Marriage Is Knowing Your Spouse Better Than He Knows Himself (or his shoes!)

Hello!  I’ve missed you all.  It’s been an insane holiday season filled with family time, illnesses and WAY too much work.   Perhaps you’ve enjoyed the respite from my nutso stories or maybe, just maybe, you’ve been missing me ….. a little bit??

 

Either way, I stole some time from a long list of other things I should be doing to write a post today.

 

I’ve written many times about how difficult it seems to be for men to find things in their own home.  And I’m not talking about the silver pie server that makes an appearance at one dinner every 5-6 years.   Or the cookie cutters that only come out at Christmas time – you know, the ones that hubby probably doesn’t even know we own… even though he partakes in consuming probably 85+% of the cookies, lovingly cut with these and painstakingly decorated each holiday?   I’ve shared stories about him not being able to find things in the pantry that are RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS FACE.  I’ve blogged about the mysteriously missing cable modem.  And, I’ve also begrudgingly showed you a picture of a closet where misplaced & “lost” items go to die.

 

I’m always baffled about how most men (more than I can count in my own life) have ZERO idea where many things go.  This is showcased by the miraculous day they empty the dishwasher.  When the stars align, Mercury is in retrograde and they have a moment of complete love, helpfulness, craziness and decide to partake in a household chore (GASP!).  And then, stay with me ladies  – you all know this moment – they stand proudly next to a pile of items they’ve removed from the dishwasher and placed on the counter only to declare that they’ve gone as far as they can with this task because “they have no idea where the rest of the items go….”.  All the while, simultaneously waiting for a pat on the back for all the help they’ve just provided you!!  ****SIGH*****

 

But what’s even more perplexing to me is how they sometimes seem to lack knowledge of many of their own things.  I mean heck, it’s one thing to not know about kitchen items (apparently MY domain – even though I don’t have recollection of accepting this domain as mine).  But, when they forget that they own something, forget where they put their favorite shirt, or belt, or tool… it just doesn’t compute for me!

 

So, take this example and help me to understand.

 

Over the holidays we decided to have some family pictures taken as a surprise gift for my parents.  Mostly grandchildren pictures but we did a few full family shots.  And, like any dorky family picture, we decided to get all matchy-match.  You can groan if you want – Hubby sure did!   Anyhow, part of the plan for our outfits was for everyone to wear brown shoes.

 

So, hubby gets his “brown” shoes and puts them on.  He’s ready to go.

 

I look at his feet and I’m like… “Uhm hon?  Those shoes aren’t brown.”  To which he replies… “sure they are!”.

 

What’s with men and colors?  The shoes he has on are just simply not brown.  Maybe greenish, or some weird dark grey with a bizarre tint to them.    Even now, I’m not 100% sure I can define the color of the shoes he had on.  BUT, they were not brown.

 

So I say to him… “just go grab shoes that are actually brown”.   He gives me that look…. you know the look, the one that says “you’re crazy lady – I don’t know what you’re talking about” look.   Then he speaks, “These are the closest I have to brown… these will have to do”.  So I say, “No, you have actual brown shoes”.  “No I don’t”,  “Yes you do”, “I don’t think so”…. (you can see where this is going).  So, I go upstairs into his closet.  I move around piles of crap, things that have been missing for years (if you don’t remember how he keeps his closet – or drawers – check HERE & HERE) and lo and behold I find brown shoes… and then another pair of brown shoes.  I bring both pairs downstairs.   He looks at them…. “Hummmpf” he says, “I guess I do have brown shoes”……………………………

 

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Peace Of Mind

This has been a crazy, exhausting and celebratory week.  Mini Hubby just turned 2 and I had the opportunity to reflect on the last 2 years of my life.  Two years that seemed to go by in the blink of an eye.

 

I can’t believe this little opinionated, independent, none-too-shy to express himself (often with an incredibly loud “NOOOOOOO MOMMMMY!”) little boy, was not even a part of our lives just two years ago.  I think about all the ways we’ve grown as a family.. more laundry, more messes, more pee all over the bathroom (and bed… and even the couch) but also more love, more giggles and a whole lot more insanity as my world became filled with 2 versions of my wonderful husband.

