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If you’ve ever had a sensation, any sensation, then this story might just irritate you as much as it did me.  Because, contrary to many beliefs (most of which come from hubby), not all sensations are good sensations and what may be a good sensation to one person may not necessarily be a good sensation to another.  And no, regardless of where your mind just went… this is not at all about S E X.

 

So, please let me explain.

 

Sometimes I like to make impulse purchases.  You know, the kind when you’re shopping and randomly come upon something  that you didn’t think you needed, but now that it’s staring you straight in the face, beckoning you, you decide now is the time to buy.

 

I’ve wound up with random household décor items this way.   I’ve found a new home for a pair of sunglasses that seemed to jump out at me as I was on my way to buy cleaning supplies.  Just last week, I came home with new bath towels.  Not because I needed bath towels but because they were there.  I was there.  They were on sale.  I was there.  I imagined them in my bathroom and then *poof* they were magically in my hands.

 

Sometimes hubby benefits from this wonderful trait.  He’s come upon a new bathing suit, some shorts and even box of cookies all because of my fine-tuned, impulse buying abilities.

 

And sometimes, he benefits in a very unintended way.

 

I was grocery shopping recently.  You know, a task that I cannot send hubby to do because sending him to the grocery store actually creates more work for me (In case you didn’t read about the last time he tried to grocery shop please go HERE.  Go ahead, I’ll wait.)  As I was checking out, staring at that at the rack filled with impulse items, I had a weak moment and I bought myself a treat.  One of the best kinds of treats.  Better than towels.  Better than a candle holder.  It was one of those items where you tell yourself, I’ve had a hard day, I’ve earned this.  A treat of the edible, chocolate variety.  I bought myself a Kit Kat and a York Peppermint Pattie.

 

I tossed these treats into my purse as I loaded my cart with bags of groceries.  Then I got in the car, likely side tracked by God only knows what (since my brain doesn’t work anymore since I had the baby) and I forgot I had rewarded myself with these delectable bits of heaven.

 

The next day I’m getting ready for work and I spot the treats peaking at me from my purse.  So, I take them out and gingerly place them on the counter… right in the spot where my purse always sits.. to await my return.  Now, if I’d been hubby I would likely have stuffed these babies into my mouth right then & there.  Never mind that it was 7:00am or that I had just brushed my teeth.  He would have stood there wiping his mouth as bits of chocolate dropped onto the floor & counter only to be discovered (and cleaned) by a not so happy wife later.  But I digress.  I am not hubby and I wanted to leave them so I could savor them at the appropriate moment in the future.

 

So…. Imagine my surprise later, when I return to the spot where I stowed away my treats, only to….  W  A  I  T…… where are my treats??  I see the Kit Kat BUT, the Peppermint Pattie is gone.  Is it under these papers.. NO?!  Has it fallen to the floor…… NOPE!?  Uhm, did the fairies take it????  WTH.  I want my Peppermint Patty NOW and it’s gone.

 

I yell across the house… “Hey hon,  I had a Peppermint Patty here on the counter… did you see it?”

And from a distance I hear…. “Uhm, yeah, I saw it”

 

And that’s when the sensation starts….. a sensation that something is not right.  A sensation that something is amiss.  A sensation that I somehow, some way, got screwed out of enjoying MY Peppermint Patty.

 

 

And then, I’d like to say sheepishly, but it was probably more like – sheepishly proud of himself, hubby comes over.  And you know what he says?????????

Swiss Alps15

 

“I saw the Peppermint Patty.  I saw it on the counter.  I saw it unwrap.  I saw it enter my mouth.  And, then I had the sensation of the skiing in the Swiss Alps with a cool fresh breeze blowing in my face.  And, you know what….” He says…….  “ It was AWESOME”.

 

 

And then, he got to enjoy the sensation of me punching him square in the jaw.

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I generally consider myself to be a smart woman.  And, for this reason it’s particularly difficult to accept the fact that I will never be able to figure out my hubby.

 

The things that hit his radar seem to hold no particular importance in the universe and conversely, the things that never hit his radar, in my mind, are actually important.

