My Life In Laundry

There is no single more recurring topic in this blog than laundry.

 

Since they say a picture is worth 1000 words… so today, I’m providing you with 4000 words.   Or, a pictorial glimpse into “My Life Through Laundry”

 

To start, you will see a basket filled with hubby’s clean & folded laundry from almost 2 weeks ago.  Behind this basket of laundry is an un-packed suitcase from a trip we took this past weekend,  filled with – yep, you guessed it…. dirty laundry.  And, oh yeah, beside the clean basket of clothes…… well, don’t ya know it…. more dirty laundry.

 

This is a snapshot of our bed (yes, it’s un-made – Don’t judge me!)… but, more importantly, it’s a shot of hubby’s jammies from last night – aka laundry.

 

This is a quick glimpse of hubby’s dresser.  It looks just as it always does… with a pile of folded & clean laundry on top.  (Laundry winds up here because some days, I actually need the basket  – you know, the one holding the clean laundry –  to go and carry more dirty laundry to be washed in the basement.  When I need the basket, I place the clean laundry on top of the bed… and then, it gets mysteriously moved here – to the TOP of the dresser.

 

This is a view into our bathroom…. Or perhaps more accurately, more dirty laundry.  This laundry usually consists of what hubby wore yesterday.  It’s ever-present.  Perhaps not for more than 1 day – and hubby would have you believe that this laundry is, in fact, a gift to me.  In-so-much-as, if he comes to bed after me, he takes his clothes off in the bathroom so he won’t disturb me (there he is – my genuinely loving guy… always looking out for me).  Until of course you realize that Every-Day there’s the previous day’s outfit on the floor of the bathroom (and quite possibly – assorted other bonus items – do I see more jammies??!!)

 

 

I will also have you know that I literally just snapped these shots… each picture is not from a different day.  They are all from TODAY.  From 10 minutes ago.  I can take the same pictures tomorrow and then again on Friday.  This is my life.    The life I have chosen.   And…. You all wonder why I blog so much about laundry??

 

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When You’re Right….. You’re Right? (Unless You’re Inside Out?)

In the almost 5 years I’ve been blogging there is one recurring topic that I can’t quite seem to stay away from.    In case you’re a new reader I’ll share just a few posts with you (HERE, HERE , HERE & HERE)

 

Most people dislike 4 letter words but me, nope, I like a lot of 4 letter words. … words like Love, Food, Hugs & Beer (and probably too often, just about all of those 4 letter words that are incredibly inappropriate in mixed company – yep, I have a mouth like a sailor!).  It’s generally the 6 letter words that I hate.. words like, crumbs, chores, toilet,  but there is one word that can top them all….the ever-so-dreaded 7 letter word that I quite simply, just despise – LAUNDRY.

 

I hate every aspect of it.

I hate the piles of dirty laundry in the closet.  The piles of dirty laundry in the bathroom.  The piles of dirty laundry next to the bed.

I hate the sorting.

I hate the process of carrying 6 baskets of dirty laundry to the basement.

I hate dirty towels.

I hate dirty sheets.

(I hate that I’m the only one who recognizes that linens actually need laundering….)

I hate remembering that I have clothes in the dryer before they become a crumbled mess.

I hate the absurd missing sock conundrum (which has apparently extended to actual toddler clothes – since I never seem to get out what I put in)

I hate the countless hours on any given weekend where laundry looms just underneath the surface and permeates just about anything we do.

I hate the weight of the laundry as it pushes down on my shoulders if I should opt to focus on any other activity (besides laundry) during a weekend.

I hate, Hate, HATE folding all the clean laundry.

