Posts Tagged ‘Pregnancy’

Well,  as you may have noticed, I’m not doing all that well managing my life AND my new baby.  This blog was like a distant memory of my past life, beckoning to me from a land far, far away.   I’ve missed you dear blog readers and now that I am getting the tiniest bit of sleep, I’m going to try to get back into the swing of things…..  Good Golly, it’s been 7 weeks!


Anywho… it’s been an insane 7 weeks that included 3 trips back to the hospital with our little one…. Very emotionally grueling but I won’t bore you with these details.


Today instead,  I’d like to introduce you to someone new in my life……….NO, it’s not my new little bundle of joy like you might expect, it’s a larger version of my baby.  Someone who many of you have come to know and love.  Someone who I share stories about, who makes us laugh, roll our eyes, and oftentimes, makes us wonder what the heck is wrong with an entire species (MEN!).


Yes….this person is my hubby.


And, I no longer know who the heck he is.  You see, during these past weeks I have a learned a few things:


  1. Hubby does indeed know where the laundry room is.  As evidenced by the multiple loads of laundry he’s done to help me out (YES!  I did say MULTIPLE!)  AND…. He’s folded said laundry too!
  2. He can, in fact, pick up after himself
  3. Hubby does actually know how to empty AND load the dishwasher!
  4. Hubby even knows how to fold washed bedding/sheets (well, minus the fitted sheet – but this is still mind-blowing!)
  5. He can even do some low-grade cleaning!!


Heck, hubby has stepped up in so many ways since the baby arrived I couldn’t begin to write them all out into a list.  Normally I write about how silly he can be (he still is).  Or, how annoying he can be (he still is).  Or, how frustrated I can be with him.  BUT, he’s honestly become a different person to help out while I recovered from the physical and emotional toll the pregnancy and new baby have taken on me.


Now, you’d think I’d be over the moon that he’s been so great, and while at the surface, this is definitely the case.  I ask you one simple question….. where the heck has this guy been for the last nine years?!


In addition to learning that hubby can indeed do all these things I think I learned a far greater lesson:  Apparently I don’t know hubby at all…..

Or perhaps he’s just mastered the art of “training” me to not expect too much from him (sly guy that he is!)  Well, guess what hubby….. I’m onto you now!


Either that, or I maybe I should have had a baby 9 years ago!!  (ahhhhh……hindsight…………..)

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It’s no secret that men, in general, don’t jump to do household projects.  This is especially true when these projects are assembled into a nice “To Do” list by the woman in their lives.  The only projects that they might approach with a tad more enthusiasm are things that directly impact them and are deemed FUN.   As I’ve mentioned before, these projects would likely involve a beloved hobby, or some sort of electronics.   I mean heck, there’s no way a new TV would make it’s way into the house and sit in the box, unopened and uninstalled, for weeks.   BUT, a new piece of furniture that requires assembly could be tucked in a corner awaiting that special furniture assembly day  2-3 weeks (and approximately 6 nagging statements from the wife) in the future!


It’s also a proven fact that men intentionally do projects wrong so that we will never ask them to do the project again.  But, I’m onto this strategy and it simply does not fly in our house….. sorry hubby!


Now, knowing all of this…. Imagine my surprise when hubby exhibited “out of character” behavior.


We’ve been receiving assorted new baby gifts in the mail over the last couple of weeks.


One day, our travel system stroller arrived.  It requires assembly.   And, moments after hubby sees it’s arrived, he’s tearing into the box to it see it.   And, I thought it would end there, but NO…. he’s pulling out pieces and looking for instructions – WHO IS THIS GUY?  The next thing I know, the stroller is assembled.


Then another day, our mobile arrives….. and hubby’s giddy with excitement as he pulls out the pieces and immediately starts putting it together.  Within 10 minutes, he’s in our nursery attaching it to the crib!  WHAT’S GOTTEN INTO HIM????


