‘Twas the Week Before Christmas

Yes, I’ve been missing for a LONG time.   Needless to say, I’ve resurfaced for a day to give you a throw back Christmas post from long ago in THD history.

Where have we been?  Well, we’ve been busy… you know, the kind of busy that can only come from a tornado of a 4 year old.   It’s a good busy.  And a tear out my hair, barely know my name, busy.  But all-in good.   Maybe someday, I’ll find time to get back into blogging – MY OH MY, DO I MISS IT!

If you’ve missed me…. let me know.   It would be awesome to hear from you – IS ANYONE IS STILL OUT THERE READING!?   PLEASE SHOW YOURSELF and let me know if you’ll still be here when I find time to write again!

Anywhoooo… in the spirit of the holiday.  Please ENJOY this throw back!

 

 

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Marriage Is Knowing Your Spouse Better Than He Knows Himself (or his shoes!)

Hello!  I’ve missed you all.  It’s been an insane holiday season filled with family time, illnesses and WAY too much work.   Perhaps you’ve enjoyed the respite from my nutso stories or maybe, just maybe, you’ve been missing me ….. a little bit??

 

Either way, I stole some time from a long list of other things I should be doing to write a post today.

 

I’ve written many times about how difficult it seems to be for men to find things in their own home.  And I’m not talking about the silver pie server that makes an appearance at one dinner every 5-6 years.   Or the cookie cutters that only come out at Christmas time – you know, the ones that hubby probably doesn’t even know we own… even though he partakes in consuming probably 85+% of the cookies, lovingly cut with these and painstakingly decorated each holiday?   I’ve shared stories about him not being able to find things in the pantry that are RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS FACE.  I’ve blogged about the mysteriously missing cable modem.  And, I’ve also begrudgingly showed you a picture of a closet where misplaced & “lost” items go to die.

 

I’m always baffled about how most men (more than I can count in my own life) have ZERO idea where many things go.  This is showcased by the miraculous day they empty the dishwasher.  When the stars align, Mercury is in retrograde and they have a moment of complete love, helpfulness, craziness and decide to partake in a household chore (GASP!).  And then, stay with me ladies  – you all know this moment – they stand proudly next to a pile of items they’ve removed from the dishwasher and placed on the counter only to declare that they’ve gone as far as they can with this task because “they have no idea where the rest of the items go….”.  All the while, simultaneously waiting for a pat on the back for all the help they’ve just provided you!!  ****SIGH*****

 

But what’s even more perplexing to me is how they sometimes seem to lack knowledge of many of their own things.  I mean heck, it’s one thing to not know about kitchen items (apparently MY domain – even though I don’t have recollection of accepting this domain as mine).  But, when they forget that they own something, forget where they put their favorite shirt, or belt, or tool… it just doesn’t compute for me!

 

So, take this example and help me to understand.

 

Over the holidays we decided to have some family pictures taken as a surprise gift for my parents.  Mostly grandchildren pictures but we did a few full family shots.  And, like any dorky family picture, we decided to get all matchy-match.  You can groan if you want – Hubby sure did!   Anyhow, part of the plan for our outfits was for everyone to wear brown shoes.

 

So, hubby gets his “brown” shoes and puts them on.  He’s ready to go.

 

I look at his feet and I’m like… “Uhm hon?  Those shoes aren’t brown.”  To which he replies… “sure they are!”.

 

What’s with men and colors?  The shoes he has on are just simply not brown.  Maybe greenish, or some weird dark grey with a bizarre tint to them.    Even now, I’m not 100% sure I can define the color of the shoes he had on.  BUT, they were not brown.

 

So I say to him… “just go grab shoes that are actually brown”.   He gives me that look…. you know the look, the one that says “you’re crazy lady – I don’t know what you’re talking about” look.   Then he speaks, “These are the closest I have to brown… these will have to do”.  So I say, “No, you have actual brown shoes”.  “No I don’t”,  “Yes you do”, “I don’t think so”…. (you can see where this is going).  So, I go upstairs into his closet.  I move around piles of crap, things that have been missing for years (if you don’t remember how he keeps his closet – or drawers – check HERE & HERE) and lo and behold I find brown shoes… and then another pair of brown shoes.  I bring both pairs downstairs.   He looks at them…. “Hummmpf” he says, “I guess I do have brown shoes”……………………………

 

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A Stalemate Of “Rightness”

Did you ever have an argument with your spouse where you both insist that you are right.

