27 Marriage Truths (Things I Wish I’d Known Before I Got Married!)

When I first started this blog I made a list of “Marriage Truths” that have truly stood the test of time.

Today I’ve decided to add some new things to my list… this is probably also a good “27 Things I Wish I’d known Before I Got Married” List!

 

1. Marriage is fun… but fun doesn’t always come easy.
2. Men & women almost never, ever, see things through the same eyes
3. “Clean” is not always clean.  This becomes even more apparent as your family begins to grow
4. The TV is never big enough
5. Bright lights, bells and whistles make just about anything better (and new electronics/technology can sometimes please even the grumpiest man!)
6. Nagging & talking can sometimes be synonymous
7. A man cave can be a lifesaver (for both of you!)
8. Sometimes a hug can go a long way
9. Communication only works when you are both listening………..
10. Laughing together is important. And, being able to laugh at yourself can be even more important
11. Dividing up chores and keeping a tally is a horrible idea.  Feeling that what you contribute is acknowledged and appreciated can almost always provide “balance”
12. Being in love doesn’t necessarily mean you love everything about your partner.  Sometimes loving someone is accepting the parts you don’t love (like dirty socks all over the house!)
13. You will get mad…. Sometimes incredibly mad.  It’s ok. Everybody gets mad sometimes.  It’s what you do afterwards that matters
14. Never going to bed angry is bad advice.  Sometimes, what you really need, is some space and some perspective (if this needs to come overnight –that’s ok!)
15. Always trust your gut…. It usually comes to pretty accurate conclusions far quicker than your heart or your mind
16. Apologize when you’re wrong.  And mean it.
17. You will make mistakes.  You will hurt someone you love.  You will learn from it.
18. Holding hands and staying physically connected can help you weather even the harshest storm
19. Learning to forgive isn’t easy… but nothing worthwhile ever is.
20. The amount of laundry you can do in any given week will far exceed your expectations!
21. The amount of laundry you will have to pick up from the living room, from under beds, crumbled in corners and dropped on bathroom floors will also far exceed your expectations!
22. The refrigerator can be completely full…. but somehow, there will be nothing to eat!
23. There are fairies that will live in your house who replace things like toilet paper, tissues, soap and toothpaste (eventually, maybe, he will realize that YOU are the magical fairy!)
24. Alone time is just as important as together time.  Remember marriage isn’t Two Becoming One…. It’s Two Becoming Too”
25. Your “To Do” list will probably never get shorter… as one thing gets completed another thing will get added.  So, don’t stress about not getting it all done!
26. There are some arguments that will quite simply never be resolved…. Agree to disagree.
27. Sharing your life with someone is quite the journey….. always remember to enjoy the ride!

 

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An Arrow Through His…. Stomach?

I may have mentioned in the past that hubby has an addiction to Chocolate Chip Cookies.  I’m not sure however, that I’ve done this particular infatuation the proper justice.  To call it an addiction is just probably not strong enough.  Cookies (they must be chocolate chip) are the Be-All-End-All in our house.

 

Just recently he’s made some of the following statements (I swear, I’m not making these up…)

“Chocolate chip cookies are devine!”

“I just cannot resist chocolate chip cookies”

“I pray to the chocolate chip cookie gods”

You may remember from a while back that I rarely win a snack battle with hubby.  He claims I’m just not quick enough to get my fair share of snacks.  And, if chocolate chip cookies are involved, I know that I may not get one tiny morsel in my mouth before hubby’s grubby paws are all over them.   I have accepted the fact that I probably will never get more than 3 out of the 2 dozen that I bake.  I enjoy cookies but I don’t  L – O – V – E  them like hubby does. 

 

If I were a more intelligent gal (hold those snarky comments…..) I suppose I would have seen indications of this particular hubby trait on the very first day I hung out with him.  Just last week, I shared my story about how hubby & I met.  Once piece of that story that I left out was the fact that on the evening I entertained that small group of friends at my house, I had actually made slice & bake chocolate chip cookies. It was an easy thing to pop into the oven with some friends coming over.   Not too much work and who doesn’t love a freshly baked cookie?  Apparently this was the way to hubby’s heart, even if I didn’t know it at the time!

 

It was only years later, on our wedding day, that I discovered the importance that cookies played in our relationship.

