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Posts Tagged ‘Marriage Truths’

When I first started this blog I made a list of “Marriage Truths” that have truly stood the test of time.

Today I’ve decided to add some new things to my list… this is probably also a good “27 Things I Wish I’d known Before I Got Married” List!

 

  1. Marriage is fun… but fun doesn’t always come easy.
  2. Men & women almost never, ever, see things through the same eyes
  3. “Clean” is not always clean.  This becomes even more apparent as your family begins to grow
  4. The TV is never big enough
  5. Bright lights, bells and whistles make just about anything better (and new electronics/technology can sometimes please even the grumpiest man!)
  6. Nagging & talking can sometimes be synonymous
  7. A man cave can be a lifesaver (for both of you!)
  8. Sometimes a hug can go a long way
  9. Communication only works when you are both listening………..
  10. Laughing together is important. And, being able to laugh at yourself can be even more important
  11. Dividing up chores and keeping a tally is a horrible idea.  Feeling that what you contribute is acknowledged and appreciated can almost always provide “balance”
  12. Being in love doesn’t necessarily mean you love everything about your partner.  Sometimes loving someone is accepting the parts you don’t love (like dirty socks all over the house!)
  13. You will get mad…. Sometimes incredibly mad.  It’s ok. Everybody gets mad sometimes.  It’s what you do afterwards that matters
  14. Never going to bed angry is bad advice.  Sometimes, what you really need, is some space and some perspective (if this needs to come overnight –that’s ok!)
  15. Always trust your gut…. It usually comes to pretty accurate conclusions far quicker than your heart or your mind
  16. Apologize when you’re wrong.  And mean it.
  17. You will make mistakes.  You will hurt someone you love.  You will learn from it.
  18. Holding hands and staying physically connected can help you weather even the harshest storm
  19. Learning to forgive isn’t easy… but nothing worthwhile ever is.
  20. The amount of laundry you can do in any given week will far exceed your expectations!
  21. The amount of laundry you will have to pick up from the living room, from under beds, crumbled in corners and dropped on bathroom floors will also far exceed your expectations!
  22. The refrigerator can be completely full…. but somehow, there will be nothing to eat!
  23. There are fairies that will live in your house who replace things like toilet paper, tissues, soap and toothpaste (eventually, maybe, he will realize that YOU are the magical fairy!)
  24. Alone time is just as important as together time.  Remember marriage isn’t Two Becoming One…. It’s Two Becoming Too”
  25. Your “To Do” list will probably never get shorter… as one thing gets completed another thing will get added.  So, don’t stress about not getting it all done!
  26. There are some arguments that will quite simply never be resolved…. Agree to disagree.
  27. Sharing your life with someone is quite the journey….. always remember to enjoy the ride!

 

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Many years ago I posted about some of the unintended consequences of marriage.  I wrote about all the unexpected responsibilities bestowed upon the wife as she (oftentimes) becomes the administrative assistant for hubby;  his chef, his housekeeper, and his personal shopper.  Getting married, from the male side, is a pretty dang good deal.  Because even in marriages where life is “split” evenly, it seems the wife may somehow take on more of these particular tasks as she earns a whole new job description.  It’s a slow process, like with most jobs… extra duties just creep up on you.

When you accept the ring after that romantic proposal, you read the posted job overview and negotiate your best deal with the hubby-to-be.  Then as the years go by, and your world begins to demand more and more with less and less time, you take on a few more tasks.  Then as other employees go on strike –or hubby forgets where the hamper is or burns his last grilled cheese….. you take on a few more tasks.  Before you know it your responsibilities have doubled – you add kids, pets, after-school activities, a bigger house.. and you take on even more tasks.  Then, years later, you wake up one morning and realize you’ve been getting the standard 2% cost of living increase via an extra back rub here and there, or maybe a sparkly piece of jewelry on occasion, and you begin to recognize that you are now doing the job of 3 people.  You are putting in extra hours, doing things you never said you’d do like darning socks (do people do this anymore??) and sending Christmas cards to your hubby’s crazy Aunt Barbara – who you only met once at your wedding….. and, you stop.  You step back.  You wonder… how did I get here?

 

You think back…… “Hmmmm… I don’t remember the job description mentioning anything about buying new undies for hubby or making sure he changes them every day.”  You sigh “ I don’t recall signing any agreements that said I would be the gift buyer for any and all holidays/birthdays/anniversaries of everyone we know.”  But here you are.  This is your *new* job.  You celebrate the fact that you still have a job.  Many other people you know have been downsized and are no longer “working”.  You still love your job.  You work hard and there are still quite a few perks.  And then you realize, that while your job may have changed,  you’re still your own boss (well – some days………… ) and the daily grind is still rewarding.  And, ultimately, you still love what you do… even though you’re now the designated booger wiper, boo boo kisser, cleaning fairy, buyer of TP and finder of lost things  – even though, these are all things that hubby can do for himself!! J  (and just for the record these all apply LONG before you ever have any kids!!)

