Wait Just A Minute…. It’s Not Ruined??

Hubby ordered sausage & pepper pizza 2 nights ago.

 

Now for a normal person, this wouldn’t be worth blogging about BUT since it was hubby and it goes against virtually everything he believes in, I had to put it out there into the blogosphere to try to solicit some sympathy.  Because, for my life, I cannot figure this man out.

 

If you don’t understand why this would matter, you should read this post:  You’re Gonna Ruin It.

 

It’s in that post where I first shared hubby’s aversion to “contaminating” his cheese pizza with anything but cheese.   This has been an on-going battle since the day I met hubby.  I like toppings on my pizza and he doesn’t.   As I mentioned in that last post, we haven’t been able to find a happy medium without ordering separate pizzas, because the minute I add any toppings to half the pizza, I have “ruined his plain cheese half with flavor & smells from my toppings”.  And, my dear blog readers, apparently this is just plain unacceptable!

 

BUT… just when you think you have him figured out, he likes to change things up on you.

 

So, we’re out to dinner with friends and he decides he wants a pizza.  The waiter comes over and he orders just that… a cheese pizza.  Then the waiter starts prodding him.  “Just cheese??” he says.   To which I reply, “He won’t eat anything but plain cheese….. everything else ruins his pizza!”  But the waiter isn’t letting this one pass, he says “wouldn’t you want some peppers, or maybe some onions, or how about some sausage?”.   And hubby looks at him, as if he’s contemplating these offerings.  I, on the other hand, am steadfast in my opinion of his pizza order.  I KNOW that hubby won’t contaminate his pizza.  I’ve had to have this debate for the last 10 years.  It always ends the same way…. nothing but cheese.

 

But hubby seems to waver.

 

The waiter presses on….. “We make a fantastic sausage & pepper pizza”.   Our friends join in… “They do make a great sausage & pepper pizza”.   I chime in… “What’s going on with you?  Are you about to be pressured into pizza with toppings????  You and I have argued this very topic for years and if you change you mind, right here, right now….. I may just have to kill you.”   

 

“OK” he says…. “sausage & peppers it is!”.   And then, I fainted, fell out of my chair, and they had to rush me to the hospital.     Did MY husband just order toppings on his pizza?  It couldn’t be?  We’ve discussed this ad nauseum,  I’ve begged, I’ve pleaded.  I’ve rationalized with him about the fact that separately, he likes sausage and he likes peppers.  All to no avail.  I must always eat just plain cheese unless I want to get my own personal pizza.  And now, here we are, and he’s succumbing to peer pressure at the restaurant.  WHERE WAS THIS WAITER 10 YEARS AGO???????????????

 

After he orders, again, I have to say to him… “Are you sure?  What’s going on with you?  Did you just cave in and order something you don’t really want?  Cause, we can still change this and put the universe back on it’s axis!”.   And, he looks at me and smugly replies…. “Nope, I’m totally happy.  I want sausage & peppers”.    And that moment folks, was when I realized that I wanted smack him right upside the head.    But instead, I gave him the reply that always seems to follow any ridiculous or impossible to understand behavior…….  “You know, you really are EXHAUSTING…………”

 

Now, I have no idea if this was an isolated incident (likely).  And, I’m having trouble celebrating that he’s finally opened his eyes to a new form of pizza since it was only once (probably).   And beyond all of that, sometimes I wonder if he chooses to be difficult just to test me……. and now, after 10 years of toying with me, he’s deemed it time to shake things up a bit.    And everyone wonders why I started a blog…………………………………

 

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Ice Cream Trauma?

Well, hubby has been living a forced bachelor week ….. AGAIN… as my job tries to lead me towards a slow and painful death!

This is still me…..

And yes, I am waving the white flag since I can’t possibly keep up.  

 

The post Labor Day “back-to-school” traffic has hit the NJ Parkway and when you add in continued rain, flooding and moronic drivers, I have been starting my day with 2+ hour commutes to my office (as hubby happily continues his 6 minute commute  – BASTARD … uhm, ahhhh, I mean, I love you hubby!).  And, one day this week, I was actually at my office until 11:00pm.  Like I mentioned earlier… a slow and painful experience that has left hubby to fend for himself a few nights this week.

 

Rest assured that when I finally do make it home, I’m happy to listen to hubby’s daily challenges.   So, in order to tide you over until I can write a true post, I’ll leave you with this horrible, overwhelming, stressful , ridiculous challenge that hubby had to deal with just last night.