  
 
Take for instance toilet paper.  Pretty important….. No?  Well, only slightly important to hubby.  Meaning we’ve been running so low on TP this week that, every day, I’ve brought up the fact that we really need to make a trip to Costco.  This wasn’t a declaration that I was going to go shopping, but rather a request that someone go shopping.  But alas, the replenishment of household items seems to rest squarely on my responsibility list.
 
 
I’m not exactly sure what hubby would have done had we actually run out of TP.  I shudder to think about what alternate product might be substituted, but thankfully we headed off this tragedy as I forced an errand trip one evening this week…. The solution: we both went to Costco!
 
 
While in the car, I decide to ask a few questions to really try understand my hubby.
 
 
It starts something like this:
 
 
Me:  “I think there are a few other things we might need.  I know we’re running really low on shampoo and conditioner…. Anything else you can think of that we might need?”
Hubby: “Hmmmmm…. I’m not really sure”
Me: “You do realize that you use all the same products I do every day.  You never pay attention to see if we’re running low?”
Hubby: “I guess not”
Me: “I don’t understand how you could pick up the shampoo or toothpaste every-single-day and never notice that we need to buy more??”
Hubby:  “I just don’t.” He states so matter of factly.
Me: “Dare I even ask what you’d do if we ran out of shampoo?” although I already know the answer
Hubby: “I’d figure it out”
Me: “You’d wash your hair with soap wouldn’t you?!”
Hubby: “Probably…… Honey, I’m a guy.”. As if that explains everything.  “Stuff like that just never hits my radar”
Me: “What exactly does hit your radar?”
Hubby: “Well, important stuff……..”
Me: “Just so I’m clear…… Washing your hair and wiping your butt are not necessarily important??”
Hubby: “I guess not in the way they are important to you…..”
 
 
And there ya have it folks.  No matter how hard I try, I will just never understand!!
 

 

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Today, while hubby & I were snoozing, there were throngs of people battling each other in stores for a handful of sale items – that retailers knew they would run out of in like 10 minutes flat. 

 

Last night, after we got home from visiting family, we sat on the couch holding our full bellies groaning, and popping a few tums and I turned to hubby and said,  “Hon, we have like 10 minutes before we head out to Target”.  And, he looked at me as if I’d grown 3 heads right there in front of him, and he scooted further away from me.  “You’re nuts” he responded simply.

 

And yes folks, I was kidding.  Not only could I not conceive of going shopping on Black Friday before Black Friday even officially began (I’m not even sure that you can call it Black Friday when it now starts at 10pm on THURSDAY night??!!).  I was also feeling a bit ill after having stuffed my face with more food than any person should eat in one sitting.    So, trust me, shopping was the last thing on my mind.   Shock of all shocks….. Hubby and I actually agreed on something!  

(And, if you’re not based in the US – consider yourself lucky that you’re not bombarded with weeks of Black Friday advertising stores opening at 3 or 4 am!  🙂 )

 

Yesterday I was speculating on the meaning of Black Friday.  I mean, I know the origination of the phrase but it’s an event that has seemingly grown into it’s own name.

  • Maybe it’s Black Friday because you need to start your shopping excursion in the darkness of night
  • Maybe it’s Black Friday because you have horrible black circles under your eyes from lack of sleep, from starting your shopping in the darkness of night
  • Maybe it’s Black Friday because you need to be ninja-like in order to be the first to get any of the good deals that retailers use to woo you to their stores
  • Maybe it’s Black Friday because it’s sort of like gambling with all of your black chips at a casino (which by the way go directly into my pocket should I ever be lucky enough to win that much money!).
  • Or, maybe it’s Black Friday because retailers have a much more sinister intention as they begin to advertise these “great deals” weeks early (insert evil laugh here) that force fat-bellied people from the comfort of their homes after consuming way too much turkey.

 

Whatever Black Friday has become…. I’m not a fan… and neither is hubby.   Which is interesting because we generally don’t ever agree on shopping and/or saving money (see examples here, here & here)

 

Write this date down folks…. it may be one of the few notable times that hubby & I have agreed on anything!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

(Now, just don’t tell him that I do intend to drag him to a few stores later, I’ll do it under he guise of going out to lunch (that usually works).  Don’t judge me!  I do, after all,  have some Christmas shopping to do……………ssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!)

