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Posts Tagged ‘reality tv’

I hate to admit this to you all but I watched an episode of Celebrity Wife Swap this week.  Now, the mere use of the word “celebrity” is probably a stretch given who appears on that show.  And, this probably helps solidify hubby’s position that reality tv is rotting my brain but.. either way, the damage is done.  I watched it.  I cannot undo it.  I lost an hour of my life into a dark abyss of mind-numbing morons.  And, I’m no better… and quite possibly more stupid for having done it.  But oh well…..we all do things we regret!

 

Anyhow, this particular episode featured the Speidi couple.  Spencer Pratt and Heidi what’s her name… from that show that whatchamacallit show, that many people watched but I have no interest or knowledge of (pretty sure it’s called The Hills).  Needless to say, I’m unsure how these nobody’s could be known as “celebrities” because of this show.  But, I suppose it if can happen to somebody named Snookie… this isn’t a far stretch.

 

What struck me as absurd, was this bozo Spencer’s inability to behave like an adult.  Now, I’ve often referred to my own dear hubby as a child.. but this Spencer moron takes it to a whole new level.  His equally vapid wife desperately wants to have children and I got the impression he wouldn’t give up his self-indulgent, extra hour of sleep to tend to his wife’s severed limb much less a crying infant.    If I had ever married this kid (which I wouldn’t) I’d have to smother him during his blissful nap on the lounge chair.

 

So, it got me thinking about men taking that giant leap into adulthood.  Some men go willingly and welcome adult responsibilities – they hum happy songs as they mow the lawn, they make their own “honey do” lists with household projects, they learn all the settings on both the dishwasher and clothes washer. Some men get dragged (or rather nudged) along, kicking and screaming the entire way as they are pushed out of Mommy’s house into their own place so she can finally have an empty nest.. but they return home every weekend with a bag of laundry, they open mom’s cupboards and fridge and pack to-go bags of food, and they even cling desperately to a life with no commitments.  But, the vast majority of men, step into adulthood very slowly, by dipping one toe into the water with a solo trip to the grocery store… then, if all goes well, they may try to vacuum, perhaps an attempt at a pasta dinner, followed possibly by a made bed (WITH all the extra pillows!) and then maybe, just maybe – if they are feeling extra confident… a load of gentle cycle laundry (this one takes a lot of trust ladies!).

 

Before you know it… your husband has become an adult.  Ok wait… I took it too far.  Your husband is on his way to becoming an adult.  We all know that this is a long term project!

 

So… here are just a few ways you know your husband is “growing up”

 

  • He not only takes a trip to the grocery store but he actually looks around the house and in the fridge to create a shopping list. Not long ago hubby wouldn’t have even considered bringing a list to the store but after 10 years of marital training he did just that this past week…. I’m such a proud wife!
  • He returns from his Saturday morning outdoor chores and stands in the house admiring his own lawn. While the lawn itself may not dictate when it needs to be mowed (even though a normal person might disagree)… hubby does , in fact, set aside an official “lawn mowing day” each week and he (generally) sticks to this schedule for the entire summer. A scheduled, recurring, chore is a BIG step towards adulthood!
  • He runs out of undies and decides to do a load of laundry (all on his own!).  I’ll admit this one is still a work in progress… since only recently did I realize the underlying male struggle with understanding the need to wear clean undershorts each and every day. Hubby has, albeit on the rarest of occasions, popped in a load of laundry because he’s run out of something.
  • He, unprompted, puts sunscreen AND a sun hat on your baby/toddler. I know this goes against every fiber of his being to somehow be this domesticated.. but, he recognizes the importance and takes action to protect someone incredibly dear to him!
  • He actually hears the baby crying when it’s “HIS” night, without needing you to nudge him. This is likely never going to apply when it’s YOUR night (and he is obviously deaf).. but always remember this foray into adulthood comes in the form of baby steps……. And this is a BIG step – a BIG kid, taking care of a little kid!
  • He actually notices AND stops to pick up something dropped on your kitchen floor. Once your hubby is able to direct his Selective Vision towards things that actually need attention you’ll know he’s growing up!

 

 

I’m sure there are others and your list may indeed be longer than mine!  Some of the indicators I mentioned above may not actually be perfected in our home.    But as I mentioned before, it’s a long term project.  It’s a marathon, not a sprint.  And, it’s the path I have chosen… each day, my hubby grows up a teeny, tiny, bit.  Someday, hopefully before my son starts catching up to him, he will firmly step into adulthood and then we can begin to hone some of the skills he’s acquired to start coaching our son –so his wife-to-be will not have nearly as much work as I did!!