 

Hubby’s normal go-to ice cream choice is Neopolitan.  This way he gets a couple of flavors but he doesn’t have to contend with other “stuff” contaminating his ice cream experience.  And, by stuff I mean any sort of item you might normally find in ice cream (cookie dough, chocolate chips, peanut butter, candy etc… etc…).   Remember the pizza contamination …. well, the same rule sort of applies to ice cream.

 

So, you can imagine my amazement as he sat on the couch eating Haagen Dazs  “Caramel Cone”  ice cream.  I can’t imagine what possessed him to step out of his comfort zone but I do applaud his effort.  That is, until I realized that he was trying to smooth it out to be flat after each bite (if this means nothing to you please read THIS post).  It was at this moment that he turned to me and said….

“You know,  it’s incredibly difficult to eat ice cream with stuff-in-it to be flat.  I’ve been struggling with it for a while…. each time I take a bite and try to smooth it out to be flat, I hit a piece of cone, so I have to eat more.  Then I try to smooth it again and then I hit more cone.  I just don’t know how I’m going to be able to put this back in the freezer so that it’s completely flat.  It’s completely frustrating me and it’s causing me stress.”

To which I replied (as I gouged my way through my Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream) …. “I can totally feel your pain… I mean, how could anyone imagine handling something so stressful.  How about I help you with your ice cream and you go to work for me tomorrow…..”

 

And somehow, all by himself, he figured out how to solve his problem….. I guess sometimes life is all about perspective……..

 

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You’re Gonna Ruin It!

Well, I’ve written many posts about hubby’s quirks… most specifically his food quirks.  Almost every week in our home, hubby’s interesting, bizarre, annoying, charming, idiosyncrasies bubble up to the surface.

 

And, in this post today, I’ll take “bubbling up to the surface” to a new place for you.

 

Today’s post is about one of America’s favorite foods and to be quite honest, probably one of the most sacred food items in many homes in our area.  Yes, today I’m talking about that ever-so-important, staple food item…. The Pizza Pie.

 

Now, for those of you who are familiar with this special food item, you know how serious people take their pizzas.  

 

• Some people love thin crust
• Some love deep dish
• Some debate NY Style over Chicago Style
• Some people love extra cheese
• Some people want “the works”
• Some people drive hours for that perfect slice
• Some people cook them on stones
• Some people buy DiGiorno …

 

And for some people, like us… nothing beats a perfectly cooked, perfectly sauced, perfectly cheesed slice of pizza!

 

BUT.. that’s where the similarities end for hubby & myself when it comes to agreeing on what “perfection” truly looks like.

 

I’ll admit that although we’d tried virtually every pizza place that delivers around where we live, we have yet to find that GREAT pizza.  You know, the one that makes your mouth water as you think about it. The one that you dive into so quickly when it arrives, that you scorch the ever-living-crap out of roof of your mouth and… you don’t even care….. IT’S THAT GOOD…….

 

But, this story is actually not about finding the best slice of pizza around… it’s all about the surface of the pizza….

 

What do I mean by this??  Well, let’s just say, that hubby is a traditionalist (boring) when it come to his pizza.  He likes it to be in its natural (boring) state.  He like it to have cheese.  Only cheese.

 

Now, don’t get me wrong here.  I LOVE a plain slice of pizza.  And, I’m certainly not knocking the occasional cheese only pizza.  But occasionally I like to spice up life a bit.  And, by “spice up” I mean branching out from that boring cheese-only menu to ADD stuff to my pizza.  I’m a renegade.  A non-conformist.  A crazy person…..  Sometimes it’s sausages, sometimes meatballs, sometimes peppers.. pepperoni… broccoli.  The choices are literally ENDLESS.  But hubby, nope, hubby likes his cheese and nothing but his cheese.    It’s not that he doesn’t eat all these other items.  As a matter of fact, he eats everything I just mentioned.  Just NOT on his pizza!

 

Now, I’m sure many of you are thinking … which most logical people would, that there’s an easy fix to this disagreement.  But remember, hubby’s logic is sometimes not all that logical!

 

You might suggest that we order the large pizza (like we normally would) and that I could get half with toppings and half without.  What an easy solution to satisfy both of us.. or so you think… until you spend a moment in hubby’s mind.

 

You see… I cannot get half a pizza with toppings because they will, and I quote, “contaminate the cheese only side of the pizza”.  Yes, this is the real reason that hubby & I cannot share a large pizza!