And, I hate putting all the clean laundry away.  (or leaving it to be put away on the bed only to find that hubby has moved piles of it to the dresser and will live like this for the next 2 weeks – but that’s an entirely different blog post)

 

But the one thing that I don’t HATE (or at least not in the way I hate everything noted above) is the need to flip inside out laundry to be right side out.  I know this is the nemesis of Mom’s around the world.  And I know that many a woman has instilled a laundry rule… that you get back laundry exactly-the-way you put your laundry into the basket (assuming it makes it into a basket).  And, perhaps, when my toddler becomes a teen, I will be instituting this exact same rule (ok – it’s likely I probably will) BUT, for now.. this has never been a huge deal to me.   If I take a moment to self-analyze I think it’s because I hate the laundry folding process so much already, that there’s virtually no way to make it worse for me.  Inside out – Or right-side-out  folding… they both pretty much suck!  So, while I may grumble under my breath as I flip t-shirts to be right-side-out… I’m grumbling because I’m folding laundry… not because 50% of the load is inside out.

 

Which makes where I’m headed below highly humorous to me.

 

2 weeks ago hubby did a load of laundry.  WHAT??  You may be saying……  So, I’ll say it again.  Hubby did a load of laundry.   Trust me when I tell you, I’m more surprised than you are.  It probably only happened because he ran out of underwear.  And, after an interesting recent conversation, about the under-wearing habits of most men… he was probably guilted into doing a load.

 

Anyhow… after he folded his basket of laundry he decides to take a dig at me.. or, perhaps from his point of view, he decides to “point something out to me”.

 

Hubby: “Hey hon, do you know that a ton of your shirts were inside out”

Me:  “Uhhh… hmmmm..”

Hubby:  “I just wanted to let you know….”

Me:  “You did….. Huh?”

Hubby:  “Yes.  You know, it makes this task even worse when I have to right-side-out every t-shirt”

Me:  “It does, does it?”  trying to wrack my brain for the last time he did any laundry

Hubby:  “Yes.  Maybe you could take them off right-side-out before you put them into the basket?”

Me:  wondering the last time he even put clothes ‘in the basket’ “You know, most of your t-shirts are usually inside out”

Hubby:  “No they’re not”

Me:   “Hon, I hate to break this to you but you’re mistaken… almost all of your shirts are inside out”

Hubby:  “I’m positive that you’re wrong.   I’ve always been good at taking them off right-side-out.. because my Mom had a rule growing up that if you didn’t she would fold them inside out”

Me:  “ Really…. All your life you’ve been good at making sure they’re not inside out.”

Hubby: “Yep.”

 

And I just let this conversation die… in the midst of the inaccuracies in which it was becoming increasingly buried.

 

Last weekend things were “back to normal” and I did laundry.

 

As I folded the laundry, I counted the total # of hubby’s shirts…. There were 17 in total.

 

Hubby came inside from doing some yard work.

 

Me:  “Hey babe… I would never normally do this but……”

Hubby:  “Yeah?”

Me:  “Remember last week when you so graciously pointed out that I didn’t right-side-out my t-shirts?”

Hubby:  “Yes?”

Me: “Remember how you so matter-of-factly told me that you never put inside out t-shirts into the hamper?”

Hubby:  “Yep!”

Me:  “Well, I did laundry today”

Hubby “Ok….”

Me:  “And again, I would never be pointing this out if you hadn’t opened the door to this conversation……”

Hubby:  blank stare

Me:  “Well, I counted your t-shirts… there were 17 of them.”

Hubby:  “Ok”

Me:  “Do you want to know how many were inside out?”

Hubby: “I’m not sure….. Do I?”

Me: “You do.  It was TWELVE of them”

Hubby:  silence………………………..

Me: “I just feel the need to remind you again….. I have done 16,928 loads of your laundry (give or take).  And, I’ve never complained about having to right-side-out your shirts”

Hubby:  more silence……………

Hubby: “ I’m sorry.  I will try to be better”

Me:  “I honestly don’t care…. But I’m sure your Mom would be very disappointed in you.”

Hubby:  “Hmmmmmm”

 

And there you have it my dear readers……………….I will let you know how the next load of laundry goes!

 

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Airing Your Dirty Laundry

Ladies, never forget that you cannot “unknow” something.

 

If this statement alone causes you some concern, you should perhaps stop reading now.   If it prompts some curiosity, that’s only natural –  sort of like rubber-necking a car wreck on the side of the road… You really don’t want to see mangled bodies and carnage, but you can’t necessarily look away.  Some of you may be the type avert your eyes as you pass.  Others may cover your eyes with your hands and peek through your fingers… thinking that the protection of your hand, will somehow make what you do see a bit less traumatic.