 

It’s like I have two toddlers, with opinions on just about everything.  From what we watch on tv to what I serve for dinner.  From the acceptable amount of time that crumbs can be left on the counter to what time we should all go to bed.  They both pretty much battle me over everything…. I however, have many years of training.  Hubby has prepared me well for this new little tornado that’s entered my house.  It’s like the last 10 years of our marriage he’s been prepping me for this new life.  All of his idiosyncrasies, his bizarre and ever-changing likes & dislikes, his lack of listening, lack of cleaning – you name it – it was apparently all to build my tolerance for the day we welcomed an actual little person living in our house!

 

Well… I accept the challenge. 

 

This little guy entered our world like a storm (over 3 weeks early) and he hasn’t stopped since.  And quite simply, after watching him grow over the past 2 years, I couldn’t imagine life without him.

 

So, when someone from LifebankUSA contacted me recently about a contest they are running: The LifebankUSA Peace of Mind $500 off Cord Blood Banking giveaway on Facebook I happily agreed to share it with all of you.  You see, Hubby & I are LifebankUSA customers.  Before mini-hubby came into our lives we did a lot research about cord blood banking.  And we agreed that with the unknown future of medical advancements, banking our cord blood was something that was very important to us.   If, under some horrific course of events, life threw some terrible medical problem at us 15 or 20 years from now that could have somehow be helped by cord blood, and we hadn’t saved it,  we would never forgive ourselves.

 

When we found out that LifebankUSA was the only company that offers cord blood, placenta blood, and tissue banking – and was the first to release placenta-derived stem cells for a successful transplant… we decided to do the whole trifecta.  For us, it was all about peace of mind.  I know that there are countless debates about stem cell research… but honestly when it comes to your baby (whether that baby is 2 days old or 30 years old) wouldn’t you do anything possible to keep them safe and healthy?  For us, that answer was undoubtedly yes… So, the next step was easy…find a company that could provide us with this service and then pray that you will never actually need to use it (it’s sort of like a life insurance policy…which, by the way, we both also got when mini hubby came along!).

 

Anyhow, like I mentioned, they are having a contest on Facebook to win $500 off banking .  You can find the contest here:  LifebankUSA Peace of Mind Contest.  PLUS, they also offered me a special coupon code that is only available for Hubby Diaries readers.  If you sign up at  www.lifebankusa.com and use the code:  BLOG you will get a $250 Visa gift card with any of their banking programs (discounts cannot be combined).  This is a great deal, if you’re considering cord or placenta blood banking.

 

Through cord blood banking, you can collect and preserve potentially lifesaving stem cells, and doing so could one day save the life of your child or a blood relative. You can bank even more stem cells by collecting them from 2 usable sources of stem cell-rich blood: the umbilical cord and the placenta.   Who knows what the future holds… and in my opinion, it’s better to be prepared for anything.. which is why we did both!

 

And,  in case that’s not enough, don’t forget… one day maybe they’ll be able to use stem cells to actually clone people and, if I’m ever feeling like my life isn’t challenging enough,  I could arrange to get a few additional EXACT REPLICAS of my boys.    Okkkkkkkkkkk….. maybe not….. or better yet, HELL  NO!   I’m not that crazy!  HA!  

 

So, I encourage you to do your own research and check it out… if it’s right for you and your family enter the contest and use the discount code: BLOG!!

 

(for the record – for those of you who are missing the humor in my above comment and are now all fired up because you’re anti cloning-  here’s my disclaimer:  I don’t believe LifebankUSA offers or participates in cloning people and I don’t personally think people should be cloned.  There ya go, disclaimer over, lighten up people!)

I guess I’m part of that 99%!!

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When You’re Right….. You’re Right? (Unless You’re Inside Out?)

