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Posts Tagged ‘sharing information’

Hubby & I went away this past weekend (sorry, it’s really infringed on my blogging time!).

 

We had a wonderful weekend at a beautiful hotel, filled with activities, laughter, good food and new friends. That’s MY “quick overview” of the weekend.

 

HUBBY’s “quick overview” of the weekend probably sounds something like this… “yeah, we went away.. it was fun”.

 

So, after we arrived home hubby chats with his dad, who of course asks “how was your weekend”.. to which hubby I’m sure replied “good”. End of conversation.

 

I’ve posted before about a woman’s need to provide excess information. Hubby’s response to that is to stop listening (or employ some form of Selective Listening). I have also posted about hubby’s inability to gather sufficient information. But it seems that even though I can request that hubby work on his Information Gathering Skills to bring back more info to me, all bets are off to encourage him to share more information with other people. Which causes an interesting dynamic…Oftentimes, I need to re-share a story that hubby has already shared because the person on the receiving end of the story feels unfulfilled.

 

Case in point: Our weekend getaway.

 

I get a call from Hubby’s mom last night literally requesting “the female version” of our weekend. Meaning, in the simplest terms, can you tell me how it really was and share a few highlights? So, I say.. “didn’t hubby share any info?” And, she says… “no, he just spoke to his dad.. and you know how that goes.” Yes, unfortunately, I know all too well how that goes.

 

There seems to be a recurring theme here that illustrates the inability of men to absorb details about the “trivial” things that happen in their daily lives. It’s as if their brains are overflowing with other information and there’s just no room for anymore. I mean they need to remember an incredible amount of sports statistics and complex video game codes to uncover the lost diamond or gain 30 lives. They need to remember the horsepower and 0-60 stats of countless cars. I mean, how could anyone expect them to remember the unnecessary details of a weekend with their wife?

 

Did he eat? Yes.
Did he sleep? Yes.
Did he watch football? Yes.
Did he have sex? Yes.

 

Well then, it must have been a good weekend… there’s nothing else to discuss!

 

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Yesterday I mentioned that men & women have different levels of need when it comes to information.  I also provided an example of how a woman might provide an overflow of information. 

Well, today, I’d like to share an example of how a man might provide insufficient information.  Because as you probably know… this issue swings both ways!  And, somewhere in the middle lies the ever so elusive balance.

 

Detail gathering tasks almost always fall to the woman in a relationship… and, here’s why.

 

 

Hubby: “I spoke to Chris today… they [Chris & his wife] want to hang out next weekend”

Me: “Ok, which day?”

Hubby: “I’m not sure”

Me: “Did he mention where they want to go or what they want to do?”

Hubby: “No”

Me: “Do they want to come down here by us, or would we drive up to see them?

Hubby: “I have no idea”

Me: “Did he give you any idea of timing?  We have some stuff to do in the afternoons”

Hubby: “Nope, I didn’t ask him”

Me: “So the 2 of you had a conversation about hanging out, but you didn’t actually discuss anything?”

Hubby:  “I guess”

Me: “I just don’t get you”

Hubby:  “Can’t you just call his wife?”

 

A conversation with my father-in-law:

 

FIL: “I called to see if you guys want to meet us out for dinner”

Me: “Ok, where?”

FIL: “Asia Star”

Me: “What time?”

FIL: “I don’t know”

Me: “You called to invite us out, but you don’t know what time?”

FIL: “No, let me check with the boss”

Me: “Is this a family trait.. or a male trait?”

FIL: “What?”

Me: “Well, you & hubby seem to have the same inability to gather sufficient information to complete a task?”

FIL:  “I have no idea.. Here, I’ll put Mom on”

Me: speaking to MIL “What’s wrong with them?”

MIL: “Who?”

Me: “Men”

MIL: “Where do you want me to start?”

 

And… I’ve found that this phenomenon is not just isolated to planning… it’s extends to virtually every conversation that hubby has with someone.

 

Hubby: “I spoke to Jim today.. he just got a new job”

Me: “I didn’t realize he was in the market for a new job”

Hubby: “Neither did I”

Me: “Well, that’s awesome anyway!  What will he be doing?”

Hubby:  “No idea”

Me: “You didn’t ask him about it?”

Hubby: “No, not really”

Me: “So, he mentions he has a new job and you say what,  ‘oh great, so did you see that game last night’ ?”

Hubby:  “Well, sort of”

Me:  “You weren’t interested in any more details?”

Hubby: “That’s not it…. If he wanted to share more info he would have… Honey, we’re, guys.”

 

So, I’ve realized a couple of things over the years:

 

  • If two men are sharing info… there’s just no hope of getting a full picture or a full story
  • If a man & a woman are sharing info.. AND (and, this is an important AND) the woman has mastered the art of extracting information, you may have decent idea of what’s going on
  • If two women are sharing info.. you’ll likely get not only a full story, but a full back-story, a dissection of the story, an analysis of the story, and a recommendation for next steps.

 

seesawLike I mentioned earlier, I’m sure there’s a spot right in the middle that makes the most sense, but from what I’ve seen, it’s a difficult place to stay.  It’s sort of like being on a see-saw and keeping it perfectly balanced at all times.  It’s just not that easy to do.  Too LITTLE info and one side lowers… too MUCH info and the other side lowers (and, quite possibly, somebody’s head explodes). 

 

The best way for me to try to maintain the “balance” in my own home is this:

 

 

Me: “Honey, do you think you can do me a huge favor”

Hubby:  “Sure”

Me: “Next time you are having a conversation with someone, about almost anything that you think you might mention to me later, can you pause for a moment and ask yourself… What other info might she ask me about?  And, if anything pops into your head, can you please try to gather that info before you tell me the story?  It will make it so much easier on both of us!”

Hubby: “Yes, dear”

 

And there they are…..those magical words that every woman wants to hear… “yes, dear”.  Even though, I know that next time he shares information with me… we’ll be right back to where we are today. 

Because, after all, he said it himself….. “Honey, we’re guys”

 

 

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