 

Hubby’s complaints include the following:

 

There will inevitably be certain topping elements that “infringe” on the cheese only side of the pizza when it gets cut (these elements are obviously impossible to remove)

The smells/flavors of the other food items will migrate over to the cheese only side of the pizza (and obviously the smell of say, meatballs, is repulsive to him!)

 

I want to highlight something I mentioned earlier.. just in case you missed it.  Hubby eats ALL of the food items that I’d want to put on ½ of the pizza.. so you’d think that since he eats meatball sandwiches he wouldn’t be horrified at the thought of a piece of meatball meandering over to his side of the pie, or of the aroma of a meatball wafting over to his cheese.

 

But the fact remains that we can never, ever, share a pizza because I will ruin his pizza eating experience.  I will forever either have to order us each smaller pizzas (and have extra leftovers) or forego pizza altogether if I’m feeling a little zany (you know, like wanting slice of pepperoni).

 

Which brings me to a conversation that we had this past week.

Me:  “Hon, what do you feel like for dinner?”

Hubby:  “Not really sure, should we order something?”

Me: “Yeah, I was thinking that. I don’t really feel like cooking”

Hubby: pouting over-dramtically  “Well, I could really go for pizza… but you’ll want to ruin it”

Me:  “Can’t I just put peppers on half?”

Hubby:  “Nah, forget it.  I’d rather order something else”

Me: “I fail to understand your logic”

Hubby:  “You’ll never understand, but it will be ruined if you order half of it with peppers”

Me: “But you like peppers…..”

Hubby: “Let’s just order Chinese”

Me: “Ok, fine.  We’ll order you a large, cheese-only pizza, and I’ll get something else. I don’t even know why we have these conversations……”

Hubby:  giddy with joy… “OK!!”

 

And, the pizza crisis was adverted…..all is right with the world (PHEW!)

 

(And, yes, I do live with an adult child…. In case any of you were wondering……………………..)

 

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Here Turkey, Turkey, Turkey…

Well, they say that variety is the spice is life.  And, although I can’t say who they are, I’d tend to agree.

 

I like to try new things, visit new places, eat new foods & meet new people.  I could go on and on.  I guess it could be said that I can get bored rather easily (yes, I am a Gemini!). I like the fact that every day is different.  It’s probably one of the main reasons that I’m not cut out to work a 9-5 desk job.  The monotony of day-in-day-out sitting at a desk, doing the same thing over and over, makes me want to rip my hair from my head and run screaming from the room.  This does have it’s negatives because I never know what each week will bring but hey… I like it that way!   Hubby, on the other hand, does not.

 

If hubby were to step one day into my life, I think his head might seriously explode.  Hubby likes consistency.  He’s perfectly happy knowing that tomorrow will be similar to today.   He is not necessarily a fan of new things, he hates people (ok, this is one of his dramatic over statements, that’s probably driven by his morning commute….) and well, you all know how hubby feels about eating new foods.

 

One phenomenon that I don’t understand is what I like to call hubby’s food rut (and no, I don’t mean the rut I’ve been know to dig into his cheese….)

 

Stay with me and I’ll explain this a little further.

 

Hubby gets stuck on one food item that he can literally eat day-after-day, week-after-week.  I don’t understand this behavior but it’s true.  If I asked him right now what he had for lunch yesterday he’d probably tell me a turkey sandwich (this is apparently turkey month). He had a turkey sandwich yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that and, more than likely, every-single-day last week.  His ruts can last for a month or longer and then, all of a sudden, one day, he’s moved onto something else that he’ll be stuck on for at least a month.  So, even though this month might be turkey, next month could easily be pizza.

 

This food rut is not isolated to lunches during his work day.  It extends to almost every single meal.

 

For the purpose of this story I’ll have to admit that I don’t really cook.  Although, just for the record: I didn’t necessarily say I can’t cook (I actually think I can hold my own in the kitchen).  But, it’s not something that I devote a lot of time to, I don’t regularly grocery shop and I’d rather spend my time doing other things.  And lord knows, that hubby doesn’t even know where we keep the pots & pans so it’s not like he’s whipping up gourmet meals!

 

Sooooooooo, we either order in, or eat out…. A LOT!

 

Any night, when I ask hubby what he’d like to eat, his response is almost always a burrito.  Yes, we would win the frequent eater prize at Chipotle because we eat there more than any other people I’ve ever met (Hey Chipotle!! Did you hear that??  You should send us some free coupons or something… Hubby is your biggest fan!!).   Anyhow, hubby could eat a burrito every night without batting an eye.   I, on the other hand, can only eat the same thing so many times without my taste buds going numb (although I do like me a good burrito!)