 

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Last year I was on a mission.  A mission to find a cool gift for hubby.  A mission to give him a gift that he would tell his friends about.  A mission to buy something that stood out.  While he may have a variety of hobbies, some of which fall pretty far down on my “approval” list (things like his motorcycle –which I despise.  Or his video game interest – which I don’t understand.  Or his obsession with new tvs – which I can’t support for fear we’d have a new tv every 6 months!).  It’s not always easy to find him a gift that he will like, that is unique, and that has some sort of longer term appeal – you know, something beyond an enormous box of cookies (although – I did give him a Cookie of the Month subscription once – which I *think* went over well??).

 

So, as I scoured the internet and asked around, I found myself… like usual…. coming up with nothing.

 

Then one day I was feeding my reality tv addiction.  An addiction that hubby despises (probably as much as I despise his motorcycle!).

 

“Why do you watch this crap?” he asks.

“Because sometimes it’s awesome, mindless entertainment!”  I happily reply.

“But, you have it on all the time….  Who can possibly watch this many house buying/renovating shows?  Who cares about these moronic celeb wannabes, or the failing bar/restaurant, or the cupcake baking, or Donald Trump’s ridiculousness, or the.. – fill in just about any blank- ?”

“Lots of people do.  That’s why there’s so much of this crap on tv!”  I solidly state my case.

“But you’re a smart, successful woman.  How can you possibly be interested in this nonsense??” as he worries about my brain becoming mush – he’s such a caring guy!!

“But see, that’s why I watch it.  I’m under so much pressure all day at work AND I have to actually use my brain all day.  When I watch this garbage – there’s no brain necessary!!”

“But, it’s rotting the brain you have.”  Again, such concern for me (see why I love him??)

“I suppose that might be true – But, even you watch it sometimes!”  touché hubby. touché.

“I only watch it because you have it on….”

“Not true” I snarkily reply

“Ok, tell me what I watch… if you’re so certain.”

Shark Tank

Silence…….

Gotcha!

 

So hubby has to admit.  Even if it’s by silence, that he does, in fact, watch (and enjoy) Shark Tank.

 

mission beltSo, back to my original story.  I’m watching Shark Tank (wishing and praying that someday, I will come up with an idea that will be marketable and make me some moolah).  And they show this awesome product.  This seemingly nice guy has come up with a belt, called The Mission Belt – a belt without any holes…. It’s friggin genius!  You can wear the belt, like….. FOREVER.   You put on some baby weight (and I’m referring to hubby… not me!) no problem.. just loosen the belt.  You go back to the gym… no problem… just tighten the belt.   You consume too many slices of pizza & beer at dinner… no problem.  No holes, no fuss… the belt is like a magical solution to the ever-changing man belly.   It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen…. And BAM!  I’m like, that’s it!!  Awesome gift for hubby!

 

So, I run to the internet and buy a belt… (actually I buy 2 belts – one for casual wear and one for dressier occasions – in the dreamy (aka wishful thinking) hopes someday hubby will take me out on the town).

 

Well, I think I hit the jackpot.  Hubby tries on the belt.

 

“This is sooooo cool!” he says. 

“Wow, this is awesome!” he says.

“This is the smartest idea I’ve ever seen” he says.

“I will never wear another belt” he says.

 

And then……

 

“Why did you buy 2 versions?  I’ll never take this one off.. no need for 2”   And poof, in half a second he crushes all my dreams of a dressy date night.

 

Ahhhh well, such is the life I live!  My next Mission….. if I chose to accept it, is to get him all dolled up for a date.  The good news is that since the belt is so versatile, I can make it small enough to fit around my own waist and maybe, just maybe, if I dance around in only a belt, I can convince him to put it on himself and take me out??   I’ll have to let you know if this mission is successful (only – I probably won’t blog about that …..so don’t expect a full report!)

 

So, the long story short is.  These belts are awesome.  We have since purchased one as a gift for almost every male family member.  Hubby still loves his and, while he still despises my penchant for reality tv, he can admit (albeit in a whisper and behind closed doors) that sometime, just sometimes, there’s some good to be had from my “addiction” and *gasp* reality tv

 

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As you know, we were recently filmed for a reality based home renovation show.  There’s a lot you learn about yourself when you are constantly followed by a camera crew.

 

Or, maybe it’s just me who realized this stuff… but anyhow it was sort of an interesting experience.