 

During our toast, hubby’s best man (also known as his brother) gave the traditional best man speech.  In the midst of many jokes, and much comedy, his brother said…

 

“I should have known on that day when they first met, that they were destined to be together.   I bet she didn’t even know it when she baked that fresh batch of cookies, that it was the easiest way to hubby’s heart…… It was as if cupid shot an arrow directly into his stomach that day”.

 

Yes, apparently the way to win hubby’s love and affection is to ply him with chocolate chip cookies.  It worked incredibly well on that first day and it still works all these years later.   I may never get my fair share of cookies and, I may never understand just how happy a cookie can make a man, but at least I know the easiest way to get his attention. … it’s obviously a brand new tv OR a freshly baked chocolate chip cookie.

 

Now, if only I could figure out a way to use cookies as a reward for completing household chores…. Then I’d really be onto something!

 

What’s the key to your spouse’s heart?

 

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How It All Began: Part 2

You may have read my page up above (or on the sidebar) called “How It All Began”.  If you haven’t, go ahead and check it out now (you can click HERE for a shortcut)… I’ll sit here and wait.

 

HO – HUM……

Twiddling fingers……..

YAWN…

EVEN BIGGER YAWN……

 

Ok, you’re back….. GREAT!

 

Well, today I’d like to tell you the real story.  I mean, the story on my “How It All Began” page is totally true.  My grandma was indeed worried that I was becoming an aging spinster.  And, my life definitely changed when I met hubby.  But, the story I’d like to share today was how it actually began. 

 

This is the story of how I met hubby.

 

I can’t tell this story without laughing a bit.  Hubby likes to say I spin this tale in a way that does him a disservice, but I like to believe I tell it as accurately as possible.  So, I’ll have to let you be the judge!

 

In order to properly lead you to the day that hubby & I met, I need to start with another important day in hubby’s life.  This was a day when he was introduced to 2 very special things. I can only imagine that these two things made him giddy with excitement.  And, these two things changed hubby’s life forever.. even if he didn’t know it at the time.

 

The first thing was a brand new Infiniti G35.  You know how excited a man can be about getting a new car.  And, hubby was just brimming with joy as he negotiated (I use this word loosely, as you already know that hubby isn’t the greatest negotiator) a deal on a brand new luxury car.  I wasn’t there for this momentous occasion (this part of the story is pre-me) but I can only imagine, having now seen how psyched he gets when he has a new toy, how fantastic a day this must have been for him!

 

The second thing was a beautiful budding bromance.   Yes, I said “Bromance”.  Now, this wasn’t just any normal bromance… nope, hubby never does anything in a simple way.

In case I’ve lost you – A bromance, as defined by many urban dictionaries,  is a close but non-sexual relationship between two men.

 

Anyhow, this bromance was actually a full fledged courtship.  Hubby-to-be & his car salesman, well, I guess the best way to describe it was, ’hit it off’ while conducting the car purchase transaction.

 

It turns out they were both single guys who actually grew up in the same town and shared many of the same interests.  I suppose in some other situation they could have easily become friends.  But the jump from “Hey dude, I don’t want to pay more than $XXX” and “can’t you throw in heated seats & a CD changer” to “Hey, what are you doing after work, do you wanna grab a drink together” is somehow lost on me.  But needless to say that’s actually what happened.  To this day, I’m not sure I even know which of them suggested they get a drink together (I can only assume neither one of them wants to own the responsibility for initiating their Man Date) but they did indeed meet up at a bar to enjoy a few beers together. 

 

This car salesman happened to be one of my oldest & dearest friends.  A guy I’d known for over 20 years and someone who I spend a lot of time with.  So long story short, the car salesman friend and hubby start hanging out.  One night, I invite this friend to a party and he asks if he can bring his new boyfriend (ok, he probably didn’t say it like that …. And this is probably why hubby accuses me of spinning this story but……..).  So, he brings this new buddy of his to the party, but there are so many people at my house I barely spend any time with them.  I’ll stop here, just in case you missed it.  Yes, that’s how I met hubby, a fleeting introduction at a party and barely a conversation.

 

Over the next month or so, hubby & I cross paths a few times as our car salesman friend (who is now a friend to both of us) invites both of us out for cocktails.  However, there is always a group of people and it’s not like the earth is shaking and sparks are flying across the room for us.  Then, (I feel like there should be some sort of powerful music here to offer you a prelude to the next part of the story….) one night I have a smaller group of people over my house and I actually get a chance to have a one-on-one conversation with hubby.  He seems like a decent guy and we’re definitely hitting it off but, another friend of ours needs a ride home and hubby offers to drive her.