In the almost 5 years I’ve been blogging there is one recurring topic that I can’t quite seem to stay away from.    In case you’re a new reader I’ll share just a few posts with you (HERE, HERE , HERE & HERE)

 

Most people dislike 4 letter words but me, nope, I like a lot of 4 letter words. … words like Love, Food, Hugs & Beer (and probably too often, just about all of those 4 letter words that are incredibly inappropriate in mixed company – yep, I have a mouth like a sailor!).  It’s generally the 6 letter words that I hate.. words like, crumbs, chores, toilet,  but there is one word that can top them all….the ever-so-dreaded 7 letter word that I quite simply, just despise – LAUNDRY.

 

I hate every aspect of it.

I hate the piles of dirty laundry in the closet.  The piles of dirty laundry in the bathroom.  The piles of dirty laundry next to the bed.

I hate the sorting.

I hate the process of carrying 6 baskets of dirty laundry to the basement.

I hate dirty towels.

I hate dirty sheets.

(I hate that I’m the only one who recognizes that linens actually need laundering….)

I hate remembering that I have clothes in the dryer before they become a crumbled mess.

I hate the absurd missing sock conundrum (which has apparently extended to actual toddler clothes – since I never seem to get out what I put in)

I hate the countless hours on any given weekend where laundry looms just underneath the surface and permeates just about anything we do.

I hate the weight of the laundry as it pushes down on my shoulders if I should opt to focus on any other activity (besides laundry) during a weekend.

I hate, Hate, HATE folding all the clean laundry.

And, I hate putting all the clean laundry away.  (or leaving it to be put away on the bed only to find that hubby has moved piles of it to the dresser and will live like this for the next 2 weeks – but that’s an entirely different blog post)

 

But the one thing that I don’t HATE (or at least not in the way I hate everything noted above) is the need to flip inside out laundry to be right side out.  I know this is the nemesis of Mom’s around the world.  And I know that many a woman has instilled a laundry rule… that you get back laundry exactly-the-way you put your laundry into the basket (assuming it makes it into a basket).  And, perhaps, when my toddler becomes a teen, I will be instituting this exact same rule (ok – it’s likely I probably will) BUT, for now.. this has never been a huge deal to me.   If I take a moment to self-analyze I think it’s because I hate the laundry folding process so much already, that there’s virtually no way to make it worse for me.  Inside out – Or right-side-out  folding… they both pretty much suck!  So, while I may grumble under my breath as I flip t-shirts to be right-side-out… I’m grumbling because I’m folding laundry… not because 50% of the load is inside out.

 

Which makes where I’m headed below highly humorous to me.

 

2 weeks ago hubby did a load of laundry.  WHAT??  You may be saying……  So, I’ll say it again.  Hubby did a load of laundry.   Trust me when I tell you, I’m more surprised than you are.  It probably only happened because he ran out of underwear.  And, after an interesting recent conversation, about the under-wearing habits of most men… he was probably guilted into doing a load.

 

Anyhow… after he folded his basket of laundry he decides to take a dig at me.. or, perhaps from his point of view, he decides to “point something out to me”.

 

Hubby: “Hey hon, do you know that a ton of your shirts were inside out”

Me:  “Uhhh… hmmmm..”

Hubby:  “I just wanted to let you know….”

Me:  “You did….. Huh?”

Hubby:  “Yes.  You know, it makes this task even worse when I have to right-side-out every t-shirt”

Me:  “It does, does it?”  trying to wrack my brain for the last time he did any laundry

Hubby:  “Yes.  Maybe you could take them off right-side-out before you put them into the basket?”

Me:  wondering the last time he even put clothes ‘in the basket’ “You know, most of your t-shirts are usually inside out”

Hubby:  “No they’re not”

Me:   “Hon, I hate to break this to you but you’re mistaken… almost all of your shirts are inside out”

Hubby:  “I’m positive that you’re wrong.   I’ve always been good at taking them off right-side-out.. because my Mom had a rule growing up that if you didn’t she would fold them inside out”

Me:  “ Really…. All your life you’ve been good at making sure they’re not inside out.”