 

But really, all the while, as you ping pong back and forth to make your case, you know that YOU are the one who is right?  And then, at the end of the debate, you both walk away feeling like you’ve “won”.

 

Well, to be honest, you probably didn’t win.  There are really no winners when you both think you’ve won… there are just delusions… because sometimes (heck, most times) one of you is actually wrong (GASP! – who ME?  Wrong?  NO WAY!!!)

 

But on occasion, you sometimes feel that you’ve made such a firm stance on your correctness, that you’ve swayed the other person just enough. so that they’ve teetered towards your side of right from their side of wrong.

 

And there you have it.  A stalemate of rightness.

 

As with most debates, the crux of the argument is oftentimes your perception of something, or your recollection of something, or perhaps even something you heard or saw.  Therefore, there’s virtually no way whatsoever to prove your “rightness”.  And, that’s where the debate ends.  You can’t settle the argument because you can’t go back in time to replay what someone may have or may not have said.  You can’t always agree on how you heard something or what someone was feeling.  BUT, on the rarest of occasions… you do in fact have proof that you are right.  And those days, well those days, are magical days.  The “I told you so” days that every relationship thrives on (or perhaps dies on – but let’s not go there today!).

 

Too many debates end without an actual end.  No closure.  And, I’m here to tell you, there’s no closure more sweet than the closure of proven correctness (insert evil laugh here – muahahahahaha)

 

And that folks is the story I’d like to tell today.  So… here it goes:

 

We have motion sensor security lights outside of our garage.  For a really long time one of the lights wasn’t working, I asked hubby about it and he told me that the bulb wasn’t making a proper connection.   So, the fixture sat there.. only ½ working for quite some time.

 

A couple of weeks ago when I arrived home after dark, I realized that the other light bulb was out.

 

So I say to hubby…. “Hon, I think we need to buy a new light bulb for outside”

He replies: “No. I told you, that light doesn’t work anymore.”

So I say: “Well, I know you mentioned that the one side wasn’t making a connection, but the other one is now out – so we should buy some new bulbs”

Visibly aggravated he says:  “No, the entire light is broken and hasn’t worked for quite some time”

And I say: “No….. one bulb has been out for as long as I can remember but the other side has been lighting up until today”

 

And the debate has begun.

 

Me:  “Hon, I’m absolutely positive that one light bulb has been working”

Hubby:  “No it hasn’t”

Me:  “Yes, it has”

Hubby:  “No, you’re wrong… that light hasn’t worked for weeks”

 

I feel the need to pause in this story to remind you (or to direct you to some old posts – just click on the following links) about hubby’s Selective Vision and his inability to notice basic things around him (HERE or HERE).  So, now that I’ve put that out there back to our debate.

 

Me:  “The left side of the light has been working.. I’m pretty sure we just need a new bulb”

Hubby:  “You are completely wrong.  The light’s broken.  It’s been broken for a while.  It hasn’t been lighting up at all.  We just need to buy a whole new light fixture”

Me: “Uhm… I know the one side has been broken… you told me about the problem months ago, but I’m still pretty sure the left side has been working.”

Hubby:  “Nope, you are wrong.”

 

I can see this is going nowhere.  We have hit a stalemate of correctness.  We’re both right, neither of us is budging, and that’s it.

 

So I say:  “Hmmppff… ok, I guess we need to buy a new light”  and then I walk away.  Now, this is that moment I spoke about above.  The walk away moment where I still know that I am right.

 

A day or 2 go by.  I go to the store.  I buy a new light fixture AND a new light bulb.  When I get home, I wait until it’s dark and I replace the left light bulb.   HELLLOOOOOOOOO…. Let There Be Light!    So, just for the hell of it (I’m on a roll now).   I decide to take that brand new light blub out of the left socket and I put it into the right socket (remember – the one that’s totally broken and has been for months).  And, lo and behold…… Let There Be Light!   Now I’m aggravated that I have to go back to the store because not only do I need to return the new fixture BUT I also didn’t have the foresight to buy 2 light bulbs.  So, a day and 2 new light bulbs later, I have a fully functioning light fixture outside.  Imagine that!!