 

 

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Many people say that men never truly grow up.  Heck, I’ve probably made that same statement about hubby more times than I can count.  And yes, I’m about to do it again.

 

It all started last Thursday when a package arrived in the mail.  I happened to be home at the time (which is a rarity these days).  After I signed for it, I took note that it was addressed to hubby and placed it on the counter to await his arrival.

 

When he got home from work he furiously tore into the package and disappeared into the other room.  I never saw the package again. 

 

Now, I consider myself to be fairly perceptive and his disappearance and subsequent lack of conversation about this package, led me to believe it was some sort of anniversary present.  (Yesterday was our 8th anniversary!).  And, since the box disappeared and we all know how good he is at hiding gifts (see here) we can only assume he is learning from this blog!

 

Ok, so it may not have been just the disappearing package, perhaps it had more to do with the other “subtle” comments he had made throughout the week about our anniversary.  Things like……

  • “I have quite the coup for our anniversary”.  To which I replied, “you’re overthrowing a government for our anniversary?” 
  • “I am the Best Gift Giver. EVER”.  To which I replied, “I’m not sure you can bestow this title upon yourself?” 
  • “If I can pull this off, you are gonna absolutely love my anniversary present”.  To which I replied.  “You’re setting the bar pretty dang high you know…”

What hubby didn’t realize was that the more he built up this amazing, fantastic, perfect gift – the higher he brought my expectations.  And that my dear blog readers, is a mighty slippery slope in the world of marriage.  You always want to under-commit and over-deliver.  Or, more likely, just keep your mouth shut and over-deliver.. but hubby’s childlike enthusiasm was getting the best of him!  (And, just for the record he’s a pretty good gift giver… you can read previous gift giving posts here & here)

 

So, on the 5th consecutive night last week, as we were laying in bed and he was savoring the thought of being the Best Gift Giver In The World, he stated once again, “you’re not gonna believe this coup”.   And I said, “you really like using that word ‘coup’ huh?  I’ve heard it like 10 times this week”.  And he replied.  “yes I do indeed like that word, and it’s the most appropriate word for the coup I’ve pulled off.” 

 

So, back to the arrival of “The Package”.

 

That night he starts to taunt me….

 

Hubby:  “Want your anniversary present?”

Me:  “Uhm no.. our anniversary is on Monday”

 

Twenty minutes later…..

 

Hubby:  “Want your anniversary present?”

Me:  “The anniversary is still on Monday”

 

Friday night we’re on the couch watching tv…..

 

Hubby: “Want your anniversary present?”

Me:  “Do you need to check the inscription inside your wedding ring to verify the date”? (my ingenious way to ensure he can never claim he doesn’t know the date of our anniversary).

Hubby:  “Nope, no need to check.  I just thought that you might want it now since it’s soooooo awesome”

Me:  “I have patience. I will wait.”

 

Saturday night we’re at home…..

 

Hubby:  “Want your anniversary present?”

Me:  “You’re like a child”

Hubby:  “It’s so awesome.  I can’t wait to give it to you.”

Me:  “Should we start exchanging Christmas presents on the 23rd of December?”

Hubby:  “No”

Me: “Then why should we do gifts before our anniversary”

Hubby:  “Because it’s such a coup!”

Me:  “There’s that word again…..”

Hubby:  “I’m just so anxious to give it to you.  Ok, we can exchange Christmas presents on Dec 23rd”

Me:  “I will still wait until Monday”

 

Sunday night we’re sitting at home…..

 

Hubby: “Do you want your anniversary present?”

Me: “Hon, you’re really not letting this go huh?”

Hubby:  “It’s just that I won’t really see you tomorrow.  We’ll be at work all day then we’ll both be tired when we come home.”

 

he’s wearing me down…..

 

Me:  “You really want to exchange gifts tonight?”

Hubby:  “YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!”

Me:  “Ok, fine”

 

The words are barely out of my mouth when  hubby tears off through the house like a child who was just told he could have an elusive piece of candy that he’d been begging for all week.

