[ Admin Note: Yes, I must have gone completely mad.. or perhaps I’m a bit high from all the cleaning supplies I’ve inhaled cleaning up after hubby but, I have agreed to let you hear directly from the infamous cheese flattening, tv envying, snack stealing, Awfulizer himself. So, this is the first (and perhaps not the last) post where you get to hear it from The Hubby’s Mouth. ]
Hijacked….hahaha. Hello readers this is the hubby speaking. Since I am on vacation and my lovely wife is slaving away in an effort to keep me in the manner I have become accustomed, I have decided to take this opportunity to hijack the blog. While I do realize that my own behaviors have been a source of entertainment for all of you, it is now my pleasure to shine the light back on the source. There is no doubt that my wife is the best thing that ever happened to me, I can also tell you that being married to her has also been the most difficult journey on which I have ever embarked.
Now before all you ladies, start in with “you know it’s your own fault, if you weren’t such a nut job your marriage would be so much simpler”, allow me to explain.
How did I know you were gonna say that?
Because my wife makes the very same argument all the time.
It seems if I would just listen and behave properly life would be all roses and sunshine. To that, all I can say is NEVER!!!! But I digress. When I met my wife she was the most fiercely driven and independent woman ever. She was and remains strong willed, highly opinionated and a bit of control freak. What has changed since we were married is her fierce independence. For example, when we met if she wanted to go some place for dinner that I didn’t care for, she would just go without me. If her car needed fixing she took it in to be fixed. If she wanted to purchase new throw pillows for the couch, she purchased them. This ability to act independently seems to have completely gone from her personality as now she requires my input on all of these types of things.
YES YES I know…I am sure she would say and many of you would agree, that she is merely going above any beyond to include me, to make me feel like part of the team.
I am not a total jerk, I have asked her why her independence has seemingly diminished. In fairness, she does say that things like taking care of the car falls traditionally into the man’s realm and as for going places, she likes and prefers to have me along. I accept all of this however, there are certain decisions that really get me confused. For example….while wandering through Home Goods, wife picks up random home décor item and says “honey don’t you think this would look great in blah blah room?” I used to say “I don’t know” or “I don’t care” and well, let’s just say, those answers never went over well and… they only served to prolong the exercise. So I give in and try to accommodate my wife’s need to include me.
This would be fine if this is where it ended. However. I have come to notice that there is something more deliberate beneath the surface of this seemingly innocuous exchange.
I started to pay attention to her actions after I gave my answers and, it seems that she has not really lost independence at all. I actually began to notice that my answers have no direct impact on her decisions. Whether it be purchasing a home décor item, deciding to switch doctors or even handling a work issue. What I have determined is that her asking my opinion has nothing to do with wanting my answer and everything to do with her process. I have concluded that my wife is actually perfectly capable of making her own decisions. In fact, I submit that she has typically made at least 90% of her decision before ever saying a word to me. It appears as though my participation is a required formality for her to put her decision to bed. You see, if I don’t perform my part in the process, my wife will hem and haw endlessly about the simplest of decisions. Whereas if she has already 90% decided that we should buy blue curtains and she asks me “What do you think about blue curtains” (which she did) and I say “I don’t like blue curtains” (which I did) it matters not all, since she ran right out and bought blue curtains. I have seen this scenario play out in countless ways over the years. And yes, I’m looking at blue curtains right now as I write this post.
So I believe I have stumbled on a truth as it pertains to my wife and I suspect as it pertains to many women the world over. And here it is in a nutshell: Men, when it comes to women, your opinions don’t actually matter. However, your participation, even if it’s only to have your input over ruled and even ridiculed at times, is 100% necessary. So take heart, you are in all likelihood a vital cog in your woman’s process.
Embrace it, it makes life easier.
And in the end, if your woman is driving ya nuts, you can always refuse to participate in the process and at least send her off in a tizzy for while.
Till the next time…Im outta here!
The Hubby
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