And then, earlier this week our nursery decals arrive (we’ve been waiting for these for weeks and they are the last piece of having a complete nursery for the arrival of our new little one).  I arrived home from work shortly after hubby and as I pulled in the driveway, I could see the light on in the nursery.   I walked inside and it looked as if hubby walked in, dumped everything on the kitchen counter, and immediately disappeared.  I can see mail strewn about, his work bag dropped on the floor, and it’s obvious everything was hastily abandoned in the midst of his excitement over the mail.  So, I walk upstairs and hubby is unrolling decals and laying them out on the floor.  He dropped EVERYTHING, to do this right away.   HOLY CRAP – HE REALLY CAN DO PROJECTS RIGHT AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


So, my dear blog readers I can only come to one conclusion:   Having a new baby is like buying a new TV.  Which I suppose is a really good thing, since hubby’s obviously incredibly excited about it and (without any nagging) quickly doing projects…… it’s truly a MIRACLE!   BUT, here’s my concern.   By hubby’s assessment we seem to need a new TV every few years…. And, I’m just not sure this is gonna work out if we need to get a new baby with the same frequency!!!!!


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I’ve written ad nauseum about hubby’s selective vision and his inability to take in things around him that don’t seem important.


But I never imagined how quickly he’d be able to seemingly forget we are having a baby.    Now don’t get me wrong, it’s hard to forget in the obvious sense of the word.  There are quite a few things that provide glaring daily reminders


  1. There’s a room that’s full of baby furniture and we debate at least every other day if we should change the paint color
  2. There are doctor visits every 2 weeks
  3. Apparently I snore non-stop at night now…. And couple this with the 4-5 trips I make to the bathroom,  at least one of us is probably not sleeping at all
  4. We still haven’t agreed on a name so that’s part of everyday conversation
  5. Everyone, and their brother, sister or aunt….. asks about my pregnancy, the baby, the names and so on…
  6. And, it’s also hard to ignore the amount of people who seemingly think it’s ok, to rub and touch my belly without permission (but, in all honesty hubby probably doesn’t notice this since he’s not the one being molested!)


Anywho…. The one element you may have noticed missing from that list is my HUGE belly (which obviously grows more with each passing day).  And that’s because while hubby sees it……. I’m not sure he actually SEES it.


Please let me explain.


I’ll travel to our basement to do laundry and after taking 2 flights of stairs, it’s not uncommon for me to be a little winded.  So, when I plop myself down on the couch next to hubby he says…..”Why are you breathing so heavy?”.   UHM, I don’t know, maybe because WE’RE HAVING A BABY and, I have a HUGE BELLY, and I get tired more easily?????  HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN???!!




We’ll have lunch on a weekend and after about 2 hours, I will say to hubby “I’m hungry again….. I’m gonna grab something to eat.”  And he replies…… “You’re hungry AGAIN??  Didn’t we just eat a little while ago?”   UHM, YES, did you forget there’s somebody inside of me sharing my food?  Do you not see my big belly… WE’RE HAVING A BABY YOU KNOW??!!


And perhaps my favorite


It’s nighttime and we are watching tv and I declare “Ok, I’m really tired, I think I’m going to go to bed.”  And hubby lovingly replies.. “Really, you’re that tired?   Didn’t you sleep in this morning?”  UHM, I’d like you to try carrying around a melon all day just using your belly, I’d like you to have to visit the bathroom 5 times at night while you’re tossing and turning.  I’d like you to deal with an achy back, knees and some fun-filled general discomfort and we’ll see what time you want to go to bed.   (But of course, even after I’ve thought this all out, I realize that hubby doesn’t EVER go to bed when he’s tired, so he has no way of truly understanding……. AND HE NEVER WILL.)    *****SIGH*****


So yes folks, he knows we’re having a baby……. But I not sure he KNOWS we are having a baby.   Either that or this is just his way of subtlety reminding me that he’s still living a “normal” life – drinking beer, eating sushi and staying up late while I am obviously not………………  and so, the rest of our lives begin.   *****ANOTHER REALLY BIG SIGH*****









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Well, I am traveling for work again.   Sometimes I think they don’t care that I’m pregnant, and cranky, and uncomfortable, and tired… and….and….ok, I probably think they don’t care because they actually don’t care!