Hubby: “Yep.”

 

And I just let this conversation die… in the midst of the inaccuracies in which it was becoming increasingly buried.

 

Last weekend things were “back to normal” and I did laundry.

 

As I folded the laundry, I counted the total # of hubby’s shirts…. There were 17 in total.

 

Hubby came inside from doing some yard work.

 

Me:  “Hey babe… I would never normally do this but……”

Hubby:  “Yeah?”

Me:  “Remember last week when you so graciously pointed out that I didn’t right-side-out my t-shirts?”

Hubby:  “Yes?”

Me: “Remember how you so matter-of-factly told me that you never put inside out t-shirts into the hamper?”

Hubby:  “Yep!”

Me:  “Well, I did laundry today”

Hubby “Ok….”

Me:  “And again, I would never be pointing this out if you hadn’t opened the door to this conversation……”

Hubby:  blank stare

Me:  “Well, I counted your t-shirts… there were 17 of them.”

Hubby:  “Ok”

Me:  “Do you want to know how many were inside out?”

Hubby: “I’m not sure….. Do I?”

Me: “You do.  It was TWELVE of them”

Hubby:  silence………………………..

Me: “I just feel the need to remind you again….. I have done 16,928 loads of your laundry (give or take).  And, I’ve never complained about having to right-side-out your shirts”

Hubby:  more silence……………

Hubby: “ I’m sorry.  I will try to be better”

Me:  “I honestly don’t care…. But I’m sure your Mom would be very disappointed in you.”

Hubby:  “Hmmmmmm”

 

And there you have it my dear readers……………….I will let you know how the next load of laundry goes!

 

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27 Marriage Truths (Things I Wish I’d Known Before I Got Married!)

When I first started this blog I made a list of “Marriage Truths” that have truly stood the test of time.

Today I’ve decided to add some new things to my list… this is probably also a good “27 Things I Wish I’d known Before I Got Married” List!

 

1. Marriage is fun… but fun doesn’t always come easy.
2. Men & women almost never, ever, see things through the same eyes
3. “Clean” is not always clean.  This becomes even more apparent as your family begins to grow
4. The TV is never big enough
5. Bright lights, bells and whistles make just about anything better (and new electronics/technology can sometimes please even the grumpiest man!)
6. Nagging & talking can sometimes be synonymous
7. A man cave can be a lifesaver (for both of you!)
8. Sometimes a hug can go a long way
9. Communication only works when you are both listening………..
10. Laughing together is important. And, being able to laugh at yourself can be even more important
11. Dividing up chores and keeping a tally is a horrible idea.  Feeling that what you contribute is acknowledged and appreciated can almost always provide “balance”
12. Being in love doesn’t necessarily mean you love everything about your partner.  Sometimes loving someone is accepting the parts you don’t love (like dirty socks all over the house!)
13. You will get mad…. Sometimes incredibly mad.  It’s ok. Everybody gets mad sometimes.  It’s what you do afterwards that matters
14. Never going to bed angry is bad advice.  Sometimes, what you really need, is some space and some perspective (if this needs to come overnight –that’s ok!)
15. Always trust your gut…. It usually comes to pretty accurate conclusions far quicker than your heart or your mind
16. Apologize when you’re wrong.  And mean it.
17. You will make mistakes.  You will hurt someone you love.  You will learn from it.
18. Holding hands and staying physically connected can help you weather even the harshest storm
19. Learning to forgive isn’t easy… but nothing worthwhile ever is.
20. The amount of laundry you can do in any given week will far exceed your expectations!
21. The amount of laundry you will have to pick up from the living room, from under beds, crumbled in corners and dropped on bathroom floors will also far exceed your expectations!
22. The refrigerator can be completely full…. but somehow, there will be nothing to eat!
23. There are fairies that will live in your house who replace things like toilet paper, tissues, soap and toothpaste (eventually, maybe, he will realize that YOU are the magical fairy!)
24. Alone time is just as important as together time.  Remember marriage isn’t Two Becoming One…. It’s Two Becoming Too”
25. Your “To Do” list will probably never get shorter… as one thing gets completed another thing will get added.  So, don’t stress about not getting it all done!
26. There are some arguments that will quite simply never be resolved…. Agree to disagree.
27. Sharing your life with someone is quite the journey….. always remember to enjoy the ride!

