Posts Tagged ‘spreadable foods’

Everyone has their idiosyncrasies.  Some people have traits that are cute & endearing.  Some people have behaviors that are odd, or disruptive. Some people have habits that are annoying & irritating. And some people, like my dear hubby, have behaviors that are just plain peculiar.


Many times when I share stories about my hubby I file them into a bucket of “typical male traits” or I generalize and say that many men exhibit similar behaviors BUT, the post I’d like to share today revolves around one of hubby’s OCD behaviors that make the least amount of sense to me.  And, this is a tall statement since a lot of what hubby does makes very little sense to me!


So, I’ll let you be the judge on this one.  Hubby likes to eat everything FLAT.  


(Huh??  I can imagine what you’re thinking… you’re like, she just typed flat… maybe she meant to type first or maybe she meant fat… as in, he doesn’t eat anything healthy… or hmmm.. What the hell is she talking about, cause what she wrote doesn’t really make any sense).


So, let me explain.  And just for the purposes of internet communication.. that was not a mistype.  Hubby does indeed like to eat everything FLAT.  As in:



Pronunciation: \ˈflat\

Function: adjective

Inflected Form(s): flat·ter; flat·test

..a condition that is very smooth or level.. 


If hubby is consuming an item that is either scoopable or spreadable, he must consume it in a fashion that continually maintains a smooth surface. This is both during the consumption process and upon completion of consumption.


So let’s take for instance, a tub of spreadable WisPride wine cheese… (this is something we frequently have in our house).  As he spreads the designated amount on each cracker, he expertly uses his knife to remove the precise amount of cheese while constantly maintaining a flat surface in the container.  He’s become quite adept at artfully extracting cheese while preserving the pristine surface of the cheese.  (I will admit, I’m amazed at his ability to wield his knife with such skill and,  I am absurdly fascinated by this OCD).


The same process goes for a tub of butter, any sort of canned or jarred dip or even ice cream.  And, he has admitted to me, his frustration at the ever-so-elusive peanut butter container, which he has yet to master.


Just last night as we were both helping ourselves to ice cream,  I handed hubby a bowl & a teaspoon for his ice cream.  He promptly told me “I need a different spoon to scoop the ice cream… this one’s too small to scoop it flat”.    To which I replied… “I just don’t understand your compulsion for flat foods”.  And he replies.. “neither do I, but can you grab me a much bigger spoon?”


I will admit that I take some sick enjoyment in “ruining” the foods that he’s artfully flattened.  Because every time I dig into the spreadable cheese or the ice cream, I go at it with complete rigor & disregard.  I poke, I carve, I gauge, I eat only one side…. and without fail, when it goes back into the fridge, it looks like someone has attacked his perfectly sculpted food with reckless abandon (which he calls “ruining” his food).   Then, of course, the cycle must be repeated as hubby now feels the need to eat more of the item to once again smooth out the surface.  He’s even admitted to “eating more than he really wanted” just to ensure that the food item is put away in all it’s flattened glory!


So yes, my hubby is a bit quirky (not unlike my musical inclinations).  And, I’d classify this peculiar OCD behavior into the cute & endearing category (unlike my quirk.. which probably leans much closer to irritating).   And, oh yeah… his behavior also happens to provide me with my own source of entertainment on occasion… since it’s so damn easy to mess with him!! 🙂

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