Archive for the ‘Marriage Myths’ Category

I often wonder how Santa could have been so organized and successful at managing his “list” when most men I know avoid lists at all costs.  If I had to bet, I’d say that it was, in fact, Mrs Claus that was making a list and checking it numerous time throughout the year.


I only say this based on my own experience of list creation, management and maintenance.


You see, hubby seems to have an aversion to writing or using lists for just about any circumstance.  I, on the other hand, am a dedicated list maker.


  • I make grocery lists – even if they don’t seem to help hubby
  • I make long term “To Do” lists – these could include projects that we need to complete this year or within the next 5 years
  • I make general shopping lists
  • I make question lists… meaning I do a heck of a lot of prep work before we meet with any sort of service providers and I always have a list of questions to ask
  • I make task lists.. which could include things like: go to the bank, buy stamps, pick up dry cleaning, make a dentist appt. etc..


I guess it would be fair to say, that I’m on list overload.   I get it, not everyone is as list crazy as I am… and by no means, do I expect hubby to adapt to my over-zealous list addiction.  HOWEVER, I’m hard pressed to understand why he wouldn’t take advantage of my compulsive behavior.  The interesting thing here is, that more lists I make, the more hubby is apt to run screaming from my organized plans.


Case in point, I mentioned yesterday that hubby used my grocery list when he went begrudgingly on his yearly trip to the supermarket… this, my friends, is a rarity.  What happens more frequently is that hubby stumbles on a need we have in our house.  This could happen randomly and unexpectedly and then BAM!  he comes home from work one night with a box of toothpaste.


“Gee, thanks for buying toothpaste hon, but how come you didn’t get anything else on the list?”  we keep a running list of stuff like this in the kitchen

“Cause I didn’t use the list.  I saw this morning we were running out of toothpaste so I stopped at the store during lunch and bought some”.  He’s proud of his initiative!

“That’s great babe… but if you’d grabbed the list, we’d also have more soap which we are almost out of”


Do you celebrate the effort… or do you scratch your head as you cross walk into the kitchen to cross “toothpaste” off the list?


And, it’s not just shopping lists that he seems to avoid at all costs.


This past weekend we were having a handyman stop by to do some work for us.  As we were discussing his arrival,  I merrily declared… “Ok, let me make a list of everything he needs to do”.  To which hubby replied  “I already have a list”.  ooohhhh…. ooooohhhh, I’m excited to hear this!.  “You already have a list?  Great, can I see it?”.  He says “Nope, you can’t see it, cause it’s all up here.”  as he taps the side of his head……UGH!  I thought we were getting somewhere and dippy here, is hiding away his “mental list” – as if writing it all down would somehow leave his head even more empty than it already is.  You’d think he’d be happy to have another box in his head that’s filled with NOTHING! (if this makes no sense visit this post HERE).   But no, he’s stashing away all his secret lists… most likely to ensure that I’m not able to add anything to them!!!


Anyhow, he confidently declares that he doesn’t need to write anything down since he won’t forget anything.  And, I bite my tongue as I want to remind him that if he “remembered everything” we have enough soap to shower tomorrow.  But then I realize, that this is a futile argument since hubby would be perfectly ok with washing his entire body with shampoo …. and I chalk this one up as yet another battle that I will never win.


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I’ve been incredibly busy this week ….. again.

So today, I just wanted to leave you with one comment:

40 Days, 5 Weekends, 1 Blog Post, 12 Loads of Laundry, 137 Reminders and…….

it’s still there!

YES! That's hubby's suitcase from our vacation in March!


My own little Mexican Stand Off (with suitcases from Mexico…. not guns!)


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Well, Christmas is over and I’m sure there are a wide variety of stories that I could share with you but I’d like to start by sharing a gift that provided our family with hours of entertainment.  I like to call it the Men’s Excuse Book … you’ll understand more in a second!

This gift was given to me by hubby’s uncle.  This particular uncle is pretty much an exact replica of hubby (perhaps even ramped up a notch or two).  I can do nothing but offer sympathy to his poor wife (who should probably start her own blog!).

Anyhow, this lovely, well thought out and generous gift, was an eye-opening little book actually called:  The Good Wife Guide – 19 Rules For Keeping a Happy Husband.

Now let me set the stage a bit, in case you are unfamiliar with the educational value of this little treasure (a version of it has been circulating over email for a while).

This book includes excerpts from Ladies’ Homemaker Monthly. This journal (from the 1950s) is a testimony to old-fashioned family values.  Their most notable adage was “You can judge a good woman by how many well-dressed children she has and the contentment of her husband”. This book is apparently fantastic fun for parties.. where you can watch all the men beat their chests as they bond together in public, each one knowing that when they get home their wives are gonna kick their butts!

