and they even cling desperately to a life with no commitments.  But, the vast majority of men, step into adulthood very slowly, by dipping one toe into the water with a solo trip to the grocery store… then, if all goes well, they may try to vacuum, perhaps an attempt at a pasta dinner, followed possibly by a made bed (WITH all the extra pillows!) and then maybe, just maybe – if they are feeling extra confident… a load of gentle cycle laundry (this one takes a lot of trust ladies!).


Before you know it… your husband has become an adult.  Ok wait… I took it too far.  Your husband is on his way to becoming an adult.  We all know that this is a long term project!


So… here are just a few ways you know your husband is “growing up”


  • He not only takes a trip to the grocery store but he actually looks around the house and in the fridge to create a shopping list. Not long ago hubby wouldn’t have even considered bringing a list to the store but after 10 years of marital training he did just that this past week…. I’m such a proud wife!
  • He returns from his Saturday morning outdoor chores and stands in the house admiring his own lawn. While the lawn itself may not dictate when it needs to be mowed (even though a normal person might disagree)… hubby does , in fact, set aside an official “lawn mowing day” each week and he (generally) sticks to this schedule for the entire summer. A scheduled, recurring, chore is a BIG step towards adulthood!
  • He runs out of undies and decides to do a load of laundry (all on his own!).  I’ll admit this one is still a work in progress… since only recently did I realize the underlying male struggle with understanding the need to wear clean undershorts each and every day. Hubby has, albeit on the rarest of occasions, popped in a load of laundry because he’s run out of something.
  • He, unprompted, puts sunscreen AND a sun hat on your baby/toddler. I know this goes against every fiber of his being to somehow be this domesticated.. but, he recognizes the importance and takes action to protect someone incredibly dear to him!
  • He actually hears the baby crying when it’s “HIS” night, without needing you to nudge him. This is likely never going to apply when it’s YOUR night (and he is obviously deaf).. but always remember this foray into adulthood comes in the form of baby steps……. And this is a BIG step – a BIG kid, taking care of a little kid!
  • He actually notices AND stops to pick up something dropped on your kitchen floor. Once your hubby is able to direct his Selective Vision towards things that actually need attention you’ll know he’s growing up!



I’m sure there are others and your list may indeed be longer than mine!  Some of the indicators I mentioned above may not actually be perfected in our home.    But as I mentioned before, it’s a long term project.  It’s a marathon, not a sprint.  And, it’s the path I have chosen… each day, my hubby grows up a teeny, tiny, bit.  Someday, hopefully before my son starts catching up to him, he will firmly step into adulthood and then we can begin to hone some of the skills he’s acquired to start coaching our son –so his wife-to-be will not have nearly as much work as I did!!


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Let me take you back in time a bit…. Close your eyes my dear blog readers (oh wait.. don’t do that – you won’t be able to read) and I’ll take you on a journey back to the early days with hubby.


It’s Christmas morning.. the lights are twinkling on the tree.  There’s colored paper strewn about the room as children scurry around with their new toys.  There’s merry laughter and smiles as the adults begin to exchange their gifts.


Hubby’s stack of presents sits in front of him… a large mountain of boxes & ribbons all teetering as they sit precariously perched upon a large, oddly shaped box.


Hubby’s giddy (as any child is on Christmas morning) and he eyes the stack of presents hungrily, as he sits on the edge of his chair.  He’s anxiously awaiting the subtle sign from the other adults that it’s time to dive into his loot.  And then, someone suggests to hubby that he open one of his gifts.  As he removes the paper from his first box, you can see his smiling eyes.


You see, it’s our first Christmas as a married couple and my family has welcomed hubby with open arms… arms that happened to be overflowing with presents on this holiday morning.


As hubby makes his way through his gifts toward the larger box on the bottom, you can see his excitement building.  Then, as he unwraps this signature big gift (remember Bigger is Always Better), his eyes stop smiling as confusion begin to seep in.  He turns the gift over.  He smiles.  He turns it back over.  He says thank you.  But, I can tell that the smile is gone from his eyes and he’s suffering from that moment of realization that every man must face at some point in his life.  The moment gift receiving becomes less fun…. The moment he realizes that he may not be running around the room with a new toy.  Yes, it’s that scary moment in every man’s life when he vividly realizes….. He Has Become An Adult…... 


And this scary, overwhelming moment, came courtesy of my parents as they gave him a wonderful set of tools as a Christmas present. 


It wasn’t necessarily marriage that scared hubby… it was realizing that although I’d been getting home items and decorations as gifts for years, he was now on a path where he’d have to sacrifice fun toys & games as gifts and watch silently as they were replaced with practical household tools… drills, ratchet sets, car jacks and so on.  I have to admit, I giggled a little, but it was truly a momentous day!


Interestingly enough, I did indeed see this scenario repeat itself as recently as this year.. when we gave hubby’s brother,who just bought himself his 1st home… – yes, you guessed it – a brand new set of tools for Christmas.  The only difference this time was the fact that hubby insisted we ALSO give his brother an automatic nerf air gun.   But even if we did try to soften the blow for hubby’s brother… the torch to adulthood was passed on to the next generation…


I posted last week about the interesting gift giving trend that creates a distinct difference between an acceptable gift for a man vs a gift for a woman.


I mentioned that a gift for a woman could be for her house or maybe for her family or even, quite possibly, to make cleaning easier.  This general bucket of gifts for women might be described as gifts that would somehow improve the household,  while a gift for a man is almost always a gift for him and him alone.


Now I know that many people might argue that a gift of tools.. which would ordinarily be for a man, would actually be a gift for the home… not for the man.


And, after reflecting back to the early days of my relationship with hubby, I’d actually have to agree. 


A gift of tools for a man borders on a gift of a vacuum cleaner for a woman (this of course doesn’t include an amazing Dyson – because, as you know, we BOTH get excited about that!) 


Although, I’m fairly certain that men (once they’ve accepted this tiny step towards adulthood) can indeed get excited about a new lawn mower and/or a new power drill.. cause gadgets & electronics & machines are just… well…. cool!  That is of course, as long as they’re accompanied by a remote control helicopter or perhaps a new video game. 


I suppose the life lesson here is that perhaps everything in life truly is all about balance!  Well, that and making sure you give your man some sort of manly toy to keep his eyes smiling on Christmas morning!  I promise you… it helps to ensure a happy marriage 🙂


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