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Posts Tagged ‘cookies’

I knew it… I knew it… I knew it.

 

I just knew that one day there would be an article, or a study that would help hubby argue his case against me.   I mistakenly stumbled on one when hubby was suspiciously sleeping through our screaming baby at night and claimed it was because he “didn’t hear him” (if you didn’t read that one just click HERE) and I knew it was only a matter of time before he could take to Google to find some obscure report that he could wave defiantly in my face as he danced around me singing… I told you so… I told you so…

 

And so folks, today (or well, more accurately last week) was that day.

 

Please let me explain.

 

If you’ve been reading for any length of time, you may know that cookies have somehow played an oddly, ever-present, role in our relationship.

 

You could start with the fact that when we began dating I referred to hubby as my “cookie”… and some of you may even remember one of my first blog posts that seemed to stir up a quite an internet debate from a few naysayers, about what a shitty person I am.  When we debated the cookie vs cracker monikers that I bestowed upon my boyfriends.  (You can read this one HERE).

 

Then, there was the story of how cupid “shot an arrow through hubby’s stomach” as I baked him fresh chocolate chip cookies shortly after we met.

 

A while back hubby celebrated the day that DiGiorno added cookies to their pizza boxes….. as he happily declared “They’ve combined 2 of the best things in the world!”

 

You may recall a blog post where hubby, with utter abandonment, consumed every-single cookie in our cupboard as our snack battle escalated.

 

And then, there was the time where he demonstrated his true love for me by leaving one solitary cookie in the box, just so it would be there for me to eat (or for me to throw away the box – even today, months and months later, I’m still not sure which).

 

And lastly, not all that long ago… I shared a story about the 900 lb box of Oreo cookies hubby just had-to-have at Costco.  Only to realize that the Costco version of Oreo’s are not, in fact, the double stuffed Oreos… and that regular Oreo’s do not, shockingly, have……. enough Stuff.

 

So this pretty much brings me to last week.  Where somebody, somewhere, who obviously wants to torture me, or perhaps test the fiber of my marriage…… put out a study showing that Oreos are actually just as addictive as ……………ready for this (in case you live in a cave and missed it last week) ……………..COCAINE!  (to read the full article click HERE or on the picture below)

 Oreo Article

Yes folks, the fantastic research analysts, just gave hubby the support info he needs to never, ever, save me another cookie for the rest of my life.  Since he has a study to prove that he can’t possibly help himself…. He… Must. Eat. Every. Cookie. In. The Box.   And, he will forever have evidence to throw at me to illustrate how it just couldn’t possibly be his fault that I get none.

 

Thank you research scientists.  Thank you makers of Oreos.   Thank you ever-so-much for giving hubby permission to say… “Sorry honey, the drugs made me do it”

 

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Oh Sandy….

Every time I say “Oh Sandy” (which I’ve been saying a lot lately) I have visions of John Travolta dancing through my head.  It’s just too bad that the “real” Sandy that I’m referring to isn’t filled with song and cheesy dance scenes. 

 

Yes, my last post  speculated that I was “back in the saddle” and getting enough sleep to start blogging regularly  AND THEN…. we were hit by hurricane Sandy and, if you’re a new reader, you may not know that hubby & I live at the Jersey Shore.

 

Now let me start by saying that we are all ok… As hubby likes to say, our new little one “earned his man card” by weathering the worst hurricane this area has ever seen.  He actually slept quite peacefully in what we have affectionately deemed his “Big Ass Bunny” (but we’ll leave that story for another day).    We live far enough in land that we were not impacted by the horrible surge that decimated much of our coastline.  And, we are EXTREMELY lucky in that all we had to deal with was a few days without power.  Many of our friends and neighbors were not nearly so lucky.. there were so many fallen trees and power lines that damaged people houses and littered our neighborhood that I consider us to be more than fortunate.    Maybe, just maybe, someone was looking down on us and thinking geez… maybe we should spare them.  They did just have a different kind of hurricane come into their lives… one that was 6 lbs 9oz and required multiple, emotional trips back to the hospital.  Maybe, we were spared because someone knew my mental stress capacity was at it’s limit.  Or maybe someone, somewhere, was thinking: We better not hit her too hard or she may never, ever blog again!

 

I like to think, for all your sake, it was that last one that really happened….. so that I can attempt, once again, to climb back on the blogging horse and amuse with you anecdotes from our lives.