I should also probably mention before I dive into some of these gems…. that hubby & I are EQUAL partners in our house (sometimes one of us pulls more weight, but eventually the pendulum swings back the other way – assuming of course that he’s actually listening to what needs to be done!?) That being said, hubby never passes up on the opportunity to try to tell me how to “Be A Better Wife”…. Gotta love him!

So, while I could spend hours outlining the helpful passages from this guide, I’ll just pick a few of my favorite helpful hints to ensure a happy marriage!


  1. Make sure the house is spotless before your husband is due to arrive home. (my house would always be spotless if hubby didn’t live here!)
  2. If your husband forgets to call and tell you he’s going to be late, don’t make him feel worse by giving him a hard time. (hubby would be getting far more than a hard time at my house.. remember the post about Swift Kicks In the Butt??)
  3. No matter how trying your day may have been, don’t burden him with your trivial woes. (most of my woes are a result of my dear hubby… )



And my personal favorites…. which I’ll actually type out completely because I know you’ll truly enjoy them!


  1. Occasionally your husband’s mind may be far too preoccupied to engage in idle chitchat.  If, instead of hanging on your every word, he mumbles one word responses to your questions… don’t take it personally.  Sometimes saying, “I love you,” means saying nothing at all. (or he’s just gone into his nothing box.. a place where he spends WAY too much time)
  2. A man’s needs are simple and his requests are few.  In that case, it should be a pleasure, not a chore, to put his happiness ahead of your own.  Don’t expect special acknowledgement of words of praise for your efforts – it’s your role to support him and make him feel special, not the other way around. (So much for my theory on Love Notes!)


As I mentioned earlier.. I think there are some far better titles for this book:

  • A Man’s Excuse Book
  • The Quickest Way to A Divorce
  • Who Needs Harmony In The Home?

These titles more accurately portray why anyone would write such absurd suggestions.  Each & every “rule” provides an excuse or perhaps a pass for a husband’s crappy behavior!

It does indeed however, provide a good laugh.  And the funny part is, that it illustrates the women of the 1950s were struggling with all the same issues that I tend to write about in this blog!  Too bad they didn’t have the internet back then so they too could vent about all those wonderful male traits!

And even more apparent, is the fact that men haven’t evolved in any way over the last 60 or so years!   How Sad!!

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In my esteemed opinion (and since it’s my blog, I think I’ll call myself an authority) there’s a huge myth that exists about marriage. 


Marriage Myth #1:  By joining your lives in marital bliss…

Two Becomes One.


The assumption that when you merge your life with someone else’s, you blend together all of your emotions, thoughts, needs and desires is quite ludicrous, in my opinion.

Let’s take hubby & me.



Hubby feels that Sundays should be a day of rest & football games
I feel that broken cabinets should be fixed before there’s rest & football on Sundays



Hubby thinks that everyone driving on the road in close proximity to him is a stupid moron
I think that hubby can be a bit intolerant and mean to all those stupid morons



Hubby needs a beer & a great video game session to make him happy
I need a glass of wine & a clean bathroom to make me happy



Hubby desires a 70” HD LCD TV
I desire beautiful, granite counter tops in the kitchen


As you can see, hubby and I can be quite divergent on all those things that should have been merged by marriage, into a singular life of togetherness.

While togetherness and a joint approach to things is important, there’s a lot to be said about independence in a marriage.  Maintaining a sense of who YOU are, is just as important as developing a shared approach to married life.  And, giving each other the freedom to pursue independent interests, or to simply enjoy personal time, can be invaluable.

So, that of course brings me to my personal theory about marriage.


When you share your life with someone through marriage…

Two Becomes Too.


This allows you to continue to have your own emotions, thoughts and wants but offers you the opportunity to have someone join you as you both walk forward side by side.

You will of course need to ensure that you do share some commonalities with the “Big Ticket Relationship Items”.

Things like:

  • Politics
  • Religion
  • Finances
  • Who gets which side of the bed
  • Who holds the remote
  • And.. the ever-so-important, Which beer do you keep on tap 

And, even if you disagree on some of these, you can still maintain a healthy respect for your spouse’s opinions and learn to compromise.   Sometimes it’s necessary to just simply agree to disagree. (and trust me… this is a necessary tool for any successful marriage!!) 

And, when all else fails, you can agree to rotate between light, amber beers, and dark, hoppy beers each time you get a new keg.

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