 

So, here’s what I’ve learned over the years….. while you can take a man and introduce him to new foods (many of which he really likes), when it comes down to it, he’ll always revert back to his “safe place” if you don’t keep pushing him. 

 

Some people would call it being pushy…  I prefer to think of it as gentle nudging

 

So, Honey….. just remember, when I continue to push you towards a little variety…. I’m only trying to spice up your life.  Always remember ….. a man (and his wife) cannot live on turkey & burritos alone!!

 

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Aversion Therapy?

Don’t ya just hate when life gets in the way of blogging?  I sure do. 

 

Lately I’ve been swamped with other commitments.  I get home each night and hubby has undoubtedly done something absurd and I jot myself a note to blog about it.  I must have 20+ notes lying around my house as thought starters for blog posts.

 

They say things like:  tv box, basement pile, love taps, movies quotes & ‘it must happen now’ (just to name a few….)  And, now that I’ve got your curiosity piqued about some future topics, the note I’m going to blog about today says…. “Italian ices”.

 

So, let’s start with a test of how well you know my hubby.

 

Any idea what this is?

 

Here I’ll help you with a few clues:

 

A delightful summer treat?

A cup of lemony goodness?

A non-fat 100 calorie snack?

 

Ok.. maybe I’m not playing fair… since I’m admittedly steering you in the wrong direction.

 

YES… Marino’s lemon ices are all of those things noted above… at least they are to…… ME!

 

However, according to hubby, this particular food item falls into the category of “excruciatingly painful”.  (As if there truly existed such a food category – Hubby can be sooooo dramatic!)

 

Marino’s Italian Ices are actually a tasty snack that I’m not allowed to eat in the company of my dear hubby.

 

You may recall that hubby has quite a few food quirks (you can read about them here, here, here & here).  But, what you may not realize about many of his food quirks is that they almost always have an impact on me.  This one, in particular, actually dictates when & where I’m allowed to eat Italian ices.

 

Please let me explain.

 

Hubby cannot stand the sound that my spoon makes as it scrapes across the surface of the Italian ice (which, by the way, is the only friggin’ way to eat an Italian ice!).  “It’s like fingernails on a chalkboard”, so he says.  So, if I ever take a cup out of the freezer to snack on while hubby is around, I can guarantee one of two things will happen:  Hubby will either get all pouty and dramatically cover his ears or (more likely) he’ll completely remove himself from wherever I am.

 

I’ve learned over the years to either warn him that I’m about to have one…

“Hon, I’m grabbing an Italian ice… you may want to move downstairs”

 

Or, to give him notice that I’m thinking about having one…

“Babe, when this movie is over, I think I’m gonna have an Italian ice”

 
Or, to suffer through an inferior Italian ice just to show hubby that I really do care…

“Honey, I’m gonna have one of the crappy ices just so you won’t have to suffer while you sit next to me”  (see I really am nice sometimes!!)

 

What may you ask is an “inferior” Italian ice… well, in my opinion (which is the only opinion that matters since this is my blog :-)), a “crappy” ice is a Luigi’s Italian Ice.  You may disagree, but hey… this is my post and in no way a marketing plug for Marino’s (unless of course they are reading this and want to send me free Italian ices!!)

 

 

These ices are softer and don’t make that awful scraping noise while I eat them (sorry hon, they’re just not as tasty!).

 

So inevitably, during the summer months, there are many, many days where I’m having an ice outside by the pool as hubby swims away from me.  Or, I’m having a snack at night and hubby chooses to banish himself to the basement.

 

I have learned that it’s a fantastic tool to use if I want some alone time.  I don’t actually need to say a word.  I can just open the freezer and grab a spoon and before I’m back to the couch, hubby’s gathering himself to move to the Man Cave.  It’s sort of like Pavlov’s dog without the bell.  (No honey I’m not comparing you to a dog…)

 

Now if only I could figure out the best way to convert this to some sort of aversion therapy. 

 

You didn’t do your chores today….bad boy…. scraaaaaaape….scraaaaaape.

Why are there crumbs on the counter?…… scraaaaaape… scraaaaaape…..

 

Hmmmmmm… I think I may be onto something here………….

 

UPDATE on  February 2011 :  You may not believe this but someone from Marino’s actually read this post.  You can read what happened next HERE!

 

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