     

  • You become acutely aware of how much you curse… since you’re trying incredibly hard to NOT curse on camera (yes, it’s been said that I have a mouth like a truck driver)
  • You all of a sudden become somewhat vain… I was doing physical labor so it’s not like I was primping my make-up and wearing high heels BUT, I was constantly checking to make sure I didn’t have food in my teeth or boogers hanging out of my nose.
  • You try your hardest to have the utmost of patience & tolerance when your spouse does something on camera that would normally irk the living crap out of you (and yes, it’s real life so you do occasionally slip into an eye roll….)

 

But one of the most interesting things that I learned after being filmed continuously for 5 days is that my lovely hubby has, what I’ve affectionately deemed… A Ham Switch.

 

If you’ve been following the blog you realize that hubby has acquired a taste for the limelight… or perhaps more accurately stated.. the “blog-light”.  And that the mere fact that I write about him makes him feel special and celebrity-like (wow, I’ve really pulled the wool over his eyes.. huh??!!).  I wrote a post not long ago called “Now That’s Blog-Worthy” where I attempted to explain, what I referred to as hubby’s Spotlight Syndrome.  At the time, I had compared it to hubby “performing for the camera”.  It’s an interesting dynamic because hubby was doing things around the house just wondering if the stories would make their way to the blog.  Of course at the time, there were no cameras in my house.  So his silly “performance” was really just for me, with the hope that his antics may, at some time, give me material for the blog.   It gave me quite a few laughs and I would occasionally joke with him that sharing his idiosyncrasies and annoying “male traits” with the world was hardly something to celebrate.

 

And then…..

 

We brought actual cameras into the house.   Oh My!!  I had no idea what an impact this would have.  But, what I can tell you is that I learned a few things about hubby.

     

  • He’s very comfortable on camera
  • He can be a total cheeseball
  • And…. he actually has an on-camera persona that I didn’t know existed   (perhaps the most important learning!)

 

You see, hubby seemingly has a switch that automatically flips when the camera is directed at him, that turns him into a complete ham.  If you know any precocious kids that put on a show the moment they are being filmed or having their picture taken, then you have an idea of what it was like to be with hubby for the 5 days of filming.  He would stop at times, in the middle of doing something, just to look at the camera and make some sort of silly comment, or explain what was doing.  His “performance” was stellar… albeit, quite “hammy”.  The minute the cameras stopped rolling…no more ham.  The minute they were directed at him, it was like Ham-A-Palooza in my house.  I had no idea he had this in him.  But there it was… plain as day.  My hubby has a Ham Switch!

 

Thankfully it’s all over and life can get back to normal.  Now, we just have to wonder how all this ham-iness will be portrayed in the edit room.  Hopefully it will be as endearing/entertaining as I found it to be (as long as it’s in moderation).  All I have to say is… Thank God, we don’t have cameras in our house full time.  It’s bad enough he performs on occasion for the blog, but to have him doing it 24/7 nonstop for the cameras could exhaust me beyond my wildest imagination.

 
Does your spouse have a “Ham Switch”.. if so, I’d love to hear about it!

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Ever wish that during those little marital disputes after days/months/years of begging or nagging your spouse to:

  • Change the toilet paper
  • Be a better driver
  • Pick up his dirty socks
  • Or.. whatever it may be that seems to be a recurring discussion at your home….

You had a referee to declare one of you the “winner” so you can finally put the argument to bed once and for all.  Well, maybe that time has finally come?!

I was recently contacted by a casting director for a new NBC television show called The Marriage Ref and she asked me to share info on how to apply for the show.  Details are below in case you might be interested.

(Disclaimer:  I personally have nothing whatsoever, to do with this show or the casting decisions.  Nor do I take any responsibility for your experiences with this show or the application process)

Here’s the email from her:

“The Marriage Ref.” The show is produced by Jerry Seinfeld and will focus on married couples that bicker naturally about every day issues – we will then bring in a marriage referee to settle arguments.
 
If you’re not interested/married and anyone comes to mind I was hoping you could forward them the opportunity in case they would be interested in submitting. The show is going to air Sunday nights at 8pm on NBC and will feature celebrities like Chris Rock, Madonna, Julia Roberts and Jennifer Aniston. Please let me know if you would like to submit to the casting!!! We would love to have you! Please send over a photo, your location, how long you have been married, your contact info and what issues you need solved by the ref!
 
You can email Theresa Horwitz @ REALITYSHOWNBC@GMAIL.COM

She also provided this video for you to get an idea of the show:   Which you can also find HERE if the video below won’t play (I’ve been having some trouble with it)

Vodpod videos no longer available.

 

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