 

What a “broken” light looks like – Oh, WAIT, that’s not broken!

I say nothing.   There’s no need for “I told you so’s”.  The illuminated driveway will speak for itself…. Or, so I think.

 

Now, I’ll refer you back to hubby’s inability to actually notice things around him.

It’s been 5 full days since I “fixed” the light.  7 full days since our original debate.  And, there’s been no mention from a certain someone about the ray of light that has magically appeared outside our garage.  So, maybe, just maybe, he hasn’t actually noticed it yet. Perhaps folks, you are now joining me in my “I told you so” moment because if he really hasn’t seen it, this blog is what’s going to give it away!

 

There are really no words necessary.. I know I was right.    Somebody else will eventually (at least after reading this blog!) know I was right.  And, we’re back to having light on our driveway.  Did everybody win…… well yes, in this particular debate, I do think so!

 

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My Life In Laundry

There is no single more recurring topic in this blog than laundry.

 

Since they say a picture is worth 1000 words… so today, I’m providing you with 4000 words.   Or, a pictorial glimpse into “My Life Through Laundry”

 

To start, you will see a basket filled with hubby’s clean & folded laundry from almost 2 weeks ago.  Behind this basket of laundry is an un-packed suitcase from a trip we took this past weekend,  filled with – yep, you guessed it…. dirty laundry.  And, oh yeah, beside the clean basket of clothes…… well, don’t ya know it…. more dirty laundry.

 

This is a snapshot of our bed (yes, it’s un-made – Don’t judge me!)… but, more importantly, it’s a shot of hubby’s jammies from last night – aka laundry.

 

This is a quick glimpse of hubby’s dresser.  It looks just as it always does… with a pile of folded & clean laundry on top.  (Laundry winds up here because some days, I actually need the basket  – you know, the one holding the clean laundry –  to go and carry more dirty laundry to be washed in the basement.  When I need the basket, I place the clean laundry on top of the bed… and then, it gets mysteriously moved here – to the TOP of the dresser.

 

This is a view into our bathroom…. Or perhaps more accurately, more dirty laundry.  This laundry usually consists of what hubby wore yesterday.  It’s ever-present.  Perhaps not for more than 1 day – and hubby would have you believe that this laundry is, in fact, a gift to me.  In-so-much-as, if he comes to bed after me, he takes his clothes off in the bathroom so he won’t disturb me (there he is – my genuinely loving guy… always looking out for me).  Until of course you realize that Every-Day there’s the previous day’s outfit on the floor of the bathroom (and quite possibly – assorted other bonus items – do I see more jammies??!!)

 

 

I will also have you know that I literally just snapped these shots… each picture is not from a different day.  They are all from TODAY.  From 10 minutes ago.  I can take the same pictures tomorrow and then again on Friday.  This is my life.    The life I have chosen.   And…. You all wonder why I blog so much about laundry??

 

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Every Kid Wants To Be Superman!

You would think that after being married for almost 11 years – YIKES!  I would inherently know what to expect from hubby.   You’d think I could no longer be surprised by any of his quirks, or his actions.  You’d think that I could complete his sentences and just know what he’s going to want for dinner or how he’ll answer a question.  BUT, if you really believe that, you haven’t been reading the blog for very long.

 

Because the only constant in my life, is change.  When I’m POSITIVE hubby will only eat plain pizza, he orders sausage & peppers.  When I’m certain beyond any reasonable doubt that his favorite beer is Heineken…. today it’s not, it’s Arrogant Bastard (yes – this is really a beer.. and very aptly named for my hubby – HA!).  But tomorrow it could just as easily be DogFish Head… and next Tuesday it just may be some sort of Dead Guy Ale.  You see, hubby likes to be difficult, annoying… ok, he likes to keep our marriage spicy and fresh and new – he does this by constantly changing his mind and by constantly making me second guess everything I think I know about him.   Now, that’s love.  I’m sure he’s doing this for my benefit – so I get to re-discover him each and every day.  I get to fall in love with someone new all the time.  UGH!  Really, I just want to smack him upside the head and say… “you can’t be absurdly adamant about something one second and then pull a complete 180 in your opinion 2 days later!”  And he would ever-so-lovingly reply “why not?”