 

So, whether you are the avert your eyes type… or if you want to continue reading this while peeking through your hand.. please know that you continue to read at your own risk!

 

In this blog, I often discuss the differences between men & women.  Ok, scratch that most of the time I do this.. it is, after all, what the entire blog is about.  I share how the differences play out in my own life and how absurdly irritating (dang it.. I always type the wrong thing first) wonderful? my hubby can be.  Many times, I come across articles or comments from you all that help to support the idea that I didn’t win the lottery of annoying (crap – there I go again) loving husbands.   After about 4 years of blogging about gender differences and finding humor in every-day married life, you’d think that it would be difficult to surprise me.  BUT, this week, I was indeed surprised by something I came across.

 

I will take a snippet from an article I read.

 

“In May of (last) year, the UK retailer Marks & Spencer did a poll and found that one-third of men admit to changing (underwear) only every two-to-three days, and one in 40 wore the same pair “as long as he can”.  And “In 2011, Clorox conducted a study that showed one-in-eight guys will wear underwear two or three times before washing them. And that half of men admit to using the “smell test” to determine if their drawers are still wearable (which should get us some points for bravery, right?)”  (Full articles can be read HERE or HERE:  )

 

OH MYYYYYYYYY…….

 

Ladies, I myself, have blogged about hubby’s ability to wear the same pair of jeans for more days than I can count on my hands before they walk themselves to the laundry room.  But, WOW, this study brings the definition of “smell test” to a whole new low.   And, it sure is a hit below the belt that I’m not wholly sure women were prepared for! (I know I wasn’t!!)

 

So men, I know that you may not want to “air your dirty laundry” for all the world to see (or smell) but, it seems obvious that at least 1 in 5 of you don’t change your skivvies every day.  So, I figured I’d do my own survey (I know there are some men who read this blog…)  So, if you’re a man, help us do our own THD survey (since most of what I read was UK based – Is it different in the US?? By my own initial study – the answer is NO!).  This survey is totally anonymous so no one but you and maybe your wife or girlfriend (after I give her a bit of upcoming coaching) will know that your undies, if given the opportunity, would run themselves to your laundry room right this very second and beg for some laundering!

 

 

And ladies,  here’s my piece of advice for you.  The next time you do laundry…. Please count the number of boxers, briefs or (heaven forbid) banana hammock thongs that you’ve washed in that load. Then count back the days since you last did laundry.  If the numbers don’t add up…. You have the “1 in 5”… and, I’m sorry for you.    But, at least you now know, and whether you’ve been reading through your hand this entire time or not… you can now not “unknow”.  And again, I’m sincerely sorry to be the one to break this to you!

 

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Who The Heck Are You?

Well,  as you may have noticed, I’m not doing all that well managing my life AND my new baby.  This blog was like a distant memory of my past life, beckoning to me from a land far, far away.   I’ve missed you dear blog readers and now that I am getting the tiniest bit of sleep, I’m going to try to get back into the swing of things…..  Good Golly, it’s been 7 weeks!

 

Anywho… it’s been an insane 7 weeks that included 3 trips back to the hospital with our little one…. Very emotionally grueling but I won’t bore you with these details.

 

Today instead,  I’d like to introduce you to someone new in my life……….NO, it’s not my new little bundle of joy like you might expect, it’s a larger version of my baby.  Someone who many of you have come to know and love.  Someone who I share stories about, who makes us laugh, roll our eyes, and oftentimes, makes us wonder what the heck is wrong with an entire species (MEN!).

 

Yes….this person is my hubby.

 

And, I no longer know who the heck he is.  You see, during these past weeks I have a learned a few things:

 

1. Hubby does indeed know where the laundry room is.  As evidenced by the multiple loads of laundry he’s done to help me out (YES!  I did say MULTIPLE!)  AND…. He’s folded said laundry too!
2. He can, in fact, pick up after himself
3. Hubby does actually know how to empty AND load the dishwasher!
4. Hubby even knows how to fold washed bedding/sheets (well, minus the fitted sheet – but this is still mind-blowing!)
5. He can even do some low-grade cleaning!!