 

So here goes it……………

 

In case you don’t recall my post from last year when Irene came to visit us.  Hurricane prep was not our strong suit.  Well, I’m happy to say we learned from that debacle and we were vastly better prepared this time.  Mostly because we already owned a generator due to that last storm (If you haven’t read that post HERE it is.  Go ahead and read it, I’ll wait right here).  So once again I bought our french toast supplies and some bottled water and we awaited the storm.  Then I realized heck, we have a baby now and we should be MORE prepared.  So we filled bathtubs with water, I ordered extra formula (how this helps since I need to buy it on line and I waited until the weekend of the hurricane is beyond me???!!!) and I bought the baby some nail clippers….. a baby MUST be well manicured for a hurricane  DUH!  Hubby battened down the hatches and filled all our gas tanks.  We were ready.

 

And then hubby realized we were missing something incredibly important if we were to get stuck in our house for days………….

Of course… the ever important cookies stash!

 

So I made one more trip to the grocery store and as everyone around me purchased essential items…. I purchased some additional essential items:  Donuts, cookies & diet pepsi.   Now, we were READY!

 

And so, we settled into our home and listened to the wind howl around us.  And then once the power went out, we were luckily a destination for friends and family for days since we had power (via the generator) and many of them did not.  And, I do have to say…. Having cookies seemed to make everyone feel just a little bit better!

 

I know normally my posts are chock full of underlying humor and I don’t want to disrespect anyone who was horribly impacted by this storm.  It was (and continues to be) devastating to so many.  The area where we grew up is not (and will never) be the same.  It’s heart wrenching to see so much destruction and so many lives changed forever.  My heart goes out to anyone who was either directly or indirectly impacted by this storm.  Together we will rebuild and reclaim the Jersey coastline.

 

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My dear hubby is like most men.  He generally believes bigger is better, that having more, or extras, or being faster, or longer somehow makes his experience vastly superior and ensures that when he compares notes with his buddies he can tell the taller tale.

 

The interesting thing is that men, who seem to constantly “one-up” each other do it with such finesse and in such a way, that no one is ever offended.  That rather than be annoyed that your buddy is one-upping you, it’s accepted as a challenge to go further, or buy bigger or construct larger.    Ah…  the male mentality.  Always in competition with everyone around you.

 

Well, today’s post isn’t about the usual one-upmanship.  The gathering of bells and whistles that would make hubby the better man.

 

It’s actually about quite the opposite.    Hubby’s admission that he’d be fine with less……  Yes, folks, I said less……..

 

Now if you’d ask me, I’d have a # of examples of situations where less is in fact, preferred.

 

So I bring to you a story about a recent shopping excursion.  Against hubby’s grumblings, I drag him to Costco to pick up some bulk items.  As we’re walking the aisles, something catches hubby’s eye.   Something that likely won’t surprise many of you…. The cookie aisle.

 

If you recall, I have a dreadful time keeping cookies in my house.   On any given day, I can go to the cabinet and pull out, what I thought would be a full cookie package, and find 2 cookies and crumbs left for me.   Hubby has no self-control when it comes to eating cookies and, as I’ve been told by my loving husband, if I can’t get my share quick enough, then I might just have to go without.   Alas, this is the life I’ve chosen.   I suppose I could be subjected to far worse than a husband who can’t share cookies.   I mean if I had other challenges, I’d have enough stories to write a blog about how annoying my hubby can be……. OH, WAIT………………………..

 

Anyhow, back to Costco.

 

Hubby comes upon a 90 lb box of Oreos.   All of a sudden there’s a hop in his step, a light in his eye….and he skips over to the box.  As he’s placing the box in our cart, I say to him.   “You know, these are regular Oreos.   I’ve been buying double stuff ones from the grocery store.  Are you sure you want these, they’re not the same!?”.    And, he looks at me like I have 5 heads and replies “Uhm, yeah… they’re Oreos.”  And, he might as well finished that sentence with “DUH!”.   But, I feel like I’ve done my part.  I’ve stated out loud they’re not the ones he’s used to.  The last 4-5 times I bought the double stuffed version, but he’s confirmed, he’s ok with LESS.   Well….. okie dokie….everyone, who’s anyone, knows they aren’t even remotely the same but who I am to argue??

 

How can you even compare folks??