 

And so here I sit… always wondering what new thing I will learn about hubby today.  Maybe it truly is that men never grow up…. Because his behavior is not unlike that of my toddler.  He’s easily distracted. He can immediately forget what he just told me.  He’s difficult simply because he’s testing his limits.  He’s engrossed in something so completely for 10 minutes and then he’s moved on to something totally different.   I think I just discovered something.  I live with TWO 2 year olds (although, only one can annoy me with his beer choices!)

 

Sometimes, I write these blog posts and I find myself way off on a tangent… but I guess that’s what happens when you’re in love and you simultaneously want to smack your spouse upside the head.  You’re pulled in two opposing directions and reeling yourself back in when you’re ranting can be tough.  Today’s post was supposed to be about t-shirts… and geez… look where I am.  So, here’s my graceful transition to t-shirts….

 

It all has to do with that consistency thing again.  There is generally one thing that’s IS consistent.  Hubby has preferred clothes.  So, while he may have a full closet and many drawers full of options, he wears like the same 5 things… over and over and over and over.  He is imparting this lovely “style” to our son.  Any time I send hubby upstairs to grab an outfit for mini-hubby, he comes down with one of the same 2 shirts.  Every week, the same 2 shirts.  His response “well he likes these shirts”.  My response “YOU like these shirts… he’s 22 months old – he could sort of care less what shirt he has on…. unless you make an issue of it!”.   I suppose if I wait long enough, like almost every other “consistent”, one day I’ll wake up and hubby will have decided on a brand new “every-day” shirt for our son.  Or, one day I will wake up (this one is probably more likely) and our toddler, will indeed have his own opinion of shirts – and he will demand the same shirt every day.  Will this be learned behavior directly from his Dada OR will this be normal toddler behavior that will now be exhibited by BOTH of my children??

 

I can only imagine a day where mini-hubby and Hubby are now teenagers and they are both eating the same thing for lunch every day, drinking the exact same beverages, giving the exact same reason that cannot (or will not) do laundry, wearing the same shirt every day (still)… until that one magical day.  The day where they wake up and decide that the lunch-of-the-week has fallen out of favor only to be replaced with another “new” lunch that will get consumed for the next month straight.  OR,  at some point, will my toddler surpass my hubby and actually grow up into diversity?   If there’s anyone taking pity on me from out there in the universe… the latter will be my future.  Please, oh please, let this be my future!

 

Here my friends… is one of the 2 favorite shirts (and yes, my Super Men are mighty cute!)

 

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When You’re Right….. You’re Right? (Unless You’re Inside Out?)

In the almost 5 years I’ve been blogging there is one recurring topic that I can’t quite seem to stay away from.    In case you’re a new reader I’ll share just a few posts with you (HERE, HERE , HERE & HERE)

 

Most people dislike 4 letter words but me, nope, I like a lot of 4 letter words. … words like Love, Food, Hugs & Beer (and probably too often, just about all of those 4 letter words that are incredibly inappropriate in mixed company – yep, I have a mouth like a sailor!).  It’s generally the 6 letter words that I hate.. words like, crumbs, chores, toilet,  but there is one word that can top them all….the ever-so-dreaded 7 letter word that I quite simply, just despise – LAUNDRY.

 

I hate every aspect of it.

I hate the piles of dirty laundry in the closet.  The piles of dirty laundry in the bathroom.  The piles of dirty laundry next to the bed.

I hate the sorting.

I hate the process of carrying 6 baskets of dirty laundry to the basement.

I hate dirty towels.

I hate dirty sheets.

(I hate that I’m the only one who recognizes that linens actually need laundering….)

I hate remembering that I have clothes in the dryer before they become a crumbled mess.

I hate the absurd missing sock conundrum (which has apparently extended to actual toddler clothes – since I never seem to get out what I put in)

I hate the countless hours on any given weekend where laundry looms just underneath the surface and permeates just about anything we do.

I hate the weight of the laundry as it pushes down on my shoulders if I should opt to focus on any other activity (besides laundry) during a weekend.

I hate, Hate, HATE folding all the clean laundry.