 

Hubby leaves my house and within about 10 minutes the car salesman’s phone is ringing.  It’s hubby calling him.  I know, you’re thinking that he has become so smitten with me, that he’s calling to get my #.  But, you’d be wrong.  Hubby is actually calling because he’s hit a deer not far from my house and, although he and the other friend are ok, he has practically totaled his new car.  Yes, you are reading that correctly.  About a month after getting his brand spanking new Infiniti, they are calling a tow truck because it’s not driveable.

 

Being the nice, concerned person I am, I get hubby’s # from the car salesman friend and I call him the next day to check on him.  Later that week, after we’d spoken a few times on the phone and he still hadn’t asked me out, I invited him to dinner (I like to remind him of this although he insists to this day he would have eventually asked me out). And, as they say…. The rest is history!

 

Oh, and I should mention, I suppose that bromance was the best & worst thing that hubby ever initiated.  Not only because he met me, but also because when he got the insurance payment on that almost totaled car, he had a great new friend who he could go to for a good deal on a new car!  

On the flip side, I suppose one could argue, that if he had never met me, he would never have totaled the car in the first place.  And to that person I say… who asked for your opinion anyway??????????

 

And there you have it.  That’s really How It All Began!

 

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Crackers vs Cookies

I’ll start today with a very basic question…. 

Let’s say, you’re hungry for a snack and you’d really like some cookies but, when you go into the kitchen there aren’t any cookies.   All you can find are a box of crackers.  

Do you eat the crackers or do you stay hungry?  Well of course you eat the crackers, after all, you are hungry and that’s all there is… it’s kind of a no brainer.

Of course this post isn’t actually about eating, or filling your belly at all… because the cookies I’m referring to are actually a metaphor. 

I’d like to say this metaphor is exclusive to male dating mentality, but I feel the need to be completely honest and tell you that I literally used these opening sentences to describe my own love life before I met hubby. 

Please follow along:

I wasn’t a chronic dater, I would find someone decent and settle into a relationship.  I can remember one long term relationship where friends asked me why I was with the guy, as they didn’t see me marrying him.  Actually, they didn’t see anything special about him at all and, to be quite honest, I didn’t see a long term future for us either.  So my response, was to share with them the wisdom of my cracker & cookie analogy.. which may sound harsh, but at the time, it was the honest truth.

I finished by saying to them…

“Well I don’t have any cookies right now so, I’m eating crackers!”

For the rest of my relationship with this poor guy, he became known as “The Cracker”.  Of course, he had no idea (or at least I don’t think he did!) but if we were all going out it wasn’t uncommon for friends to ask “is the cracker coming?” 

I guess I finally realized that a girl cannot live on Saltines alone so… the next obvious step for me was to start actively “searching for my cookie”

 

Lucky for me,  Hubby To Be came into my life (the boyfriend version of a warm, just baked chocolate chip cookie…. YUM!)  But I digress….

He arrived just in time to meet Grandma during her last days in the hospital.  She was close to the end but still pretty feisty.  She latched onto his hand (just as she’d done to me)  and she said to me…. “this is a nice boy”.  I think it was my Grandmas’ dying wish that Hubby To Be save me from myself and make sure that I didn’t live to be the lonely, cracker eating, woman she saw in front of her.   I bet if Grandma had actually known my cracker story she would have said, never settle.   Or perhaps she would have whipped me up a fresh batch of her own cookies.

Needless to say, I think there are too many people out there who are eating crackers and have somehow accepted this bland, flavorless, uninspired diet.  But, they don’t recognize the value of searching for that perfect cookie. 

Now, I’m sure a man who is a chronic dater would argue that his cupboard is filled not with crackers, but a wide variety of cookies. 

• Oatmeal Raisin
• Soft Chewy Entenmann’s
• Pepperidge Farm Milanos
• Or maybe even that ever so elusive Mallomar

And, I know it’s been said that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.  But I’d challenge each of these single men to tell me if the snacks they are eating right now, are the snacks they really wanted when they went into the kitchen or, just the item that happened to be easiest to grab off the shelf?

We all know, that men take the easiest route, so it’s likely they just grabbed whatever was in front of them.  And, even as they eat through their variety pack of cookies, thinking they are completely happy, they will soon realize that what they’re really craving now, is a tall glass of milk. 

And, it’s very likely they are too lazy to get up and get one.

 

So… what are you eating right now??

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