Regular Oreos

Double Stuff Oreos

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When we get home, Hubby plows his way into the box.  After he’s on his 5th or 6th cookies he declares…”you know, these aren’t the same at all.  We shouldn’t buy these again.  They don’t have enough stuff”.  And, I remain silent because I know that less is never enough for hubby, even if he doesn’t know it himself…….

 

By the way, do you know how long a 90 lb box of Oreos lasts?   Approx 1.2 weeks… and I think I ate about 6 of them.   So, I suppose the lesson is that less can indeed be enough when there are no other cookies in the house……………..SIGH………………..

 

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It has been said that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.


And a while back, I even referenced how cupid “shot an arrow through hubby’s stomach” when we first met.


This arrow was of course, round and speckled with chocolate.. and was otherwise known as a cookie.


This week something magical happened for hubby.  A food company seemingly crawled into his head and rooted around to find the box labeled “favorite things”.  As you may remember, if you’ve been reading for a while, there are a few boxes in most men’s heads.  The most notable of course is the “nothing box” (the box where his mind goes when he stops listening to you).  But, what you may not realize is that there’s usually another box where men place their favorite things.. things like; electronics, pizza, manly tools, big tvs and of course, cookies.


Well this company gathered up 2 of hubby’s favorite things and actually started selling them TOGETHER!   Can you hear the heaven’s singing?  Can you see the skies parting to warm you with rays of sunshine? No?  Well, I can’t either BUT hubby sure can!


If you have no idea what I’m talking about I’d like to share a commercial:

This weekend hubby & I were watching tv and we saw this commercial for the first time.  Hubby’s eyes opened wide as he stared at the milk, the pizza, the cookies.  And a huge grin took over his face.


“oooooohhhhhh…….ooooooohhhh…… look…. look!!!!!”

“That’s the best thing ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!” he said “They’ve combined 2 of the best things in the world!”.


Yes, outside of his insane burrito addiction, pizza & cookies are pretty dang high on hubby’s list of Things That Are Truly Awesome.

 

In case you’ve missed some of these previous posts… I’ve actually written about both a few times.  You can read out my “ruining hubby’s pizza” HERE.  Or you can read about cookies HERE, HERE & HERE.


DiGiorno, you’ve gone above and beyond.  Pizza is a staple item in our home.  Cookies are a commodity that we can quite keep in stock (simply because hubby consumes them at the speed of light and I just can’t keep up).    This brilliant solution: one that plays to the inner child in all men, one that keeps them happy and puts a smile on their face, one that I can use to bribe him to do household chores (oh, wait… did I type that out loud??),  one that might actually encourage him to cook on his OWN, is a fantastic new product!!


I suppose we should ask for a royalty of some sort since you have obviously sucked this idea right out of hubby’s head??!!    But I suppose we’d be willing to settle for a lifetime of free pizza.  🙂


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Today is Halloween.  For normal people, Halloween is a time to celebrate the Fall season with tricks & treats and ghosts and goblins.

 

For me however, it’s a day to test my ingenuity.

 

Let me explain.

 

Hubby has a sweet tooth.  He has a weakness for certain candies & cookies.  Anytime I bring something into the house that I know he likes, I have to either:

  • Stash some away for me or….
  • Buy multiple boxes to ensure that I get a taste. 

 

I’m the kind of person that could make a box of cookies last weeks.  I may eat 2 today, then none for 3 days, then maybe 2 more, then none for a week.  The problem with this method of consumption is that by day number 5, when I go to the cabinet I cannot find the package of cookies…. because, while I’ve been savoring this snacking experience, Hubby has been devouring all the cookies.

 

Then the conversation goes something like this:

 

Me:  “What happened to the cookies?”

Hubby: “I ate them”

Me: “But I didn’t get any at all…”

Hubby:  “Well then, you should have eaten them quicker”

Me: “Quicker??  I bought them 3 days ago”

Hubby: “So?”

Me: “So, how could you eat them all in only 3 days.”

Hubby: “Well, I eat 3 at a time.”

Me: “But it was only 3 days ago”

Hubby: “Well, you took too long. You gotta be quicker”

Me:  “Humpf …. Next time I’m hiding them”

There’s rarely a concept of sharing.  Hubby is conducting his own Survival of The Fittest with the cookie reward going to the top of the food chain.  If I can’t get my hand into a bag quick enough I may blink and all if it will be gone.  I joked about Hubby “sharing” items by ensuring that there is always ONE left in the bag/jar/box.  I think, on occasion, he feels sorry for the weaker person in the house (aka ME) and he leaves one sad, solitary item for me.  