 

Heck, hubby has stepped up in so many ways since the baby arrived I couldn’t begin to write them all out into a list.  Normally I write about how silly he can be (he still is).  Or, how annoying he can be (he still is).  Or, how frustrated I can be with him.  BUT, he’s honestly become a different person to help out while I recovered from the physical and emotional toll the pregnancy and new baby have taken on me.

 

Now, you’d think I’d be over the moon that he’s been so great, and while at the surface, this is definitely the case.  I ask you one simple question….. where the heck has this guy been for the last nine years?!

 

In addition to learning that hubby can indeed do all these things I think I learned a far greater lesson:  Apparently I don’t know hubby at all…..

Or perhaps he’s just mastered the art of “training” me to not expect too much from him (sly guy that he is!)  Well, guess what hubby….. I’m onto you now!

 

Either that, or I maybe I should have had a baby 9 years ago!!  (ahhhhh……hindsight…………..)

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Clean Up In Aisle 5

Did you ever send your husband/boyfriend to the grocery store and wonder why you’d subject yourself to such torture?

 

This seems to be one of those things that gets filed under immediately-forget-how-bad-it-was-until-you-ask-him-to-do-it-again.

 

Whatever could I be referring to????

 

Well, imagine this.  I meticulously make a list of items we need from the store.  Hubby graciously (after some grumbling, much whining, and perhaps a few threats from me) agrees to run to the supermarket.   I’m thrilled, we are dividing and conquering.  We are working as a team.  I have just gained about an hour to focus on laundry, bills, cleaning.   HOORAY!! I can cross food shopping off my list… or can I?

 

It’s not a full “shop”.. it’s just a short list of maybe 15 items that we’ll need for the upcoming week.  Off he goes…..

 

Maybe 10 minutes later the phone rings….

 

Hubby:  “Hon, this parking lot sucks..  I hate this place.  There are morons everywhere”

Me:  “Yeah babe, I know the grocery store sort of sucks on the weekends…”

 

I go back to folding laundry………… 

Ring… Ring… Ring…..

 

Me:  “Hi Babe.. what’s up?”

Hubby:  “You wrote down peppers”

Me: “Yeah?”

Hubby:  “What kind of peppers?”

Me: “Seriously?”

Hubby:  “Yeah, I want to make sure I get the right stuff..”

Me: “You mean the ‘right stuff’ to make the fajitas that we eat ALL-THE-TIME?”

Hubby: “Yeah”

Me:  “I can’t believe you don’t know what sort of peppers we eat.  Red & green bell peppers, Hon”

Hubby:  “Ok, thanks!!”

 

I pick up the same shirt and continue folding…… 

Ring… Ring… Ring….. (barely 2 minutes have passed)

 

Me: “Hello……….”

Hubby:  “Hi.  The women here are crazy… some lady almost rolled me over with her cart”

Me:  “Uhmmm..Ok……”

Hubby: “Where would I find brown sugar”

Me: “The baking aisle”

Hubby: “Ok thanks.”

 

I’m beginning to remember the last time I sent him to the grocery store…………… 

Ring… Ring… Ring….. (here we go again)

 

Me: “Yes dear..”

Hubby:  “They seem to have rearranged the lay out since I was last here….. where are the tissues?”

Me: “They’re in the aisle right after the cleaning supplies and before the crackers”

Hubby:  “No they’re not… I’m standing there now”

Me:  “Well, if you’re standing there and that’s not where they are, and you just said they’ve rearranged the store, how exactly would I know where they put the tissues?”

Hubby:  “Ok, I’ll find them”

 

Yep… it’s all coming back to me……. 

Ring… Ring… Ring….. (this can’t possibly be happening…… again……)

 

Me: “Hi Hon, guess I’m not meant to get laundry done today…”

Hubby:  “Which type of olives do you want?