 

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Signs Your Husband Is Growing Up!

I hate to admit this to you all but I watched an episode of Celebrity Wife Swap this week.  Now, the mere use of the word “celebrity” is probably a stretch given who appears on that show.  And, this probably helps solidify hubby’s position that reality tv is rotting my brain but.. either way, the damage is done.  I watched it.  I cannot undo it.  I lost an hour of my life into a dark abyss of mind-numbing morons.  And, I’m no better… and quite possibly more stupid for having done it.  But oh well…..we all do things we regret!

 

Anyhow, this particular episode featured the Speidi couple.  Spencer Pratt and Heidi what’s her name… from that show that whatchamacallit show, that many people watched but I have no interest or knowledge of (pretty sure it’s called The Hills).  Needless to say, I’m unsure how these nobody’s could be known as “celebrities” because of this show.  But, I suppose it if can happen to somebody named Snookie… this isn’t a far stretch.

 

What struck me as absurd, was this bozo Spencer’s inability to behave like an adult.  Now, I’ve often referred to my own dear hubby as a child.. but this Spencer moron takes it to a whole new level.  His equally vapid wife desperately wants to have children and I got the impression he wouldn’t give up his self-indulgent, extra hour of sleep to tend to his wife’s severed limb much less a crying infant.    If I had ever married this kid (which I wouldn’t) I’d have to smother him during his blissful nap on the lounge chair.

 

So, it got me thinking about men taking that giant leap into adulthood.  Some men go willingly and welcome adult responsibilities – they hum happy songs as they mow the lawn, they make their own “honey do” lists with household projects, they learn all the settings on both the dishwasher and clothes washer. Some men get dragged (or rather nudged) along, kicking and screaming the entire way as they are pushed out of Mommy’s house into their own place so she can finally have an empty nest.. but they return home every weekend with a bag of laundry, they open mom’s cupboards and fridge and pack to-go bags of food, and they even cling desperately to a life with no commitments.  But, the vast majority of men, step into adulthood very slowly, by dipping one toe into the water with a solo trip to the grocery store… then, if all goes well, they may try to vacuum, perhaps an attempt at a pasta dinner, followed possibly by a made bed (WITH all the extra pillows!) and then maybe, just maybe – if they are feeling extra confident… a load of gentle cycle laundry (this one takes a lot of trust ladies!).

 

Before you know it… your husband has become an adult.  Ok wait… I took it too far.  Your husband is on his way to becoming an adult.  We all know that this is a long term project!

 

So… here are just a few ways you know your husband is “growing up”

 

• He not only takes a trip to the grocery store but he actually looks around the house and in the fridge to create a shopping list. Not long ago hubby wouldn’t have even considered bringing a list to the store but after 10 years of marital training he did just that this past week…. I’m such a proud wife!

• He returns from his Saturday morning outdoor chores and stands in the house admiring his own lawn. While the lawn itself may not dictate when it needs to be mowed (even though a normal person might disagree)… hubby does , in fact, set aside an official “lawn mowing day” each week and he (generally) sticks to this schedule for the entire summer. A scheduled, recurring, chore is a BIG step towards adulthood!

• He runs out of undies and decides to do a load of laundry (all on his own!).  I’ll admit this one is still a work in progress… since only recently did I realize the underlying male struggle with understanding the need to wear clean undershorts each and every day. Hubby has, albeit on the rarest of occasions, popped in a load of laundry because he’s run out of something.

• He, unprompted, puts sunscreen AND a sun hat on your baby/toddler. I know this goes against every fiber of his being to somehow be this domesticated.. but, he recognizes the importance and takes action to protect someone incredibly dear to him!