And, I hate putting all the clean laundry away.  (or leaving it to be put away on the bed only to find that hubby has moved piles of it to the dresser and will live like this for the next 2 weeks – but that’s an entirely different blog post)

 

But the one thing that I don’t HATE (or at least not in the way I hate everything noted above) is the need to flip inside out laundry to be right side out.  I know this is the nemesis of Mom’s around the world.  And I know that many a woman has instilled a laundry rule… that you get back laundry exactly-the-way you put your laundry into the basket (assuming it makes it into a basket).  And, perhaps, when my toddler becomes a teen, I will be instituting this exact same rule (ok – it’s likely I probably will) BUT, for now.. this has never been a huge deal to me.   If I take a moment to self-analyze I think it’s because I hate the laundry folding process so much already, that there’s virtually no way to make it worse for me.  Inside out – Or right-side-out  folding… they both pretty much suck!  So, while I may grumble under my breath as I flip t-shirts to be right-side-out… I’m grumbling because I’m folding laundry… not because 50% of the load is inside out.

 

Which makes where I’m headed below highly humorous to me.

 

2 weeks ago hubby did a load of laundry.  WHAT??  You may be saying……  So, I’ll say it again.  Hubby did a load of laundry.   Trust me when I tell you, I’m more surprised than you are.  It probably only happened because he ran out of underwear.  And, after an interesting recent conversation, about the under-wearing habits of most men… he was probably guilted into doing a load.

 

Anyhow… after he folded his basket of laundry he decides to take a dig at me.. or, perhaps from his point of view, he decides to “point something out to me”.

 

Hubby: “Hey hon, do you know that a ton of your shirts were inside out”

Me:  “Uhhh… hmmmm..”

Hubby:  “I just wanted to let you know….”

Me:  “You did….. Huh?”

Hubby:  “Yes.  You know, it makes this task even worse when I have to right-side-out every t-shirt”

Me:  “It does, does it?”  trying to wrack my brain for the last time he did any laundry

Hubby:  “Yes.  Maybe you could take them off right-side-out before you put them into the basket?”

Me:  wondering the last time he even put clothes ‘in the basket’ “You know, most of your t-shirts are usually inside out”

Hubby:  “No they’re not”

Me:   “Hon, I hate to break this to you but you’re mistaken… almost all of your shirts are inside out”

Hubby:  “I’m positive that you’re wrong.   I’ve always been good at taking them off right-side-out.. because my Mom had a rule growing up that if you didn’t she would fold them inside out”

Me:  “ Really…. All your life you’ve been good at making sure they’re not inside out.”

Hubby: “Yep.”

 

And I just let this conversation die… in the midst of the inaccuracies in which it was becoming increasingly buried.

 

Last weekend things were “back to normal” and I did laundry.

 

As I folded the laundry, I counted the total # of hubby’s shirts…. There were 17 in total.

 

Hubby came inside from doing some yard work.

 

Me:  “Hey babe… I would never normally do this but……”

Hubby:  “Yeah?”

Me:  “Remember last week when you so graciously pointed out that I didn’t right-side-out my t-shirts?”

Hubby:  “Yes?”

Me: “Remember how you so matter-of-factly told me that you never put inside out t-shirts into the hamper?”

Hubby:  “Yep!”

Me:  “Well, I did laundry today”

Hubby “Ok….”

Me:  “And again, I would never be pointing this out if you hadn’t opened the door to this conversation……”

Hubby:  blank stare

Me:  “Well, I counted your t-shirts… there were 17 of them.”

Hubby:  “Ok”

Me:  “Do you want to know how many were inside out?”

Hubby: “I’m not sure….. Do I?”

Me: “You do.  It was TWELVE of them”

Hubby:  silence………………………..

Me: “I just feel the need to remind you again….. I have done 16,928 loads of your laundry (give or take).  And, I’ve never complained about having to right-side-out your shirts”

Hubby:  more silence……………

Hubby: “ I’m sorry.  I will try to be better”

Me:  “I honestly don’t care…. But I’m sure your Mom would be very disappointed in you.”

Hubby:  “Hmmmmmm”

 

And there you have it my dear readers……………….I will let you know how the next load of laundry goes!

 

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