Anyhow, I’ve been away since Monday morning and I won’t be back until Friday


Before I left, hubby said he’d miss me and the baby, and then I reminded him that this would likely be the last time (literally) that he’d ever have the house completely to himself.  I had to remind him that, this time, I was taking the baby with me on my work trip but that on FUTURE work trips I’d be leaving the baby with him.  I haven’t explicitly asked work but I’d guess my employer would frown on bringing  an infant to future meetings, that wouldn’t be quietly hidden under a maternity shirt…. Just a guess…….


So, I can only imagine what’s happening at home on hubby’s last free daddy-to-be week.  I can picture the mess, the wanton behavior, and quite possibly naked tv watching, as he squeezes every last free moment of being alone before he officially becomes a dad and has to think about someone other than himself.


When I spoke to him yesterday, the cleaning ladies had just come.  He declared how nice and clean the house was.  To which I replied, “yes, but will it be clean on Friday when I get home?


Do ya think I should worry that he had no response????  


(I guess it was only a matter of time before I kissed my nice clean, organized home good bye, I just thought it would start with baby stuff and toys scattered around, not as a result of a last hoorah week while I traveled with our baby-to-be!)


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One of the best (cough, cough) things about being pregnant is all of the things you get to give up.  I mean really, who needs a drink every now and then, or a ham sandwich, or a tasty piece of sushi.  Not this pregnant lady!    (lies… all lies…..)


I’m actually convinced that you are only forced to give up so much for the time you are pregnant so that when the baby actually arrives, all the additional things you need to give up come as less of a shock, since you’ve already been living without a ton of things that you really want.


Your husband on the other hand, needs to give up nothing.  And, if you have a wonderfully supportive and loving husband, like I do, he will sneak in opportunities to remind you of this.


Take for example, the kegerator we have in the basement.  Hubby and I have debated buying “better” beer for the kegerator for years and we almost always wind up settling for a middle-of-the-road type that is “appealing to the masses”.  This way we don’t have friends come over, pour themselves a way-too-expensive pint of beer, and then pour it down the sink since they don’t like it.   Hubby & I tend to lean towards craft beers and we like to try new things but we pretty much always wind up with something like Yuengling due to cost and general appeal…. that is of course…..UNTIL I got pregnant.


We announce we’re expecting then, as if on cue, we need a new keg.  To my surprise hubby comes skipping into the house after a trip to the liquor store… he’s singing some sort of song about brown dogs or something.  So, I have to stop and ask..”What are you singing about?”  “Oh, I’m just excited because I bought a keg of Smuttynose Old Brown Dog!” he replies, grinning ear-to-ear.  “WHAT??   You waited for me to get knocked up to fill the kegerator with something special??”  Then the grin begins to fade as he realizes what’s he’s done… but hey, the damage is already done. “BASTARD!”  I lovingly reply, with my own grin on my face.   “I hope you realize you’ll be sleeping in the basement…………….” 🙂


So, after this horrible mishap, or perhaps well orchestrated father-to-be reward he gave himself (I’m still not sure which), you’d think he’d be automatically attuned to making sure he’s more sensitive to my current state.  BUT, you’d be incredibly wrong, remember this is MY hubby we’re talking about.


So one night, not long after the keg incident, he’s out to dinner with a bunch of our friends (I wasn’t able to be there ).  And, this is the picture message he sends me.


Now, in case you can’t quite make out what that is…. it’s a scrumptious plate of swordfish.   And, just in case you are wondering, swordfish is my FAVORITE meal when we are out to dinner.  And, in case you don’t know the rules of pregnancy… swordfish is an absolute No, No.   