 

And, I’ll tell ya what.  It was quite a coup.

 

 

This is not *exactly* what hubby bought me but it's the closest I could find!

Admin Note: Hubby had remembered how much I admired some jewelry on a trip we took to Mexico.  This was from a custom jewelry collection by a Mexican artist.  An artist whose name we didn’t write down and couldn’t remember at all.  Hubby scoured the internet to dig up his name, he contacted him directly and ordered a beautiful piece from his collection to be shipped to us from Mexico.  It was one of the best presents he’s ever given me… all the way from remembering I liked these pieces, to the creative effort it took to dig up this jeweler’s name, to all the work he put into selecting the perfect piece and getting it sent in time.   THANK YOU HUBBY FOR A WONDERFUL ANNIVERSARY!  And, if you are interested, the artist is Hector Salgado and I am just totally in LOVE with his collection!

 

 

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I mentioned earlier this week that hubby has developed quite an intimate relationship with his Droid phone.


I also mentioned that he’s become a little “app” crazy.  He searches for new apps continuously and he’s even developed an interest in a variety of new things driven by apps he’s stumbled upon.


A Couple of Examples:


Frequent Shopper Cards – It’s been a life-long battle with hubby to get him to put frequent shopper cards on his key chain.  Grocery stores, Borders, Panera, CVS, Petsmart.. you name it, we probably have a card for it.  My key chain is littered with upwards of 10 cards.  Hubby however has staunchly refused to add any, other than the ones that are absolutely necessary (ie: the card for our main grocery store and the one for his gym).  BUT, he has discovered an app that manages all these cards and allows him to easily see specials that are available to him for being a card member.  I’ve never seen him so excited to look for a discount (you may remember that he only likes to save money, if it’s zero work for him).   And apparently, this app is as close to zero work as possible.  Score one for me… hubby is looking for coupons!!

Savvy Shopping – You may recall that hubby HATES comparison shopping.  Well truth be told, he just hates shopping period.  He will do plenty of research on line but, the minute we hit a store, he wants to buy the first thing we come across.  He has no interest in going to multiple stores to compare prices or to consider options.  He wants to be in-and-out in the blink of an eye and has sent me shopping alone on quite a few occasions, to “choose my finalists”, so he only has to go to one store.  Well, this app changes all that.  Hubby is EXCITED to comparison shop. He whips out his phone, clicks on the app and scans the bar code.  He’s standing in Best Buy declaring, “we can find this cheaper at Lowes”.  He’s also able to read reviews on products and is now encouraging me to consider multiple options.  I don’t even know who this new guy is… he has actually become a “savvy shopper” just like the app promised!  Although, much like a man with a new toy scanner… he’s scanning bar codes on just about everything!  Uhmm hubby, we don’t need to comparison shop the price of Oreo cookies…


But perhaps the most annoying new app, comes with regular broadcasting of how cool hubby is (and bear in mind I use that word cool VERY loosely!).


This new app gives hubby the ability to bestow titles upon himself, to oust other people from their current position of power, and to grow his head even larger than it already is.


This app is otherwise known as Foursquare.  Now, for those of you who don’t know what this is… it’s an app that allows you to virtually “check in” wherever you happen to be.  Many stores offer special discounts to customers who “check in” and you can also have your “check ins” automatically post to Facebook, at which time you are ‘rated’ against anyone else who has also checked in at the same location.  This is where the problems begin.


If hubby happens to be the person who has checked in more times than any other person at a given location, he is declared The Mayor of that location.  If you have formed any sort of picture of hubby in your mind from reading this blog, then you know why this could present a problem.


Hubby arrives home from work and with a smirk and a glint in his eye, he declares…. “I am now the mayor of 123 Main St (substitute in our address….)”   “Oh, you are, are you?”.  I respond.  “Yep, I sure am.  Didn’t you see it on Facebook, I am now the Mayor, you must bow down to me!” (yeah right…..)

