Posts Tagged ‘sleeping’

As we approach the 4 month mark of having a little one in our lives… I have learned quite a few things.


  • I have learned that when you think he’s done pooping… he might actually not be done at all
  • I have learned you will go many places and interact with many people, with spit up all over your clothes…. and you’ll be quite smelly but you won’t care
  • I have learned that the amount of laundry you need to do can, in fact, rival the amount of linens cleaned at a 500 room hotel
  • I have also learned that you can indeed function with virtually no sleep and that the # of times you can put a pacifier back in a mouth borders on 962 times in one night.


But, perhaps the biggest learning of them all can best be outlined by a Top 10 list.  So, here goes…………


The Top 10 Things a Man Will Hear (while he’s asleep) BEFORE He Hears A Baby Crying:


10.   A car alarm 6 blocks over, in the middle of hurricane force winds, through double paned windows.

9.    The “splitz” sound made by a can of beer opening at the neighbor’s house, during a party with a live band

8.    The low hum of a sub-woofer turned on in the basement man cave when he’s 3 floors above it

7.    A bad call made by a referee at a football game, 60 miles away

6.    The rumble of a motorcycle 6 towns over

5.    The *bleep bleep* of a text message, from the pocket of a coat that’s in the closet

4.    The crinkle of a package of Oreo’s opening

3.    The bubbling of cheese on a hot, fresh pizza

2.    The zipper of a woman’s pants coming off


And, the #1 thing a man can hear, while sleeping….  The sales clerk changing the shelf price of a 72” tv at the local Best Buy to be “on sale”


What does this all mean??  It simply means that unless I kick hubby in the middle of the night while I’m holding the screaming baby up against the side of his head… he will not hear him (or so he says…..)


And, just to prove a point, I googled this phenomenon.  And, found THIS article.  And holy crap, it actually justified all of the above (DANG IT!) And, since you know how things go in my house, it’s probably no surprise that hubby likes to refer me back to this article anytime I start to complain……………


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Sorry I’ve disappeared… my job is squeezing every last drop of my time and energy now that they know they only have me for 4 more months before my maternity leave!


I’ve come to realize that there’s an odd parallel between men & children when it comes to bed time.  Now, I don’t have children (yet) but I do know that they always want to “stay up later”….. “just 5 more minutes……”


And, oddly enough, my hubby seems to share this inability to admit he should be in bed.


A typical evening at our home consists of some unwinding time in front of tv prior to bed.  Eventually I’m tired and declare I’ll be retiring for the evening.  Then, like playing a broken record, I’ll ask hubby “Are you coming up?”.   To which he always replies, “No, I’m gonna stay up a bit”.


Now this “staying up a bit” could be just after he’s:


  • declared how tired he, himself, is.
  • fallen asleep 2-3 times during the last hour while holding on to the remote
  • announced that tv programming sucks, and there’s nothing to watch


But alas, none of the declarations are reason enough to put himself to bed.


So, I find myself negotiating like I would with a five year old.


“Honey, you do realize that you’re pretty much sleeping here on the couch?”


“Honey, you’ve been complaining all day that you didn’t get much sleep last night, so why would you want to force yourself to stay up?”


“Honey, I could understand wanting to say up if you were in the middle of a great movie, but you are flipping through the channels deciding between Duck Dynasty and American Pickers… I bet nothing earth-shattering is going to happen that you need to know about”


And lastly…..


“Honey, I promise you will not miss anything by coming to bed now.”


And, there are generally one of 2 replies from him. He either says… “I’m just gonna flip around and see if there’s anything to watch”  — This makes no sense to me since he’s admittedly tired BUT there may just be something on some obscure channel that would keep him awake.  Or, he says “But it’s only __’o clock”  (and you can fill in just about any time whatsoever into the “__” time slot”).  It’s as if the clock dictates his bedtime not his level of exhaustion.  If it’s “only” 10:00, it’s too early to go to bed.   If it’s “only” 11:00, it’s too early to go to bed.  I’m not sure where he gathered the impression that he’s less of man if he can’t force himself to stay up past a certain time just so he can say he didn’t go to bed early.


This is not my hubby… but it might as well be!

Nope, I just don’t get it.    If I’m tired, I go to sleep.  If he’s tired he goes to sleep only if it’s past a certain time or he’s exhausted all possible options of crap tv. And, even after all that, sometimes he falls asleep on the couch…. thus, taking away the required decision to Go To Bed…. somehow, I feel like he thinks he’s won by not going to bed.  What exactly he’s the winner of is debatable.  In my world it’s probably along the lines of some sort of Moron Award, although I’m sure in the World of Men, this might just be some great honor that I’m unaware of!



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