Me:  “The kind I wrote down”

Hubby:  “You wrote down green olives, but holy crap there are a lot of choices. They have Spanish ones but you can get them with pimento, without pimento, whole, chopped…..”

Me:  “Oh boy”

Hubby:  “What do ya mean, oh boy?”

Me:  “It’s just that this is your 4th call home and I only wrote down like 15 items”

Hubby:  “So, which olives?”

Me: “The ones with pimentos please…”

 

And then, after I hang up, I just sat there and stared at the phone waiting for it to ring again.

 

After a few minutes, it seemed to be safe and I started back on my laundry.

 

Dink – Dink  (that’s my text message alert)

 

The text says “btw, didn’t get any corn on the cob, the women at the bin are insane. just couldn’t do it. sorry”

 

When hubby finally arrives home, he looks harried and exhausted and he blurts out “Please oh please don’t ever send me back there….”

 

And ya know what….. I probably won’t ….. given that I could have done the shopping myself in half the time it took me to coach him from afar.

 

Until of course next time, when I forget how bad this entire experience was and I mistakenly think it will save me time to send hubby out to grab a few items from the store………………..

 

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But I Need Somewhere to Sleep

LAUNDRY

This is probably one of the most recurring topics in this blog (probably only 2nd to TVs/Electronics).

• It one of the chores that I despise the most. 
• It’s one of the most time consuming activities each week.
• It’s one of the chores that hubby really won’t take on himself… unless he’s already worn the same pair of jeans, the last 4 days in a row, AND he’s accidentally spilled something on them.

 

It therefore happens to be one of the chores that has fallen squarely onto my lap, as one of my responsibilities.   And, just for the record …. I HATE it.

• You may have read before that hubby doesn’t even realize that towels need to be laundered.
• You may remember that I’m not allowed to do laundry on Sundays.
• Perhaps you recall the fact that hubby steps over laundry at the bottom of the basement stairs.
• Or maybe you know that I can easily make a few extra dollars by going through the laundry basket.

 

But one thing that I haven’t really blogged about is what happens to the laundry AFTER it’s washed.

 

I may have been suckered into taking on dirty clothes duty – and this task does have a few steps involved like pre-sorting, heat-drying, air-drying, and folding.  But, I draw the line at putting all the clean items away.  So, after I’ve done a number of loads of laundry and meticulously folded all the clean clothes, they make their way into well sorted piles on our bed.  These piles are formed in a manner which should simplify the next steps of putting them into drawers, or moving them to the closet.  The undies are all folded nicely, the t-shirts are sorted into like colors/materials.  The jammies are in one pile and the work out attire in another.  Jeans are neatly folded, socks are all paired together….. I swear folks, I couldn’t make this process easier.

 

Now, if I were to stop this story here…. and ask you to finish it, I wonder where you’d take it.  I think, for those of you who have been reading for a while, you may be able to guess where I’m headed with this.

 

To help you out, I’ll give you a few multiple choice options: 

 

After the clean laundry is placed on the bed………

a)  Hubby neatly takes each pile and puts the clothing into the appropriate drawers and/or closet

b)  Hubby thanks me profusely for doing this chore and offers to put ALL the laundry away (including mine)

c)  Hubby sets up the ironing board to press certain items before hanging them neatly in the closet (did I go too far off the deep end with this one??)

d)  None of the above

 

Well, as you may have guessed.. the answer would, of course, be: 

 d)  None of the above.

 

The real answer would go something like this…..

 

Hubby takes the neatly placed and sorted piles of laundry off the bed, and moves them to the floor into a crooked, falling over, mis-matched mess.  This way he can retire for the evening without having to spend any time putting these clean items away.  And then, he lives off this floor pile of clean clothes for about a week or so… or at least until the next weekend when I do another load of laundry and make my neat, orderly piles on the bed again.  And, since I’m fed up that he’s living out of a pile of clean laundry off the floor… I wind up picking up these items and ADDING them to the new piles on the bed.. and then, the vicious cycle continues!

 Bed – Floor – Bed – Floor ……………..

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