• He actually hears the baby crying when it’s “HIS” night, without needing you to nudge him. This is likely never going to apply when it’s YOUR night (and he is obviously deaf).. but always remember this foray into adulthood comes in the form of baby steps……. And this is a BIG step – a BIG kid, taking care of a little kid!

• He actually notices AND stops to pick up something dropped on your kitchen floor. Once your hubby is able to direct his Selective Vision towards things that actually need attention you’ll know he’s growing up!

 

 

I’m sure there are others and your list may indeed be longer than mine!  Some of the indicators I mentioned above may not actually be perfected in our home.    But as I mentioned before, it’s a long term project.  It’s a marathon, not a sprint.  And, it’s the path I have chosen… each day, my hubby grows up a teeny, tiny, bit.  Someday, hopefully before my son starts catching up to him, he will firmly step into adulthood and then we can begin to hone some of the skills he’s acquired to start coaching our son –so his wife-to-be will not have nearly as much work as I did!!

 

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The Life We Have Chosen….

For those of you who have ever squeezed a little alien-like, spooge covered, wailing, little munchkin out of your hoo-hah, then you may be excited for this weekend.

 

It’s likely that most of you don’t have to ask why.. but just in case, for the uninformed.. or for those of you who don’t recall the day when you, yourself, made a screaming entry into this world.  It’s Mother’s Day.

 

And, if you aren’t a mother yourself, you surely have a mother because….. much like opinions…. everyone seems to have one!

 

So, why the excitement?  Well, for most of the world (at least the part of the world that celebrate’s Mother’s) it’s a day  – one day – where everyone must stop and thank Mom for being Mom.  That’s not to say she’s any better than Dad, or that all moms deserve celebrating.  But, it forces you to take a moment to think about the women in your life who ruined their bodies (ok, maybe not those celebs – who all seem to be in post-baby perfect shape), who gave up ever having a full night’s sleep, who learned way-too-quickly that they would never again be able to cook with both hands and whose bodies & clothes became instant tissues, vomit catchers, and warmth providers.

 

Those women who, in most cases, will forever worry if you’re getting enough to eat, enough sleep, enough love and enough challenge.  They will lose sleep thinking about your future, your education and the impact of the ever-changing world around you.  They will read articles about the correct amount of tv, technology, vegetables, play time, study time and nap time.  They will judge the world with new eyes…. They will celebrate your first step, first word and first day of school and then every day afterwards, they will worry that you’re going to fall, that your words will be used against you and that your days away from them will be surrounded by others who may not always have your best interests at heart.

 

They will cry when you cry (unless of course that crying was brought on by a demand to not touch the hot stove).  They will forever laugh when you laugh and they will smile both inside and out when you smile.  Your joys will be their joys and your sorrows will consume their hearts as they try to balance swooping in to fix everything and allowing you to learn to manage through life on your own.  They will say “No” ….. A LOT…..  but probably not nearly as much as you did as a toddler just learning to use your voice to express your independence.

 

They will shuttle you around and protect you until you show that you can be trusted to do things on your own.  And even after you’ve gained that trust.. they will worry.  That’s what they do.  They will worry you will crash the car, make bad decisions, bend to peer pressure.  They will worry that all the knowledge they’ve bestowed upon you will not be enough, that they could have done more, said more, loved more.

 

They will work to make your life easy, but not too easy.    They will fill both your belly and your mind, as you fill their hearts.  They will encourage you.  Love you.  And eternally support you.   And…… they will make mistakes.  But they will pray that every mistake they make will somehow make you a better person.. and them a better Mother.  Life is a journey they take with you… there will be bumps in the road, tears, harsh words and anger… but hopefully these will be far outweighed by giggles, cuddles, laughter & happiness.

 

For this is the life we have chosen… as a Mother.  And, we wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

So for these reasons….. we celebrate Mother’s Day.  Not because Mom needs a day dedicated to her.. but because a day dedicated to acknowledge the journey you have taken together is worthy of celebration!

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