Hubby has his umpteenth burrito of the week…. “I only have to check in 4 more times this week, and I will be the Mayor of Chipotle”.  A few days later…. “I’m now the proud Mayor of Chipotle, bet you wish you were me!” (uhhmm no, not really)

Hubby frequently lunches with a friend at work… they often go to the same places and they both “check in” on Foursquare.  Hubby says “Hmmmm,  we’re going to have to go to Jersey Mikes Subs over the weekend or I’m never going to oust Leon and become the Mayor.”


So, you can probably see how this could present a challenge to my every day existence.   As I ask hubby to wipe the kitchen counter and he responds… “I don’t need to do that…. I am The Mayor”.  Or, I ask him to take out the garbage and he replies “The mayor doesn’t do such menial tasks”


I suppose now that hubby is comparison shopping and looking at coupons, I have to be willing to take the good with the bad.  And…..I’ve always said that ‘bright lights, bells & whistles’ will make just about anything better.  Considering this phone can now act as a flashlight, pretend it’s a police siren and whistles the Old Spice commercial every time he gets a text message…. it fulfills all the necessary requirements to help make shopping more “fun”.



Now all I need is for someone to fill me in on the necessary tactics one must take to overthrow a mayor??  (Aside of course from getting my own phone and checking in on Foursquare?!!)


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As much as I pick on my dear hubby, and as annoying he can be, he truly has moments where he really is a great guy.

 

This past weekend he illustrated, beyond a shadow of a doubt,  that he has the capacity to do truly nice things.

 

Hold on to your hats…. I’m about to drop a doozy on you!

 

This weekend hubby went shopping….. I know, shocking!!!!   (as you know, hubby HATES shopping)

Not only did he go shopping BUT, he went to Costco on a weekend…. yikes!!!

And… here it comes…… he went shopping to buy toilet paper ……. holy crap (no pun intended)!!!!

 

But, my dear blog readers it does not end there.  No it does not.  As if it wasn’t enough that he went out to buy a staple home item, a paper product, a product that he, himself, thinks fairies deliver to our house.  I added one additional item to his shopping list.   An item that breaks all man code.  An item that makes grown men whimper.  An item that relates to a topic that cannot be spoken out loud…..

 

Yes folks……Hubby also went to buy………….tampons …. gasp!!!!    I admit it, I sent my loving husband to do the one thing he abhors (shop) and to make it entirely worse, I asked him to buy female products….. the horror!!!

 

Now, one might say that his agreement alone to purchase this unspoken woman product would show that’s he’s not a bad guy after all.  But the story doesn’t end here.

 

ring-a-ling….. ring-a-ling (that’s my cell phone ringing)

 

“Hi Babe” it’s hubby calling

“Hey, I’m at Costco and I can’t find the tampons you want”

“Well, they’re usually up front by all the toiletries”

“Yeah, that’s where I am, but I don’t see them”

“They should be in a pink box… you really can’t miss them”

“I’m standing here…. Always, Kotex….. pads, panty liners”  he’s now reading the boxes to me – out loud!!

“No hon, those are all pads… not tampons.   You’re in the right area, just move to the tampon section”

“I seriously don’t see them”

“I don’t think that’s possible… maybe they moved them?”

“Geez, I’m gonna have to ask someone”  WOW.. he’s gonna ask someone???????????

“Ok, call me back if you need me”

ring-a-ling….. ring-a-ling (it’s 3 minutes later)

 

“Did you find them?”

“Nope, I asked the woman who works here”

“And?”

“And, she started by asking me if I looked up.  So I replied, Yes.  I know I’m a man, and if it’s not directly eye level we generally don’t see it but I did indeed look up.  So, she walked over to the area with me and helped me look.  And it doesn’t seem like they have any.”

“Awwww babe….. you asked the woman to help you find tampons…..” 

“Yes, and you know, there were a good 5-6 women standing around all giggling at me…”

“Thanks hon”

“So anyway, you’re out of luck.   And oh, by the way, I bought some steaks.”  as if somehow this makes his excursion more Man-ly…….

 

So, there you have it folks.  Either hubby spent a good 30 minutes concocting a story that was detailed enough to explain why he wasn’t coming home with tampons or, he really is a good guy.   I’ll let you be the judge!

 

 

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