My smart ass hubby thinks he’s funny, sending me pictures of food items that I cannot eat. Yes, my ever sympathetic husband… rather than sneaking food items that I can’t have, in order to make me feel better, is rubbing it in my face via text messages.   He’s awesome isnt’ he?!   He really is lucky that I’m a good natured person and can appreciate the humor in his ridiculous behavior (even in the midst of my pregnancy hormones). And, rather than cry and accuse him of not being supportive I can just shrug it off and put tiny little pins in his toothbrush, or fill up his car with all his empty soda cans (DANG IT!  – I’ve just given myself away………… )


Yes folks, our lives are a laugh a minute…. that is of course, until I stab him in the eye.  What on earth will I do if I wind up with two of him??? 🙂


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I feel like people say this to somehow make themselves feel better when they are drowning in life.


You know what I’m talking about:  one really crappy thing happens and then another and then another… and just as your gasping for your last breath of air, someone along the shore yells to you….”You know, when it rains it pours”.  “Gee thanks asshole, for your philosophical analysis of my life but, did ya notice???  I’m drowning here!”


Anywhooo…. we’re having one of those months (or I suppose it’s a couple of months).  We started a bathroom renovation only to discover that our subfloor had issues and needed to be completely reinforced — read that as more $$.  Then we find out we are pregnant (notice I used the word “we” here… even though it’s just “me” who’s pregnant  – somehow the “we” let’s hubby believe we are both experiencing the same things –HA!!)  — read that as more $$.  Then we look around our yard and realize that this needs to be a “mulch year”, you know the year where all your flower beds are full of weeds and you can see dirt – yeah, we’re there this year — read this as more $$.  Then we look at our dilapidated gazebo by the pool.   The one that is jury rigged together with cables to make sure it doesn’t blow away in the wind, yep this is the summer to buy a new one — read this as more $$.


As if this isn’t enough, just I’ve grabbed on to a life preserver and I’m bobbing trying to catch my breath, I look up and here comes a tidal wave – bigger than any you’ve ever seen before – for us, this tidal wave was also known as The Tax Man.


Holy crap folks, we owe so much money to the dang US government, we might just be able to pay back China with my tax bill.


I was at the accountants office by myself when I learned I’d have to sell everything I own to pay the government this year.  And, on the way home, I dreaded telling hubby.  As you may remember, he’s an awfulizer under the best circumstances so I couldn’t quite imagine his reaction to this lovely information.


So, I decided to take a lighter approach to sharing this news…..


“Hon” I said, “Did you have a good motorcycle ride today?”.  “Yes” he replied…. looking at me as if there must be more coming (I’m soooo not a fan of the motorcycle).  “It was a really nice day today, did you get in a long ride?” “Ahhhh…..” he stammered. I think he may be onto me so I just plunge ahead….. “Well, I was just hoping you really enjoyed your ride because, as you know, I had our taxes done today aaaannnnndd……well, uhm, I’m thinking we might need to sell your bike to pay the tax bill.”  (I’m kidding but it’s enough to cause incredible …………..SILENCE……)


So, I shift gears.. and make a quick recovery with an alternate solution……..


“Or….. I suppose…… we could possibly sell the baby to pay the tax bill……”  (I’m thinking this option might lighten his mood)  Or, perhaps it might actually make him want to sell the bike that I so much loathe……


He pauses for a moment, as if considering his options and………….   (hold onto your hats – this one’s a doozy!)


 He calmly replies.  “Well, I’m really not all that attached to the baby yet………………”


Yep… that’s my hubby, always knows the right thing to say……. 


(just for the record….. and so you all don’t go reporting us to the authorities, we are not selling the baby, although,  I suppose this would be the easy route – since babies are a pretty hot commodity – but I suppose  we’ll just have to figure something else out…………..)


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