 

What he doesn’t realize is, I’ve developed my own way to counteract this behavior.  I have started buying things that I know Hubby doesn’t really like.  Things like cookies or candies with nuts or coconut.  Miraculously, every time I go to get one, they are sitting right were I left them, waiting for me.  A tiny battle that I’ve won!

 

So, back to Halloween….

 candy

Knowing Hubby’s proclivities, I waited until YESTERDAY to buy the candy (this way I know hubby couldn’t get into it and eat it all before the holiday)  And, in addition to buying items hubby likes, the bowl is filled with Snickers, Peanut M&Ms and Almond Joys (this one is a good ol’ double whammy!)

 

My only other choice would be to hide some snacks in a place where I know hubby will never go… like say…… the laundry room!    (Oh damn!  I just gave away the hiding spot!)

 

Hey, I can be pretty creative if I need to be… (the linen closet is probably a good place too!  sshhhhhhhhh.. don’t tell him!)

 

Where do you hide your snacks?!

 

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I’ll start today with a very basic question…. 

Let’s say, you’re hungry for a snack and you’d really like some cookies but, when you go into the kitchen there aren’t any cookies.   All you can find are a box of crackers.  

Do you eat the crackers or do you stay hungry?  Well of course you eat the crackers, after all, you are hungry and that’s all there is… it’s kind of a no brainer.

Of course this post isn’t actually about eating, or filling your belly at all… because the cookies I’m referring to are actually a metaphor. 

I’d like to say this metaphor is exclusive to male dating mentality, but I feel the need to be completely honest and tell you that I literally used these opening sentences to describe my own love life before I met hubby. 

Please follow along:

I wasn’t a chronic dater, I would find someone decent and settle into a relationship.  I can remember one long term relationship where friends asked me why I was with the guy, as they didn’t see me marrying him.  Actually, they didn’t see anything special about him at all and, to be quite honest, I didn’t see a long term future for us either.  So my response, was to share with them the wisdom of my cracker & cookie analogy.. which may sound harsh, but at the time, it was the honest truth.

I finished by saying to them…

“Well I don’t have any cookies right now so, I’m eating crackers!”

For the rest of my relationship with this poor guy, he became known as “The Cracker”.  Of course, he had no idea (or at least I don’t think he did!) but if we were all going out it wasn’t uncommon for friends to ask “is the cracker coming?” 

I guess I finally realized that a girl cannot live on Saltines alone so… the next obvious step for me was to start actively “searching for my cookie”

 

Lucky for me,  Hubby To Be came into my life (the boyfriend version of a warm, just baked chocolate chip cookie…. YUM!)  But I digress….

He arrived just in time to meet Grandma during her last days in the hospital.  She was close to the end but still pretty feisty.  She latched onto his hand (just as she’d done to me)  and she said to me…. “this is a nice boy”.  I think it was my Grandmas’ dying wish that Hubby To Be save me from myself and make sure that I didn’t live to be the lonely, cracker eating, woman she saw in front of her.   I bet if Grandma had actually known my cracker story she would have said, never settle.   Or perhaps she would have whipped me up a fresh batch of her own cookies.

Needless to say, I think there are too many people out there who are eating crackers and have somehow accepted this bland, flavorless, uninspired diet.  But, they don’t recognize the value of searching for that perfect cookie. 

Now, I’m sure a man who is a chronic dater would argue that his cupboard is filled not with crackers, but a wide variety of cookies. 

  • Oatmeal Raisin
  • Soft Chewy Entenmann’s
  • Pepperidge Farm Milanos
  • Or maybe even that ever so elusive Mallomar

And, I know it’s been said that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.  But I’d challenge each of these single men to tell me if the snacks they are eating right now, are the snacks they really wanted when they went into the kitchen or, just the item that happened to be easiest to grab off the shelf?

We all know, that men take the easiest route, so it’s likely they just grabbed whatever was in front of them.  And, even as they eat through their variety pack of cookies, thinking they are completely happy, they will soon realize that what they’re really craving now, is a tall glass of milk. 

And, it’s very likely they are too lazy to get up and get one.

 

So… what are you eating right now??

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