 

So, it’s probably no surprise when I use the above info as a “warning” for all new brides-to-be.   This is just a glimpse into your future.  You may not think so.. you may say… “nope, not me”.   And, at the beginning, you may actually fight the good fight…. and, you may actually win on some occasions.  Or, you may be one of the lucky few who marries an award winning grilled cheese maker.  Or maybe you hit the jackpot and you have a man who just loves to do laundry (do these exist??).  But I can assure you that there will be tasks that you take on without even realizing it.  Because eventually, you will realize you need to pick your battles.  And you will discover that the definition of marriage, is learning how long you’re willing to wait to have a heavy item removed from your kitchen or recognizing how many days can pass before you give up and move the empty soda can from the counter into the trash.   Because remember, nobody ever looked at a married man who is dressed in wrinkled clothes, holey black jeans, white socks and a flannel shirt and said…. “Oh boy, he looks awful”.   Instead they say….. “How could his wife let him out of the house like that??!!”… and *poof* you have instantly become his personal shopper and wardrobe consultant… just one more of your job duties!

 

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Many people say that bigger is better.

 

As far as men go, I think the best example of this theory can be seen with TVs.  If I had to guess, I’d say that TV Envy is probably a pretty common male trait.   And, as you may have read in my Marriage TruthsA TV is never big enough.

 

Somehow a man is a better man, with a big TV.  It’s some sort of an outward and unspoken sign of; manliness, importance and coolness, all rolled into one.

 

Let me share some examples:

 

During our basement Man Cave renovation, hubby was given a 50”Class TV … but, what the box actually said was… 49.9”.  And, he was “mocked” relentlessly by his friends that he didn’t have a 50” TV.  (gotta love boys being boys!).  We wound up having a problem with this TV and when we replaced it, hubby got a TV that was officially 52 inches.  (phew.…all is right with the world!)

 

Why am I thinking about this now?  Well, I’d like to share a story from this past week.

 

Hubby was outside mowing the lawn.  The end of his “chore season” is upon us.  No more outdoor work  = no more hubby chores?  (Hold on just one sec… there’s no way that’s gonna work.  I guess that’s a post for a different day……) Anyhow, he’s outside and our neighbor pulls into his driveway.  I have to be honest, I’m not sure if hubby went over to chat him up OR he came over to puff out his chest…(the meaning of this will become clear in a moment).  But, either way they wind up talking for a while outside.

 

Hubby comes inside not long after his conversation with our neighbor.

 

Hubby:  “Guess what Vinny got!” childlike enthusiasm

Me:  “What?”

Hubby:  “He just bought a new TV!”

Me: only half listening “That’s nice”

Hubby: “It’s 55 inches!!”  hubby is drooling with envy

Me: “You have a big TV” still not entirely paying attention

Hubby: “Not that big” pouting

Me: “Sorry honey, I can only imagine how hard it is to not have the biggest TV on the block anymore”

Dramatic pause..

Hubby:  “Guess what…”

Me:  “What?

Hubby:  “Well, Vinny couldn’t fit the TV AND his family into the car so he left them at the store”

Me: “ WHAT?” ok… I’m listening now..

Hubby:  “He had Lynn and the kids with him and they couldn’t all fit in the car so, he brought the TV home and left them there” obviously proud of Vinny’s ingenuity

Me: “Wait.. he left Lynn & the kids at the store and brought the TELEVISION home??”

Hubby: “Yep!” as if this was the only decision that makes any sense

Me: “I’m still not sure I get it… the TV came home BEFORE his family?”

Hubby:  smiling “Yep!”

 

Now, before you all start to question the sanity & behavior of Vinny… please understand that I later found out that he didn’t actually leave them at the store.  He took them to a neighboring store to do more shopping while he brought the TV home.  But, in true hubby-storytelling-form I was not getting all the information until I asked about 10 follow-up questions.

 

So,  based on the following behaviors:

  • Vinny’s behavior:  Coming over to ”puff out his chest” and show off his new TV
  • Hubby’s behavior:  Supporting the decision to put the TV above all else

 

The following things appear to be true:

  • Men seem to feel the need to outdo each other at every turn when it comes to electronics. 
  • Electronics seem to always get their attention even when other important things are involved.
  • The tide can turn rather quickly, once another man makes a new purchase.

 

Do I even need to tell you what hubby talked about for the next hour?? 

 

Well, we discussed how we could rearrange our house to accommodate a 70” TV.  Or perhaps this could better be described as hubby discussing rearranging for a new imaginary TV… WITH HIMSELF.

 

(I don’t think he’s realized that he’s not the only one who can employ Selective Listening when it’s necessary!!  🙂 )

 

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